Fads come and go in the not-well-known country of Eagleland.
Most came in the form of games.
When a new card game fad, called "Duel Monsters", came, people dumped the Pocket Monster cards.
A local of the Eagleland town called Onett, Ness Franklin was known throughout the town. Not as the top Duel Monster player, but as a savior of the entire planet. That story is long and has been made into a videogame, which had hit Onett at the same time a meteor that started Ness's adventure. It helped him discover his long forgotten psychic powers.
He also made a few friends on his way to destroy that evil alien.
Paula Polestar was the only girl of the group. She wasn't physically strong, but she'd been practicing her psychic abilities her whole life. She's practically a celebrity in the neighboring suburb of Twoson, thanks to her powers. She's always avoiding the tabloids! All she really wants to do is spend time with the preschoolers at the house her mom converted into Polestar Preschool. And sometimes, she wants to be with Ness. But she never talks about that.
Jeff Andonuts is really shy. Not to mention a bed-wetter, and what some would call a nerd. He used to live at Snowwood Boarding School, in the country of Winters. Currently, he resides in the oddball, not to mention well hidden, town of Saturn Valley. Why is it odd? Imagine a person with no body, a big nose, whiskers, a single strand of hair with a bow, and legs but no arms, and you got yourself the natives. Be glad Jeff isn't native to Saturn Valley. The Mr. Saturns, as the natives call themselves, are wise and friendly, but they talk odd. Anyhow, Jeff has no psychic abilities that he knows of. But he's very good at building and repairing things.
And then, there's Prince Poo of the Eastern Kingdom of Dalaam. Yeah, that's right. His name is Poo. You might want to laugh now to get it out of your system. I'll wait until you're done. Anyway, the women of Dalaam find Poo rather attractive. Not bad considering he's nearly bald. One thing you'd consider odd about Dalaam is that it floats in the sky on a pink cloud. Other than that, Poo is very mysterious.
Well, I raddled on and on about those four. Maybe we should get on with the tale…
"Did I thank you for letting me use your club house?" said Paula.
"I lost track how many times you did," said Ness.
"43," said one of the kids in the club house. He wore a derby hat.
"Thanks, Derby," replied Ness.
"She's whipping you good, Ness!" said the kid with the overly large baseball cap.
"Cappy, hush!" said Ness.
Ness and Paula were in the middle of a game of Duel Monsters. Paula had just summoned her Cosmo Queen, and laid waste to one of Ness's monsters, dropping his score by 1100. Ness had 2 more monsters, but none were as strong as the Cosmo Queen.
"I'll lay this magic or trap down and end my turn," said Paula.
Ness drew. He drew the monster he got in a magazine. The Blue Eyes White Dragon. He smiled.
"I'll just sacrifice these two monsters for my Blue Eyes White Dragon!" he exclaimed.
It wasn't much of a strength difference between the Dragon and the Queen. Only 100 points. But it was enough for Ness.
"Blue Eyes attacks Cosmo Queen," declared Ness.
"Metal-Morph," said Paula, flipping a card face-up. "Cosmo Queen gains 300 attack, and destroys Blue Eyes! You lose 200."
"DAMN!" shouted Ness. "I'll just play this card to revive Blue Eyes, set this magic-or-trap, and end my turn."
Paula yawned. "Too easy," she said. "Cosmo Queen attacks, gaining half of Blue Eyes attack from Metal-Morph, and I win."
"Magical Cylinders," said Ness, flipping a card. "You take 4700 direct damage, and the attack is negated."
"WOW!" said Cappy. He checked the tally. "Paula: 100. Ness: 1700!"
"Take her out, Ness!" said a kid in a tux.
"Thank you, Shifty," said Ness. "My turn, I set a magic or trap card. And I'll end my turn."
"Thanks for letting me win, Ness," said Paula. "Cosmo Queen attacks."
"Mystical Space Typhoon," declared Ness, flipping a card. "I destroy Metal-Morph. Cosmo Queen attacks a monster stronger than it. You lose 100 points. That's game."
"Clever, Ness!" said Shifty.
"I never saw that coming," said Cappy.
"I was on my toes the whole game!" said Derby.
"Thank you, boys," replied Ness. He started to hum a tune.
"I'm kind of hungry," said Paula.
"Should I steal… err… order you a pizza?" said Shifty.
Ness jerked his hands across his neck.
