I'm beginning to hate writing this. Really. The words just won't come out... fuck it fuck it fuck it...

Chapter 24: Tranquilo

Remus - as silly as it seemed - didn't go down to breakfast the next morning. He felt slightly queasy, perhaps due to the fact that he hadn't been able to sleep the previous night. There was also the nagging sense that he simply couldn't go down and be at the same table as Severus.

He hadn't spoken to anyone all morning. In fact, he only got out of his room some time near eleven, having spent the past five hours sitting on his bed and reading.

When he did, Lira was the first to see him. She hurried towards him, face anxious - though she radiated a new sort of glow that the werewolf had to take as a good sign - and eyes full of questions. As she came closer, she slowed and finally stopped, nervously wringing her hands.

"Hello," he said finally.

"Morning," she breathed, still fidgety. "Remus are you--?"

"I'm fine," he replied, giving an odd sort of smile. "What about you?"

"Oh... much better... mainly due to Eleni..." She stopped and swallowed, her gaze down. "I almost thought that... that Severus might have been able to help but... no, he seems to try not to have anything to do with his family."

"Does that worry you?"

Lira gave a dry laugh. "No." She looked up and let her arms drop. "Gods... I'm sick of this... I'm sick of everything, Remus..."

"The war?"

"Not just that..." Lira looked up. "*Everything*... I have a husband who's..." Tears were forming in her eyes. "Oh God... he's not... it's just ... I hate this, Remus," she sniffed. "I hate everything... I-I don't know where I stand... I don't know why he even went to the Azkatral or whatever.. This whole... *thing* with fucking witches and wizards and bad wizards and Merlins and Links and shit... I don't know where I fit in... I'm just some.. some sort of a housewife with a huge, worthless bump on her stomach... It's like... like I'm going insane.. I'm walking down the Putney High street and I'm thinking... you know... there's a school for wizards in Scotland, I wonder how many of you went there... how many of you are fucking secret witches or whatever... It's all *unreal*!" She nearly screamed. The tears were now dribbling their way down her cheeks.

Instinctively, Remus hugged her and was surprised to feel her clutch at him. She kept on saying 'I hate this' into his shoulder. He stroked her hair.

"Severus says he doesn't want anything more to do with me," Remus said.

"Maybe he's in denial," she murmured, voice muffled.

"Yeah.... maybe he is..."

"It happens all the time!" She said, looking up again at Remus, something like a grin on her face despite the tears. She raised her voice slightly at the word 'time' and it sounded rather strained. This made them both giggle. "God... my voice is breaking!"

They both laughed wearily.

Remus only felt Rat's self on the periphery of his consciousness, which was how he knew that Snape had just walked past them, along the corridor that lay at horizontally to the one in which they were, after stopping for a few moments. The werewolf looked up, only in time to see the whirl of a black cloak. At first, he almost drew away from Lira, then thought against it. After all, the man had asked to be left alone.

Lira and Remus spent the rest of the day bitching about the Snapes. Even Severus, though not so much as Lira felt a little sorry for him and Remus would feel guilty.

"I don't *get* them," Lira said, mouth full of Belgian bun. They had taken a trip down to the kitchens and were now both carrying a basket each filled with cakes, pastries and fancy breads. "Its like... Eleni... hates them both, but she just hangs around Jona to be nice and she can't be assed with Severus... I almost feel sorry for Jona, but I still can't stand him."

"His wife is sweet, though," Remus had a hot-cross bun in a hand and took another bite.

"Oh, yeah... she's adorable... a bit annoying, but mainly sweet. God! Don't you just love the way Eleni treats her and Jona as if they're her pets!" Lira burst out laughing. "Poor Miriam... Jona deserves it thought... fucking cad," she viciously hurled the crust of her bun into the lake. They watched as the squid took it. "That is so cool," she said. "I want a squid like that."

"I'll buy you one for your birthday."

"You don't even know when that is!" Lira laughed.

"Who cares? I'll make up a date!"

After wolfing down another pastry, Lira said, "you know, I wonder if Sirius is getting jealous.."

"I hope Severus is," Remus replied without thinking. Lira looked at him sharply.

"It's that bad?" He nodded. "Wow. You really liked him," she said softly, looking down at the grass. "I know how that feels.... what exactly did he say?"

Remus sighed. "He wanted to be alone... He didn't want me near him for a while..." He breathed. "I know it's not that bad, but... it feels as if he wants nothing to do with me, period. It hurts."

"I know," she whispered, laying a hand on the werewolf's shoulder.

