Same ole' Disclaimers
A/N: Sorry that last chapter was so short guys. Before I wrote this I had lots and lots of sugar!!! So if Heero seems OOC, that's one of the things to blame, the other thing is he's a new Heero now. We got rid of Mr. Stoic!!! ( kinda )Thanks again to all my reviewers!!
"Chapter 7 ~ Thorn in My side"
Minutes slowly turned into hours and I was left tied down to the hideously uncomfortable bed, waiting.
Shortly after Wufei's departure, a tall slender man in green scrubs came to re-place the torn IV. He must have been an intern for the bumbling idiot kept missing the vein; in the end I had to help. Unfortunately, the burning sensation in my arm took a good deal of time to subside. So, I allowed my thoughts to drift, blocking out the soreness. However, I wasn't allowed to wander far.
Nervousness consumed my mind. I had no clue how much time passed or if Duo and I were still on the same colony. Furthermore, I was soon to be faced with the task of convincing a complete stranger that I was not a danger to others or myself. My history as a trained killing machine would make convincing even myself difficult. I became even more rattled when a thickset man in a navy blue uniform entered my room and made himself comfortable. He kept peering over his newspaper, glaring at me as if he was waiting for me to change into a lizard and scurry away. I did my best to ignore the new intruder and focus my thoughts on getting myself out of this damned bed.
Wufei's last words continued to plague my mind. Am I truly that important to this world? My logical mind responded affirmatively. Yes, I am a vital part to society. I fought to achieve peace and following the victory, I assumed a position that allowed me a non-violent approach to preserving that peace. My job with the Preventers is vital to tracking down and exposing possible terrorists, even if it is just a desk job. Frankly, I do society a great service, but what about my personal relations? I had made no attempt to contact any of my former co-pilots after the wars' end. Occupying a residence with Duo had been the extent of my social interaction to date. Kami-sama, I must be the dullest person in existence!
For the first time, a truly depressing thought accorded to me: I care for Duo Maxwell more than I care for myself, but have I done anything to earn his affections? How do I even know he's gay? Well, he did mention a few choice guys in his 3am rants about clubbing. How do I know I'm gay?! I'm a freaking seventeen-year-old virgin! My experience with the opposite sex has been limited saving Relena's life on occasion and handing off assignments to co-workers! What if I just haven't met the right female yet? What if Duo was female? Oh, now this is getting absurd! I love Duo Maxwell as the well toned, soft and exotic man he is: including the flat chest and hairy legs. Why the hell am I thinking about this now? I need a distraction. I have to be clam and collected when that social worker gets here.
The sound of irregular heavy breathing caught my attention. It seems my guest has fallen asleep, drifting peacefully with the newspaper folded across his torso. I couldn't help but smirk; apparently I'm not all that interesting to observe. Three days of rest have left me anxious and the restrains are becoming more uncomfortable with each passing minute.
With my new friend the security guard sleeping soundly, I quietly slip free of the restraints with ease. My muscles still stiff, I gradually arise rubbing my aching wrists.
"Don't worry Chang," I mutter, " I have no intention of going anywhere."
"Well that's awfully considerate of you, Mr. Yuy." A distinctly feminine voice behind me declares.
I whip around defensively to find a young woman in a white lab coat leaning against the doorframe and smiling at me, seemingly amused. She walks over to the napping security guard, her shoulder length red hair bouncing lively with her movements. She pats him on the head before leaning over and screaming in his ear, "YO! TONY! HOW'S IT GOING?"
'Tony' awakes with a start, fumbling with his newspaper and practically falling into a heap on the floor. I couldn't help myself, I laughed. Of course that proved a horrible mistake, after all, I was supposed to be restrained.
The jolted security guard snarls in my direction and then averts his gaze to glare at the red-haired woman.
"Damn You Bergar! [1] The kid's supposed to stay controlled until after the evaluation! I could lose my job over this!"
She stays composed and plants her hands firmly on her hips, staring down at him with a sly smile.
"Well, if you're so concerned about your job, perhaps you'd better work on staying awake while you're on duty."
Her wit only deepened his scowl and he quickly gathered his newspaper and stomped out the door. She quickly turned to blow him a kiss as he stomped off. I could only hope all the doctors were this interesting.
I flopped back down on the unbearably stiff mattress and prepared to be poked and prodded. However, the strange woman only pulled over a chair and sat by the bedside scribbling something on a manila folder. We sat in complete silence for a few moments before I grew frustrated and turned over to gaze up at her, agitated.
"Well?"
She pulled a set of wire rimed round glasses down to the tip of her nose and peered over the frames.
" Well what?"
Her lack of response only severed to aggravate me further.
"Aren't you going to check my pulse? Search me over for self-inflicted wounds? Take my temperature?"
A toothy grin made it's way across her rounded face. " That's not my job Mr. Yuy."
"Well then what the hell are you doing in here?!"
She slid her glasses back up her nose using her index finger.
