LOVE AND WEAPONS
-8 YEARS
Thanks be to Kim and to Ves for help with this chapter and the next few. They don't know it yet, but they really rescued this scene from the dark depths of writers-block hell. I had it half done and could NOT for the LIFE of me seem to finish it when we ended up role playing something similar in an RPG. It not only reinspired me, but it also gave an edge here that I don't believe I would have otherwise had. So thanks to them and... enjoy.
LEONARDO:
"You're shivering."
I sat down on the edge of the bed, where she was lying underneath the blankets. "I'm freezing," she admitted.
I placed a hand on her forehead. Her skin was hot to the touch. "You've got a fever."
"I know."
"You not feeling well?"
"I feel alright except I'm freezing. And I've got a headache."
I smiled at her spaghetti-strap top. I could see her shoulders at the top of the blanket. "You might want to put something warmer on," I suggested.
She smiled. "Kat keeps tryin' to tell me I shouldn't pile on the heat."
I grinned down at her. "Well, she's wrong. You should sweat it out. Not to mention you'll be more comfortable that way."
She nodded slightly. "I just wanna know why I have a fever in mid-spring," she mumbled. "It's not even cold and flu season."
I reached up hesitantly and brushed her hair away from her face. "There's such thing as summer colds," I reminded her.
"I know," she sighed. "I just hate that I didn't get a single cold this whole winter, and now I'm calling into work telling them I'm sick. You know they don't believe me."
I smiled down at her, but said nothing. After a moment, her hand poked out of the top of the blanket and her slender fingers circled my wrist. I felt her thumb slip beneath the band of fabric and rub gently at my pulse. The touch sent shivers down my spine. "Hey, Leo?"
"Yeah?"
"You wanna...?" She looked up and me and hesitated. "Um..."
She laughed nervously and I smiled. "Would it help if I said yes before you asked?" I offered, grinning.
"How can you say anything when you don't know what I want?"
I shrugged. "I can trust your judgement. I don't think you'd be asking me anything you know I'd be against."
She looked away for a moment, then back at me as I brushed her cheek with my thumb. "Do you wanna watch a movie?" she asked. "We can take the blankets out to the living room and curl up on the couch. Stay warm."
I smiled at the idea. "What about Kat?" I questioned.
She shook her head. "She's gone for the night. Won't be back until tomorrow afternoon. You could stay the whole night if you wanted to."
Her face flushed as the words escaped her mouth. "I mean, you don't have to or anything! That's not what I'm asking, I just..."
"I know," I interrupted, a faint smile forming on my lips. "S'okay."
She smiled back and slipped her fingers into my hand. "So did you say yes?" she asked quietly.
I nodded. "Yes."
MADONNA:
We settled for the floor rather than the couch. It gave us more room. He reclined on his back, as he usually did, and didn't move, for the most part, until the movie was over. I hung on to his arm, resting my head on his shoulder, and let the warmth from his body heat mine as we slowly sank, inch by inch, into the floor. By the end of the movie, we were lying down beneath the blankets.
He turned to his side and I backed away slightly to give him room. But he moved closer, pressing hard against me again, looking down on me. I tensed. After a long silence, he reached up, across my chest but not lingering there, and brushed a few locks of hair away from my eyes. "Can I ask you something, Madonna?" he whispered quietly.
"What?"
His fingers brushed my cheek, his thumb brushing over my lips lightly. "Do I intimidate you?"
I stared at him, not exactly sure how to answer that. It sounded almost like a challenge, but not quite. Did he want to intimidate me? Somehow, from him, I doubted that. But for him to ask me, I wasn't sure. "Why... do you ask?" I finally managed.
He studied me for a moment, his eyes running over my face and my hair. His hand trailed behind, touching lightly. "Because it seems like every time I get too close to you, you tense up."
Tensing up was exactly what I did at that point. He laughed quietly. "Yeah, kinda like that." He cupped his palm under my chin and held me still as he nuzzled his face in my hair. "Mmm..." I tried to look at him, but without success. "Your hair smells nice."
I managed a slight smile. "Thank you," I whispered.
He slipped his other arm beneath my head and rested his own head on his shoulder, pulling his top arm back to his side. There was a moment of silence and I dared a quick look at him. He smiled. "You know I'd never do anything to hurt you, right?" he asked. "And I'd never do anything to you that you didn't ask me to."
I considered that for a moment. "So then... if I wanted you to put your arm around me, I'd have to ask?"
He smiled. "Or I would."
