Alright, I know this is must be a blasphemy of sorts, but *deep breath*...
I've never even heard of Andrew Vachss or Burke. Well, maybe Burke in the
newspaper - perfect for a tabloid style corny pun - if I really thought
hard about it, but .... no.... I had to go on a search on Yahoo to get
information about him, can you believe it.
Thank you very much for the reviews. I was actually terrified that I may be getting too mushy, much too soon, but sixteen chapters in, isn't too bad, right? Right? *sighs*. I actually almost lost the plot with this chapter, delving into some other rich fantasy that has practically nothing to do with my chosen plot that I had to write out before-hand.
Damn.
Erm... What shall I start with today? hm... Alright. Flashback first. Maybe more than one. Yadayadayada.
Warning: this chapter might not be as good. It took me a lot of... energy to write it.
*
Chapter 17: Of Cabbages and Kings.
"Jona..."
That was Eleni's voice. "Jona," she repeated, voice a bit firmer this time. "Wake up."
Severus looked round the door, barely causing it to move. It didn't creak.
"Severus," Eleni looked up at her first younger brother desperately. "Oh, Severus help me get this slug up."
It wasn't reluctantly as such that he moved forwards, but it definitely was slowly. The best way to describe it was that it was as if he were in some sort of a trance, eyes not seeing wholly. Eleni felt her patience begin to thin. Why was Severus acting so damn odd?
"Oh, for goodness sake, *please* Severus," she groaned, shaking Jona a little harder.
Jona's eyelids flickered.
"He's awake now."
Eleni exhaled. "So?"
"Well, you don't need me to help you now, do you?"
"You wouldn't have helped anyway!" She snapped, heart cold as stone, frustrated with despair, anxiety and weariness as she heaved her youngest brother up onto her hip. "Fuck you, Severus." She muttered. When he let her push past him, she felt herself lose control. "What is WRONG with you?" Reaching for the door handle, still slightly bent underneath Jona's weight, she turned her neck to face him and spat out, "I've *had* it with you! Okay? I HAVE HAD IT WITH YOU!"
Her shouts brought Grandfather Snape up the stairs. When he stood there, just a bit behind the doorway, he looked in surprise at his Granddaughter - for she was not one to shout - whilst Eleni wore a look of complete defiance.
"What is going on?" Grandfather Snape asked, eyes already smouldering. He got worried very easily.
"Nothing," Eleni muttered viciously. "Nothing at all."
Grandfather Snape said nothing to her, but merely looked over to Severus, who was still facing the unkempt bed, head down.
"Severus?"
There was no reply.
"Severus!"
Finally, Severus twisted his head round and looked up. His eyes met his Grandfather's for only the briefest of moments.
Eleni hurled the darkest, nastiest, vicious and angry look she could muster at Severus and stormed out, pushing past her Grandfather who bent his shoulder for the impact to be less. He kept his eyes on his Grandson, however.
After a few more moments of silence, he gently closed the door.
*
Sirius was pacing his room, Lira sitting in a nearby chair, hands folded and head lowered. She was twiddling her thumbs.
At first, Remus was slightly confused, but then it came to him.
"Oh," he said. Lira looked up suddenly. "Gods... when are you going?"
Sirius glanced at his watch. "Three hours."
Something dropped within Lupin's heart: he had been so wound up with Severus, he had almost forgotten that he wasn't really here on a holiday. He had forgotten that there might be something else going on apart from whatever it was that he shared with Snape.
He looked to Lira. When their eyes met, she gave him a thin, watery smile.
"I'm sorry..."
Sirius gave an odd laugh. "For what? Believe me, Remus. I'm just... slightly... shaken, that's all..."
Remus was silent. Then, "could you tell me where you're going?"
He saw Sirius glance at his wife. Lira nodded, eyes pensieve. The man sighed deeply before anwering, "Azkaban."
*That* hadn't been expected.
"Why is he making you go back?"
Sirius started. "He's not making me go back as such... It's just to place the fifth Link." He drew a hand through his hair.
Lira drew herself up. "And Dumbledore is enforcing a few extra precautions... a more powerful Portkey, for one thing, so that even in Azkaban, Sirius can escape easily. He'll in Animagi form mainly, so it'll be more difficult for the Dementors to be able to sense him."
"I''ll have a fair few wards, as well," Sirius added. "Keep 'em away from me for a bit, at any rate."
**Did he put any of these precautions for Severus?**
But he didn't say that out loud. Instead, he murmured, "well, that's something."
Sirius attempted a half-smile. Lira absently stroked the slight - but growing - bulge on her stomach.
"Are you sure you're all right, Remus?" Sirius asked quietly. "You've been really ... well, you've seemed to be uneasy with something... and you haven't been talking much..."
"I dunno, Sirius," Lupin shook his head. "I'm a bit tired... it's as if everything is leaving me confused." He pinched the bridge of his nose. "Things are moving too fast, Padfoot.... I don't know if I can keep up with it for much longer..."
"Remus--"
"No, Sirius." Lupin gave a small smile, hand on the door handle. "I'll have to sort this out by myself."
