The New Kid

Summary: Hogwarts is a great school with really smart teachers and respecting students. That is, until an American named Melony arrives, ruining the place with her down-to-earth, but sometimes depressing point of view on things.

Disclaimer: BOW TO JK ROWLING! BOOK FIVE ON 6/21! DUMBLEDORE REVEALS ALL! *Suddenly feels like she is trying to sell a gossip magazine *

Episode 9: Mary Sue and an Adventure

*As you probably predicted, Mary Sue made every girl's life a living hell, and made the male hogwartians MORE than happy. The only person that seemed unaffected by the little plot column was Melony. As a matter of fact, she found the whole ordeal rather...well...humourous. This caused many jealous girls to become rather ... well ... jealous. Within a week they got over Mary Sue when they realized that another plot thing was coming up, and that she might die later on anyway. Kidding! But anyway, fast forwarding to lunch a week and a half after Mary Sue's strut in...*

Trelawney: *runs up to Melony* I sense strange things in your future! Get out of this hall and head to class before you have to witness them!

Melony: Trelawney, you've missed that line by a few episodes. Now, if you'd excuse me, your in my ora.

Trelawney: *naively* I-I am?

Melony: Yes, you are, now, go some where to get out of it.

Trelawney: *starts walking backwards* Here?

Melony: *Begins Yelling* FARTHER!

Trelawney: HERE?

Melony: FARTHER!

Trelawney: HOW ABOUT HERE?

Melony: NO, STILL IN IT, TRY GOING TO THE ASTROLOGY TOWER!

Trelawney: OK! I'LL TRY THAT! THANKS!

*Trelawney runs out. The room fills with feminine cheering, but for a different reason..*

*Legolas bursts through the door, dancing in a forest green tutu*

Legolas: I feel-PREETY! Oh so-PRETTY! I FEEL PREETY AND WITTY AND GA-A-A- A-A-Y!

*A loud whining fills the room*

Hermione: He means happy you imbosuls!

*Cheering reoccurs*

Melony: Oh god...

*As Legolas goes for a standing split, Voldemort bursts through the door with a group of death eaters, who are also cheering like little girls, and wearing polka-dotted pink and white hoods*

Voldemort: OH MY GOD CAN WE HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH!

*A high pitch scream emerges from Voldemort as Legolas goes to sign his book. Then Legolas starts running very quickly as death eaters go to maul him. Then McGonagall bursts though the door*

McGonagall: DAMN PLOTHOLES!

*McGonagall yelled as if trying to hint Melony that this was a plot start*

Melony: *looks stunned as a large group of girls get up and run after Legolas, despite the fact that Voldemort is a major threat, leaving just Melony and all the male students (except for Seamus and Neville) to sit there* My god...that was just downright scary...

*Later that day, after DADA, before Dinner*

Hermione: He was SOO hot!

Melony: He is FLAAAMING gay!

Hermione: No he isn't!

Melony: Ok, that isn't a guaranteed FACT, but he was in a FREAKING TUTU! Doesn't that make you suspicious?

Hermione: Nope.

Melony: You know, for being such a bright kid, you really are dumb. And what about that nutcase we read about...what's his name...Gilderoy?

Hermione: Oh, well, he's hot too.

Melony: *mutters* Yea, as an icecube...

Ron: Personally, I was scared of the freak...

*Ron walks up with Harry, who are also talking about the same situation*

Harry: Yea, and what was up with the death eaters and Voldemort in...pink?

Ron: AHH! DON'T SAY THAT!

Melony: Yea, VOLDEMORT in pink was definately creepy!

Ron: AHHHHHHHH!

Hermione: Death Eaters in BLUE was creepy, when *sigh* Elijah came to Hogwarts for the summer, but VOLDEMORT in pink...

*Ron passes out*

Melony: Y'know, if I hadn't been stuck with this for so long, I would have stamped him crazy. But, I have already stamped everyone here ages ago.

*The three enter the hall to see Mary Sue handing out flyers. Melony takes a look at the flyer. "Promote a Class Democracy" the header reads. Melony has a vision of a school ran by big-busted twelve year old Victoria Secret models, and floats away the paper quickly, tossing it on the troll from a few episodes ago.*

Mary Sue: What was that for? Do you not support a school democracy?

Melony: Actually, I don't support the MarySueDemocracy *fakes an obnoxious smile*

Mary Sue: Oh what-so-ever does that mean?

Melony: Exactly, now, If you'd excuse me, I'm really hungry, and bimbos have a tendancy to ruin my appitite.

*Ron suddenly wakes, and knows the situation*

Ron: You shouldn't be so mean to Mary Sue! She might be the new class president!

Melony: VOLDEMORT!

Ron: AAAAAAAAAAAA*runs towards the Hospital Wing*

Melony: *rolls her eyes* God, I'm hungry. Hrmn, now, what do we have?

*A big pile of doughnuts appear at the center of all the tables, and the goblets fill with ultra-fattening cherry-berry soda.*

Everyone: AWESOME!

Mary-Sue: *looks sad* Oh what will I do without my celery and diet water?

Melony: I dunno, squeeze that dangly thing at the back of your throat?

Mary-Sue: Like, oh my god thank you!

Melony: *ducks a hug from her, not wanting whatever she has*

Dumbledore: Okay, I have an announcement! I just want to confirm that yes, that was Legolas *the girls (and Seamus and Neville) swoon*, yes, that was Voldemort and the death eaters, but no, this was not intentional.

Minera: *coughLIEcouch*

Dumbledore: Now, you may continue with Sprout's pick of the year, doughnuts!

*The crowd yays, and begins to eat. Mary Sue pigs out the most, looking as if she hasn't eaten ever, which everyone considers as a high possibility. Halfway through the meal, another strange sight comes along...*

Richard Simmons: I cannot believe this! This is totally barbaric *starts handing out celery*

Dumbledore: Excuse me how did you get here?

Simmons: I use to go to Beauxbatons.

Dumbledore: You're not muggle?

Simmons: Come on, if I was a muggle, I'd be dead right now!

Melony: God help me.

*Neville and Seamus swoon. Melony slowly inches away from them. After twenty minutes, Dumbledore has finally gotten Simmons into the forest. Dumbledore is then reminded of another announcement.*

Dumbledore: I want to remind you that the Ministry of Magic has made Muggle Studies a required class for 3rd-7th years, due to muggleism. This is something we now want prevented, so, weekly you will be taught Muggle Studies...

Melony: What if we were raised by muggles?

Dumbledore: We also want to prevent hate of naive witches and wizards, so we want muggle-borns to learn their ways from another point of view.

*Many moans are heard, from both muggle-borns and Slytherins. Mary Sue comes back from the girl's corridor, wiping something from the side of her mouth*

Mary Sue: What's going on?

A/N: What will happen at Muggle Studies? Will Ron come out of the hospital wing okay? Does Mary Sue have a new past time? Will Legolas return? Find out in Episode Ten- Slytherins and Snape's Disposition.

A/N: SO SORRY ABOUT NOT UPDATING! I started doing other things *I.E. living* and stopped writing. A block, one might say. But, I feel more confident in my writing, and will stick to updating more!