Please don't think I'm being rude, but... Arafel! That was one of the
longest reviews you've ever given me! *here, the author does a mad little
victory dance* lol.
To @_@: Stop that! (lol) It's not that funny!
To Lunatic: Thank you for the review for A True Romance. It was very much appreciated (sounds boring, doesn't it?)
Something else occurred to me: my English is rather odd in this fic. It's as if I tried so hard, I ended up failing miserably. Ah, well... Tell you what, don't tell me how weird my use of English is here, and when I've finished this fic, I'll redo the whole thing. I promise. *coughs*
Another thing to mention: to those of you with experience of sexual abuse - or any, now that I come to think of it - whether as a personal survivor or having the experience of knowing one who has, thank you *very* much for your compliments. I am very pleased that I managed to get many of the effects I have portrayed here, as correct. I wanted this as close to reality as possible because fanfictions that don't explore any other possibilities get on my nerves. When they do - and this is worse - they do so appallingly.
Deep down inside, I love you all. : )
Sorry it has taken me so long to upload a new chapter. I am *tired*, really. Sleeeeeeeeeeeep... But I have at last! Aren't you proud of me? Oh yeah, check out www.matazone.com! It is the coolest and the guy who did it all is British. Ha ha!
*
Chapter 16: Grey
It continued in this vein for two days. Remus would come down to the dungeons, just to see if Snape was there. Between them would pass the usual greetings and phrases, then work would commence. Perhaps of the half- remembered intimacy that they had once shared, Snape wasn't as forbidding as Remus thought he would be. Or maybe, he began to think on the third evening, as he walked downstairs, Snape wasn't that forbidding at all.
Because he usually relied on the distant aroma of a potion brewing, he was very confused when he found that he couldn't smell anything.
"Severus?" He called.
There was a distant sound. Remus followed it.
"Severus?" He called again, but softer. This time, Snape himself came to a doorway just ahead of him, face blank. The man stood there, leaning slightly, gloves of dragon hide on his hands, reaching up to his forearms something like purple goo, slowly dripping from them.
"Oh," Remus said and walked towards him, following the Potions Master into the dungeon.
"Yes?" The man shut the door with his foot and hurried back to a large basin that was filled near the brim with the oozing, purple liquid.
Before he could stop it, a look of mild repulsion appeared on the werewolf's face. "What *is* that?"
"You mean what are those," he was corrected. "There are more than one of them."
Remus was silent.
"It's a variety of mould. Hagrid found a dead Acarantula in the forest a few days ago, and this fungi was already growing on it. He'd never seen any of the like before, so he decided to show it to me. It seems that when it's not on something, it acts much like a liquid."
"A disgusting, wet liquid--"
"Ah. Yes. What do you want now?"
"To see if there's anything I can do to help." The werewolf shrugged.
Snape didn't look up. "There isn't. What are you going to do now?"
Remus thought for a bit. "What's the matter, Severus?" He noted with some puzzlement that Snape flinched when he said his first name.
A pause.
"I'm tired." Snape replied. He took out a small spherical shaped object that was still dripping with the purple goo. With as much delicacy as a butcher, Snape raised a knife and brought it down quickly on the hapless mould. It sliced the cluster of microbes very cleanly.
"Isn't there anything you'll want me to clean?"
"No. Now go away, you're wasting my time."
"You don't mean that do you?"
There was a small clicking sound as Snape straightened his back. He winced slightly. "Of course I don't," he said between gritted teeth. "But if you keep on asking such stupid questions..." The man paused for a bit. "If you go into the cupboard back there, you will find a number of large jars that look as if they have lemon curd in them. Bring them here and I'll show you what I want you to do with them."
"Oh," Remus said, taken aback. "Oh, alright..."
He walked into the cupboard and looked around, his eyes adjusting to the darkness as he scanned the small rectangular area for the said jars. He eventually found them on a medium level shelf; there were, in total, nine large jars that looked as if they had some sort of thick yellow substance inside them.
Finding that he could cradle four at a time if he was careful enough, he went back and forth three times to bring them all onto a student's table in front of Snape who was still forearms deep in purple slime.
"So-- I've got them all now..."
