Title: Silent Remembrances
Author: Enchanted
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy or any of its characters.
A/N: It gets a little weird in this chapter, but bear with me. It gets much more better in the next chapter...

Silent Remembrances Pt. 2

~*~
"Ooh, cute!" Willow squealed over a red sparkly tank top that Buffy pulled out of the sale rack.

Buffy posed in front of a conveniently placed mirror with the tank top placed over her body. "I dunno. You don't think it's a little... tight?"

"Well, yes," Willow replied, "but that's the whole point, right? Go try it on. With...umm...these," Willow tugged out dark denim pants that she knew would fit her.

"Are you sure?" Buffy disappeared into the dressing room.

"You don't trust my fashion judgment?" Willow pouted, to which Buffy rolled her eyes.

"I don't ever see you wearing clothes like these, which makes me feel..." she grunted a little as she pulled the top over her head, "...a little..." grunt, "...doubtful."

At this point, Buffy had pulled on the jeans, which was a little restraining on her. She pushed open the door tentatively, stepping out of the dim light of the dressing room.

Willow felt a touch of jealousy and it must have shown on her face.

"What? It doesn't look good? I knew it was too..."

"No! Buffy, it looks wonderful. I'm just a little bit...envious. Jealous of how you look good in...well, everything."

"I think I'll take that as a compliment," Buffy beamed, twirling in front of the mirror. "Think I should get it?"

"Of course. Unless there's an apocalypse coming soon and you'll never get the chance to wear it."

Buffy glanced at her. "You know that if there's an apocalypse, we'll stop it, right?"

"Right. So buy it."

Buffy gazed at Willow's reflection in the mirror. That same haunted look was still on her face, the look of pain and agony that always plagued her normally happy face nowadays.
She tried to hide it, but at the oddest moments, flashes of her true emotions would break through and ripple across her face. Sometimes, they would leave her so grief-stricken that tears actually seemed to swim in her eyes. And then, she would shake her head, let her red hair fall in front of her face to shield her eyes. When she reemerged from that curtain, the mask was securely in place again.

She thought that she was hiding it so well. But there were times that even Xander noticed it, and he was usually the dull-witted of the group.

Now was one of those times. Buffy quickly reached an arm behind her and patted Willow's shoulder comfortingly. "I'm glad you went shopping with me today. I missed doing the girl thing with you."

Willow smiled through her tears. "Yeah. I missed doing it too." Striving to change the subject, she asked, "How was the get-together last night?"

"Boring," Buffy said a little too quickly. "No fun at all. It was good you missed it."

"You're lying for my benefit, right?"

"Yes. And as you may already know, I really suck at lying," Buffy admitted. "Do you remember when you used to lie to make me feel not so bad? When I was missing out on everything?"

Willow smiled. "Yeah. Never thought you'd be doing it for me."

"Don't worry. It wasn't that fun. Just a bonding night."

"Yay. Another bonding opportunity that I have missed out on."

"C'mon, Willow. Don't be so disappointed. I just want you to get over Tara in your own sweet time...no rush."

"I am over Tara," Willow stated simply.

Knowing not to say otherwise, Buffy shrugged it off as a form of denial. "Anyways, Xander served some of those yummy little canapés...you know the ones..."

...Canapé?...

Willow stopped in her tracks, unnoticed by Buffy, who kept on rambling as she made her way to the register. This time, it was worse. It was almost like...if she reached out she could touch him, touch his hair, touch his face, touch his hand as he looked down at the cafeteria tray that held the canapés that he offered her. Breathless, she leaned against the sale rack to regain her balance. She remembered that the sale rack had wheels a moment too late as the metal rods rolled away from her, and she lost her balance, pinwheeling backwards and landing flat on her back, blinking through unwanted tears.

"Oh my God," she could hear Buffy say as she rushed to her side, "Willow. Willow, are you ok?"

"Take me home, Buffy. I wanna go home," Willow sobbed.

"Will, what's wrong?"

"I miss him. I don't know why, but I miss him so much and it hurts and..."

Buffy dropped the outfit she was about to pay 30 dollars for and helped her best friend up to her feet. There was a him?! "Willow, what the hell is going on?"

"Take me home," Willow repeated, tears still spilling from her emerald eyes.

"Excuse me," a blonde lady approached the two that were making such a spectacle of themselves in the middle of the store, "but you two will have to go outside and quiet down until you can clean up this mess."

"You know what?" Buffy gritted her teeth and faced the saleswoman, her eyes not shooting fire. "My best friend is crying her eyes out in public when she refuses to do it in front of her friends. I don't know what's going on, but suddenly a 'him' pops up in the big picture. For the past months, there wasn't a 'him'. Just a her. Can you imagine my confusion?"

The sale lady nodded, perplexed.

"Good. Now back off." Buffy helped Willow to her feet and let her lean on her shoulder as they hobbled out to her car.

"When we get home," Buffy vowed to her still sobbing friend, "you're going to tell me everything."

~*~

I haven't told her a thing. I know it's cold and cruel, leaving her clueless like this, but I also know this is something that I have to face on my own. Buffy might not understand my reason for pain, so I won't tell her. Simple as that.

