Carter and Abby stood in the nursery as Adam drifted off to sleep in his
cot. The shelf with books and toys still lay in destruction on the floor.
"Did I do that?" Carter whispered as they left the room quietly. They made their way downstairs and sat on the sofa.
"Well, you were actually aiming for me, but I ducked." Abby replied, with a half smile. Carter looked down.
"Oh, god I'm so sorry. I didn't hurt you did I?" He asked.
"No, but you scared me." Abby told him.
"And how about Adam?" Carter asked, anxiously. Abby laughed a hollow laugh.
"He seems unaffected by the whole thing."
"I had no excuse to act the way I did."
"Are you really over it?" Abby asked.
"I think so, but I guess that really isn't good enough." Carter sighed.
"Last time it took years of classes." Abby reminded him.
"I didn't have you that time," Carter replied. "I sat in the drug store cupboard all day and I had this picture of you and Adam." He took out his wallet and showed her. She looked so happy in the picture; she wished she had the simplicity of life then. It was only two months ago.
"I could do it again. I could do anything for you. All I need is you. You're my strength, Abby. You keep me going. You can't leave me, please don't leave me." Carter began to get fearful and tears fell freely from his eyes. He already felt like a failure and could not find the effort to stop the tears. He leant against her and cried into her shoulder. She wished he hadn't said that. She wished it were the days when he was her strength. She wanted to be the one sobbing in his arms, but he needed her now. Why did she have to be so attracted to him? He needed to learn. He needed to learn. Damn love. Damn her love for him. She needed to be harsher, just to teach him.
"Oh, John," she relented. "I won't leave you, honey. I won't leave."
"Abby, I need you. You're my life support. I wouldn't be able to make it through without you." She wished she was the one saying all this but she knew that in order for him to be her strength, she needed to help him recover. He looked up at her with helpless eyes. His mind was a mess; all he knew was that he needed Abby. Abby would make it all better. She was the only thing that shone in his mind when everything else was lost in a fog of confusion.
"It's ok now. It'll be ok," she held cradled his head in her arms and held it against her, as though he was a little boy and in many ways, he was.
"All the time I was giving it up again, it was just withdrawal symptoms from you. Promise me you'll never leave me, even though I'm a horrible and weak person."
"You're not horrible, honey. You're not weak." He felt her throat vibrate smoothly on his forehead as he talked. He felt her chin on the top of his head and he closed his eyes. She said exactly what he wanted to hear but it only made him feel guiltier. How could he have done this to her? She was so perfect and caring and wonderful. How could he have tried to hurt her?
"Promise me you won't leave me." Abby put her arms around him and stroked his hair gently as she rocked him, like a baby.
"Honey," she whispered, as he began to fall asleep. "I'm not going anywhere."
"Did I do that?" Carter whispered as they left the room quietly. They made their way downstairs and sat on the sofa.
"Well, you were actually aiming for me, but I ducked." Abby replied, with a half smile. Carter looked down.
"Oh, god I'm so sorry. I didn't hurt you did I?" He asked.
"No, but you scared me." Abby told him.
"And how about Adam?" Carter asked, anxiously. Abby laughed a hollow laugh.
"He seems unaffected by the whole thing."
"I had no excuse to act the way I did."
"Are you really over it?" Abby asked.
"I think so, but I guess that really isn't good enough." Carter sighed.
"Last time it took years of classes." Abby reminded him.
"I didn't have you that time," Carter replied. "I sat in the drug store cupboard all day and I had this picture of you and Adam." He took out his wallet and showed her. She looked so happy in the picture; she wished she had the simplicity of life then. It was only two months ago.
"I could do it again. I could do anything for you. All I need is you. You're my strength, Abby. You keep me going. You can't leave me, please don't leave me." Carter began to get fearful and tears fell freely from his eyes. He already felt like a failure and could not find the effort to stop the tears. He leant against her and cried into her shoulder. She wished he hadn't said that. She wished it were the days when he was her strength. She wanted to be the one sobbing in his arms, but he needed her now. Why did she have to be so attracted to him? He needed to learn. He needed to learn. Damn love. Damn her love for him. She needed to be harsher, just to teach him.
"Oh, John," she relented. "I won't leave you, honey. I won't leave."
"Abby, I need you. You're my life support. I wouldn't be able to make it through without you." She wished she was the one saying all this but she knew that in order for him to be her strength, she needed to help him recover. He looked up at her with helpless eyes. His mind was a mess; all he knew was that he needed Abby. Abby would make it all better. She was the only thing that shone in his mind when everything else was lost in a fog of confusion.
"It's ok now. It'll be ok," she held cradled his head in her arms and held it against her, as though he was a little boy and in many ways, he was.
"All the time I was giving it up again, it was just withdrawal symptoms from you. Promise me you'll never leave me, even though I'm a horrible and weak person."
"You're not horrible, honey. You're not weak." He felt her throat vibrate smoothly on his forehead as he talked. He felt her chin on the top of his head and he closed his eyes. She said exactly what he wanted to hear but it only made him feel guiltier. How could he have done this to her? She was so perfect and caring and wonderful. How could he have tried to hurt her?
"Promise me you won't leave me." Abby put her arms around him and stroked his hair gently as she rocked him, like a baby.
"Honey," she whispered, as he began to fall asleep. "I'm not going anywhere."