He walked out of the room, closing the door gently behind him. For a few minutes, he stood, back to the wall, leaning against it with his eyes closed and breath slow and steady. It was true, and he was surprised to have heard his own voice say what had been subconsciously lying at the back of his head: he didn't know where he stood anymore.
Take Severus. Whatever it was, it had something to do with Dumbledore. Remus just got the feeling that Snape would prefer Dumbledore to leave if ever they were in the same room, or even better, if he didn't exist whatsoever. It was the underlying bitterness to his dark, low voiced "Yes Headmaster"'s, the fathomless gaze and carefully blank, coldly detatched mask that he continually wore on his face, that came flooding back to Remus right there, as he stood, leaning against the wall.
And... he *cared* about the man. It wasn't so unusual for someone with a heart like Remus', but he tended to care about those that had a side to them that one could care about.
Snape never showed any side that one could care about. But... he had one. Even if it were a very small side.
He had come so close to understanding Professor Severus Snape. It had turned out to be a damn sight more easier than he'd thought at first.
Severus.
A brief smile crept up on the werewolf's face. He hadn't realised that just admitting his weakness would be so relieving. Or that he cared for someone like Severus. And for Sirius, who had, in his way, given Remus more of a reason to despise him than anyone.
He also cared for Dumbledore, for the man who had seen to his education when no other teacher would; for the man who had given him a job when no one else would; for the man who evidently cared for *him* personally.
**Oh dear, I'm going to go through a whole list now...**
Remus went on a search for McGonagall, the Head of the Gryffindor House being less elusive than her Slytherin counterpart.
He found her walking along a corridor near the Astronomy Tower, having just come out from teaching a class.
"Er... Minerva?" He asked, attemtping a smile to banish the penseive mist in his eyes. She turned to him, a smile readying itself upon her slightly wrinkled face. "Sorry... I was just wondering... where is Severus' office?"
"His office? Dear me, no one's asked me *that* before," she chuckled. "I'll give you a little map... It's very difficult to point out, you see."
He nodded and watched as McGonagall placed the tip of her wand to a quill and then in turn, sucked onto the feathered end and drew on a conjured up piece of parchment. She began to draw. "Hang on..." she muttered. "Yes... along here... right..." She handed the parchment to Remus. "Here you go, finished... just follow the red dots."
"Thank you," he nodded.
"That's alright... goodness' knows it would do well for you to talk to him."
"Why?" He asked, wondering why McGonagall had made such a remark.
She shrugged. "When you get to my age, you realise that everyone likes company. Whether for the same purposes or not." She gave a weary grin. "Though most people expect that sort of thing from Dumbledore and not their tight-lipped Scottish Transfiguration teacher." Straightening her robes, she gave another charming smile, accompanied by a kind glint in her eyes, before setting off down the hallway, arms loaded with books.
Remus watched her until she opened a door and disappeared through it, then he looked back at the map and began to make his way to Severus' office.
*
He'd never taught in his life before. Not to students this young, at any rate. Now he was asking himself why he'd ever come here in the first place. He needed a decent place to stay, that was true, but he hadn't thought he was *this* desparate.
He sighed.
Opening the door to the dungeon where he would now be teaching very slowly, he took a careful look at the now quiet multitude of students. No, not multitude. There were.... around 60 of them. If he hadn't ben so curious about his new charges, he would have registered with some amusement, that the looks on their faces were suitably stunned. A few were puzzled. But most were stunned.
He walked up to the front of the classroom. It wasn't the one in which he had been taught, for one thing, but the layout of the desks and chairs and cauldrons were the same. Almost.
Letting a breath escape from him, he turned round, arms crossed, his gaze judging yet distanced.
"I am Professor Snape," he started, aware that this speech would be none too awe-inspiring. "I'm here to teach you Potions as you may well have guessed." Something like a grimace played upon his lips. "Yes, I know; a disaster waiting to happen. But who knows. You might be the sort of class who can actually make Potions. I understand if it's any consolation that there aren't many who are even averagely decent at attempting to *make* a potion," memories of Black and Potter passed before his eyes and his lips twisted cruelly, "as talented as no doubt you are in the flashy performances that you call... ah, *Transfiguration* for one."
It was now that he took in the expressions on their faces. None were bored, which was more than he could say for his own first potions class in Hogwarts.
"We'll be starting with a simple potion." He said, summoning some chalk and using it to write the ingredients on the board. "Reduces common rashes. A pair to a cauldron please."
Now Snape was beginning to get a little suspicious. These were first-years and yet there was none of the usual excited murmuring that passed between new made friends. He got the feeling that either they were too nervous or that they were planning something.
Cauldron fires were lit; he watched the students as they began to chop up the ingredients, always feeling slightly queasy at the sight of so many hands working away dilligently.
Gripping his emotions tightly, he managed to gain a sort of control over the impulse that he had to turn away and leave. Or maybe start crying. He'd never cried yet. But Fate was known to like a joke or two at his expense.