My door bursts open, and is replaced by Buffy's figure, holding an oversized mug of coffee.

"Thanks," I say as I accept the mug from her.

"Willow, you need to tell me what's going on. You cannot keep it in you forever. The pain will erupt and leave you shaking."

"Like a volcano," I pipe up, cutting her off in her monologue.

"Well, not as bad as that in some degrees, but...ok, like a volcano. Are you going to tell me?"

"No. You wouldn't understand." I nervously start picking at a navy-colored thread that sticking out of my bedspread.

"I loved a vampire. I almost died so he would live. I think I would understand, Will," she exclaims desperately. "If you can't tell us, we won't be able to help you!"

That's exactly it. You won't be able to help me. This is something I have to face myself.

"Willow, " she starts, but I cut her off again.

"Do you have any animal crackers?"

She sighs disappointedly. Maybe she's reached the end of her rope. I hope she doesn't think I'm insane. "I'll look," she says dully, getting off my bed and closing the door gently behind her. Considering all that's been happening, she's being so good to me right now. I'll have to remember to thank her when this is all over.

She returns with a big bag of animal crackers. "Found them in the kitchen cabinet. What do you need them for?"

That's a question that I can't answer. Not because I don't want to, but because I don't know why. Kind of weird.

When the silence spreads throughout the room, she sighs again. "If you need anything, just call me, ok?"

"Ok," I answer.

She leaves. Finally. Now I can be alone to pursue my jumbled-up thoughts and try to make as much sense of it all as I can.

Oh boy. Here we go.

Animal crackers...they're associated with Oz. They were one of the first topics of weird conversations that I have ever held with him. I smile a little as I pick up a lion and run my fingers across the ridges that resemble his mane. Animal crackers are done with so much detail. This lion looks like it's about to bite someone's head off.

I grab a giraffe out of the chaotic mix of brown sugary sweetness and parade the two along my bedspread, feeling strangely happy. It was like when I was younger, I got lost in playing with Barbies, creating new situations and new outfits and stuff. Never mind that the outfits on them were a little weird, it's the thought that matters, right?

"Hello, Mr. Lion," I say, my voice strangely discomfiting in the silence of my room.

"Hello, Ms. Giraffe. How are the kids?"

I can't believe it. I'm making two animal crackers talk to each other. Without a second thought, I stick the two in my mouth and start chewing, feeling all flushed from the embarrassment.

I stick my hand back into the striped bag and pull out a monkey. Oh no. I know where this is going. My suddenly teary eyes slide over the jubilant figure and his happy smile. They stop at the pants he is happily---and most honorably---wearing.

...I mock you with my monkey pants...

"I mock you with my monkey pants," I say, and it's almost eerie how my voice sounds like his did.

Oz.

I let my head fall onto the bedspread, which shuts out the light. True darkness comes a few seconds later.

~*~

"Xander?" Buffy whispered urgently into the phone. "Yeah. Please, please come over, now. It's urgent." She nervously looked up from the receiver towards the halfway closed door that led to Willow's room. "I swear to you, this isn't trivial. Yes, I know it's not the best...for God's sake, will you just come over?!" She turned her back to the door and continued talking in low tones. "I'm at Willow's place. No, it's not a girl thing," this was said with a little bit of exasperation. "It's a friend thing. That's why I need you and not Anya. No, I know that Anya is Will's friend too, but this has to do with more of you and her and me, ok?" She slightly recoiled from the phone at his response. "Eww...get your mind out of the gutter. The last thing on my mind is sex with you. Just get over...how urgent is it?!" Buffy shot a glance at the door where Willow's voice emerged from the depths of silence.

"She's talking to animal crackers. She called one of them Oz."

There was an unusual quiet at the other end. And then he started talking again.

"Oh, great. Thanks," Buffy sighed with relief. "I'll see you in a few, all right? Bye." She heard the sharp click on the other end and replaced the receiver. So 'him' was Oz. Why now? After all this time?

Worriedly, she started pacing the floor and, without meaning to, eavesdropping on the little snippets that floated past Willow's door.

"You left me...you never came back..."

This was said with so much pain that Buffy almost walked into the room to confront Willow. At the last moment, she stopped herself. Xander would come, and they would both help her. Two friends were better than one. It would be proved true in this certain situation.

"You said you loved me...but you don't, do you, Oz? Huh?! Do you?!" Willow shouted, and then, little sobs punctuated what she said next.

"Why does it hurt so much? You ripped me in...in half...and only you can put me back...together...why did you leave? Why didn't..." she trailed off, unable to finish.

Buffy softly tiptoed up to the door and glanced in. In Willow's hand was an animal cracker, one that looked like a monkey. It was a very creepy picture, but more than that, it broke Buffy's heart. Unable to restrain her tears, she let them flow free down her cheeks, suffering for her best friend.

"Oh Willow," she whispered, "why can't you just let him go?"

"I love you," Willow stated to the monkey.

Xander popped up behind Buffy, his brown eyes filled with concern. He had heard the whole outburst the moment he had let himself into the house. "That's why, Buffy," he quietly remarked, pain evident in his voice. "She loves him."
~*~