"No thanks," said Paula.
Ness let out a sigh of relief.
Then a phone rang.
Ness took out his receiver phone. It was a weird type of cell phone. It couldn't dial others. Just receive calls. He pressed a button. "Talk to me," he said.
"Hey, Ness!" came the voice from the other end.
"Hey, Jeff," said Ness. "You invent some kind of combination microwave/TV?"
It was a joke he had.
"I've drawn up the schematics," said Jeff. "But that's not why I called. Apple Kid and I have been working on the Phase Distorter version 4-beta."
You might be asking, "Where are 1, 2, and 3? And who is Apple Kid?" If you aren't, skip the next 2 paragraphs. Otherwise, here we go.
Apple Kid was one of Twoson's 2 famous inventors. The other was Orange Kid. Everyone loved Orange Kid because they found him attractive and he always kept his house clean. But the best thing he ever made was a machine that sang a song to him. Apple Kid was a smelly pig, but a genius. Always hungry but never tidy, Apple Kid made great inventions that helped Ness a lot in his journey such as Zombie Paper and the Trout-Flavored Yogurt Maker.
The Phase Distorter was a machine that helped Ness and his crew travel through time and space. The alien, Giygas, based his operations in the past. The fat cohort of Giygas, Pokey, stole the first Phase Distorter. The second one couldn't travel to the past, for safety reasons. Dr. Andonuts, renowned scientist and father of Jeff, revealed that all organic matter would be destroyed in the time traveling process of the third Phase Distorter. Thus, they had their brains copied and reformatted into programming and stored in a robot.
"So, what?" said Ness. "You going to test it out over the phone?"
"No," said Jeff. "I want you to come down and test it."
"I'd rather not. It might explode in my face."
"I'll come with you."
"Fine. Where should I meet you?"
"Fourside."
"Fine," said Ness. "I'll meet you there." He hung up. "Let's go, Paula. We need to catch a bus."
"Bus?" said Paula. "There's no buses in Onett!"
"I know. That's why we're going to Twoson."
"USE YOUR HEAD, NESS! I CAME HERE TO GET AWAY FROM TWOSON! THE REPORTERS ARE LIKE HOUNDS!"
"Oh, yeah!" said Shifty. "You're a minor celebrity there." He whipped out a costume. "Can you pose in this Dark Magician Girl costume?"
Paula held it up to her body. "I think not. It's too revealing."
"Come on!" said Shifty. "I need merchandise… err… a memento!"
"Let's go," said Ness. He grabbed Paula and dragged her out of the clubhouse.
Paula was still holding the costume.
"Say," said Paula, "you got anything else I can wear as a disguise other than this skimpy costume?"
"Just my pajamas," replied Ness.
"Pass. Say. There is a comic convention being held shortly in Fourside. It'll give me an excuse to wear this."
"Well, congrats."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Uhh… nothing."
Then Ness heard a voice in his head. Psst… Ness!
Ness looked around. "Why don't you go ahead?" Ness said to Paula.
"Uhh… okay," Paula replied.
She started to walk ahead, towards the path that connected Onett and Twoson.
"Poo, is that you?" said Ness.
Yes, Poo replied telepathically.
"Where are you?" asked Ness.
He felt a dog licking the back of his leg.
"Shoo!"
Ness! It's me!
"I wish you didn't do that whole weird mirroring ability just to sneak up on me."
Sorry. Where are you going?
"Fourside. I have to meet up with Jeff."
Oh. I'll just wait around here, then.
Ness then remembered that Poo couldn't control the form he mirrored. He took out a dog biscuit. Poo started barking for joy.
Oh, no, Poo grumbled telepathically.
Ness took off sprinting, teasing Poo with the biscuit. He ran into Twoson, the around Twoson, just to confuse Poo.
[Meanwhile…]
Paula had opened the door to the only house on the One-Two Path. It was owned by a bunch of mice, and a boy lived in it rent-free. Paula noticed how messy he was.
"Hi!" said the boy. "Did you come to adopt an Exit Mouse? They're really fast. That was the mother of them always insists on doing."
"Umm… no," said Paula. "I actually need to change into something."
"Go right ahead!" said the boy. He just stood there.
Paula waited for him to leave.
He wasn't budging.
"Umm… I kind of need some privacy," said Paula.
"Why?" said the boy.