"Chop them *finely*," he said tersely to one student. "They will stew otherwise. Unless you prefer spending some time after class with a nice sieve."
The boy gulped.
**Honestly**
There was - Severus had concluded over past experience - always one student that just *had* to mess up. *Always*.
And yet, with this his first class, it was almost too good to be true.
They were following the instructions well and as precisely as their ability allowed them to. He was mildly impressed. Maybe some things had changed since he'd left. At least the girls didn't giggle. Gods, he gritted his teeth. He would have force-fed the first girl who giggled poison. A slow- working one. *Very* slow.
There had to be *something* that would go wrong.
**Any moment now...**
By the end of the lesson, there were 30-odd concoctions, each steaming away nicely in flasks, one between a pair. His students were standing nervously behind their desks, it was true, as he went round inspecting them and testing some out occassionally, but aside from that, they were mannerly, organised--
**No...**
--yes, and rather tidy.
**Good Lord**
His first lesson had been a success.
*
"Severus?" Lupin knocked. When there was no answer, he knocked again. "Severus?"
-He's not here-
Lupin stopped in his tracks. Who had said that?
"W-where is he then?"
-I'll take you. He'd like it if you were with him-
"Would he now?" Remus said softly, carefully scanning the hallway for any sign of anyone. "And how would you know?"
-Well, he wouldn't mind. He's gotten used to you. But you were a bit foolish yesterday-
"Where are you?"
-On the floor, you moon-dog.- Remus looked down and saw that at his feet, was a bright eyed Rat. -Finally. Now pick me up. I want to see.-
"How was I foolish yesterday?" The werewolf gently brought Rat up onto his shoulder.
-Tch.-
"Be like that, then," Remus said amiably. "Now, where is he?"
-Very well, I will. Let me guide you.-
Lupin shook his head and sighed, obediently following Rat's instructions down staircases and through passageways in the walls. After the first two flights of stairs, Rat had the foresight to hide in Remus' pocket.
"Are we there?"
-Yes-
Remus looked around. They were in the large passageway that connected to the Great Hall. It was empty.
"Then where is he?"
-He'll be here-
And indeed, coming round a corner was Severus Snape, huddled in his robes as if so very cold, a dark grey bag with the shoulder strap hanging vertically off one shoulder. On seeing Remus - and Rat who had poked his little face through the pocket he had gone to conceal himself in - Severus frowned slightly but continued to walk over to them.
"What are you doing here?" He said, in a voice that most people would take to indicate that he was cross.
"Rat said that you wouldn't mind my company." Remus smiled. "Was he right?"
Having spent enough time with the man, Remus could tell that there was an internal battle of wills within Severus: whether he should trust Remus enough to be accompanied by him, or not.
"If you want." Was the non-committal reply.
Rat scampered along to Snape's hand and from there, he ran into a pocket.
"What was wrong with mine, may I ask?" Lupin enquired as they walked down the pathway to Hogsmeade.
-Nothing. But he's always got walnuts. You don't- something that could only be the sound of Rat laughing followed.
Severus 'Tch'ed sourly.
"You spoil him, you know," Remus said grimly as they walked out through the grounds. "Where are we going?"
"The local apothecary. They have an order for me."
"Ah. Of what, may I ask? Just some more potion ingredients?"
"It's nothing to do with you."
"Oh alright," Remus shrugged, feigning indifference. "If you say so."
"I do."
Whilst they walked down to Hogsmeade, they were silent. But it seemed to be more of a thoughtful silence on both sides rather than an awkward, sullen or downright nasty. Remus didn't realise until they reached the village, that he felt an odd sort of relaxed sensation whenever he was around Severus. Even when being chastised by him whilst chopping roots the wrong way or being cautioned for the twelfth time over the danger of splattering amythest dust. Being in Snape's trust seemed far more valuable than anything else, in a way. Making him relatively happy went along with that too.
It was odd how he could possibly enjoy being in the company of someone as apparently nasty as Snape. In a way, it was partly that which attracted Remus to him.
One inside the apothecary's, Snape left Remus to look around the small shop - which he had done recently before, so instead was just standing looking around interestedly - and went up to the counter. He exchanged a few words with the apothecary and waited patiently for his package to come back from the stores.
"There's nothing so particularly interesting," Snape mumured to Remus. "If you've been here once, you know what to expect the next time you come. Fascinating as the variety is, they don't add anything more."
The apothecary made his way, staggering slightly underneath the weight of the package. Cooly, Snape retrieved it and placed it within his shoulder bag. "Thank you," he said firmly.
They made their way out. It was only then that Remus realised that there were none of the usual groups of students that could be seen, out. Finally, it dawned on him that of course; they were still at lessons.
"Do you have any more lessons to teach today?" Remus asked as they ambled along.
"Mm. Last lesson, single."
Something in him made Lupin want to kiss Snape on the cheek. It was odd, when he was young, filled with pre-conceived ideas of beauty and the whole kaboodle, he was - even with his belief that Snape was gay - continually disdainful towards him. He couldn't help it. Though with Sirius, it was the fact that Snape always remained so haughty and cool and with James, it was how everything that came out of the boy's mouth was sarcasm, Remus only ever joined in their merciless onslaughts was because he found Snape.... almost as a destroyer of his own visions of beauty.
