CHAPTER ELEVEN

CLINGING TO HATE

PRESENT

KATARINA:

The phone rang twice before it was picked up. "What!"

I blinked at the irritated tone. "Geez, baby, I call at a bad time?"

He growled slightly. "No, I just..." I heard a voice in the background call something. It sounded like Leo. "Hang on a minute," Raphael snarled. He pulled the phone away from his mouth as he yelled. "I said I don't fucking care what you do, Leo! Do whatever the hell you want!"

A door slammed. I heard the bed creak loudly as he flopped down on it, growling again. "Sorry," he mumbled.

I smiled as I gripped the steering wheel with one hand, the phone with the other. "Sounds like your day's been about as good as mine," I chuckled.

"Did she get her fucking paycheck?" he demanded.

I glanced at the figure sleeping in the passenger seat. "Yeah, she got it. Although I still don't understand why they couldn't mail her the damn thing. Or how she ended up in Manhattan if she works in another state. She's not offering much in the way of explanation there."

"She with you now?" he asked. "Where are you?"

"I'm in the car. She's asleep."

"That sounds..." He was cut off by a knock at the door. I cringed. "Goddammit, Leo!"

The phone was dropped on the bed. I couldn't hear anything. A moment later, he picked it up again and sighed heavily. "What's he want, anyway?"

"That wasn't him," he mumbled under his breath. "Was Amy. She's tryin' to clean up the living room."

I smiled. "You apologize for cussing her out?"

"I didn't cuss her out," he justified.

"Well you weren't exactly nice..."

He laughed cynically. "Am I ever exactly nice?"

I grinned as I watched the road in front of me. "Sometimes."

"Well, I'll have to work on that," he mumbled. "Don't wanna ruin my otherwise perfect asshole image."

I chuckled quietly. "Oh, come on," I teased. "Don't be so hard on yourself."

"Yeah, whatever," he growled, bringing the conversation to an abrupt halt.

I sighed as I watched the cars in front of me change lanes. "Hey Raphael?"

"What?"

"You want me to put you in a better mood when I get home?"

He was silent for a moment. "How do you intend to do that?" he demanded.

I smiled. "Go take a hot shower," I directed quietly, "turn out the lights, lay down and relax. I'll be home in about a half hour."

"Yeah, and then what?" he prodded.

I laughed at him. "You want me to tease you or you want me to drive?"

"Well I don't want you to get in an accident," he told me.

Right. I continued to smile at the road. "I'll warm some oil," I invited. "Rub you down. You sound pretty tense right now."

"Yeah?"

"And when I'm through we can make love as long as you want," I added. "How's that sound?"

He sighed deeply. "I could go for that."

"Good," I grinned. "I'll see you in a few minutes. Go shower."

"Alright."

"I love you."

"Love you too."

I hung up the phone and glanced at the seat next to me. I cringed as I saw that she was no longer asleep. How long had she been listening to me? I had a feeling I was about to find out.

"That's so disgusting."

I turned and glared at the road, eyes narrowing as my foot pressed down harder on the gas pedal. She'd been listening long enough to form her own opinions on matters that didn't concern her. "Wait 'til I go home and suck his dick, Mel," I shot at her. "What're you gonna think about that?"

She made a face and I saw it out of the corner of my eye. "You're so vulgar, you know that Kiara?" She turned and looked out the window. "That's disgusting on any level, but especially with something that's not even human."

"'Least I know he won't be fuckin' anyone else when I get through with him," I snarled back at her.

She laughed slightly. "You're so sure of yourself. And this from the girl who spent her entire teenage life terrified of being hurt in a relationship."

I growled low. "You don't know me, Mel," I snarled. "You never did. Keep that in mind when you try to psychoanalyze me."

She chuckled, but didn't dare answer. I felt hatred burn inside of me.

RAPHAEL:

I looked up as the bedroom door swung open. The angered look on her face was really all I needed to guess what had happened. "You okay?" I asked, setting the magazine down in my lap.

"God, I hate that bitch!"

I watched as she paced to the other side of the bedroom and kicked off her shoes. "You need a drink," I informed her.

"No, I don't need a fucking drink," she shot back, ripping her arms out of the jacket. I watched her silently, leaning against the headboard of the queen sized bed. "I need a fucking hole in my head if she's gonna be here much longer."

I smiled faintly. Her back was turned to me so she couldn't see it. Funny. Now she was the one in need of massage therapy. But I knew better than to suggest it. It would remind her of her own words to me over the phone. And she didn't need to worry about that at the moment. "Would you settle for a movie?" I suggested instead.

