IV
Perfection
Deanna sat awake in her apartment, at her desk, at a quarter to one. Two white strings, strong enough to withstand a strong pull, but delicate enough to wear were being tied together by Deanna¡¦s restless hands, knotting each one together and binding them forever.
It was a quarter to one in the morning and she couldn¡¦t fall asleep. At first, it was because Deanna had forgotten to send a subspace to David. She didn¡¦t like it hanging over her conscience before she was about to enter her own little world. She recorded it and then sent it, and hoped she would be able to get some sleep before work started hours later.
2400 came and went when she finally decided she had to get up and do something to induce drowsiness.
It was something she had picked up during her more creative years, during secondary school, when matters in her life had just begun to complicate themselves, and Deanna almost found herself on the brink of flunking out. Her mother pressured her to take on the family inheritance, her teachers and friends told her to do what she wanted to do, which she really had no idea as to what that was.
At first it was something she liked to do. Making them out of everyday 21st century Betazoid items made her feel at peace and helped her think. It was the one place her mother couldn¡¦t reach her and when Deanna truly felt alone and at ease. Nowadays, everything was locked away with her other childhood items in her storage space on Betazed. Nobody ever saw them, except Lwaxana, and Deanna intended to keep it that way.
Except now there was another person to think about. Deanna always thought she¡¦d be able to share things like what she made with her husband, but with David, she wasn¡¦t so sure.
Deanna¡¦s hand¡¦s finally ceased to remain in its active state and limped loosely at her side. She gathered everything in the small bag she always kept with her and went to bed.
~
The next morning, she got dressed in her Starfleet uniform, COMM badge and pips, and went down to work bright and early. The sun was barely visible amidst the gray sky that had formed overnight and it looked as if the Gods were going through a bout of depression again. Giggling, the Betazoid remembered where that belief had come from. She remembered asking her mother why it rained and her mother, being the creative one that she is, said that the god¡¦s were crying.
They were in a transport pod, heading home. Once in a while, Lwaxana even rode along. That was what had happened that day. Outside, streams of blue and yellow were mixed with the rain that started pouring down from the heavens.
Deanna¡¦s brown locks bounced as she turned her head to ask, {Mommy?}
Lwaxana smiled. She always loved that. {Yes little one?}
{Why is it raining? Why does it come from the sky and not the ground? Why does it make everything so dark?} Deanna¡¦s young mind had been bursting with questions back when she didn¡¦t know how to find her own answers.
{Well,} Lwaxana pointed to the ¡§tear-drops¡¨. {You see, the God¡¦s are crying!}
Deanna gasped. ¡§Why?¡¨
¡§I don¡¦t know, honey.¡¨ She smiled again. Deanna always made her smile, no matter kind of feelings were attached to her questions. She stroked her daughter¡¦s hair as she said, ¡§Maybe there¡¦s too much violence in the universe and they don¡¦t like it.¡¨
But something didn¡¦t
click with Deanna. She still didn¡¦t buy it. ¡§But what about the Klingon¡¦s? Mr.
Blashke told us that Klingons like violence!¡¨
{I don¡¦t know. I¡¦m sorry little one, but the God¡¦s can be very moody at times!}
Her father wasn¡¦t there, but Lwaxana made up for it to her best ability and Deanna was thankful for that.
~
[David is miserable without you, Dea. Maybe you should come back and console him a little bit. You know, do a little dance, make a little love...]
¡§Beverly!¡¨
[Hey listen, I have to go. I promised Wesley I would have lunch with him.]
¡§Alright,¡¨ The dark-haired counselor smiled before cutting the channel. ¡§Bye Beverly.¡¨
[Bye. Crusher out.]
~
[Hey.]
¡§David! I didn¡¦t expect you to call!¡¨
David calmly but hesitantly launched into a well memorized speech, telling Deanna what he had planned to tell her in the first place. And as he did so, on the inside, he was so filled with hope that he managed to see through the expression his ¡§soon-to-be fiancée¡¨ was giving him.
[I¡¦ve been offered a captainship on the USS Newton. They tell me that she¡¦s just been built from Utopia and they want someone experienced to tame her.] Quietly, and slower, he finished, [I¡¦ve decided to take it. But they want me to report to my new posting in a week, so I need to know now. Is it a yes or a no?]
She knew it was wrong, that she should be feeling a feeling completely different than the one she was so strongly denying, but as the intensity of the emotion grew stronger, she found herself a victim to her own reaction.
She couldn¡¦t say it. She really couldn¡¦t. She loved David, a lot. He made her happy and even made her laugh once in a while. He surprised her in so many ways when she wanted to give up and in turn, he never gave up on her when she felt like there was nothing to be happy for. That wasn¡¦t something she could just forget.
Deanna always thought that it would never escalate to this. She thought she would be able to just break it off with David, and he would never propose to her. But what Deanna didn¡¦t realize was that by lying to herself, she was lying to David. The face she put on when he was around wasn¡¦t one of love, it was false. Fake. Forged even. Sometimes, when she was practicing it in front of a mirror, she laughed to herself saying that she was just excited to be seeing him. She wanted to make sure that he was a good smile. But what really was happening was that she wanted to perfect that face.
¡§It¡¦s a no.¡¨
