Chapter Twenty-Two- Do I Have to Cry For You?

Don't want to close the door...
Simon tossed and turned in his bed. He hadn't been able to sleep when she was gone, and he hadn't been able to sleep since she came back. She was all he thought about every waking moment. Even though he tried to forget.

Don't want to give up on it...
The next morning Simon got up grumpily and went to breakfast. It was Monday and he had to go to school, although he knew that his parents would let him go to the hospital. But he couldn't, he wouldn't go there. He wanted to remember Jennifer as the beautiful, intelligent girl who walked into his life and stole his heart, not the girl with the horrible past and the agonizing pain. He loved her, didn't he?

Don't want to fight no more We'll find a way around it...
"Simon, are you coming or what? We're gonna be late for school!" Lucy's voice echoed through his head and interrupted his thoughts.

"Yeah, I'm coming. Let me grab my books from upstairs." He hurried up the steps and grabbed them off his desk when the picture caught his eye. He had tipped it over on his desk and broken the glass the night she disappeared. He picked it up, her face bringing tears to his eyes.

"Simon, we are leaving now!" Lucy's voice crept up the stairs to him.

"I'm coming." He said, hurrying down the steps and outside without a second glance.

Where's the love we had? We can make it last...
"Are you coming with us to visit Jennifer after school?" Ruthie asked, giving him an evil look.

"No Ruthie I'm not." He replied, staring blankly ahead.

"Simon why are you doing this to yourself, to her even! It must be torturing you inside to know that she thinks you hate her." Lucy said, quickly glancing at him.

"How could she think that! She knows how I feel, she has to know." He said, his anger and pain rising into his throat. They pulled up to Ruthie's school to drop her off.

"Well she doesn't, and she won't ever if you keep acting this way. If you want to lose her keep on doing what you're doing." Ruthie said, getting out and walking up the steps and into school.

Tell me what I gotta be

Tell me what you wanna do?

Cause I can't live my life

The way you want me to,

You know we can't go on, living like we do

Do I have to cry for you

Do I have to cry for you?

Simon felt completely helpless and alone. He couldn't tell anyone how he felt. No one will understand, I don't even understand he thought to himself. He knew he couldn't let this go forever. He had to see her, to make her understand.

So tell me what it's for...
All day Simon was in a daze, he wasn't sure he could do what he wanted. Just thinking of talking to her made him want to cry, to run and throw up. But he needed someone to understand, and she was the only one.

If there's no winner in it...
They rode in complete silence to the hospital that afternoon. Ruthie and Lucy were both in total shock of Simon's words as he entered the car, the only words he said to them the whole way. "I'm going."

Nobody's keeping score...
Simon waited as Lucy and Ruthie both went in, taking their time. Good job, he thought, give me more time to figure out what to say. But when they were ready to leave he still wasn't ready to go in, so he let them go home alone. He needed time, he needed fresh air. He took a walk.

Let's start from the beginning...
Simon found himself running to her. Taking the stairs for all 6 floors. He needed to get to her, before he chickened out. All he needed in his world was right through the door. He walked in.

Jen lay there, half asleep and she thought she was dreaming. She had known deep down Simon would come to visit, and there he was. So many words and thoughts rushed to her that she cried out, and he was instantly there, holding her hand.

Can we make it last? With the love we have...
"Don't say anything Jennifer. Please, let me explain this to you." He saw the tears escaping her eyes. "Oh, Jen please don't cry." He wiped the tears off her deeply bruised cheeks gently.

"At the prayer service I finally realized that I had no reason to be angry with you. You were only trying to protect me, and I see that now. I understand that you didn't want to feel like I loved you out of pity. But I don't, I just love you."

Tell me what I gotta be

Tell me what you wanna do?

Cause I can't live my life

The way you want me

You know we can't go on, living like we do

Do I have to cry for you

Do I have to cry for you?

"Oh Simon, I'm so sorry I..." He put his finger to her lips, shushing her.

Do I gotta stand in the cold dark night till the morning light, yeah
"Now now love, let me finish." He said, with a small smile on his face. "We are both young and many people would probably not understand this. But I love you more that life itself. Every day you were gone I waited for the sun. But even when it stopped raining, the day they found you, the cloud still followed me. I just didn't know if I could face you, now that I know your past. But you had the same past before! You're still the same wonderful, caring beautiful girl that I fell in love with! And now that I know more about you, I love you even more. Please don't think that I hate you, not even for a moment." He stopped, his own tears threatening.

Do I have to say "I won't let you get away"
"I love you too Simon. I never doubted your love because I knew you needed time to figure things out. I took that same time to think of when to tell you the truth, but I didn't get to wait until I was ready. I couldn't go without you knowing how much I loved you. It scares me to love this much. But I would rather be scared with you than be without you." She looked into his blue eyes, staring straight into his soul.

He took her face in his hands gently as he leaned in to kiss her. She didn't pull away, and he couldn't believe how good this actually felt.

What do I gotta be?

Tell me what wanna do?

I can't live my life, the way you want me to

You know I can't go on, living like we do?

Do I have to cry for you?

He broke the kiss when the loudspeaker told him that visiting hours were up. Simon looked straight into her beautiful eyes, and wished that he could take away the physical pain of it all as easily as he had taken some of the emotional.

Yeahh, yeeaaahhhh

You know I can't go on, living like we do
"I'll be here tomorrow, for the surgery. If you want me to be that is." Simon said, sitting up and taking her hand in his.

"Of course I want you here with me."

"There is no other place I'd rather be." He smiled and kissed her hand as he left.

Do I have to cry...for you?

*********************************************************************** This was my first attempt at adding a song, and I think it went well. This is Nick Carter's "Do I have to cry for you?" and I thought in a lot of deep ways it fit. This is by far my favorite chapter I've written, what do you guys think???? Review, Review, Review!!!