Now, however, older and having seen more of the world, he was slightly amazed to find that he did indeed find Snape attractive in the first place.
"Do you want me to help you sort that out?" Lupin asked, indicating towards the package.
"Tch." Snape sighed. "Yes, of course."
"'Of course'?"
Snape raised an eyebrow at him, maybe something like embarrassment in those fathomless eyes. "Don't you usually? I thought this would be one of those occasions."
"You needn't worry," Remus replied, a bit of a smile on his face as he looked straight ahead.
Snape gave him a look that spoke of immense dislike and distrust.
Remus laughed.
~
It wasn't potion ingredients as Remus first thought, that were wrapped up in the brown packaging. Instead, gleamingly new books, six of them, each thick, bound in shining, beaded dragon-hide with silver inlay, were taken from it. Remus heard Rat sniff.
-Big lizard skin- he remarked. -Really, you-
Just as Snape only ever called his rat Rat, Rat only ever referred to Snape as either 'you or 'him'. From what he understood of rats in general, it came as no real surprise to Remus; it was part of their nature.
Perhaps it was simply because they were alone in the dungeons with nothing else to pay attention to, other than each other, but it seemed to the werewolf that if he even stood near Snape, a strange sensation would fill him. He felt the increasing desire to look at Snape's face, more keenly and realised he was getting slightly jumpy whenever even the merest of touches passed between them.
"What's in these books?" Remus asked as the last had been taken from it's coverings.
"Some of my father's workings."
"*Your* fath--?"
Snape nodded.
"My older sister Eleni," he started, "along with my remaining grandparents, managed to persuade Jona's wife to give the books back to me."
"Jona?"
"My younger brother."
Oh yes, Remus found the image of the 'Last Family Photo' reappear in his mind. "Oh. So, why did she eventually let in?"
"Our dear Miriam is a stickler for tradition," Snape smirked rather unkindly. "The minute Eleni reminded her that as the elder son, *I* should be the one getting all the books, she handed them over. Without a moment's hesitation, it seems."
A few cogs in Remus' brain began to squeak. "Are you Jewish?"
Snape looked at him. Finally, he said, "Yes."
"I never knew."
"You never asked."
Remus leant forward, unaware of how close he was getting until Snape back off slightly. "May I?" The werewolf asked, reaching for a green volumn.
"O-of course..." Snape replied, a small tremor distinct in his voice.
Regarding him carefully, Remus flicked through the parchment pages as gently as possible. Now he could see that they were not new, but simply in very good condition.
The one he was flicking through was about Kappas, their habitats and customs. "I never knew a wizard could get so in-depth--"
"Before he married," Snape said slowly, "he travelled a lot. He still did for a bit afterwards, as well. He once brought me back a bag of fortune- telling bones and stones, used by the traditional healers in central Africa. Another time, there was a bracelet made from vampire's teeth... and an Ankh from the pyramids... My mother used to go with him, sometimes...."
**Wow**
Snape read the look on Remus' face correctly, but frowned and said, "it's nothing much. He didn't get the chance to study in schools, so he travelled a lot instead. I'm surprised he ever got married."
Lupin smiled. Whenever Snape spoke in long sentences, he still got slightly taken aback.
Eventually, the two left, not before having ordered some coffee and biscuits to be delivered to Snape's office. They arrived in the dark room, that although being dark, was rather warm and comfortable in a depressed, gothic sort of way.
They sat and began to read their separate books. The house-elf that came in was barely noticed by either of the men.
Remus found his tome fascinating: the depth which Samuel Snape went into when discussing Kappa culture, their language, their habitats, was amazing. He spoke of them as if they were his fellow humans, only from a more distant culture; Samuel had a way of comparing the two worlds with that of other creatures and each other, most intelligently. He was clear and concise, going into just the right amount of detail without making the reading too strenuous.
"May I take this?" Remus finally asked.
"Hm?" Snape got up with the tray and carried it over to the larger table. Remus got up as well.
"I asked if I could borrow this," he repeated.
"Oh... oh yes, of course you can. I can't read two at the same time."
There was little space between them now. Odd how these realisations would seem to continually dawn on him, Remus thought sardonically.
"Thanks."
Snape shrugged, looking up into Remus' eyes for the first time, with no judgement of anger. It sent shivers down Remus' spine. It quite literally took his breath away.
"Severus."
"Remus."
Lupin tried to subdue his grin. Awkwardly, he leaned forward and before he knew it, had planted his lips upon Snape's.
For a while, it seemed that Snape was too shocked to respond. "Mmf!" Finally issued from his mouth and he pushed Remus away. Now, he was shaking, but it didn't seem like fury. It was shock. Horror? Teeth clenched, Snape crossed his arms over his chest in the defensive stance Remus had seen so often. "Don't you ever...--"
"I'm sorry," Remus whispered. "Really, I-I'm sorry.... I didn't mean to..."