Paula was getting annoyed with this nonsense. He grabbed the boy and locked him in a closet. The mice dashed in with him through a hole.
"Hey!" shouted the boy. "Thanks for keeping me company!"
Paula opened her carrying bag and took out the costume. She sighed. If the press recognized her in this, she may end up a laughingstock. Not to mention Shifty would have his merchandise.
"It's do or die," she said.
[Elsewhere…]
(Turn, halt, stop!) Poo thought, trying to control the dog he mirrored. But to no avail. He could never control what he mirrored. His form continued to chase the biscuit.
Ness was slowly heading towards the bus station. But the route he was taking, he might as well have given Poo a tour of Twoson!
[Do I have to add a comment? You get the point.]
Paula let the boy out of the closet, in her new wardrobe, and entered the town of Twoson.
Near the hotel, she was quickly approached by a reporter.
(Stay calm,) thought Paula. (He probably wants directions to my home, thinking I'll be there.)
"Excuse me," said the reporter. "Would you like to… well…"
"I know where you're going," said Paula, "and the answer is simple, 'No way, sicko!'"
She walked into the neighboring bike shop. They were always out of bike to purchase, but they had plenty of free rentals. So she took a rental and gave the owner her word that it'll be in the same condition.
"Sure thing, babe," he said.
Paula took that as an insult, and hit him with her frying pan.
"Hold up, Miss Polestar!" said the same reporter.
(Busted,) thought Paula. She hopped on the bike and started peddling towards the bus station. The reporter dashed after her.
It wasn't long before he saw the station… and Ness tossing a dog biscuit into the bus. Then boarding. Then the bus taking off.
"DAMN YOU, NESS!" Paula shouted.
She stopped near the bus stop sign and checked the schedule. Another bus would be coming in 10 minutes. She took off after Ness.
It wasn't long until she was peddling right next to the bus and overhearing a conversation between Ness and… Poo?
"I can't believe you're into this game!" said Ness. "Dalaam is so distant from any civilization! Come on. Most of the people there eat rice gruel as food."
"That doesn't mean I don't visit your land on occasion," said Poo. "You called me once and told me about it, remember?"
"You must have the only telephone in Dalaam."
"And I'm the only one with people I like to talk to."
"Yeah. These are some nice decks. …Beast of Talwar? You have 3 Beasts of Talwar?"
"5, actually. But the rules say 3 of a card to a deck, unless otherwise limited to 1 or 2."
"What's this card? I can't make out the text. Must be Japanese or something."
"Final Countdown to the End. You pay 2000 life points, and you instantly win in 20 turns. I built my deck around it. All the traps in there to help me stall for those 20 turns really helps. And the card negating traps and Fake Traps really protect them."
"How'd you get Exodia?"
"I get I was lucky when I bought the packs."
"Well, I'm surprised."
"I keep waiting until we could take a little time to face each other in a match."
"HEY, NESS!" shouted Paula.
Ness looked out the bus window. He saw Paula for a moment before they entered the Two-Three Tunnel.
"Why are you in that outfit?" Ness asked.
"You ever hear of a disguise?" said Paula. "I'll meet up with you in Threed!"
She peddled on ahead.
Once she reached Threed, she went into a vacant hotel room and changed back into her usual dress. Then she waited at the bus stop. She paid the $2 fare, and boarded the bus.
In next to no time at all, they crossed the Dusty Dunes Desert and were in Fourside.
Jeff was waiting for them at the only bus stop in Fourside.
"Hey, guys!" Jeff said to Ness and Paula. "Hey, Poo. Wasn't expecting you."
"Ness dragged me here with a dog biscuit," said Poo. "Long story."
"Well," said Jeff, "follow me."
They walked their way over to a building. A sign by it said, "APE Inc. Planning building for EarthBound 2."
When they walked in, the building was empty.
"I knew they'd never make a sequel," said Ness.
"I hear they'll use this building for the comic convention," said Paula.
"Let's just go in the Phase Distorter," said Jeff.
"That's why we're here?" said Poo.
They walked in the Phase Distorter. Jeff pressed a button. A siren wailed.
"CURSE YOU, ORANGE KID!" shouted Ness.
"WHY HIM?" Paula asked.
"WHY NOT?" replied Ness.
They landed with a crash, and climbed out. The Phase Distorter was wrecked. But was worse was the menacing person standing before them in the huge metal room they were in.