"What do you mean?"
He leaned down and nuzzled his face in my hair again. "Can I hold you?" he whispered in my ear.
A smile crept across my face. I felt my muscles relax. As strange as I had thought that would sound, him asking permission to touch me, he didn't make it seem at all awkward. In fact, it was almost romantic. At least, for what I knew of romance. "Yes," I answered him.
His hand slipped around my waist and pulled me close to him. A part of me wished he would explore further, but I knew he wouldn't. That wasn't like him. And I knew that was a major part of the reason why I felt safe around him. No one else had ever made me feel this way. Once I got past the initial panic reflexes of being pressed in on, I realized how sheltered I was, and how good that felt.
"What are you thinking?"
I jerked back to reality and stared up at him. "Nothing," I answered quickly.
He laughed. "You know, you don't have to lie to me," he informed. "You could just tell me you don't want to talk about it and leave it at that."
I smiled faintly. "Would you leave it at that?" I pressed.
He nodded. "Sure. If you wanted me to."
I laughed and raised a hand to the side of his face. "You know something, Leonardo?"
"Hmm?"
"You amaze me."
He grinned. "I'll take that as a compliment."
I nodded to him slightly. "It is."
There was a moment of relaxed silence, then I leaned up and kissed his cheek briefly. I saw him flush as I pulled away and quickly turned my back to him. I wasn't trying to embarrass him. His hand moved away from my waist, but I caught it and guided it back into place as I pressed back against his plastron. "Just stay still," I whispered. "You're nice and warm."
He hesitated for a moment, then hugged me tighter. I closed my eyes and relaxed in his arms.
LEONARDO:
I awoke with bright sunlight in my eyes and immediately knew something was wrong. There was not supposed to be sunlight in my room. I opened my eyes and blinked a few times at the blinding light, and slowly realized I was not alone. Madonna was half lying on top of me, her head and arms resting on my chest. Most of her body was facing away from me, her legs curled up close to her. She was probably seeking warmth, although she didn't feel like she had nearly the fever she'd had last night.
She moaned slightly and nuzzled her face into her arms, snuggling closer to me as she did. I smiled. Her long, blonde hair was over her shoulders and neck like a blanket, the rest of her body covered by the down comforter. She was warm, and having her near me felt good. But I had a feeling it was late; they'd probably already realized I wasn't at home. I was going to be in deep trouble if I stayed away much longer. I was pretty sure I'd already missed morning practice.
Of course, missing practice didn't seem like such a big deal with Splinter gone. Not that he wasn't there, but he'd spent so much time meditating recently, locked in his room, that it sometimes felt like he wasn't. Still, I knew my responsibilities, even if he wasn't there to enforce them. And that meant I had to get home.
I reached around Madonna and brushed her hair off her shoulders, letting the cool air touch her warm skin. She moaned and snuggled deeper into the blankets, and nearer to me. "Madonna..."
She sat up slightly and blinked a few times, then moved to my side, turning her body toward me. She unburied herself from the mass of hair that had fallen over her face, then lay down again. She nuzzled against my shoulder and her palm came to rest on the center of my plastron. I placed a hand on her arm and listened as she breathed deep a few times, then came awake. "Good morning," I whispered.
"Morning," she slurred back.
"Sleep well?"
"Mmm hmm." She raised her head and our eyes met briefly. "Did you?"
I shrugged. "Yeah. I sleep pretty light when I'm not at home but... all things considering."
She smiled and lay back down again. Her fingers traced my belt and the strap that came up to my shoulder. "You didn't even take your weapons off, Leo," she observed.
"I didn't want to wake you."
"You should have. That can't be comfortable."
"It's not," I agreed.
She looked up at me again. "You can take them off now," she suggested.
I shook my head. "No, right now I have to go. Before my brothers start to worry about me."
She frowned, her eyes showing a hint of disappointment, but she forced it aside. "When will I see you again?"
I smiled. "Soon," I promised.
"Can you stay for just a few minutes?"
"What for?"
She buried her face in my neck. "Just until I wake up."
"You are awake," I laughed.
"My eyes are open; that doesn't mean I'm awake."
I grinned and rubbed gently at her shoulder. "Okay. Ten minutes."
"Thank you."
The majority of those minutes were spent in silence. She didn't move except to breathe. Finally, as I was considering pulling away, she spoke. "Leonardo?"
I paused for a moment before answering her. "Yeah?"