She spun around and shot me a dirty look and I hid the smile quickly. Not a good idea to let her catch me smiling right now. She walked to the foot of the bed and swept my sais off of the blankets. I knew she hated having them on the bed, though I wasn't sure why. I hadn't expected her to be back yet, though. She'd gotten here in half the time she said she would. I'd just barely gotten out of the shower.

"Hey hey, put down the weapons," I joked.

She glared at me as she tossed them onto the chair. The loud echo rang off the walls of the bedroom and caused me to cringe instinctively at the sound. "Don't fuck with me right now, Raph," she warned.

She spun and sat on the edge of the mattress, hiding her face in her hands. For a moment, it was silent. "Are you okay?" I finally asked, as sincerely as I could.

"No, I'm not okay," she shot back. "I'm pissed. I'm pissed that she's using us, I'm pissed that none of you see it, I'm pissed because she feels she has the right to talk about shit that's none of her business, and I'm pissed because I can't figure out what the hell she's doing here!" She spun and stared at me, her eyes blazing, but didn't give me a chance to speak. "I mean, did my father send her, like he sent me? Is he really trying to kill her? There's so many possibilities, it's not even funny."

I was quiet for a moment. I wasn't entirely sure what she wanted me to say. "Want me to make you feel better?" I offered.

She stood up, her hair whipping back over her shoulder. "Christ, don't you take anything seriously!" she cried.

"Not unless I have to," I answered with a grin.

She paced around the room, then sat down at the foot of the bed again, her hands over her face. I sighed. She really was frustrated. I let my mood go and adopted hers. "What'd she say?"

"I don't wanna talk about it."

I nodded, but didn't speak. She didn't say anything for a long time. "Kat?" I finally asked.

She didn't answer.

"Baby? Hey. Come'ere."

She sighed and hung her head between her shoulders. "You know, actually, a drink sounds good."

I watched he as she got up and walked out of the room, closing the door behind her. She returned a minute and a half later with a longneck bottle. "Now will you relax?" I pleaded.

She sighed as she walked over and set the bottle on the nightstand. She sat down next to me and breathed deep. I went back to the magazine for a moment. "Anything I can do?" I asked halfheartedly. I already knew the answer to that.

"Get her the hell out of here."

"Easier said than done," I mumbled.

She sighed as she scooted closer to me and nudged my arm. I closed the article and put my arm around her shoulders. She was much more interesting to me than the magazine was at this point. Giving her my undivided attention took very little effort.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"For what?"

She slipped her arm around my waist and didn't answer for a long time. "I know it's not your fault. I just... You need to get her out of here, Raph. You need to do something or else I will."

"What're you gonna do?" I asked.

"I'll kill her if I have to."

The words were said quite seriously. I sighed. "Kat, don't talk like that."

"You don't know her, Raphael," she whispered. "You don't know what she's capable of and I don't really want to think about it.

"Maybe you're overreacting," I suggested. I didn't realize my words until they'd already escaped my mouth. That was not something to say to Katarina. Luckily, she didn't blow up at me.

"Raph, I know her. I grew up with this girl. Trust me on this one."

"But maybe she's changed."

She pulled away slightly. "Raphael, how might things have been different if Leo and I had believed you about Sasha?"

My gaze was immediately cut downward. I didn't answer.

"I'm not saying that to throw it in your face, Raph," she assured me.

"I know," I answered truthfully. She was just repeating my own words from my earlier conversation with Leo, though with a little more finesse.

"I'm just saying... I see something that you guys don't see. And I need you to trust me on this."

I pulled her to me again and kissed her hair. "I trust you," I whispered. "Believe me, I trust you. But there's not necessarily anything I can do about it."

She was quiet for a moment, then she pulled away slightly. I looked down and our eyes met. "So did you take a shower?" she questioned, smiling slightly.

I nodded. "Yup."

She pulled away and rested her hand on my shoulder, then swung her leg over mine, straddling me. I slipped my arms around her waist, underneath her shirt, and held the sides of her ribcage. "You're still tense," she whispered as she rubbed at my shoulders.

I ran my fingers along her muscles. "Yeah, so are you."

Our lips met and brushed lightly as she nuzzled against me. "Maybe we can help each other relax," she breathed against my mouth.

I leaned into her slightly and closed my lips over hers, moaning slightly in agreement. I felt my body heat surge as we kissed deeply, our tongues moving over each other slowly and methodically.

