The New Kid

Summary: Hogwarts is a great school with really smart teachers and respecting students. That is, until an American named Melony arrives, ruining the place with her down-to-earth, but sometimes depressing point of view on things.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Same as seven episodes ago. JK Rowling owns everything I don't have. Just like seven episodes again.

(I want to apologize for not installing and episode for so long. I had a long two weeks. San Francisco. Wedding shopping with sister. Jelly Belly Factory. Rock Climbing class. Endless list of things to do. You get the idea.)

Episode 8: Holidays and Dances

*A week after the posting of Midterms, the Christmas Holiday started. Melony decided to stay, because Hermione was staying and she was FAR too cheap to pay for a ticket, despite the fact that she can ride a broom. Harry HAD to stay, due to the fact that the fat, ugly, miserable donkies known as the Dursleys didn't want an abnormality in their perfect house (and Dudley ate all the food, so Petunia had to go on welfare, and she can barely afford to care for a family of three, let alone a family of three and an abnormal slave. Serves them right!) , And Ron and Ginny had to stay due to their parents usual holiday thing, and the fact that they have to help Dumbledore with some things. On to the first day of Holiday...*

Melony: Thank HEAVEN for vacations!

*Starts thinking for a few minutes, then sighs*

Melony: Except when you don't have anything to do...maybe I should go wake Hermie...

*Gets up and goes into the common room to see that Hermione is already awake, playing Wizard's Chess with a first-year. She says something that Mel doesn't understand, and then says checkmate*

Hermione: Dang, I never win! Hi Melony!

Melony: Hi Hermie, um...what do you do around here for fun?

*Hermione goes to talk*

Melony: ASIDE from studying?

Hermione: Oh, um, well, we could look around after breakfast for some sort of mystery. That's usually what ends up happening with Harry and Ron when I'm with them...

Melony: Oh, that sounds cool.

*After breakfast...*

Hermione: Let's go outside. I've seen some weird wind patterns happening out there...

Melony: Hermione, it's winter, isn't the wind pattern always strange? *Sigh* And what about Harry and Ron? Aren't they the adventure masters?

Mysterious girly voice: And what about me?

*Hermione and Melony turn around to see Ginny in a pink Voldie robe hiding in the shadows*

Ginny: What? They were out of black!

Melony: Oh what do you want?

Ginny: I never get to go on any adventures unless I'm the damsel in distress! All I am is a damn plot saviour! I want to be the plot starter!

Melony: *mutters* Then you should have appeared eight episodes ago...

Ginny: What?

Melony: Oh, nothing.

Hermione: Fine, Ginny, you can go with us, under one condition...

Ginny: What?

Hermione: Lose the Halloween costume...

*Ten minutes later, after breakfast, Ginny, Melony, and Hermione go outside to study the "strange wind patterns". After another twenty minutes searching around, they find something...*

Ginny: Look, we've found something!

Melony: We know.

Ginny: Well, let's go check it out!

*The three girls slowly advance to what they've found. They see a dark cloaked figure trying to work on a jigsaw puzzle. The pieces are thrown around a black and steel blue picnic mat, and the box shows a picture of Mickey and Minnie Mouse. There are also a few finished puzzles of Teletubbies and Oscar the Grouch. The girls run before he can see them*

Melony: Hermione, promise me, that when I ask for something we could do on a holiday, don't give up the offer of 'let's search the castle for some sort of mystery'!

Hermione: *has extreme fear in her eyes* DONE!

Ginny: AND WHAT ABOUT ME?

Melony and Hermione: WE COULD CARE LESS ABOUT YOU!

*A few weeks later, after the end of break, Dumbledore calls everyone into the main hall for an important announcement*

Dumbledore: I have an important announcement!

Melony: NO, REALLY?

Dumbledore: I have decided that we shall have a school dance. Tomorrow. After class. Oh, and I just noticed that I forgot to let in a Mary Sue. So, everyone say hi to Mary Sue Poger. That is all; go to class before I tell Snape to start taking points.

*Everyone runs in fear. The next night, at the dance. Hermione and Melony are at a table, Hermione in a fancy dress, Melony in jeans and a Haight Ashbury T-shirt (Ya Know, the kind with the pot leaf on them?). Hermione is sitting like a lady; Melony is leaning back in her chair with her feet on the table. People are flashing looks of disgust her way, and trying to figure what kind of plant that is on her shirt, and what Higher ED. is...*

Hermione: Couldn't you at least've worn a tube top or something?

Melony: It doesn't matter; Mary Sue is gonna have laided every guy by midnight...

Hermione: I guess that's true...But did you have to turn down Draco so impolitely when he asked to dance with you?

Melony: Yea, he is a creepy guy, besides, well, he's...creepy.

Hermione: Well, here comes Mary Sue, and she's wearing...the exact same thing as YOU!

*Mary Sue walks in, wearing the exact same outfit. Suddenly, every guy knows what pot is, and gets the Higher ED. joke, and now want to be potheads. Mary Sue then runs to the changing room and changes into a beautiful dress. Now every guy wants to quit drugs so they can get on Mary Sue's good side...*

Melony: It's official; men are giant slobs...

Hermione: I hope R-I mean, someone asks me to dance. Don't you want someone to ask you to dance?

Melony: No! Besides, in America, all the girls just sit and talk about every cute guy in the hall while the guys try to get the girl's attention. But then again, I use to home school, so I might just be stereotyping...

Hermione: Oh...AHH!

Melony: WHAT?

*Melony looks to see Mary Sue dancing with...ohmigod...RON!*

Melony: *laughs* YOU...LIKE...RON?

*Hermione blushes a nice crimson. Yep, a nice apple red. You bet, a nice magenta. Yup, nice and pink. Then Melony yells at the narrarator for using all the different tones of red to explain Hermie's blushing*

Melony: Well, sorry to burst your bubble, but I think he has his eyes somewhere else...

Hermione: Like her bra?

Melony: Yep, you guessed right...

*Takes a sip from her soda*

A/N: Will Ron get into a 'serious' relationship with Mary Sue? Will Hermione become angst ridden at the sight? Will Melony ever figure out who was doing those gay kiddy puzzles? Find out in Episode Nine: Mary Sue and an Adventure

Real A/N: I realized that I haven't really thanked anyone for liking my story, so I want to now. Thank you WormmonABC for being the first person to give a positive review on my story. Thanks outoftheordinary for liking my story and putting me on your favorite writers list. Gracias Ivory Tower for just reviewing! You are one of my favorite writers on this site, and I love your HP parodies, and I really liked that you liked my story. And thank you for reviewing anonymous writer, I like that people like my stories. And miss 'M'Dear', I had said in the beginning that I wasn't using REAL script style.

Also, The scene with the puzzles I got from Doom Song's "The Fic that Lived". I will quote the part is it based on...

"~"We shall finish what the Dark Lord started!" [Lucius] yelled. Everyone cheered as Malfoy placed the last piece of the puzzle in the correct spot. Revealed was a picture of Mickey and Minnie mouse. Malfoy cleared his throat. ~" I thought that was rather humorous, so I borrowed it. Oh, and please review this! I really like reviews, because then I know what I should and shouldn't fix. THANKS!