I looked down and saw her staring past me at the wall. Her fingers moved lightly over the grooves in my plastron, but she wasn't really watching them. "Do you realize we've only known each other for five months?"
I considered that for a moment. "No, I didn't realize," I finally answered. "But why do you say it like that?"
"Like what?"
"Only five months."
She rubbed her cheek against my arm. "Because it feels like I've known you for so much longer than that," she sighed. "I really feel... safe around you. And that's something I don't usually feel around people."
I pondered that quietly for a few minutes, my fingers brushing lightly back and forth over her bare shoulder, avoiding the thin strap. "Can I ask you something?" she finally asked.
"Yeah, sure."
She hesitated for a moment. "Is there anything you... want from me?"
I was taken slightly aback by that question. Why would she ask something like that? I hoped it wasn't because she felt she wasn't giving enough to our relationship. I considered my answer carefully before I spoke. "Your friendship," I finally told her. "And your trust."
"That's all?" she asked, pulling away to look at me.
I nodded. "I wouldn't ask for anything I didn't think you could give me."
She smiled faintly. "Why not let me decide what I can give you? You just tell me what you want."
Again, I had no idea what she was getting at. I fumbled for a moment to find something to offer her. "Okay," I replied hesitantly. "As part of that... I want you not to flinch every time I touch you. Just trust me that I won't do anything to hurt you."
I stared at her for a moment, hoping I'd given her the answer she wanted. But her expression was unreadable. She moved up to face me and rested a hand on my cheek. I could feel her breath on my face as our eyes locked and stayed that way for a long time. For the first time, I felt an overpowering urge to kiss her. She was so close, and so beautiful. I wanted nothing more...
But I couldn't.
Suddenly, I came face to face with the simple fact that I had been trying so hard to deny. I was in love with her. More than she knew. More that I knew. Definately more than I was prepared to tell her. I knew it would only frighten her. But at that moment, with my emotions raging inside of me, I knew I couldn't lie to myself any longer. I loved her. I loved everything about her. And I'd never been so content as I was right now, with her lying in my arms. I didn't want to leave this place. I didn't ever want to have to let her go.
She leaned down and my breath caught. Her lips brushed my cheek lightly and she pulled back again. My body reacted instantly and I forced it into submission. I wondered if she knew just how badly she was teasing me and realized that there was no way she could. I was sure she wasn't meaning to. I knew that what I was feeling was foreign to her. I could not hope for her to ever feel the same thing. She deserved so much more. We weren't even the same species, as painful as that was to accept.
I swallowed hard and forced my emotions aside. "I should go," I choked.
She forced a tight smile and nodded. "You should."
She backed off and I sat up. The blast of cooler air didn't help to ease the burning inside of me. "I'll be back," I promised as I pulled myself to my feet. "As soon as I can."
She nodded, pulling the blankets up tightly around her chin. "Be careful, Leo."
"I will."
I gave one last look at her, then hurried toward the balcony.
I glanced up from the couch as Michaelangelo walked in. He was dripping sweat, but headed for the kitchen before the bathroom. "Konbanwa," I greeted quietly. "You've been running?"
He nodded as he pulled the refridgerator open and grabbed a can of soda. "Yup." He cracked it open and glanced back at me. "Where's everyone hidin'?"
"Donatello is at April's," I answered quietly. "Splinter's in his room. I don't think Raph came home last night, but if he did he's in his room."
Mike chuckled quietly as he eyed the can. "I heard him come in this morning," he informed. "He's probably hung over." He downed the entire can all at once, and I cringed at the thought of how unhealthy that was. After running, he should be drinking water, not caffeinated, carbonated sugar water. He crushed it in his fist as it was drained and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "I'll wake his ass up in a few minutes."
I looked away. "Be my guest," I mumbled. "I'm trying to avoid him at the moment."
Mike leaned against the doorway, crushed can in hand. "I've noticed. What's been goin' on between you two? I mean, besides the usual."
"He's seriously beginning to piss me off," I answered with as little emotion as I could manage.
A laugh answered me. "When does he not?"
I couldn't keep the corner of my mouth from twitching up. "You've got a point, Mike, as much as I hate to admit it."
He grinned back at me. "You know you love him."
"Sometimes," I admitted.
He laughed and tossed the empty can into the trash. I stared down at the frayed threads of the couch. Behind me, I could feel a presence. It wasn't Raphael, so that meant it had to be Master Splinter. I hadn't seen much of him lately. He'd been locked up in his room, in deep meditation. At least, that was what I assumed he was doing. It had happened before, and it was sure to happen again. I didn't let it worry me when he disappeared for days at a time. He wanted his personal space, and he was entitled to it.