"I just wished that he would talk to me..." he began, almost surprised at the bitter edge to his voice. "There seemed to be so much on his mind... continually... and the wall that he would bring up between himself and anyone who got within a two mile radius of him."

Lira's eyes darkened. "I don't think that's his fault," she said quietly.

"I *know* but it was damned frustrating at the best of times," Remus muttered.

They were both silent.

"You know, it'll be Jona putting this Link in place." She started.

"Mm-Hm."

"And Eleni will be going with Severus for the one after that... and then the very last one, Sev will have to put away... smells like fun," she breathed.

Remus turned to her. "Why him?"

"Why not?"

Something about that felt very familiar. "That's not an answer," he said carefully.

"It's because he out of all of us is more familiar with the areas that he has to navigate. He is also more likely to escape capture alive, than any of the rest of us." Lira toyed with her wedding ring. "God, I'll be glad when this baby is born... I'll get to smoke!"

Remus laughed.

"Shall we get back inside?" He asked. She nodded.

~

Gods, when had he last done this? When he was fourteen or something? It was actually rather cringeworthy, to be honset. The trick was, just to not think about it.

Gods, the word itself just sounded so horrible and... eurgh.

*Masturbation*

So Remus simply didn't bother.

~

Miriam was fussing over Kela at the dinner table, Jona wasn't present. The children didn't seem to be too unhappy at the fact that their father wasn't present: the had probably been fed some sort of white lie to supplicate them.

Lucretia seemed to be discussing her favourite books with Professor McGonagall, who seemed rather animated and very pleased with the conversation.

With something rather similar to embarrassment, Remus realised that he needn't have worried himself so over having to be anywhere near Severus at the dinner table, because he wasn't present. He hadn't been present at lunch either, Lira had told him earlier, so maybe something was eating him up just as badly as it was Remus.

Martin was being unsually quiet and when the time came for the dessert, Remus found out why.

Using the trifle as an excuse, the boy walked round the table to seat himself next to the werewolf and began to eat his portion, seemingly casual. Then, after about five minutes, he turned to Remus and said, "he must be a vampyre if he's not eating anything."

"Doesn't mean he's a vampyre--"

-Hello-

Remus stopped suddenly. Martin gave him an enquiring sort of look. "Nothing," he smiled, shaking his head. "Yes, maybe you're right... he probably is a vampyre."

**Hello**

-So-

**I'm sorry. He now wants me to have nothing to do with him**

-I know. He went out to the Mountains today-

That startled Remus **They said there was a storm out there... is he okay?**

-He is fine. He is being very quiet. He wouldn't let me go with him. I think he wanted a while alone-

**No surprise**

-It is to be expected. It happens with us sometimes as well... at times, one of us will wish to be alone. It is best to leave them be if they do-

**I know, that's why I'm leaving him alone**

-Mmm-

**I wish he would tell me what was wrong instead of just shutting me out**

-In his own time-

**Which is just too damn slow**

-Still, that is how you will have to deal with it. In his own time-

Remus let the silence fill his brain, taking it as a sort of comfortableness. He could feel Rat's presence within his head and that was enough.

**I liked being close to him**

Rat ground his teeth mentally in a rat chuckle. -Don't we all?-

**What's so funny?**

-You make an odd pair, but it happens with us rats all the time, too. We get odd pairings everywhere-

**Thanks**

Martin was saying something. "I'm sorry?" Remus said. The boy sighed and rolled his eyes with all the authority of a boy his age.

"I *said*, how did you know he wasn't a vampyre in the first place? Have you checked his teeth?"

Remus began to laugh causing Miriam and Eleni to look up at him rather suddenly. "Yes, that's right. His are too short to belong to a vampyre. And he eats all the time. Just not tonight." The werewolf added.

"*Or* in the afternoon," Martin said, disgruntled, as he spooned some more trifle into his mouth. "Doesn't he want to see us?"

"Probably not," Remus shrugged.

"Why? He's our uncle! Uncles *always* want to meet us!" The boy stopped. "So do aunts come to think of it. Why isn't he married? Didn't Society let him?" Something about this made Remus smile even further: the youngest Snapes all seemed to speak of society almost as if it were a real, living person. "Mama says that Society is why Father and he don't talk with each other."

"Society can do that to you," Remus nodded in sage agreement.

"I don't want to be in it, then," Martin said finally.

"Good for you."

"I'll be a chef instead."

Remus decided not to say anything and continued to eat his trifle. With these children hanging around, it was going to be an interesting few weeks.

*

Well, that's sorted thank God. Turning points coming up, children.