Snape merely gave hima penetrating gaze, still shaking, then looked away, turning his back.
Remus did likewise and walked out of the office.
~@~
Now, then. Did I do that bit okay?
Thank you very much for the reviews. I was actually terrified that I may be getting too mushy, much too soon, but sixteen chapters in, isn't too bad, right? Right? *sighs*. I actually almost lost the plot with this chapter, delving into some other rich fantasy that has practically nothing to do with my chosen plot that I had to write out before-hand.
Damn.
Erm... What shall I start with today? hm... Alright. Flashback first. Maybe more than one. Yadayadayada.
Warning: this chapter might not be as good. It took me a lot of... energy to write it.
*
Chapter 17: Of Cabbages and Kings.
"Jona..."
That was Eleni's voice. "Jona," she repeated, voice a bit firmer this time. "Wake up."
Severus looked round the door, barely causing it to move. It didn't creak.
"Severus," Eleni looked up at her first younger brother desperately. "Oh, Severus help me get this slug up."
It wasn't reluctantly as such that he moved forwards, but it definitely was slowly. The best way to describe it was that it was as if he were in some sort of a trance, eyes not seeing wholly. Eleni felt her patience begin to thin. Why was Severus acting so damn odd?
"Oh, for goodness sake, *please* Severus," she groaned, shaking Jona a little harder.
Jona's eyelids flickered.
"He's awake now."
Eleni exhaled. "So?"
"Well, you don't need me to help you now, do you?"
"You wouldn't have helped anyway!" She snapped, heart cold as stone, frustrated with despair, anxiety and weariness as she heaved her youngest brother up onto her hip. "Fuck you, Severus." She muttered. When he let her push past him, she felt herself lose control. "What is WRONG with you?" Reaching for the door handle, still slightly bent underneath Jona's weight, she turned her neck to face him and spat out, "I've *had* it with you! Okay? I HAVE HAD IT WITH YOU!"
Her shouts brought Grandfather Snape up the stairs. When he stood there, just a bit behind the doorway, he looked in surprise at his Granddaughter - for she was not one to shout - whilst Eleni wore a look of complete defiance.
"What is going on?" Grandfather Snape asked, eyes already smouldering. He got worried very easily.
"Nothing," Eleni muttered viciously. "Nothing at all."
Grandfather Snape said nothing to her, but merely looked over to Severus, who was still facing the unkempt bed, head down.
"Severus?"
There was no reply.
"Severus!"
Finally, Severus twisted his head round and looked up. His eyes met his Grandfather's for only the briefest of moments.
Eleni hurled the darkest, nastiest, vicious and angry look she could muster at Severus and stormed out, pushing past her Grandfather who bent his shoulder for the impact to be less. He kept his eyes on his Grandson, however.
After a few more moments of silence, he gently closed the door.
*
Sirius was pacing his room, Lira sitting in a nearby chair, hands folded and head lowered. She was twiddling her thumbs.
At first, Remus was slightly confused, but then it came to him.
"Oh," he said. Lira looked up suddenly. "Gods... when are you going?"
Sirius glanced at his watch. "Three hours."
Something dropped within Lupin's heart: he had been so wound up with Severus, he had almost forgotten that he wasn't really here on a holiday. He had forgotten that there might be something else going on apart from whatever it was that he shared with Snape.
He looked to Lira. When their eyes met, she gave him a thin, watery smile.
"I'm sorry..."
Sirius gave an odd laugh. "For what? Believe me, Remus. I'm just... slightly... shaken, that's all..."
Remus was silent. Then, "could you tell me where you're going?"
He saw Sirius glance at his wife. Lira nodded, eyes pensieve. The man sighed deeply before anwering, "Azkaban."
*That* hadn't been expected.
"Why is he making you go back?"
Sirius started. "He's not making me go back as such... It's just to place the fifth Link." He drew a hand through his hair.
Lira drew herself up. "And Dumbledore is enforcing a few extra precautions... a more powerful Portkey, for one thing, so that even in Azkaban, Sirius can escape easily. He'll in Animagi form mainly, so it'll be more difficult for the Dementors to be able to sense him."
"I''ll have a fair few wards, as well," Sirius added. "Keep 'em away from me for a bit, at any rate."
**Did he put any of these precautions for Severus?**
But he didn't say that out loud. Instead, he murmured, "well, that's something."
Sirius attempted a half-smile. Lira absently stroked the slight - but growing - bulge on her stomach.
"Are you sure you're all right, Remus?" Sirius asked quietly. "You've been really ... well, you've seemed to be uneasy with something... and you haven't been talking much..."
"I dunno, Sirius," Lupin shook his head. "I'm a bit tired... it's as if everything is leaving me confused." He pinched the bridge of his nose. "Things are moving too fast, Padfoot.... I don't know if I can keep up with it for much longer..."
"Remus--"
"No, Sirius." Lupin gave a small smile, hand on the door handle. "I'll have to sort this out by myself."