I turned and glanced over the back of the couch. It took me about a second and a half to drink in his appearance. He looked like hell. His eyes were sunken and the life in them was dulled. A tired, vacant expression masked his face. I was on my feet in an instant. "Sensei!"
I almost jumped over the back of the couch before I remembered that he wouldn't like that. He leaned on the wall as I darted around it instead, bracing himself. He looked as if his legs were about to collapse out from underneath him. Mike reached him first and slipped under his arm, supporting his weight. I moved to his other side. "Master..." I stammered. "What... happened?"
He exhaled a long breath. It was raspy and audible. "I... must speak with you," he whispered. "All of you." I saw Mike's eyes widen as Splinter sucked in another labored breath. "Where are your brothers?"
"Donatello is at April's," I answered. "Raphael may be in his rom."
Splinter swooned, unsteady on his feet, and leaned into me, letting us take his full weight. There was hardly anything to support. He was weightless. How long had it been since he'd eaten? Fears and regrets raced through my mind at an incredible pace. Why hadn't I checked on him? Why hadn't I thought to make sure he was eating and doing okay? Personal space was one thing, but I had been downright neglectful...
He lowered onto the couch, managing a few more audible breaths, and leaned his head back, eyes closing as if the walk had tired him. "I'll get Raphael," I informed, forgetting my earlier resolution to leave him be.
I bolted down the hallway and knocked rapidly on the door. There was no answer from inside. Damn it... he could be anywhere if not here! I knocked again and tried the handle. The knob was locked in place, but he hadn't quite pulled it shut all the way. I poked my head into the dark, cluttered room, and took in the scene. Headphones, grocery bags full of god-knows-what, bottles and cans, an open Hustler magazine on the bed... but no Raphael. "Damn it!"
I closed the door behind me and headed back to the living room. Mike was seated beside Splinter, his eyes locked in place on our sensei. "Raph isn't in his room," I shot. "That means he's up top. I'm going to run up to April's and get Don back here. Then I'll work on finding Raphael."
"Why don't you just call?" Mike asked quietly. He glanced up briefly. "Or I can. Just go get Raph, I'll take care of Donny."
My eyes flickered to Master Splinter. His breathing had become shallow, and he was still. He could have been sleeping, but I knew he wasn't. He was likely well aware of the world around him. I nodded quickly. "Okay."
RAPHAEL:
I looked up as I saw a new and unfamiliar figure enter the bar. Oh, shit... What the fuck does he want?
I looked down at the drink in front of me. My thinking was fuzzy, and I knew I wasn't going to be able to hold a coherent conversation with him. I hoped he wasn't here to start a fight. But then, why else would he show up in a bar? I knew he sure as hell wasn't here to drink.
I saw his eyes move over the tables, searching me out. I kept my head bowed, saying nothing. He was gonna find me whether I wanted him to or not, so there was no point in hiding. It would only prolong the inevitable.
He almost sprinted to the table when his eyes found me. "Raph!"
I tensed and glanced around, hoping he wasn't drawing attention to us. This wasn't my usual bar, and they didn't know me here. I didn't want to have to explain how it was that I was a turtle. My eyes narrowed as he slammed his hands down on the table and leaned forward. "What the fuck are you doin' here?" I slurred. The words sounded as if they were ringing through a long, dark tunnel.
"You need to come home," he gasped. He sounded out of breath. What, had he run here?
"Go away, Leo," I sighed.
"I'm serious!" he cried. "There's something wrong with Splinter."
Those words didn't make much sense. "So go deal with it," I mumbled. "Fuckin' perfect son, go sing to him or some shit and make him feel better. What the fuck do I care?"
I could feel his anger mount. "Raph, this is serious. You need to..."
His hand rested on my shoulder. Bad move. I shoved him back, a little more forcefully than I'd meant to, and he tripped over his own two feet, nearly crashing into the table behind him. I smirked, then looked away again, lifting my drink and throwing more burning alcohol down my throat. I didn't really want this to get physical. I knew I was drunk, and Leo could kick my ass. But that didn't mean I was going to come along quietly and let him drag me off somewhere I didn't want to go.
He stared at me blankly for a moment, seemingly shocked. The world around us was oblivious to the tension that was starting to build. I motioned to the waitress. I needed another drink. Leo's hands came down on the scratched surface of the table once again. I glanced up, disinterested, and saw his eyes blaze in anger. "Splinter. Is. Sick," he growled. "And you are coming with me whether you like it or not."