"Mr. Yuy, my name is Julia Bergar, I'm the staff psychologist here."
All I could do was stare at her, astounded. This was the person who was going to declare me mentally fit? Aside from the white coat she looked like your average prostitute! Long very overly dyed red hair, caked on make-up, a neckline that went so far south I could see her tropics, and a glint of mischief in her eyes that resembled a four-year-old about to sneak a cookie! Might as well lock me up and throw away the key.
Clearing her throat, she began to speak again. "Mr. Yuy, I would first of all like you to understand that I am here for your benefit. Everything you say to me will remain completely confidential. I am not here to judge."
"Just to decide weather or not I'm fit for society." I scowled. Needless to say I am not comfortable with this situation at all!
"Only you can decide the direction of your life young man. I am here as an aid. But I'm afraid you have me at a rather large disadvantage. You see, other than your employer's physical we can't seem to find any medical records, or for that matter, any record of your existence."
I shifted an eyebrow curiously, " So you're saying I don't exist?"
She chuckled " Well obviously you exist, Mr. Yuy. I'm afraid you're just going to have to fill in the blanks for me so that I can make a proper diagnoses."
She reaches into the manila folder and pulls out a thick set of forms.
"Now, Mr. Yuy, you are currently employed by the Preventers, correct?"
I nod.
"…and you receive insurance benefits through them?"
"Yes, if you talk to my co-worker, Chang Wufei, I'm sure he can notify you as to who to contact to clear up that information."
"Okay, good. Now does your family have any prior history of mental illness?"
Oh great. Now how am I supposed to answer that? " I'm afraid I don't know."
"Well, maybe we can try and look up your family's medical history in the database. What is your mother's maiden name?"
Once again, "I do not know."
"Well, then do you know her date of birth?"
"No."
"Do you have any relatives we might be able to contact?"
"No."
Her scribbling halts and she lifts her head to gaze at me, irritated. "Mr. Yuy, what kind of relationship would you say you have with your family?"
My family? The closest I've ever had to family are my fellow ex-pilots. "We've had difficulty keeping in touch."
"I see. Do they know the circumstances by which you are here?"
"To my understanding, yes."
"Oookay. That's enough of that. Now I need to know a bit more about you. It says here you are seventeen years old?"
"That's correct."
"Alright, and your date of birth?"
"I do not know."
She stopped writing again and her left eyebrow began to twitch. "Listen, Mr. Yuy, I get paid by the hour. If you're trying to be rid of me by being uncooperative, it will not benefit you. Now, date of birth please?"
"I told you, I do not know."
The psychologist removed her glasses and let them drop down below her breasts, dangling from one of those little black strings. "Perhaps I should come back when you're feeling more like cooperating."
She rose and headed for the door. Something inside me screamed. The longer I had to sit in this sterile little room, the further from Duo I would become. I scurried frantically and grabbed the end of her lab coat. "Wait." She halted and I let out a long pathetic sigh. "I honestly do not know my date of birth, but I do know I was born on L1. Will that be enough?"
The tall redhead stared into my eyes for what seemed like an eternity. She must have discovered the honestly there, because she smiled. "I think we have a lot to talk about Mr. Yuy."
I nodded and slumped back down on the bed, if I ever wanted to get out of here, then it was time to confess. "I never knew my biological family. I do not know the name given to me at birth, or when I was born. I only know the family I have now, which consist of comrades from the war, one of which is comatose and being moved to Earth as we speak. All I want is to follow him."
Holding in my breath, I waited. I could only pray that she would accept my explanation.
"You're talking about Duo Maxwell?"
My head shot up. She knew about Duo?! "How did you--?"
"My brother is a chief physician here, your friend has been taking quite a nap. He gave the whole hospital one hell of a scare when he came in last week."
Returning to her chair, she flipped the manila folder open again and placed the pencil behind her ear. "Perhaps we'd better just ignore these forms and talk."
I nodded again, thankful to be rid of the difficult questions about my past for which I cannot provide answers.
"Mr. Yuy, you mentioned the war. Would you mind explaining to me how someone as young as yourself became involved in such a thing?"
Inhaling sharply, I gathered my strength and prepared to tell the woman facts that could possibly sign my committal papers. " I was a pilot."
"I'm surprised and applaud that OZ would allow someone as young as yourself to be –"
I cut her off; the truth will set you free, right?
"I wasn't working for OZ. I was specifically trained from an early age as a Gundam pilot."
My last words hung in the air as she stared at me life I had sprouted a second head. Her disbelief written across her face, I made my best attempt to quickly explain myself.
"After the wars, I was offered a job with the Prevetners. The true identity of the pilots has been kept from the media thanks to an elaborate façade set up by Cornel Director Une."
"Mr. Yuy, if I take what you say to be the truth then you have not had the opportunity to develop the proper social skills for a person your age. Furthermore, you are probably unknowingly suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder."
"I can assure you doctor, until recently I have never once had difficulty functioning normally."