He walked out of the room, closing the door gently behind him. For a few minutes, he stood, back to the wall, leaning against it with his eyes closed and breath slow and steady. It was true, and he was surprised to have heard his own voice say what had been subconsciously lying at the back of his head: he didn't know where he stood anymore.
Take Severus. Whatever it was, it had something to do with Dumbledore. Remus just got the feeling that Snape would prefer Dumbledore to leave if ever they were in the same room, or even better, if he didn't exist whatsoever. It was the underlying bitterness to his dark, low voiced "Yes Headmaster"'s, the fathomless gaze and carefully blank, coldly detatched mask that he continually wore on his face, that came flooding back to Remus right there, as he stood, leaning against the wall.
And... he *cared* about the man. It wasn't so unusual for someone with a heart like Remus', but he tended to care about those that had a side to them that one could care about.
Snape never showed any side that one could care about. But... he had one. Even if it were a very small side.
He had come so close to understanding Professor Severus Snape. It had turned out to be a damn sight more easier than he'd thought at first.
Severus.
A brief smile crept up on the werewolf's face. He hadn't realised that just admitting his weakness would be so relieving. Or that he cared for someone like Severus. And for Sirius, who had, in his way, given Remus more of a reason to despise him than anyone.
He also cared for Dumbledore, for the man who had seen to his education when no other teacher would; for the man who had given him a job when no one else would; for the man who evidently cared for *him* personally.
**Oh dear, I'm going to go through a whole list now...**
Remus went on a search for McGonagall, the Head of the Gryffindor House being less elusive than her Slytherin counterpart.
He found her walking along a corridor near the Astronomy Tower, having just come out from teaching a class.
"Er... Minerva?" He asked, attemtping a smile to banish the penseive mist in his eyes. She turned to him, a smile readying itself upon her slightly wrinkled face. "Sorry... I was just wondering... where is Severus' office?"
"His office? Dear me, no one's asked me *that* before," she chuckled. "I'll give you a little map... It's very difficult to point out, you see."
He nodded and watched as McGonagall placed the tip of her wand to a quill and then in turn, sucked onto the feathered end and drew on a conjured up piece of parchment. She began to draw. "Hang on..." she muttered. "Yes... along here... right..." She handed the parchment to Remus. "Here you go, finished... just follow the red dots."
"Thank you," he nodded.
"That's alright... goodness' knows it would do well for you to talk to him."
"Why?" He asked, wondering why McGonagall had made such a remark.
She shrugged. "When you get to my age, you realise that everyone likes company. Whether for the same purposes or not." She gave a weary grin. "Though most people expect that sort of thing from Dumbledore and not their tight-lipped Scottish Transfiguration teacher." Straightening her robes, she gave another charming smile, accompanied by a kind glint in her eyes, before setting off down the hallway, arms loaded with books.
Remus watched her until she opened a door and disappeared through it, then he looked back at the map and began to make his way to Severus' office.
*
He'd never taught in his life before. Not to students this young, at any rate. Now he was asking himself why he'd ever come here in the first place. He needed a decent place to stay, that was true, but he hadn't thought he was *this* desparate.
He sighed.
Opening the door to the dungeon where he would now be teaching very slowly, he took a careful look at the now quiet multitude of students. No, not multitude. There were.... around 60 of them. If he hadn't ben so curious about his new charges, he would have registered with some amusement, that the looks on their faces were suitably stunned. A few were puzzled. But most were stunned.
He walked up to the front of the classroom. It wasn't the one in which he had been taught, for one thing, but the layout of the desks and chairs and cauldrons were the same. Almost.
Letting a breath escape from him, he turned round, arms crossed, his gaze judging yet distanced.
"I am Professor Snape," he started, aware that this speech would be none too awe-inspiring. "I'm here to teach you Potions as you may well have guessed." Something like a grimace played upon his lips. "Yes, I know; a disaster waiting to happen. But who knows. You might be the sort of class who can actually make Potions. I understand if it's any consolation that there aren't many who are even averagely decent at attempting to *make* a potion," memories of Black and Potter passed before his eyes and his lips twisted cruelly, "as talented as no doubt you are in the flashy performances that you call... ah, *Transfiguration* for one."
It was now that he took in the expressions on their faces. None were bored, which was more than he could say for his own first potions class in Hogwarts.
"We'll be starting with a simple potion." He said, summoning some chalk and using it to write the ingredients on the board. "Reduces common rashes. A pair to a cauldron please."
Now Snape was beginning to get a little suspicious. These were first-years and yet there was none of the usual excited murmuring that passed between new made friends. He got the feeling that either they were too nervous or that they were planning something.
Cauldron fires were lit; he watched the students as they began to chop up the ingredients, always feeling slightly queasy at the sight of so many hands working away dilligently.
Gripping his emotions tightly, he managed to gain a sort of control over the impulse that he had to turn away and leave. Or maybe start crying. He'd never cried yet. But Fate was known to like a joke or two at his expense.
"Chop them *finely*," he said tersely to one student. "They will stew otherwise. Unless you prefer spending some time after class with a nice sieve."
The boy gulped.
**Honestly**
There was - Severus had concluded over past experience - always one student that just *had* to mess up. *Always*.