I shot him a challenging look. "Fuck you, Leo," I laughed at him. "I'll go back when I'm damn good and ready."
The waitress smiled as she returned and squeezed around Leonardo to set the drink in front of me. I glanced up at her, not enough to reveal my face. "Thanks, babe."
I don't know why, but that pushed him over the edge. He swept his hand across the table, knocking the drink aside. It splashed over onto his hand, then crashed to the floor, shattering glass in a million pieces. The waitress shrieked in surprise as she jumped back. I blinked, shocked by his nerve. I couldn't believe he'd actually done that!
I was out of my chair in a flash, suddenly oblivious to the world around us. I didn't care who was here or what they saw. "What the fuck is your problem!" I shouted at him.
A few heads turned. I didn't care. Apparently, he didn't either. He grabbed my shoulders and slammed me back against the wall. I was too shocked to respond. "This goddamn attitude problem of yours is gonna stop right now," he snarled. "Splinter is sick and he wants to see you. And if I have to knock you out and drag you down to the lair then goddammit, I'll do it!"
Finally, I snapped out of my trance. I brought my arms up in front of me, between his, and forced them apart, knocking his hands aside. He had no choice but to let me go and I kicked forward, sending him flying a few feet back. My head swam as I watched him crash into one of the tables. The occupants jumped up and stumbled a few steps back. The jacket he was wearing had opened more than enough for them to see that he was not human. The woman screamed.
He was on his feet in a flash. Fuck it. They'd already seen enough. There was no reason to hide. I whipped the jacket open and tossed the hat on the table, then crossed my arms in front of me, reaching for my weapons. I braced as he ran at me. He feigned a punch to the left, which I caught, then immediately struck to my right. He hit my shoulder, and grabbed on. With my reflexes already majorly dulled by the alcohol, I had no time to react as he grabbed my other shoulder, dropped back to brace on his strong leg, and threw me a good fifteen feet toward the side door.
We'd attracted the attention of most of the club by this time. I was rushed by several of the bouncers as I made it to my feet. I growled dangerously and lowered my head in a warning, crossing my weapons in front of me. They didn't heed that warning. They went for my arms. I could've killed them easily. Instead, I merely turned roughly, throwing them slightly off balance, and spun my weapons, jabbing the bladed points into their hips. There was a cry, and one of them stumbled back. The other was playing tough-guy. I jerked out of his grasp and side kicked at him, sending him flying back. That was the end of the bouncers.
Leo was on top of me again. He was armed this time, and there was blood on his weapons. I considered that for a brief moment. How unlike Leonardo was that? To attack civilians, regardless of the circumstances... I pushed the thought and raised my sais blocking his downward strike. His other weapon came to my side and I blocked that one, too. But I was too preoccupied to block when he sheathed his right sword and spun into a right roundhouse kick. I fell, not more than a few feet from the door.
I rolled back to a crouching position and braced on my hands. I snarled at him, my teeth baring in a raw, animalistic threat. I saw more men behind him, rushing to get involved. He didn't seem to acknowledge them. Instead, he raced at me. I dropped onto my back, caught him with my legs, and threw him upside down through the door. There was enough force to bust it open and I scrambled after him into the alley.
I knocked over the trash can, throwing it in front of the door to slow down the followers, and chased him. He was on the move, to get away from the civilians. How considerate of him. I didn't really give a shit who got in my way at this point. I followed up the fire escape faster than I'd ever climbed before and flipped onto the roof, spinning immediately into a roundhouse kick that he easily avoided.
He had both weapons in hand again and he struck at me. I blocked to one side, but couldn't turn fast enough to avoid his other blow. I felt pain as his blade sliced across my upper arm. Suddenly, I was dizzy. The loss of blood probably had less to do with it than the pain and the alcohol combination. I retreated to give myself a chance to recover, but he didn't let me get far.
He struck down, and I caught his blade between the prongs of my sai, using my good arm. But my other arm was weak. I could barely raise it, let alone handle the force of his blow. My strength caved and he knocked the weapon out of my hand easily. Before I knew what had happened, I was bent back over the ledge with his katana at my throat. He growled at me, his eyes narrowed into slits. "Drop it!" he snarled.
I let my remaining weapon fall from my grip. It clattered noisily to the rooftop. His gaze didn't waver. "You have a choice Raphael," he hissed at me. I didn't think I'd ever heard that tone come from him before in my life. "You can come with me, or you can go to hell right now. Literally."