DONATELLO:

"What're you watching?"

Amy's voice interrupted the scene on the TV. Mike, Salome, and I glanced up as she stepped into the room. She was in her robe, her hair damp and a cherry or strawberry popsicle in her hand. She smiled wickedly at me as she brought it to her lips and drew it deeply into her mouth, taking almost the entire thing into her throat. I felt my shaft harden slightly and press up against my shell.

"Science fiction movie," I answered, somewhat distracted by her blatent seduction. "It's not that great."

"Yes it is!" Salome protested. "I like this movie!"

Mike chuckled and wrapped an arm around Salome's shoulders, pulling her into a sideways hug. "It's not scientifically accurate is what he means," he clarified.

Amy smiled as she approached, her long hair pulled over her shoulder and draped down over her right side. I pried my eyes off of her and glanced at my brother. "I just can't get into movies that don't make sense."

"This movie makes sense until the very end, Donny, you know that," he smirked at me.

"So you've seen it before?"

Mike nodded, glancing back at the screen. "I still haven't seen the sequel, though. It's been out forever, but I just keep forgetting about it when I go to the movie store."

Amy stopped behind me and massaged gently at my shoulders with one hand. "What's it called?" she questioned. "More importantly, what's it rated?"

"It's rated R," I answered. "But we're editing it. We've both seen it so we know when all the bad parts are coming up." I grinned up at her and she shot me a pathetic look, but continued her massage. I tilted my head slightly, guiding her hand to the right spot.

"Mama, can I have a popsicle?" Salome asked.

"After dinner you can, Sal," Amy promised.

Salome turned to Mike, the unofficial "dinner-provider" of the family. "What're we having for dinner?" she asked him.

He glanced away from the TV and toward the little girl. "I dunno, I was kinda thinkin' of just going up and getting something. Chinese maybe?"

Salome jumped up, clapping her hands. "Yeah! Yeah!"

"Don't you wanna watch the rest of the movie first?" he laughed. Amy's other hand came to rest on my other shoulder and her fingers slid down, beneath the top of my plastron, her thumbs running up the back of my neck and pressing hard. My eyes slid closed involuntarily as I relaxed.

Salome was quiet for a minute. "Mmm... can we watch it when we come back?" she asked.

Mike considered that for a moment. He'd already been talking about food, so I knew he was hungry too. But I wasn't sure if he was hungry enough to give up the movie for the time bring. "I guess so," he relented after a long pause.

"Yay!" Salome cried. I opened my eyes again and saw her tugging on Mike's wrist. "Will you put me up on your shoulders again?" she asked.

"Maybe for a little bit," he agreed. "You're kinda big for that. I think I'd fall over dead if I tried to carry you the whole way." He grinned at her. "You wouldn't want that, now would you?"

She shook her head violently and he twisted his arm out of her grasp. "Okay, go find your shoes," he ordered.

She spun and disappeared into her room. I smirked as Mike turned back to the TV and immediately became engrossed again. "Not in a big hurry, are you?" I grinned.

"It'll take her twenty minutes to find her shoes," he mumbled, distracted. "And I like this part."

Amy's hands lifted from my shoulders and I glanced up at her. "Thanks."

She pulled the half-eaten popsicle from her mouth and held it a few inches from her lips, then slipped around the couch. She rested her hand on my shoulder as she sat down on my lap and offered me a brief kiss. I licked my lips as she pulled away and discovered that the popsicle was cherry. Mike glanced up briefly, then went back to the movie.

I slipped my arms around her waist in a modest yet intimate gesture. "Y'okay?" I asked quietly.

She smiled, answering my question, and kissed me again, not so briefly this time. I blushed slightly as I felt my brother's eyes on me, but didn't pull away. He chuckled, then turned back to the TV screen. For a moment, Amy had my undivided attention.

Her kiss was deep, hungry. She raised her hands to the side of my face and I could smell the popsicle she held balanced between her fingers, as well as taste it on her tongue. She probed deeply, sending a familiar rush of emotions through me, then pulled away slowly and licked my lips lightly. I smiled at her. "Wow," I whispered. "What was that for?"

She giggled quietly. "To prepare you," she teased, rubbing against me seductively.

I felt my emotions jump start. Her hand brought the popsicle to her mouth again and she licked all the way around it, then offered it to me, her eyes dancing. I circled my tongue around it, watching her as her fingers trailed down the center of my plastron, fingering the ridges gently.

