Chapter Eleven: Hopelessness

Sora sat. His eyes stayed up at the sky of the fallen Zanarkand, tears running down his now pale cheeks. His ribs ached, his hand bleed, and his shirt was torn. But, no matter all the pain he had suffered – he felt none of it. His eyes laid hazed with knowledge of that a youngling his age couldn't posses, and clouded with the dark fog of sadness and guilt. He sat on his legs, hands limply at his sides, the Keyblade shinning at the warm rays of the sun. But he didn't feel it. His soul lay shaken, cold, and hurt blooming in his chest and consuming his whole being. He began shaking physically, their screams echoed in his head over and over……more tears fell. He felt like a shell, feeling nothing but hurt. He winced at the loud screams in his head….he let them down. Everyone.

Everyone…..

Sora's back stiffened. He thought of Destiny Island. The tall palm trees, Tidus, Wakka, and Selphie all playing in the sand. Their echoes of laughter were over run by the screams of his fallen friends…..everyone. He didn't remove his eyes from the sky. He thought of Kairi. Her azure eyes, auburn hair. He wanted to have seen her well….and alive. To see her grow up and be happy, since she did not have a past before the island. Sora felt himself fall back, and only a few moments after did he realize that he was on his back on the broken tattered ground. He felt tears run like a waterfall, but he didn't even heed their saltiness. Sora finally turned his gaze to the Keyblade.

Everyone….

He brought up his weak hand and clutched the handle. He wondered what life would be like in Spira now….that everyone was gone. One by one….taken into the darkness. He held the Keyblade in his hand and pointed it up at the sky. It began to cloud, but Sora didn't notice. Pain raked him, it shook him, it consumed him. He thought of Kairi again…..he wanted to hold her. He let her down. He promised to find her…..that nothing would stop him…..he lied. He lied. Sora cried out in agony as he felt another knife of pain and failure cut into his heart. His cry carried out through the ruins of Zanarkand.

Everyone…..

He gasped for breath, and soon he was able to recover some what from the newest knife. He shook, he quaked. Sora's eyes went back to the tip of the Keyblade. All he had to do was strike himself……and then he'd join the grave yard he lay in. He heard their screams, mixed with those from Zanarkand's ones. Why had he been plagued with these memories? Memories, ghosts, phantoms, visions…..all clouding and mixing into those beloved memories of Destiny Island. He let out another cry of sorrow out, it echoed like laughter. He let out another cry as tears ran down his face. He wanted Kairi to hold him, to keep him safe….but that wouldn't happen. Sora was a failure, and he knew it.

Everyone….

Sora let out a rasping cry, his throat sore. He tried to control his fast breathing, but found it hard. He shut his eyes, knifes driving deeper and deeper into the heart of his soul. He wanted to be dead…..he wanted to be consumed by darkness….Sora wanted out. Sora let out a weak cry and opened his eyes at the darkened sky. He would never stop crying, never stop regretting. He looked at his steady hand holding the Keyblade. He then his arm fall to his side limply and felt the metal crush his hand. Sora winced and looked up at the sky again, tears running down his face, remembering.

Sora had opened his eyes after falling. There was a whole in the ceiling, he supposed he was underground. He felt weight on top of him, and found that Rikku was on top of him. He blinked the haziness from his eyes, although it remained. He sighed. "Rikku, can you….uh…get off?"

"Uh…" Rikku groaned. She shook her head, and looked down at Sora. "Oh! I'm so sorry Sora, I…"

"It's alright, just get off!" Sora smiled.

Rikku pulled herself up from Sora and looked around. She found that only Donald and Goofy were there, and Donald was looking around frantically. "Where are the others?"

"I don't know!" Donald quacked. "I woke, and they were gone."

"Like the wind! Here one minute, gone the next." Goofy stated, and Donald rolled his eyes.

Sora stood up, and looked around…things were going back from normal to what they had been long time ago. He swayed, and forced himself to focus on the now, not the past as Lulu had guided. He turned to his friends. "Where should we go?"

"That way!" Rikku and Donald said, pointing to opposite directions. The two looked at each other and fumed, and Sora sighed. He looked around again, and saw a light coming down from the left tunnel. Sora began walking towards it.

There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Sora thought as he continued on. Goofy fell into step with him, leaving the Duck and Al Bhed girl to quarrel. Sora sighed.

"Sora, are you sure you're alright?" Goofy asked. "I know that ya've been saying your fine and all, but I don't think you are."