"Good. I can see that. Open one of the jars, now," Remus did so, albeit with some difficulty as the lid was screwed very tightly. "Take a sniff," Remus obeyed: "If it smells tangy and lemony then it's fine until the next test I'll show you... if it smells musty and dried... although still slightly lemony... it's stale. Put that to one side because I still have uses for it."
"Nothing goes to waste, eh?"
"No. Jellymaking takes up a lot of my time and I'm a teacher, not a housewife."
The comparison reminded him of his last teaching experience in Hogwarts, making Remus chuckle. To his surprise, Snape didn't scold or scowl.
He went on sniffing the jars. It turned out that only two of the nine were stale.
At this point, Snape peeled off his gloves with care. Remus noted that he rinsed off one glove thoroughly when it came to removing it with his bare hands. It amazed him how brisk and stern the man could be, to the point of making him seem horrible. In every action, there lay another sign of his cold and dark side to his nature as well as the passionate. He was a very interesting case to study and for some strange reason, Remus just liked watching him.
"Fine. Now, the seven that are left..." Snape had a small bottle that was filled with a pale green liquid. "Smear a minute amount of it onto a piece of cloth. Yes, those ones right there... *minute* I said... " Remus put a little more back into the larger jar. "Tch. Hmm... well, here. I've got a pipette here, take it and press it for a few drops.... drip two drops of the potion onto each smear... good, although, smaller next time... if it turns blue, it's fine, if it turns green.... put that to one side as well."
Following Snape's instructions, Remus found another two that were off.
"Not bad. Now come over here and help me preserve these moulds."
Remus grinned. **Moulds?**
"Moulds?" He asked innocently enough.
"*Fungi* then." Snape muttered something else; something much less complimentary, the werewolf was sure.
He walked round to join the Potions Master. Despite the fact that Snape wasn't as much stone as he had first presumed, he was aware of the fact that the man always seemed to still be uncomfortable. Even more so aware of it was he, when Snape took a few small steps away from him when Remus came round the table.
**Too close for comfort?**
"Get as much of the slime off as possible," the man was saying. "By the sides of the table, there are gallons filled with the preserving agent."
"Right..."
"Measure it out... three-quarters of the medium sized jugs... I'll get the small sieves. Then we can strain the agent through it and pour that into the jars. Make sure there are at least three in each of the jars before I come back. Comprende?"
The werewolf nodded, already carrying out his instructions.
Snape soon returned with the sieves. "Take care. The agent is very strong."
Remus nodded again.
"Now. Here's your sieve... now you can strain the agent." It seemed to Remus that, as a closer inspection confirmed, Snape looked rather strained himself. His movements didn't have the same brisk action behind them and circles of light grey could be seen under his eyes.
Slightly concerned, Remus laid a hand lightly on the other man's shoulder. "Are you--?"
The minute his hand touched Snape's shoulder, Snape jerked away, the half filled jar in his hand flying onto the floor and landing with a ringing smash that echoed throught the dungeon. Even after the sound had disappeared, both men remained, standing, looking dazed at the mess of glass and preserving agent that was on the floor. Remus was the first to recover. When he looked up at Snape, the man was leaning slightly with his hand on the table, sallow face pale and black eyes vacant. The werewolf could sense small tremors running through the man's body.
His eyes closed for a moment or two. They opened with a resigned look in them.
"Do you want me to--?"
"No. I'll clear it up."
"Are you sure.."
"Yes, just let me take care of it," Snape began to walk past him.
Remus began to wonder what he had been thinking of when he reached out for Snape's arm. However, when he did, Snape didn't look at him, although he stopped mid-step. "What's the matter, Severus?" He murmured.
The reply was barely audible. Realising that he wouldn't say anything unless he let him go, Remus released Snape's arm and watched him go into the cupboard for something to clear up the mess.
*
He couldn't help but loathe them.
It was all so obvious. They were Dumbledore's golden boys, far better than he could ever be. It wasn't the way it was with Lucius; Severus knew for sure that Dumbledore had never touched the Malfoy or had anything to do with him in that sense. Yet, with the talented Messrs Potter, Black, Lupin - oh yes, and Pettigrew - it hurt to him to admit to himself that as much as he hated Dumbledore, jealousy of the famous four tore at his heart whenever he thought about them. It was the fact that they could please everyone, especially Dumbledore, in ways that he couldn't.