I felt another presence enter the room and pulled away, concerned that it might be Salome. We hadn't really gotten into just how strong Mama and Donny's friendship was, although we knew that sooner or later, we were going to have to. I had a feeling she already kinda knew. She was a smart kid, and she'd caught a glimpse of a few lingering kisses. She hadn't asked about it yet, though. And Amy was content to wait until she did.

This time, it wasn't Salome. Leo and Mel walked out of the dojo, both of them glancing around the room. Amy relaxed against me, her head on my shoulder and her face turned into my neck. Leonardo and I exchanged glances and he smiled faintly. "Hey, it's almost seven o'clock," he announced. "Do we have an idea on what we're doing for dinner yet?"

"Salome and I were just going up to get it," Mike informed. "Y'all are welcome to come."

"Y'all?" Mel grinned, twisting her voice in a thick southern accent. "Got that southern twang thing goin' now?"

Michaelangelo flashed her a smile. "Yous guys work better fa you?" he asked, adopting a totally different accent.

She giggled. Leo looked around the room. "Where's Salome at right now?"

"Looking for her shoes," Mike mumbled, glancing back at the TV. "They're on the steps by the entrance if you're ready to go."

Leo smiled and shook his head slightly. "Salome! Your shoes are out here!"

She darted from her room and back into the living room. "Where?" she asked eagerly.

"By the entrance," Leonardo pointed.

She darted to the steps and found them immediately. I watched as she plopped down on the floor and struggled to put them on as fast as she could. That kid had more energy than I ever remembered having. Mike groaned and stretched, then pulled himself to his feet. "Ugh!" he mumbled. "I'm gettin' old."

Amy laughed and pulled away slightly to look at him. "Yeah, you're gettin' fat and lazy, aren't you, Mikey?" she prodded.

Michaelangelo tilted his head back slightly, sticking his nose in the air with that same "Mikey pout" he'd been using since he was three. "Hey, I don't have to go get you dinner," he teased.

Salome darted back into the room and grabbed his wrist. "Come on, Mikey, let's go!" she prodded.

"Okay, okay!" he laughed, allowing her to pull him across the room. He turned back to Leo and Mel as he walked. "You guys comin'?"

"Right behind you," Leo called back.

Mike pulled out of Salome's grasp and raced her up the steps, disappearing. "Hey! No fair! You got a head start!"

Leo turned to me and Amy. "You guys need anything while we're out?"

Amy nuzzled against my cheek, speaking in a whisper far too quiet for anyone but me to hear. "Whipped cream might be nice..."

I blushed and shook my head at Leo. "Thanks, no, we're fine."

He smirked and I knew my face must be as red as it felt. "Frozen strawberries..." Amy continued in my ear. "I hear they have his edible underwear now..."

I swallowed hard, watching as Leo turned to glance at Raph and Kat's door. "Don't suppose I should even try and ask the two of them," he mumbled, more to himself than to me. He glanced to Melanie. "Ready?"

"Yeah."

Amy pressed her lips to my neck and kissed hard before parting them and sucking gently. I felt myself harden again as Leo finally headed for the door. Amy gave them a few seconds to leave, then slipped her arms around my neck, moaning slightly as she kissed and nipped at my skin.

"Frozen strawberries?" I questioned. "What're those for?"

She giggled quietly, kissing upward to my cheek. "Get me some and I'll show you," she teased.

"Careful," I warned, smiling. "I might take you up on that."

I heard her moan quietly and her tongue ran over my cheek, down to my lips and over them. "Go right ahead," she dared me.

We kissed deeply and I slipped my hand into her long robe, feeling my way up bare skin on her thigh. I reached her hip and felt nothing. My interest was immediately piqued. "What do you have on under this?" I whispered as she pulled away slowly.

She smiled seductively at me. "Wanna see?"

KATARINA:

I lay still, curled in Raphael's arms, listening to the quiet become overwhelmed by the sounds of life as everyone returned and sat down to dinner. I closed my eyes on the sounds and waited for the silence to sweep through the lair again. I was hungry, but I didn't want to face people right now. I was tired, yet I couldn't sleep. So I just lay still, nuzzling closer to the warm body beside me.

He sighed deeply in his sleep and his arm slipped around my waist. The way his fingers ran over the small of my back alerted me that he was not sleeping very deeply. I remained still, not wanting to wake him. I didn't really want to talk right now. Not even to him.

