Chapter Two
March 2, 2004
Dear Carly,
Alright, alright, daughter mine. Siccing Jason on me wasn't necessary; your message has come through loud and clear. No more lectures, okay?
Jason walked into Kelly's this morning -- not an unusual thing in and of itself -- and stormed over to me. Well, as much as Jason can storm. It was more like walking with intent purpose. Anyway, he made a beeline for me.
Carly doesn't need to fight anymore. With anyone, he announced, abruptly. She'll come home when she's ready. Nothing you say's gonna make that come quicker, and it's mostly just makin' her sad. She doesn't need to be that anymore either.
Now, mind you, this was all before my second cup of coffee. I poured myself one and poured one for him for good measure. I waited until I drank it all down, just to make sure what I was feeling wasn't caffeine deprivation.
And, then I let him have it.
I'm not going to tell you what I said, Carly, though heaven knows, Jason probably will. Let's just say it wasn't pretty, it was a long time coming, and let it lie there. I mean, he took you away and had the audacity to come in telling me how I could and could not talk to my own daughter? That did not go over well, baby girl, whatever you had planned.
Jason just sat there until my little explosion lost steam. Thanks for the coffee, he said and stood up. She'll be okay, Bobbie. You don't have to worry. Then, the boy walked out. Can you believe that? Oh, I bet you can; you know him better than anyone.
Well, I tell you something, I was pretty steamed for most of the morning. Then, I sat down to write to you and realized maybe he was right. You've got enough to handle without having to argue with your mother over a decision I know was hell for you to make. So, I'm not going to stop believing you'll come home, but I will stop being an old fussbudget about it. If you promise to guarantee Jason doesn't pay me any more visits before nine a.m. Deal?
Since your life is off-limits, let me tell you about the mess my other child has gotten himself into. Carly, Lucas has become a teenager with a vengeance! I wish you were around; somehow I've got the feeling you know a thing or two about rebellious teens.
Your brother has been spending all his time lately with Felicia's girls, Maxie and Georgie. Which was one thing when they were children, but is quite another now that they're all becoming teenagers together, hormones on overdrive and all. Felicia is a close friend and I love her dearly, but I just do not understand how she is leaving these girls alone to raise themselves. Maxie, especially, needs her desperately; that girl is just doing about everything she can to get someone's attention. And, Lucas is the one listening.
It's not that I think anything untoward would actually happen; they are cousins, after all. I just don't like the look in Maxie's eyes, these days. And, Lucas doesn't hear a word, only tells me I don't get it', that Maxie needs' him, and then he follows her from mess to mess, cleaning up as he goes. I'm worried that one of these days, she's going to lead him into a mess way too big for my sixteen year old child to clean up. I really wish Felicia would get her rear end back here!
I tried to talk to Luke about Lucas, but he's off playing Whack-A-Bat' with Stefan again. I thought all that nonsense had settled down this Christmas when Nikolas Cassadine married Emily Quartermaine; I mean, yes, the wedding was complete chaos, but Luke actually sent the two of them a wedding gift that didn't explode OR tick. And he even said marrying Emily was the first smart thing Nikolas ever did. It seemed like a step forward. But, then Laura had a relapse after she seemed to be getting somewhat better, and Luke's dealing with that by attacking Stefan any and every chance he gets. Between my son and my brother, these Spencer males are driving me absolutely to my wits end.
So, there's Port Charles for you -- chaos as usual. I hope things are calmer in your corner of the world, sweetie. You deserve some peace, though, knowing you, you'd hardly know what to do with it. (That was a joke by the way, Carly). Send me more pictures of my grandchildren. If I can't be with them, then I must have more pictures. Grace gets more and more gorgeous each set I see; the pictures of her christening took my breath away. Kiss her and Michael for me a thousand times and tell them Grandma loves them always and always.
I love you, honey. Be good. -- Mama
*********************
March 3, 2004
Carly,
I saw Bobbie. I told her what you wanted; don't know if she listened. She got real loud so I don't know how much she was hearing. Mostly she just misses you and is scared cause she doesn't want to have to keep doing that. If I need to talk to her again, tell me.
Tell Michael When Michael was little, I always knew what he needed. If he was cold or if he was hungry or if he was lonely. Then, I gave him up, and I had to stop. I couldn't know Michael in the same way, know what he needed and not be able to give it to him. It hurt too much both ways, and I didn't want to be a thing he had to miss. I hate that no matter what choices I made, I still have am.
If Michael needs me, I'll come. If you need me, I'll come. You know where to find me; I'm not leaving Port Charles. --Jason
PS. Grace is a good name. It's right for your kid. -- J
*********************
Subject: Re: Meet Grace C. Benson!
Date: Fri, 5 March 2004 12:35:59 -0700 (PDT)
From: Courtney Matthews c_matthe@mail.pcu.edu
To: QueenC@msn.com
Okay, my niece is *officially* the World's Cutest Baby! I've already got the one of her in her christening dress printed out and framed.
Now that I've buttered you up, I might as well go ahead and tell you -- I did something you're not going to like. I didn't plan it, but I have a feeling that's not going to matter much.
So, I printed out all the pictures you sent and was showing them around at work. It was a slow day; Penny and I spread them out on the counter, trying to pick the best one of Grace to frame. The door opened to Kelly's just as I had them all laid out and -- of course cause I'm the world's biggest klutz -- they all got swept onto the floor.
I'm crawling around on my hands and knees at this point when someone sticks his hand in my face, one of the kids' pictures dangling from his fingertips. I didn't even look up, just said, and reached out to take it from him. When he didn't let go, *then* I looked at him.
It was AJ.
I haven't seen him in months. I don't know if he just doesn't come into Kelly's anymore, or if he snooped around and got my schedule, but he doesn't come in when I'm working. The last time I saw him was right after you left, when I was still living with Jason. Did I tell you about that? I didn't know where you were, then; I didn't even know you'd left. Don't ask me how AJ did. He stormed in, looking for Jason, and demanded to know where you'd taken his son. I thought he was just being his typical paranoid self, yelled at him, and kicked him out of my apartment. I never thought in a million years he was right.
Anyway. I hadn't seen him since then, so it was kind of a shock to be staring at him, crouched on my hands and knees. Can I just blame that for what happened next?
When AJ spoke, squatted down in front of me in the middle of Kelly's, he didn't look up. He looks happy, AJ said, staring at the picture. It was the one of Michael laughing on the beach, covered head to toe in sand like he'd been rolling in it. My son looks happy, doesn't he?
He is happy, I said and reached out for the picture. He still wouldn't let go of it.
He's my son, Courtney. And, I haven't seen him in almost a year. Let me just look at it a minute longer.
I guess it was just that for the first time since we broke up, he wasn't sniping at me or accusing me of anything or even at all focused on me. It threw me. I stood up, the rest of the pictures clutched to my chest. Look, AJ, just keep it, okay?
He looked up then. Stood up and looked at me, the picture still tight in his fingers. Thank you. Thank you, Courtney. Then he left, just turned around and walked out.
I know, I know, I know. It wasn't the smartest thing I've ever done. But, the picture was just Michael and the beach and a red plastic shovel -- no identifying landmarks or houses. I don't know, Carly. AJ just looked so...I don't know what the word is. Hungry, maybe, when he looked at Michael's picture. The one thing I know about my ex-husband is that he loves Michael, even if he goes about it in totally the wrong way.
Yell at me, now. Go ahead. Send me a blistering email. Just don't stop writing again, okay? I'm late for class; I'll write again soon. Love -- Courtney