They all had loving parents and loving families and were just *so* incredibly gifted and talented and clever! It made him sick. They quite literally had it all.
"I'm here to see Mrs. Snape, please," he said in the usual neutral tone to the girl at the desk.
"Family?"
"Yes."
Severus didn't pay any attention to the process that was always carried out whenever he got here. He just waited for the 'pass'.
"Here you go. You know where it is, right?"
"Yes." He walked away. "Thank you."
But the girl didn't hear him.
Getting into the lift - alongside a very gothic looking couple - he became more and more aware of the out-of-body sensation that had begun to preoccupy his feelings as the lift went up. He was getting tired of it.
The lift doors opened.
He walked down the corridor, shivering slightly underneath the air- conditioning. Despite the fact that he knew what and where the ward was, he kept on glancing at each door he passed, just in case.
Ward #45's door was closed, but the light inside was on.
He knocked, other hand on the handle, already pressing it down, ready to push it open.
"Yes?" Said his mother's voice.
Severus went into the ward, closing the door gently behind him. From where he was now, he couldn't see his mother. He walked forward a bit and glanced to his right; there, on a bed with pristine white sheets, was a thin and drained Tessa Snape. When she saw him, she attempted to prop herself up on the numerous pillows behind her, and smiled thinly at her eldest son.
"Hello, love," she said, her voice strained.
At that moment, it seemed as if all feelings of emotional detatchment evaporated and he literally ran to her and flung his arms around her neck. "Oh, dear," he heard her whisper, laughter in her voice. "Is it that bad?"
He kissed her on the cheek.
"How are you?" He asked, realising that the worry must show on his face.
"I'm fine, Severus. Really... just a bit tired, that's all..." she coughed. "They're getting me ready for my chaemo, you see. Deus," she coughed again.
Severus winced. She saw it, and hurriedly said, "oh, sweetling, don't get like that. I swear it's not as bad as it seems..."
Looking at her, Severus realised what was so different; she had a glowing quality to her now: her skin was transulcent, smooth, but frail. Her eyes seemed larger, darker and more sensitive. Her hair was lighter. Everything about his mother seemed so much more ... white.... and frail. Absently, he stroked some impertinent curls from her face. She smiled fondly.
"Why didn't you want to come with the others?" She asked quietly. "Surely you could have done something else today that wouldn't depress your holidays, hm?"
"I didn't feel like coming with them," he shrugged.
"You're getting your Grandparents very worried, you know."
"And *you're* getting *me* worried," he shot back, voice gentle all the same.
His mother coughed.
"Who gave you those?" He asked, nodding in the direction of a large, summer bouquet. "They're rather different."
"Oh. Paul... Paul Grey, you remember... your father's friend... used to play backgammon with you all the time."
Severus didn't remember, but nodded all the same.
Sighing quietly, Tessa Snape looked down at her clasped hands. She hated to think that her eldest son was unhappy because of her. To her, it seemed too much like another failure. Grandfather Cohen had spoken to her about how withdrawn and quiet her son had become. He kept away from most people and avoided physical contact with them. Was he getting bullied at school and she didn't know about it? Of course she wouldn't know... he wouldn't tell her...
...Not even unless she asked him.
"Are you sure school is going alright for you?" She asked, eyes burning directly into her son's. One of her pale, skeletal hands lay against his own. She squeezed gently, noting the somehow guilty look in his eyes.
"I'm sure," he said.
Well, what else could he say? He couldn't tell her how on the very day he'd discovered that his mother was dying from cancer, he'd also discovered that one of his classmates was a werewolf. How would she understand that the feud between himself and the terribly bright, infamous Marauders was beginning to depress him? Would she know how he felt about the guilt and self-loathing whenever Dumbledore touched him or Lucius would give another speech on the filth that were Muggles and Mudbloods?
"That's what you always say," she muttered darkly and looked towards the window, away from Severus. A weight tugged further at her heart; she hadn't meant to sound so harsh.
To Severus, however, he thought that he'd upset her again. As he seemed to do with everybody. To his disgust, the tearducts in the corner of his eyes were beginning to activate.