Her words still haunted me. That's so disgusting... Yeah. Disgusting. Somehow, it seemed more disgusting to me to sleep with a married man who was twice your age and had no love for you. But still, the words of rejection burned deep inside of me, sparking anger and hatred, stirring memories I hated to recall. So many words I wished now that I could take back...

Even after all these years, the memory of Madonna lingered in my mind, like incense long after it had been burned clung to the walls of an empty room where nothing existed. My regret, at times, consumed my thoughts. What could have been different, in her life and in Leo's, if she'd stood up to me, told me I was wrong? What might have happened if I'd never come against her in the first place? If I'd supported her completely, instead of continuously reminding her that she was only living a fantasy and it could never be her real life. How ironic that I was the one lying in Raphael's arms, while she was buried in a grave many miles from here.

She'd loved him, and she should've been with him. I knew that now, but I had no concept of love at the time. The painful truth of that realization haunted me. I pulled away from Raphael and turned onto my back, staring up at the dark ceiling. Still asleep, he heaved a sigh, and his hand retracted as he turned to his other side with his back to me. I was silent for a moment, my hands folded neatly on top of the blanket pulled up underneath my arms. Why was I thinking of Madonna? She was long gone, dead and buried and there was nothing I could do about it. Moreover, the regret would eat me alive and I knew it.

I sighed deeply and closed my eyes for a moment, my mind drifting to that time of my life. So much happened. So many things changed. In so little time, I was transformed from the daughter of my father to the lover of his enemy. I glanced to the sleeping figure behind me. I didn't regret it. Not for a moment did I regret my choice to be with him.

"You are a disgrace to me."

"That was the idea."

The sharpened katana gleams as it catches the moonlight... "Take her to the gate. I don't wish to spill blood on my porch."

My hands unclasped and I ran my fingers along the scar across my chest. Even after all these years, it had never faded. I hoped it never did. Lee had asked me once, when I was living with him on the other side of the country, where I had gotten such a scar. I wasn't sure what I'd told him, but I knew it wasn't the truth. This scar... was a secret. One that I guarded well. My strength, and my weakness, all at once.

I loved Raphael, and his brothers, and I'd give my life for their safety. That would never change, never fade. Even in the years that I was away I'd loved him. Even when it hurt. No power on heaven or earth could shake that. I would stare death in the face and profess my love for him.

"{You have no remorse?}"

I can taste blood and dust as I catch myself on my hands and knees. Instantly, my head snaps up. I will not cower before him. Hatred mingles with a strange sense of satisfaction and burns like fire in my veins. "{I would do it again.}"

And at the same time, this scar was the greatest reminder to me of my past, of who I was. No one knew. To the world, I was a normal civilian. No one I had ever worked with or gone to school with could possibly know that I was caught in the middle of an decades-old war betwen two clans. This was more than a family fued. I had committed treason in Shredder's eyes. That he had never come looking for me was amazing in and of itself. I had fully expected, when I left Raphael, that I was signing my own death warrant. Here, I was safe. But out there, alone, I was an open target to his entire clan.

I'd been accepted into this clan, this family, and I didn't doubt that acceptance. If they ever thought of me as Shredder's daughter it was only because they couldn't deny that that was who I was. They knew that. Raphael knew more of my escapades as Kiara than I'd ever planned for him to. It didn't frighten me. I trusted them. And Raphael most of all. If I could give him a window into my life before I knew him, I would've offered it. I knew it would never be used against me.

And all these years I had spent my life in that comfort. Most people didn't know who I was, that my father had been called the Anti-Christ by more than one religious sect who looked upon the damage he did to a fragile society. Those who did know were trustworthy, and I doubted that they saw me in that light when they looked at me. And then there was Melanie.

I sighed deeply and sat up, tossing the blanket aside. I wasn't sure where I was going but I sure as hell wasn't sleeping. I slipped on my jeans and my T-shirt from earlier that day and pulled the door open slowly. I wasn't really surprised to find that everyone had gone to bed. Everyone except for the couple on the couch, which I was warned about by the hushed tones and quiet giggling coming from that area. A movie was playing, but they obviously weren't watching it. It had to be Donny and Amy. And as they sounded like they were making out, I didn't want to make my presence known.

I kept a safe distance as I headed toward the door. "No, I'll get it..." I kept my head down as someone got up from the couch. "You just relax."

I stopped cold as I recognized the voice. It sure as hell wasn't Amy. I turned slowly and dared a quick look at the sofa. I froze.

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