"Whaddaya gonna do, Leo?" I challenged. "Kill me?"
"If you refuse to come with me, you're saying that you're no longer a part of this family," he growled. "And if that's the case, there's no reason for me to keep you alive. Because to tell you the truth, I hate you. I hate what you do and who you've become and I hate the pain you've put my father through and I'm not gonna let you do it any more, you got that? If you can turn your back on your sensei when he needs you, then the world is better off without scum like you in it."
Regardless of the fact that I was smashed, I knew he was dead serious. And as much as I hated to back down, at that moment, I knew he would kill me. This time I'd pushed him too far, and he'd won the fight. I had a choice to either submit to his leadership or die. As appealing as death sounded, in comparison to the alternative, I knew it wasn't really an option. If I was gonna die, it sure as hell wasn't gonna be by his hand.
"Fine," I hissed at him. "I'll go with you. But you can't make me stay, Leo. Not unless you wanna take me on in your dear sensei's presence."
He stepped back, grabbed the top of my plastron, and hurled me toward the fire escape, using his sword to point at it. "Move!" he growled. "Now!"
SPLINTER:
I allowed my eyes to slide closed as I reclined on my own bed. Michaelangelo and Donatello stepped back, but did not leave. I had not expected nor wanted them to. I was strangely comforted by the presence of my sons. For several weeks, I had wanted only to be alone. It was only my concern for them that had prompted me to make any appearance before my death. To leave without giving them final reassurance of my happiness, and provide them with what little advice I could on the future, would be a traumatic blow to them, and I was well aware of that.
Michaelangelo knelt beside the bed, resting his head on the blanket. His eyes were moist, and trained on me. It was a forced calm that he was exercising. Donatello had moved nearer to the door in anticipation of his brothers' return, but he did not speak. He watched silently, his expression unreadable. I could guess very little of what he might be feeling at this moment. Perhaps the walls had already been built around his emotions. Or else it was possible that he had no feeling as of yet.
My ears perked as the front door opened. It remained open long enough for both Leonardo and Raphael to enter, and I breathed a sigh of relief. In part, I had not expected Raphael to come. But I wanted to speak to him. There were things he needed to hear, to be used years from now if not in this present time.
I heard a quiet sob from beside me and Michaelangelo hid his face in the blanket, turning away from me. I reached toward him, placing my hand lightly over his. He did not respond, his face still turned away from me. A knock on the door interrupted any thoughts I had of speaking to him. I looked up slowly as it cracked open. "Sensei?" Leonardo slipped inside the room. "I found him. We're all here."
Raphael stepped into the room beside him. I could smell blood, and I saw it a moment later, running from a deep cut at the top of Raphael's arm. Neither of them seemed to acknowledge the wound, and as I could guess how it had been accquired, I chose not to speak of it. Michaelangelo looked up and I saw him tense as he pulled back slightly. Droplets of blood began to drip from Raphael's fingers onto my floor. I forced myself to look away. This was not the time for questioning.
Leonardo stepped forward and dropped to one knee beside the bed. It was not the bowed and broken stance that Michaelangelo had assumed beside him. That fact alone spoke a great deal for his strength. He was making every attempt at masking the emotions that were naked in his eyes. He wanted to be strong, as was his place. I prayed silently that he would be strong through this.
I breathed. That act alone took effort now, and I had to make a conscious decision to complete it. I remained silent for a moment as I paced my breathing, regulating it back to normal. Then I opened my eyes and ran my gaze over each of them. "I will not be with you... much longer."
The words were a blow. Leonardo shook slightly where he knelt, fear flashing across his features, but he said nothing. Michaelangelo's hand moved out from under mine and rested on top of it, squeezing gently. Silent tears pooled in his eyes. Donatello's eyes slid closed. He clutched his arms across his chest and bowed his head low, not speaking. From Raphael, I felt nothing. He stared straight ahead at me, his face expressionless. From even this distance, I could feel the ice gripping his emotions.
I coughed slightly, feeling the fluid in my lungs. I knew what was happening to my body. I knew that I had waited too long to speak of it. The time now was short, and there was so much that needed to be said. With such little time, I wished only that they could know how satisfied I was with my life. If the only thing that I had ever accomplished was evident in the four of them, I was more than content with that. My legacy would live on through them, and I was more than proud of each one of my sons.