"Oh, Severus," she whispered, turning to him suddenly and catching him in a warm embrace. She rocked him slightly and noticed with some feeling that Severus quite literally clung to her as if she were slipping away, which, in truth, she knew she was. "I love you so, so much..." she sniffed into his shoulder and continued to rock him while he continued to clutch her to himself. "I love you..."
"I love you too..." he murmured. "I do..."
"Really?"
Both of them were surprised to hear him sniff.
"Mm-Hm..."
She kissed his forehead. "Do something for me, sweetling..."
"What?" His voice was muffled.
"Talk to your Grandparents..." They both broke away from the hug. "They're worried that they've done something wrong." Tessa found herself startled as her son gave her an impenetrable gaze with those black eyes of his. "Love...?"
He kissed her again on the cheek.
"Shall I bring you some biscuits next time I come?" He asked, as if she hadn't made the request she just had.
"Severus..."
"Mm?"
She gave him a weary look. "Alright," she sighed. "And your Grandmother's Soul cakes, too."
*
"I'm sorry if I startled you," Remus said quietly, as Severus got up with a sodden rag. "I get a little clumsy at times."
Snape gave a slight nod, but didn't respond apart from that.
"Are you alright?" He ventured.
"I'm fine."
Remus knew that he himself didn't look fine. It became most obvious when finally Snape turned round to him rather abruptly and said, "what *is* the matter with you, Lupin?"
"What?"
"No, don't give me that wonderfully blank look of yours. I'm sick of it. You've been watching me," he said through gritted teeth. "You've been watching me for some time now... what exactly do you want?"
**Oh dear, hurricane coming through**
Remus found that for some strange reason, he couldn't respond. His throat was too dry.
"Lupin?" Snape snapped, black eyes sharp.
The werewolf cleared his throat. "Yes?"
For the next few moments, there was a silence between the two men that in itself seemed more of a silent war than anything. Remus held Snape's gaze which remained harsh and irritated.
"Lupin."
"Severus."
The Potions Master was biting his tongue, jaw clenched, struggling not to lose control. He let out a trembling breath before turning back to the worksurface.
Remus did likewise.
~
Now *that* was a long chapter. Thank you, as always, for the reviews!
To @_@: Stop that! (lol) It's not that funny!
To Lunatic: Thank you for the review for A True Romance. It was very much appreciated (sounds boring, doesn't it?)
Something else occurred to me: my English is rather odd in this fic. It's as if I tried so hard, I ended up failing miserably. Ah, well... Tell you what, don't tell me how weird my use of English is here, and when I've finished this fic, I'll redo the whole thing. I promise. *coughs*
Another thing to mention: to those of you with experience of sexual abuse - or any, now that I come to think of it - whether as a personal survivor or having the experience of knowing one who has, thank you *very* much for your compliments. I am very pleased that I managed to get many of the effects I have portrayed here, as correct. I wanted this as close to reality as possible because fanfictions that don't explore any other possibilities get on my nerves. When they do - and this is worse - they do so appallingly.
Deep down inside, I love you all. : )
Sorry it has taken me so long to upload a new chapter. I am *tired*, really. Sleeeeeeeeeeeep... But I have at last! Aren't you proud of me? Oh yeah, check out www.matazone.com! It is the coolest and the guy who did it all is British. Ha ha!
*
Chapter 16: Grey
It continued in this vein for two days. Remus would come down to the dungeons, just to see if Snape was there. Between them would pass the usual greetings and phrases, then work would commence. Perhaps of the half- remembered intimacy that they had once shared, Snape wasn't as forbidding as Remus thought he would be. Or maybe, he began to think on the third evening, as he walked downstairs, Snape wasn't that forbidding at all.
Because he usually relied on the distant aroma of a potion brewing, he was very confused when he found that he couldn't smell anything.
"Severus?" He called.
There was a distant sound. Remus followed it.
"Severus?" He called again, but softer. This time, Snape himself came to a doorway just ahead of him, face blank. The man stood there, leaning slightly, gloves of dragon hide on his hands, reaching up to his forearms something like purple goo, slowly dripping from them.
"Oh," Remus said and walked towards him, following the Potions Master into the dungeon.
