Day Twelve

Jeff comes to camp early the next morning.

Jeff: I've got good news! We want to reward you for coming so far. So we've put together a little surprise for you! Follow me!

The survivors follow Jeff to the back of the pyramid. There's a curtain hanging up so the survivors won't see what's behind it.

Jeff: Your surprise is right behind this curtain. We've let your families come and visit!

All: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Rick: Wait a minute. I grew up in an orphanage. I don't have any family besides Evy!

Jeff: Rick, we have a special surprise for you. We brought a nun from your orphanage, Sister Mary Kathryn! *

Rick: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

Jeff pulls back the curtain, revealing 2 old women, a nun, and 3 teenage girls.

Jeff: Lock-nah, we brought your mother, (points to one old lady) and Imhotep, we resurrected your mother (points to other old lady). And Evy, here are 3 of your cousins! (points to the three girls).

Evy: Oh, no.

Lock-nah and Imhotep look really embarrassed.

The nun walks over to Rick.

Nun: Hello, Richard. How have you been?

Rick: I've told you a million times sister, the name is Rick!

Nun: You should be proud of your name, Richard.

Rick: God dammit, it's Rick!

The nun produces a metal ruler and hits Rick on the head.

Nun: Don't swear Richard!

Rick: Oooowww! Dammit! That hurt so damn bad!

The nun hits him 2 more times.

Rick: God dammit!

The nun smacks him with the ruler again.

Nun: Don't take the Lord's name in vain, Richard!

Rick: IT'S RICK!

Meanwhile, Evy is talking with her 3 cousins, Rebecca**, Amy, and Rosaline.

Rebecca: So, where's your adorable little boy?

Evy bursts into tears.

Evy: Oh, my poor little boy!

Amy: Uhhhh. Evy? You ok?

Evy: WAAAH!

Rosaline: Guess not. Rick?

Rick runs over from the nun, who is preaching about the 10 commandments and hitting Rick with the ruler.

Rick: Yeah?

Rebecca: Where's Alex?

Amy: We asked Evy, but she seems to be in a state of distress.

Evy: WAAAAH!

Rick: Uhhh. I think he fell down a hole. Lemme check on that. (turns to Evy) Evy? Where's Alex?

Evy: WAAAH!

Rick: Yeah, he fell down a hole.

The cousins sidle up to Rick, fluttering their eyelashes.

Rebecca: Oh, you must be so sad!

Rosaline: We are soooo sorry! We didn't know!

Amy: Is there anything we can do to make you feel better? (winks)

Rick: (looks bewildered) Uhhh. A bourbon might be nice.

The cousins look frustrated.

Meanwhile, Imhotep is being lectured by his newly resurrected mother.

Imhotep's mom: What have I told you about unwrapping yourself in public, young man?

Imhotep: But mooooom! I'm 3,000 years old! Stop treating me like a child!

Imhotep's mom: Grown man or not, you are still my son. Now, what was that business 3,000 years ago with that painted Anck-sunamun hoochie?

Imhotep: Mooom! She's not a hoochie, she's my girlfriend! How come whenever I start dating someone, you take an instant dislike to them?

Imhotep's mom: I don't want to see you get hurt. Remember how that Nefertiri girl broke your heart?

Imhotep: Mooom, I am sooo over her. That's why I hooked up with Anck- sunamun.

Imhotep's mom: That's what got you cursed in the first place! We never had any trouble like this from your brother Nominhotep!

Imhotep: Mooom! Nominhotep was a lowly scribe who lived at home until he was 50!

Imhotep's mom: Well, we never had any girl trouble with him!

Imhotep: Mooom, that's because he never had a date in his life!

Imhotep's mom: Oh, we shouldn't fight like this! (holds open her arms) C'mon Immy, give your old, resurrected mama a hug!

Imhotep: But mooom-

Imhotep's mom: C'mon.

Imhotep: Mom, I-

Imhotep's mom: NOW! I got resurrected just to come see your sorry ass, now GIVE YOUR MOTHER A HUG!

Imhotep: ALL RIGHT!

Meanwhile, Lock-nah and his mother are having a decent conversation.

Lock-nah's mom: So, how have you been, my son?

Lock-nah: Pretty good, mother.

Lock-nah's mom: Come now and give your mother a hug.

Lock-nah: Yes, mother.

They hug. Lock-nah's mom retreats from the hug with a strange look on her face.

Lock-nah's mom: Lock-nah, is that a knife I see hanging from your belt?

Lock-nah: It's a swor-

Lock-nah's mom: IS IT?

Lock-nah: Yes.

Lock-nah's mom: What have I told you about playing with sharp objects?

Lock-nah: But mother, it's part of my job!

Lock-nah's mom: I don't care! You can kill yourself with one of those things! And what's this I hear about you kidnapping that poor innocent little boy?

Lock-nah: He called me gay!

Lock-nah's mom: I saw the movie, and he did no such thing!

Lock-nah: He suggested that I would look upon him while he was urinating!