Raphael alone concerned me. I took comfort only in the fact that perhaps I saw more of him than he did. I was not hesitant to assume that I knew him better than he knew himself. This time in his life would pass, and I knew that. And when it did, I hoped that he would realize that even in his darkest hour, I had known what he would become. And for that, I was proud of him. Unfortunately, all of this I knew would never be spoken, for I was sure he would never allow it. But I hoped that he could know, somehow, and find peace in himself.
I exhaled and my eyes closed. For a moment, I remained perfectly still, gathering my strength for the words I had to say. "I want you all to know..." I paused for a moment and opened my eyes. They came to rest on Leonardo, as he happened to be the first of my sons that I saw. "... that I am proud of you. And that..."
My words were brought to an abrupt halt as I coughed again, my eyes sliding closed. My breath came in short gasps for a moment, ignoring my desire to continue speaking. Pain shot through my lungs and I cringed, then forced it aside. "It's okay, Sensei," Michaelangelo whispered. "Just relax."
"We're not leaving," Leonardo added quietly. "Take your time."
I took in the words and concentrated for a moment on the air entering and exiting my lungs. I coughed again, forcing fluid from my lungs, then relaxed against the pillows, tired. The four of them watched me, their eyes reflecting worry and concern. Even Raphael's eyes betrayed him. But as I looked to him, he pulled back, masking his emotions once again. His eyes remained locked on mine, filled with nothingness.
"In this time," I started quietly, "and from now on... I place a responsibility on all of you..." I was forced to pause for a few breaths. "... to help each other. To draw from the strength that the four of you possess together, rather than drawing solely on your own power."
My eyes drifted to Donatello, then to Michaelangelo. "Divided, you will fall. I promise you that. You must help each other."
Leonardo reached out, resting his hand on my arm. "Please Sensei," he begged, his voice not even loud enough to be labled a whisper. He didn't continue, trying hard to remain emotionless.
Beside him, Michaelangelo's eyes darted frantically to Raphael, then to Donatello. Stray tears slipped down his cheeks and dripped from his jaw. He bit his lip as he looked back to me, his brow furrowed as he tried his best to remain calm. I sighed as deeply as I could manage and my eyes slid closed. I turned my head away slightly. There was a great deal more that I wanted to say, but after the exhausting walk to the living room and then back here, I could not manage the words.
The silence continued, eerie as it blanketed the room. Raphael remained as still as Leonardo beside me, his eyes empty and cold. Donatello was leaning now against the wall, silent tears streaming down his face. "Sensei?"
I breathed in and turned my eyes to Leonardo, opening them slightly. He stared at me for a moment, then bowed his head low. "Just... hang on, Sensei," he pleaded. "We'll get through this. It's not..." His voice trailed off as he swallowed hard, and raised his eyes to mine again. "It can't be too late."
I managed a weak smile and for just a moment, felt life and love wash over me. "I am not afraid to die, Leonardo..."
My words likely went unheard, as he was already on his feet. He stumbled to the door and pushed it open. I did not have to ask where he was going. I was quite sure I could guess. Raphael stepped aside, glaring briefly at him as he pushed past. I sighed, resolving to allow Leonardo to do whatever it was he thought he could do. I knew that it would not change anything.
LEONARDO:
Medical supplies. Everything I could grab from Donatello's cabinet was dropped at the side of the bed a moment later. I stared at the pile for a moment, unable to make my mind work right. I looked up toward Donny and saw him staring at me in a mix of shock and confusion. "Don, help me!" I ordered.
Splinter's hand came to rest on my shoulder and I froze in place. His hand was ice cold, and felt so fragile. So unlike him...
He plays through the motions slowly with me, our blows feigned and without force. If he should decide he wants to hurt me, he'd be more than able. I'm pretty sure, at four years old, that I have not even seen a fraction of what he was capable of. Suddenly, he breaks away from the practiced, rehearsed movements. I freeze, not sure what to do as I feel his strong grip clasp my upper arm and hold me tightly. "If I grab your arm," he explains, "what are you to do?"
I blink up at him. He's not supposed to do that. It isn't part of the exercise. "How would you escape such a hold?"
I shake my head, confused. There is no way I could break free of his grip. He is a lot stronger than I am...
"Leonardo..."
I swallowed hard. I didn't want to look at him. I didn't want to see the weakened, hurting shadow of what he used to be. I took a breath and forced my eyes up slowly, meeting my master's gaze. He stared at me for a long moment, saying nothing. I felt his spirit brush mine as he fed strength through the steady connection. But somehow, even though I wanted to, I couldn't accept it. Instead, I felt the first spark of anger begin to build inside of me.
