The New Kid

Summary: Hogwarts is a great school with really smart teachers and respecting students. That is, until an american named Melony arrives, ruining the place with her down-to-earth, but sometimes depressing point of view on things. Will everyone be able to retain their remainder of sanity for episode three?

(noticed that she forgot a disclaimer for episode one)

Disclaimer: A writing goddess. Dung to the world of writing. Guess which I am?

(I am writing this in what everyone thinks is scriptform. Real script form is quite hard to write though interesting to read. How do I know this? Because I am studying screenwriting for the semester, so HA!)(Oh, and sorry if I am stealing your idea, tpaca. But writer's block is kicking my arse big time, so...)

Episode Two: Potions Class and Shampoo

*After a long night of trying to avoid Harry and his story of his overly sapped encounters with Voldemort, doing all night tutoring sessions with Hermione, and dodging pick-up lines from Ron, (yea, like I'd be dodging them...) Melony had breakfast and her first class; Potions. She groaned at the thought of dying by having your guts burned to bubbles and bleeding out your mouth. Then, after Harry's millionth time, considered there being worse ways to die, like having your ears bleed at the sound of a voice that cracks every five minutes. Anyway, forwarding on to the entrance of Potions...*

Snape: *walks out slowly* I am a jerk. I expect all of you to angrily live with it while I complain about the poor ass quality of your crappy potions, which they will be. Today we will be making a newly discovered potion where, if you drink it while thinking about a person, whether negatively or positively, that night you will turn into them. If you are being your usual selfish self, and just thinking of yourself, then it will just give you the runs. Now-

Melony: Sir?

Snape: Yes, incompetent being?

Melony: Have you ever heard of a potion called...gah, what's it called...

*Snape begins to look impatient. As he goes to interrupt her..*

Melony: OH YEA, SHAMPOO!

*Melony has a big sarcastic grin on her face as the giant class begins laughing*

Snape: SILENCE!

*but no one hears him*

Snape: CANA! (I forgot to give myself a fake last name the first episode, so Cana it is!) DETENTION FOR A WEEK!

*the class finally shuts up*

Melony: What are you going to make me do, brush your teeth?

*everyone starts giggling, then stops when they see the look on his face*

Snape: Miss Cana, just because someone cannot afford a dental plan while young does not mean you torture then on the quality of their teeth1

Melony: Well, the teeth were no suprise, this being London and all...

*everyone giggles, despite the fact that they are all from London themselves*

Snape: Miss Cana, would you like to be in the Forbidden Forest for just one week, or two?

Melony: What's in the forbidden forest, a few bunnies?

Snape: *growls, and then realises she has done nothing worth increasing punishment, and continues to teach class*

*At lunch*

Melony: *manages to try some thin air peas and water* What's the big deal about that forest?

Harry: Voldemort lives there. They wanted me to go in there a-

Hermione: Harry, you are a good friend of mine, but enough about Voldedork already! The forest is the habitat of many bad creatures.

Harry: Like Vol-

Hermione: Harry, do us ALL a favor and bite your damn tounge until dinner. And next time you say the V word, I swear to god I will use a spell to devour your mouth! Anyways Melony, these creatures, like, for example...well, I am actually not quite sure what kind of creatures actually live there, but they to terrible things.

Harry: Like give babies scars on their for-

Hermione: Harry, damit! *pulls out wand* Caviy Disaro!

*Harry's lips press together, until he has no mouth, and then three spots reopen, leaving him breathing slits. Melony is obviously in shock*

Melony: A-are you a-always that -- harsh?

Hermione: Actually, no. But recently he has been getting on my nerves, and, to be frank, so has Ron...

*Points to Ron, who is waving at a group of girls at the Hufflepuff table*

Melony: Maybe you could attach his hands to the bottom of his feet.

Hermione: No, that would be dark magic.

Melony: WHAT DID YOU JUST DO TO HARRY?

Hermione: Actually, I don't know. I read how to do that, but I have no clue if it wears off or you have to do a spell or what!

Melony: Can you leave him like that the rest of this year?

*Hermione laughs, but sternly shakes her head, taking Harry to the infirmary*

*that night, at detention. Hermione for sealing Harry's mouth, and Draco, for finally kicking the crap out of Ron for hitting on his girlfriend, come along with Melony and Snape to Dumbledore's office to be given the punishment they deserve...*

A/N Another cliffhanger! What punishiment do they deserve? Will Harry still talk about Voldemort after his mouth returns? Will Ron still be in a sling for hitting on all the dating girls? Watch for Episode Three: Quidditch and Truth or Dare !