Lock-nah's mom: Awwww, Lock-nah. I'm sure he didn't mean it. Besides, I know you're secretly in love with that Evelyn O'Connell character.

Lock-nah: But mom, you've already arranged my marriage!

Meanwhile, Rick has managed to control Evy's hysteria. Her cousins are off in a corner, pointing at Rick and giggling. Sister Mary Kathryn begins to walk over to Rick and Evy, ruler in hand.

Rick: Oh, crap, here comes the Penguin- I mean, hello sister.

Nun: Richard, I demand that you introduce me to this young woman immediately.

Rick Dammit, it's Rick! (nun smacks him) Ow! All right! This is my wife, Evelyn.

Evy: (Sniffling) How do you do?

Nun: Pleasure to meet you Evelyn. (checks watch) Oh dear! Please excuse me, but it's 11:00 and I must go pray!

Rick: (sarcastically) We'll miss you.

The nun gives him a few more smacks and leaves.

Jeff walks up.

Jeff: Even though you're having a great time with your families-

Evy: Yeah, right.

Rosaline: I'm having a GREAT time! (looks at Rick)

Jeff: It's time to begin the next reward challenge. You will each start at the bottom of the pyramid. The first one to climb to the top wins a night away from camp at a luxurious patch of nice, soft grass. Don't worry, we've cleared the place of pygmies.

Rebecca: I'm sure you'll win, Rick.

Evy glares at her.

Jeff: Survivors Ready?

Imhotep's mom: Good luck, Immy!

Imhotep: Mooom! Don't call me that!

Jeff: GO!

Rick, Evy, and Lock-nah start climbing the pyramid with surprising speed. Imhotep, encumbered by his loincloth, stumbles after them. About halfway up, Imhotep catches up to Evy. Imhotep's mom, recognizing her as Nefertiri, yells out.

Imhotep's Mom: Don't let your love life interfere with this!

Imhotep turns around and shouts to his mom.

Imhotep: Mooom! I'm fine!

Evy takes this opportunity to kick him in the face. Yelling in pain, Imhotep grabs her ankle and falls down the pyramid, hitting each stone with a thump. After a few painful seconds, Imhotep lands on the sand, and Evy falls on him.

Imhotep: OOF!

Evy: Oh, thank you! I last I found something useful about you!

Imhotep's mom runs up, concerned.

Imhotep's mom: Immy, are you alright, honey?

Meanwhile, ¾ of the way up the pyramid, Rick is just ahead of Lock-nah. He climbs the rest of the way, reaching the top first. Lock-nah, a few moments behind him, in his haste, accidentally runs into Rick's back, pitching him over the side.

As soon as Rick lands, he finds himself surrounded by Evy's 3 cousins.

Rebecca: Oh, are you hurt?

Rick: Nah, I'm ok.

Amy: Oh, you're so strong to be able to climb the pyramid and fall all the way back down without being hurt!

Jeff: Congratulations, Rick! Walk into the jungle for about 10 minutes and you should come to your patch of grass. There's a pizza waiting for you.

Rick: All right! See ya!

Rosaline: We'll miss you! (Flutters eyelashes)

Jeff: The rest of you go back to camp. You get 1 night with your families.

Imhotep: Great.

Evy: My bum hurts.

The rest of the tribe goes back to camp with their families. They stay up late into the night talking, except for sister Mary Kathryn, who insists on going to bed at sundown. Around midnight, Evy notices that her cousins have disappeared.

Evy: Oh,no. He wouldn't. Would he?

At that point, Imhotep's mom walks up to Evy.

Imhotep's mom: Imhotep likes you.

Imhotep: Mooom! She sent me to the underworld!

The next morning, Rick returns to camp, the cousins following him.

Evy: Richard O'Connell! What the hell happened last night?

Rick: Well, I was enjoying my pizza when your cousins ran up to my patch of grass. They said they were lost and scared of the pygmies and needed someone big and strong to protect them.

Evy: You moron! They cleared out all the pygmies!

Rick: Oh yeah. Maybe they didn't know that.

Evy: Well, then what happened?

Rick: They said they wanted to ask me something, but I fell asleep before they could ask.

Evy: That's it?

Rick: Yep.

Later that day

Jeff: Ok, survivors, say goodbye to your families!

All: Bye.

Amy: Wait! There's 1 more thing I have to do before I leave.

Amy walks up to Rick and kisses him.

Rick: Whoa.

Evy: Why you jumped up slut of a cousin!!!

Evy punches Amy, Rebecca, and Rosaline in the nose.

Nun: Well, that was uncalled for. Richard, why did you marry such a violent woman?

Rick: IT'S RICK!!!!!





*I borrowed the name Mary Kathryn from my sister. She's always complaining that she's got a nun's name, so I made her a nun. **Rebecca is my friend's name. She really wanted to be in the story, so I made her a slutty cousin.

A/N: My friend Rebecca helped me write this chapter (but all the good ideas are mine!)