"I'm not." Sora answered truthfully. "My mind is jumping everywhere……Ruined Zanarkand keeps fading into the Old Zanarkand, and that keeps fading into Destiny Island. I can't separate them anymore, Goofy. What am I going to do?"

"How'da know to go down this tunnel?"

"I don't know….I just had the feeling."

"Exactly!" Goofy said. "You outta trust your feelings right now Sora, not your head! That's what I'm always told!"

Sora let out a small laugh. "I think that is because they are afraid of what would happen if you did use your head." Goofy laughed to. Sora stopped and turned. "Where are Rikku and Donald?"

"I thought they were right behind us…." Goofy said. He pulled out his sword, and Sora unleashed the Keyblade. They ran back to where they had came, finding Donald and Rikku in a fight with Heartless. Rikku punched one in the face, and then kicked another, using brute force to attack. Donald coasted his spells. Sora brought back the Keyblade, in order to summon Leviathan. Yet a Heartless jumped at him, and Goofy destroyed it. Sora ran over, smacking Heartless away as he fought for his friends. He found that he was beginning to loose the hold on his mind….Ruined Zanarkand was becoming Old Zanarkand, and the heartless were fading. He began to completely miss his targets, being thrown against a wall.

Sora shook his head, trying to clear the memories. He found that he was unable to, and stood as if in a trance. He saw people walk past him, all talking about such as if they didn't see him. In the distance he heard screams, and calling his name. Sora fought to find them, pushing through all the memories of Yevon-Ju, and Belleve. He found himself again. Sora ran forward, striking at Heartless again. He heard a scream to his left and whirled to find Rikku sliding down a wall, bleeding. A Heartless was cowering over her, and Sora struck it away. He bent down to the pale Al Bhed girl's face. Her eyes held terror, but she did not move. He bit his lower lip. Her heart had been taken. Sora turned and found Donald being pinned by a Heartless. Sora whipped it away and it came back. The Heartless over threw both Goofy and Donald, and began to melt back into the floor, taking Sora's friends with them.

Sora looked around, eyes widened in fright. He dropped the Keyblade and fell to his knees. He had lost his friends again….not all of them, but some of his most important ones. He gulped his tears back, and clutched the Keyblade again. He stood and ran back down the hall at full pace. He entered the light, and found that he was in a ruined market place. Dust picked up and was blown with the wind, and it moved through his hair.  He continued on slowly, not sure if a Heartless would jump out at him. He heard fighting and turned the corner, seeing Tidus and Wakka and Lulu strike at a mob of Heartless.

Tidus turned and motioned Sora over. Sora ran up. Tidus sliced down another Heartless, and another. Sora tried to call upon Leviathan, but nothing happened. He frantically fought along side Tidus, watching as Wakka tried to protect Lulu.

I never thought of Wakka and Lulu together….you'd always think that Wakka and Rikku would be better off. Sora thought as he watched, while fighting the Heartless. He ran over, but was tackled. He fought against it, kicking the Heartless off, punching them off, one after another. He watched in horror as Lulu was finally struck down. Wakka let out a wail of anger and attacked the Heartless foolishly. Sora and Tidus gasped as Wakka was thrown against a wall and did not move.

Tidus pushed Sora back. "GO Sora, find Yuna…." He looked at his childhood friend sadly, tears gathering in his eyes. "And….please, tell her that …I'm sorry." He turned back. "And that I love her…." He brought back his sword and began striking the Heartless. "Sora! Go! Hurry, I can't keep them off for long…" he struck at them again and again.

Sora turned quickly and fled. Part of him couldn't believe he was leaving a friend to the Heartless….to them! He shook his head and tripped, falling face forward. He turned and found Tidus on the ground not moving.  He stood up, and summoned Simba. The Mighty Lion, along with Sora's White Magic, had the Heartless retreat. Sora fell to his knees and let the Keyblade slump from his hands, and he looked up at the sky…..

Sora still lay there in the same spot he had saw Tidus die. He didn't want to move, he didn't want to live. He left all his friends to die…..die a horrible death, to be let down. He wasn't some Hero that you could find in a children's book. He was like those hero's that lost the will to fight, a tried warrior, a retried soldier. He picked the Keyblade up again, and pointed it at himself. He still felt the knives cutting him, deeper….

Deeper…

Sora nodded, tears running down his face. This was better than anything.

Deeper.

Sora gulped and closed his eyes. He felt the metal of the tip of the Keyblade touch his chest, and he felt it get hotter with the spell of Fire. He opened his eyes and looked at the sky. "Bang." He said softly and fell back on to his back, not moving.