"Yes?" The man shut the door with his foot and hurried back to a large basin that was filled near the brim with the oozing, purple liquid.
Before he could stop it, a look of mild repulsion appeared on the werewolf's face. "What *is* that?"
"You mean what are those," he was corrected. "There are more than one of them."
Remus was silent.
"It's a variety of mould. Hagrid found a dead Acarantula in the forest a few days ago, and this fungi was already growing on it. He'd never seen any of the like before, so he decided to show it to me. It seems that when it's not on something, it acts much like a liquid."
"A disgusting, wet liquid--"
"Ah. Yes. What do you want now?"
"To see if there's anything I can do to help." The werewolf shrugged.
Snape didn't look up. "There isn't. What are you going to do now?"
Remus thought for a bit. "What's the matter, Severus?" He noted with some puzzlement that Snape flinched when he said his first name.
A pause.
"I'm tired." Snape replied. He took out a small spherical shaped object that was still dripping with the purple goo. With as much delicacy as a butcher, Snape raised a knife and brought it down quickly on the hapless mould. It sliced the cluster of microbes very cleanly.
"Isn't there anything you'll want me to clean?"
"No. Now go away, you're wasting my time."
"You don't mean that do you?"
There was a small clicking sound as Snape straightened his back. He winced slightly. "Of course I don't," he said between gritted teeth. "But if you keep on asking such stupid questions..." The man paused for a bit. "If you go into the cupboard back there, you will find a number of large jars that look as if they have lemon curd in them. Bring them here and I'll show you what I want you to do with them."
"Oh," Remus said, taken aback. "Oh, alright..."
He walked into the cupboard and looked around, his eyes adjusting to the darkness as he scanned the small rectangular area for the said jars. He eventually found them on a medium level shelf; there were, in total, nine large jars that looked as if they had some sort of thick yellow substance inside them.
Finding that he could cradle four at a time if he was careful enough, he went back and forth three times to bring them all onto a student's table in front of Snape who was still forearms deep in purple slime.
"So-- I've got them all now..."
"Good. I can see that. Open one of the jars, now," Remus did so, albeit with some difficulty as the lid was screwed very tightly. "Take a sniff," Remus obeyed: "If it smells tangy and lemony then it's fine until the next test I'll show you... if it smells musty and dried... although still slightly lemony... it's stale. Put that to one side because I still have uses for it."
"Nothing goes to waste, eh?"
"No. Jellymaking takes up a lot of my time and I'm a teacher, not a housewife."
The comparison reminded him of his last teaching experience in Hogwarts, making Remus chuckle. To his surprise, Snape didn't scold or scowl.
He went on sniffing the jars. It turned out that only two of the nine were stale.
At this point, Snape peeled off his gloves with care. Remus noted that he rinsed off one glove thoroughly when it came to removing it with his bare hands. It amazed him how brisk and stern the man could be, to the point of making him seem horrible. In every action, there lay another sign of his cold and dark side to his nature as well as the passionate. He was a very interesting case to study and for some strange reason, Remus just liked watching him.
"Fine. Now, the seven that are left..." Snape had a small bottle that was filled with a pale green liquid. "Smear a minute amount of it onto a piece of cloth. Yes, those ones right there... *minute* I said... " Remus put a little more back into the larger jar. "Tch. Hmm... well, here. I've got a pipette here, take it and press it for a few drops.... drip two drops of the potion onto each smear... good, although, smaller next time... if it turns blue, it's fine, if it turns green.... put that to one side as well."
Following Snape's instructions, Remus found another two that were off.
"Not bad. Now come over here and help me preserve these moulds."
Remus grinned. **Moulds?**
"Moulds?" He asked innocently enough.
"*Fungi* then." Snape muttered something else; something much less complimentary, the werewolf was sure.
He walked round to join the Potions Master. Despite the fact that Snape wasn't as much stone as he had first presumed, he was aware of the fact that the man always seemed to still be uncomfortable. Even more so aware of it was he, when Snape took a few small steps away from him when Remus came round the table.
**Too close for comfort?**
"Get as much of the slime off as possible," the man was saying. "By the sides of the table, there are gallons filled with the preserving agent."
"Right..."