And yet, with this his first class, it was almost too good to be true.
They were following the instructions well and as precisely as their ability allowed them to. He was mildly impressed. Maybe some things had changed since he'd left. At least the girls didn't giggle. Gods, he gritted his teeth. He would have force-fed the first girl who giggled poison. A slow- working one. *Very* slow.
There had to be *something* that would go wrong.
**Any moment now...**
By the end of the lesson, there were 30-odd concoctions, each steaming away nicely in flasks, one between a pair. His students were standing nervously behind their desks, it was true, as he went round inspecting them and testing some out occassionally, but aside from that, they were mannerly, organised--
**No...**
--yes, and rather tidy.
**Good Lord**
His first lesson had been a success.
*
"Severus?" Lupin knocked. When there was no answer, he knocked again. "Severus?"
-He's not here-
Lupin stopped in his tracks. Who had said that?
"W-where is he then?"
-I'll take you. He'd like it if you were with him-
"Would he now?" Remus said softly, carefully scanning the hallway for any sign of anyone. "And how would you know?"
-Well, he wouldn't mind. He's gotten used to you. But you were a bit foolish yesterday-
"Where are you?"
-On the floor, you moon-dog.- Remus looked down and saw that at his feet, was a bright eyed Rat. -Finally. Now pick me up. I want to see.-
"How was I foolish yesterday?" The werewolf gently brought Rat up onto his shoulder.
-Tch.-
"Be like that, then," Remus said amiably. "Now, where is he?"
-Very well, I will. Let me guide you.-
Lupin shook his head and sighed, obediently following Rat's instructions down staircases and through passageways in the walls. After the first two flights of stairs, Rat had the foresight to hide in Remus' pocket.
"Are we there?"
-Yes-
Remus looked around. They were in the large passageway that connected to the Great Hall. It was empty.
"Then where is he?"
-He'll be here-
And indeed, coming round a corner was Severus Snape, huddled in his robes as if so very cold, a dark grey bag with the shoulder strap hanging vertically off one shoulder. On seeing Remus - and Rat who had poked his little face through the pocket he had gone to conceal himself in - Severus frowned slightly but continued to walk over to them.
"What are you doing here?" He said, in a voice that most people would take to indicate that he was cross.
"Rat said that you wouldn't mind my company." Remus smiled. "Was he right?"
Having spent enough time with the man, Remus could tell that there was an internal battle of wills within Severus: whether he should trust Remus enough to be accompanied by him, or not.
"If you want." Was the non-committal reply.
Rat scampered along to Snape's hand and from there, he ran into a pocket.
"What was wrong with mine, may I ask?" Lupin enquired as they walked down the pathway to Hogsmeade.
-Nothing. But he's always got walnuts. You don't- something that could only be the sound of Rat laughing followed.
Severus 'Tch'ed sourly.
"You spoil him, you know," Remus said grimly as they walked out through the grounds. "Where are we going?"
"The local apothecary. They have an order for me."
"Ah. Of what, may I ask? Just some more potion ingredients?"
"It's nothing to do with you."
"Oh alright," Remus shrugged, feigning indifference. "If you say so."
"I do."
Whilst they walked down to Hogsmeade, they were silent. But it seemed to be more of a thoughtful silence on both sides rather than an awkward, sullen or downright nasty. Remus didn't realise until they reached the village, that he felt an odd sort of relaxed sensation whenever he was around Severus. Even when being chastised by him whilst chopping roots the wrong way or being cautioned for the twelfth time over the danger of splattering amythest dust. Being in Snape's trust seemed far more valuable than anything else, in a way. Making him relatively happy went along with that too.
It was odd how he could possibly enjoy being in the company of someone as apparently nasty as Snape. In a way, it was partly that which attracted Remus to him.
One inside the apothecary's, Snape left Remus to look around the small shop - which he had done recently before, so instead was just standing looking around interestedly - and went up to the counter. He exchanged a few words with the apothecary and waited patiently for his package to come back from the stores.
"There's nothing so particularly interesting," Snape mumured to Remus. "If you've been here once, you know what to expect the next time you come. Fascinating as the variety is, they don't add anything more."
The apothecary made his way, staggering slightly underneath the weight of the package. Cooly, Snape retrieved it and placed it within his shoulder bag. "Thank you," he said firmly.
They made their way out. It was only then that Remus realised that there were none of the usual groups of students that could be seen, out. Finally, it dawned on him that of course; they were still at lessons.
"Do you have any more lessons to teach today?" Remus asked as they ambled along.
"Mm. Last lesson, single."
Something in him made Lupin want to kiss Snape on the cheek. It was odd, when he was young, filled with pre-conceived ideas of beauty and the whole kaboodle, he was - even with his belief that Snape was gay - continually disdainful towards him. He couldn't help it. Though with Sirius, it was the fact that Snape always remained so haughty and cool and with James, it was how everything that came out of the boy's mouth was sarcasm, Remus only ever joined in their merciless onslaughts was because he found Snape.... almost as a destroyer of his own visions of beauty.