"You can't leave us!" I told him. "I won't let you!"
I jerked away from him, turning to rummage through the pile on the floor. I wasn't sure what I was looking for. I could barely make out the items as I rummaged through them, tears blocking my vision. Bandages, wraps, antibacterial sprays, some IV materials, a handful of pill bottles, a thermometer. I couldn't see how they would be any use whatsoever. I heard him sigh, then cough, and pangs of emotion shot through me.
I stumbled to my feet and tripped toward the door. Blankets. You kept sick people warm. Splinter needed blankets. I ran through the lair and returned a moment later with every spare blanket I could find piled high in my arms. I pushed past Donatello and Raphael, and dumped the pile by the bed. I took the topmost one and draped it gently over my father. Mike moved back, out of the way, and sniffled, brushing his eyes with the back of his hand.
"Sensei...?"
I turned as Don spoke and saw him step forward slightly, away from the wall. He bowed, keeping his eyes down for a moment before looking back up at Master Splinter. Behind me, Michaelangelo whimpered slightly. The bed shifted a little as he buried his face again. "Yes, Donatello?" Splinter replied quietly.
Donny swallowed hard and hesitated for a long moment before finally speaking. "Do you... want.. us...?" He stopped, and I stared at him. I had an idea what he might be asking, and I wasn't sure I wanted to know the answer. "... to help you?"
Fear shot through me as my head snapped back around to Master Splinter. Please...
Splinter watched him intently for a moment and a weak smile crossed his face. An eerie silence washed over the room. "I want you all to know... that I am at peace."
My heart stopped. I stared, too shocked to speak. Nothing moved. No one breathed. He didn't want help. He didn't want us to do anything. Only to know. To listen. To be aware. To hear his last words. Oh god...
The silence continued for what seemed like an hour. None of us dared to interrupt it. Finally, Raphael was the first to speak. "Well, that's just great," he mumbled under his breath.
My head whipped around, instant rage flooding through me. Who the hell did he think he was! He glared at me in challenge and Splinter's cough was the only thing that made me look away. Anger gave way to concern, and I heard my heart beat in my ears again as I considered the words spoken just moments before. Such simple words... and they changed my life instantly.
I managed a breath in, and discovered I was shaking my head. Beside me, Michaelangelo was doing the same. "Please... Sensei..." His pained voice only made the cut in my soul deeper.
I clenched my teeth. He couldn't do this. He couldn't say this. He couldn't give up. I wouldn't let him give up. I wouldn't let him leave us here alone. We needed him. We needed to help pull him through this. Without him, I wasn't sure how I would survive. Determined resolve guided my hands as I reached for a second blanket. "No." I pulled it up over Splinter, tucking it in just as gently as the first. "You're going to be okay."
Splinter turned his head to the side, not fighting against me. My insides turned to ice as he looked away. He, too, held a resolve. One that warned he would not resist me. No matter what I did, it would change nothing without his will, and I knew that. He was really, truly serious. He was ready to leave us. But I wasn't ready to let him go.
I felt as if I were about to collapse. "Just stop it, Leo," Raphael said coldly. "The old man wants to die. So let him."
I heard the words, but they didn't make much sense. I looked up toward Donatello. "Donny, help me with this," I pleaded. "I don't..."
"Let him die, Leo!" Raphael yelled at me.
I moved before I even knew my brain had given the command, and pinned my brother against the wall, slamming his back hard against it. Any other time I might have put him through the wall, but my thoughts were far too blurred to exercise any real strength. "What did you say?" I growled at him.
His eyes narrowed, and his voice came out as a hissed threat. "Let. Him. Die!"
I drew my fist back, fully prepared to beat the shit out of him. "Stop!" The voice was much weaker than it had been in the past, but it still held a definate air of authority. "Stop now or leave!"
I froze, the anger draining as the voice cut through its icy grip around me. I let Raphael go, the fury draining into the pool of emotions that was steadily rising, adding to the confusion. Raph continued to glare at me, even as I stepped back. He followed me and leaned in close, his eyes blazing. "You do whatever the hell you want, Leo," he hissed, too quiet for anyone else to hear. "But if he's planning to die today, I ain't gonna fuckin' watch, a'ight?"
He shoved me back and spun toward the door. It slammed against the wall as he threw it open, then swung closed again on sheer momentum. I stood still, watching him go in shock and anger.