"Measure it out... three-quarters of the medium sized jugs... I'll get the small sieves. Then we can strain the agent through it and pour that into the jars. Make sure there are at least three in each of the jars before I come back. Comprende?"
The werewolf nodded, already carrying out his instructions.
Snape soon returned with the sieves. "Take care. The agent is very strong."
Remus nodded again.
"Now. Here's your sieve... now you can strain the agent." It seemed to Remus that, as a closer inspection confirmed, Snape looked rather strained himself. His movements didn't have the same brisk action behind them and circles of light grey could be seen under his eyes.
Slightly concerned, Remus laid a hand lightly on the other man's shoulder. "Are you--?"
The minute his hand touched Snape's shoulder, Snape jerked away, the half filled jar in his hand flying onto the floor and landing with a ringing smash that echoed throught the dungeon. Even after the sound had disappeared, both men remained, standing, looking dazed at the mess of glass and preserving agent that was on the floor. Remus was the first to recover. When he looked up at Snape, the man was leaning slightly with his hand on the table, sallow face pale and black eyes vacant. The werewolf could sense small tremors running through the man's body.
His eyes closed for a moment or two. They opened with a resigned look in them.
"Do you want me to--?"
"No. I'll clear it up."
"Are you sure.."
"Yes, just let me take care of it," Snape began to walk past him.
Remus began to wonder what he had been thinking of when he reached out for Snape's arm. However, when he did, Snape didn't look at him, although he stopped mid-step. "What's the matter, Severus?" He murmured.
The reply was barely audible. Realising that he wouldn't say anything unless he let him go, Remus released Snape's arm and watched him go into the cupboard for something to clear up the mess.
*
He couldn't help but loathe them.
It was all so obvious. They were Dumbledore's golden boys, far better than he could ever be. It wasn't the way it was with Lucius; Severus knew for sure that Dumbledore had never touched the Malfoy or had anything to do with him in that sense. Yet, with the talented Messrs Potter, Black, Lupin - oh yes, and Pettigrew - it hurt to him to admit to himself that as much as he hated Dumbledore, jealousy of the famous four tore at his heart whenever he thought about them. It was the fact that they could please everyone, especially Dumbledore, in ways that he couldn't.
They all had loving parents and loving families and were just *so* incredibly gifted and talented and clever! It made him sick. They quite literally had it all.
"I'm here to see Mrs. Snape, please," he said in the usual neutral tone to the girl at the desk.
"Family?"
"Yes."
Severus didn't pay any attention to the process that was always carried out whenever he got here. He just waited for the 'pass'.
"Here you go. You know where it is, right?"
"Yes." He walked away. "Thank you."
But the girl didn't hear him.
Getting into the lift - alongside a very gothic looking couple - he became more and more aware of the out-of-body sensation that had begun to preoccupy his feelings as the lift went up. He was getting tired of it.
The lift doors opened.
He walked down the corridor, shivering slightly underneath the air- conditioning. Despite the fact that he knew what and where the ward was, he kept on glancing at each door he passed, just in case.
Ward #45's door was closed, but the light inside was on.
He knocked, other hand on the handle, already pressing it down, ready to push it open.
"Yes?" Said his mother's voice.
Severus went into the ward, closing the door gently behind him. From where he was now, he couldn't see his mother. He walked forward a bit and glanced to his right; there, on a bed with pristine white sheets, was a thin and drained Tessa Snape. When she saw him, she attempted to prop herself up on the numerous pillows behind her, and smiled thinly at her eldest son.
"Hello, love," she said, her voice strained.
At that moment, it seemed as if all feelings of emotional detatchment evaporated and he literally ran to her and flung his arms around her neck. "Oh, dear," he heard her whisper, laughter in her voice. "Is it that bad?"
He kissed her on the cheek.
"How are you?" He asked, realising that the worry must show on his face.
"I'm fine, Severus. Really... just a bit tired, that's all..." she coughed. "They're getting me ready for my chaemo, you see. Deus," she coughed again.
Severus winced. She saw it, and hurriedly said, "oh, sweetling, don't get like that. I swear it's not as bad as it seems..."
Looking at her, Severus realised what was so different; she had a glowing quality to her now: her skin was transulcent, smooth, but frail. Her eyes seemed larger, darker and more sensitive. Her hair was lighter. Everything about his mother seemed so much more ... white.... and frail. Absently, he stroked some impertinent curls from her face. She smiled fondly.