Now, however, older and having seen more of the world, he was slightly amazed to find that he did indeed find Snape attractive in the first place.
"Do you want me to help you sort that out?" Lupin asked, indicating towards the package.
"Tch." Snape sighed. "Yes, of course."
"'Of course'?"
Snape raised an eyebrow at him, maybe something like embarrassment in those fathomless eyes. "Don't you usually? I thought this would be one of those occasions."
"You needn't worry," Remus replied, a bit of a smile on his face as he looked straight ahead.
Snape gave him a look that spoke of immense dislike and distrust.
Remus laughed.
~
It wasn't potion ingredients as Remus first thought, that were wrapped up in the brown packaging. Instead, gleamingly new books, six of them, each thick, bound in shining, beaded dragon-hide with silver inlay, were taken from it. Remus heard Rat sniff.
-Big lizard skin- he remarked. -Really, you-
Just as Snape only ever called his rat Rat, Rat only ever referred to Snape as either 'you or 'him'. From what he understood of rats in general, it came as no real surprise to Remus; it was part of their nature.
Perhaps it was simply because they were alone in the dungeons with nothing else to pay attention to, other than each other, but it seemed to the werewolf that if he even stood near Snape, a strange sensation would fill him. He felt the increasing desire to look at Snape's face, more keenly and realised he was getting slightly jumpy whenever even the merest of touches passed between them.
"What's in these books?" Remus asked as the last had been taken from it's coverings.
"Some of my father's workings."
"*Your* fath--?"
Snape nodded.
"My older sister Eleni," he started, "along with my remaining grandparents, managed to persuade Jona's wife to give the books back to me."
"Jona?"
"My younger brother."
Oh yes, Remus found the image of the 'Last Family Photo' reappear in his mind. "Oh. So, why did she eventually let in?"
"Our dear Miriam is a stickler for tradition," Snape smirked rather unkindly. "The minute Eleni reminded her that as the elder son, *I* should be the one getting all the books, she handed them over. Without a moment's hesitation, it seems."
A few cogs in Remus' brain began to squeak. "Are you Jewish?"
Snape looked at him. Finally, he said, "Yes."
"I never knew."
"You never asked."
Remus leant forward, unaware of how close he was getting until Snape back off slightly. "May I?" The werewolf asked, reaching for a green volumn.
"O-of course..." Snape replied, a small tremor distinct in his voice.
Regarding him carefully, Remus flicked through the parchment pages as gently as possible. Now he could see that they were not new, but simply in very good condition.
The one he was flicking through was about Kappas, their habitats and customs. "I never knew a wizard could get so in-depth--"
"Before he married," Snape said slowly, "he travelled a lot. He still did for a bit afterwards, as well. He once brought me back a bag of fortune- telling bones and stones, used by the traditional healers in central Africa. Another time, there was a bracelet made from vampire's teeth... and an Ankh from the pyramids... My mother used to go with him, sometimes...."
**Wow**
Snape read the look on Remus' face correctly, but frowned and said, "it's nothing much. He didn't get the chance to study in schools, so he travelled a lot instead. I'm surprised he ever got married."
Lupin smiled. Whenever Snape spoke in long sentences, he still got slightly taken aback.
Eventually, the two left, not before having ordered some coffee and biscuits to be delivered to Snape's office. They arrived in the dark room, that although being dark, was rather warm and comfortable in a depressed, gothic sort of way.
They sat and began to read their separate books. The house-elf that came in was barely noticed by either of the men.
Remus found his tome fascinating: the depth which Samuel Snape went into when discussing Kappa culture, their language, their habitats, was amazing. He spoke of them as if they were his fellow humans, only from a more distant culture; Samuel had a way of comparing the two worlds with that of other creatures and each other, most intelligently. He was clear and concise, going into just the right amount of detail without making the reading too strenuous.
"May I take this?" Remus finally asked.
"Hm?" Snape got up with the tray and carried it over to the larger table. Remus got up as well.
"I asked if I could borrow this," he repeated.
"Oh... oh yes, of course you can. I can't read two at the same time."
There was little space between them now. Odd how these realisations would seem to continually dawn on him, Remus thought sardonically.
"Thanks."
Snape shrugged, looking up into Remus' eyes for the first time, with no judgement of anger. It sent shivers down Remus' spine. It quite literally took his breath away.
"Severus."
"Remus."
Lupin tried to subdue his grin. Awkwardly, he leaned forward and before he knew it, had planted his lips upon Snape's.
For a while, it seemed that Snape was too shocked to respond. "Mmf!" Finally issued from his mouth and he pushed Remus away. Now, he was shaking, but it didn't seem like fury. It was shock. Horror? Teeth clenched, Snape crossed his arms over his chest in the defensive stance Remus had seen so often. "Don't you ever...--"
"I'm sorry," Remus whispered. "Really, I-I'm sorry.... I didn't mean to..."
Snape merely gave hima penetrating gaze, still shaking, then looked away, turning his back.
Remus did likewise and walked out of the office.
~@~
Now, then. Did I do that bit okay?