"Why didn't you want to come with the others?" She asked quietly. "Surely you could have done something else today that wouldn't depress your holidays, hm?"
"I didn't feel like coming with them," he shrugged.
"You're getting your Grandparents very worried, you know."
"And *you're* getting *me* worried," he shot back, voice gentle all the same.
His mother coughed.
"Who gave you those?" He asked, nodding in the direction of a large, summer bouquet. "They're rather different."
"Oh. Paul... Paul Grey, you remember... your father's friend... used to play backgammon with you all the time."
Severus didn't remember, but nodded all the same.
Sighing quietly, Tessa Snape looked down at her clasped hands. She hated to think that her eldest son was unhappy because of her. To her, it seemed too much like another failure. Grandfather Cohen had spoken to her about how withdrawn and quiet her son had become. He kept away from most people and avoided physical contact with them. Was he getting bullied at school and she didn't know about it? Of course she wouldn't know... he wouldn't tell her...
...Not even unless she asked him.
"Are you sure school is going alright for you?" She asked, eyes burning directly into her son's. One of her pale, skeletal hands lay against his own. She squeezed gently, noting the somehow guilty look in his eyes.
"I'm sure," he said.
Well, what else could he say? He couldn't tell her how on the very day he'd discovered that his mother was dying from cancer, he'd also discovered that one of his classmates was a werewolf. How would she understand that the feud between himself and the terribly bright, infamous Marauders was beginning to depress him? Would she know how he felt about the guilt and self-loathing whenever Dumbledore touched him or Lucius would give another speech on the filth that were Muggles and Mudbloods?
"That's what you always say," she muttered darkly and looked towards the window, away from Severus. A weight tugged further at her heart; she hadn't meant to sound so harsh.
To Severus, however, he thought that he'd upset her again. As he seemed to do with everybody. To his disgust, the tearducts in the corner of his eyes were beginning to activate.
"Oh, Severus," she whispered, turning to him suddenly and catching him in a warm embrace. She rocked him slightly and noticed with some feeling that Severus quite literally clung to her as if she were slipping away, which, in truth, she knew she was. "I love you so, so much..." she sniffed into his shoulder and continued to rock him while he continued to clutch her to himself. "I love you..."
"I love you too..." he murmured. "I do..."
"Really?"
Both of them were surprised to hear him sniff.
"Mm-Hm..."
She kissed his forehead. "Do something for me, sweetling..."
"What?" His voice was muffled.
"Talk to your Grandparents..." They both broke away from the hug. "They're worried that they've done something wrong." Tessa found herself startled as her son gave her an impenetrable gaze with those black eyes of his. "Love...?"
He kissed her again on the cheek.
"Shall I bring you some biscuits next time I come?" He asked, as if she hadn't made the request she just had.
"Severus..."
"Mm?"
She gave him a weary look. "Alright," she sighed. "And your Grandmother's Soul cakes, too."
*
"I'm sorry if I startled you," Remus said quietly, as Severus got up with a sodden rag. "I get a little clumsy at times."
Snape gave a slight nod, but didn't respond apart from that.
"Are you alright?" He ventured.
"I'm fine."
Remus knew that he himself didn't look fine. It became most obvious when finally Snape turned round to him rather abruptly and said, "what *is* the matter with you, Lupin?"
"What?"
"No, don't give me that wonderfully blank look of yours. I'm sick of it. You've been watching me," he said through gritted teeth. "You've been watching me for some time now... what exactly do you want?"
**Oh dear, hurricane coming through**
Remus found that for some strange reason, he couldn't respond. His throat was too dry.
"Lupin?" Snape snapped, black eyes sharp.
The werewolf cleared his throat. "Yes?"
For the next few moments, there was a silence between the two men that in itself seemed more of a silent war than anything. Remus held Snape's gaze which remained harsh and irritated.
"Lupin."
"Severus."
The Potions Master was biting his tongue, jaw clenched, struggling not to lose control. He let out a trembling breath before turning back to the worksurface.
Remus did likewise.
~
Now *that* was a long chapter. Thank you, as always, for the reviews!