She pulled the pencil from behind her ear and began to scribble down notes again. When I tried to glace at her writing, she pulled back the folder to obstruct my view.
" Which brings me to why we are both here, your recent suicide attempt. Would you mind telling me what led you to try and take your own life?"
My hands balled up in to fists so tight my veins felt like they'd break the skin. I had not nor would I ever attempt suicide, so why does everyone continue to insist that I did?! The anger bubbled up again from the pit of my gut and caused my head to swim. I couldn't think clearly, so I just blurted it out.
"LET'S GET ONE THING STRAIGHT! I DID NOT ATTEMPT SUICIDE!!!"
My outburst didn't seem to phase the woman one bit. She continued to sit there, legs crossed, hands folded. I painted for a moment, my dry throat now raw from the outburst. She watched my chest heave for a moment before continuing to speak in a firm, flat tone.
"I apologize, Mr. Yuy, I must be in the wrong room. The Mr. Yuy I was sent to visit with was found with a gun to his head."
"Stop. Mocking. Me."
"Again, my apologies. I didn't intend to sound anything less than serious."
She's grinning again. That wide toothy smile that is reveling in the amount of power she holds at this moment. Her bright red lipstick smeared all over her two front teeth. It's taking every bit of restraint to keep from punching her in the jaw and running the hell away from here. However, I have to stay. I have to deal with this insolent woman to get out of here properly. To see Duo…
My voice still shaking with rage, I slowly began to tell my side of the events.
"I hadn't sleep for days, I couldn't. I was consumed with worry for Duo. Admittedly, I do feel partially responsible for the accident. He should have been on L1, with me. I had a confrontation with one of the doctors, which was a mistake, and I ran off to get my head together. When I returned, I fell unconscious in Duo's room. When I awoke, I was here. Restrained."
"So what you're saying, Mr Yuy, is that you don't remember?"
Why does this doctor insist on putting words in my mouth?! "No. That is not correct."
She reclined in the chair and began to write again.
"Well then, would you mind filling in the blank for me?"
The condescending tone of her voice really irritates me. Someone should fill in the blank space between her ears!
"While unconscious, I did have a rather graphic dream about a battle, one of the battles from the war. I assume that my body reacted instinctively while I was sleeping."
There, everything said. She has to except my explanation. I omitted my dual-self from the story to save face. Kami I hope this works.
"Mr Yuy, I do not feel that you will befit from being retained for observation. You've demonstrated a great distaste for this facility and I personally do not think that patients can fully recover unless they have a certain comfort level. However, I do believe you would benefit a great deal from some one-one therapy."
I froze. The blood in my veins stood still and my breath halted and hung in the air. Exactly what was she suggesting?
"I will understand if you are a bit apprehensive, but whatever you may think of me Heero, I am only thinking of your welfare. The first thing I would like you to do is find a more stable work environment. I'm sure you find working for the Preventers rewarding in continuing your efforts to maintain peace, but I really think with your history your line of work will only continue to foster this sorts of episodes. I do not think you've been given time to explore what else you can offer society. "
I couldn't believe my ears. Leave the Preventers? What the hell else am I supposed to do with my life? Sit around in front of the television? Work at McDonalds?
"… I would also like to hear more about your 'family'. You said you don't keep in touch as much as you'd like. Why is that?"
Yet another stupid question that doesn't have a damn thing to do with getting me out of here! "We have rather busy lifestyles."
"Uhuh. So you just haven't made the time?"
"No."
"What's stopping you?"
Question after question after pointless question!! I'd like to take that blasted pencil and shove it through her eye!!!!
"I don't expect you to understand how demanding my job is, doctor. The same is true for my entire family circle. I couldn't possibly tell you more without compromising the security of the other pilots identities."
She nods and keeps writing. "Well then, that should be enough for now. Mr. Yuy, I'll tell you what I plan to do. Given the fact that you were involved in the war an obviously had a difficult childhood, I cannot ethically let you leave here without some guarantee of follow-up treatment."
I can feel a lump in my throat sticking again. She reaches into the folder, pulls out a document, and hands it off to me.
"This is a legally binding contract Mr. Yuy. If I am to release you, then you are to abide by the regulations set therein. First, you will take a six-month leave of absence from your work as a Preventer. Secondly, you will see a psychiatrist for a more throrough evaluation and take any prescribed medication as directed. In addition to visiting the psychiatrist, you will also set up weekly visits with a psychologist, and keep those appointments. [2] I will contact your employer to make all the necessary arrangements."
I sat there dumbfounded, glaring down at the vile document that would grant me an exit from this hellhole, but not freedom. One thing kept me from ripping up the document and darting out the window, my overall desire to see Duo Maxwell again. I want my old life back. I want to be at home when he comes in from work, complaining about one co-worker or another. I want to go to bed at night listening to him snore. I want that little taste of heaven back in my life. If this is the only way to get it, then so be it.
With shaky hands I take the pencil from her grasp and place my signature next to the tiny 'X'.
"Very good." She smiles again, snatching the paper from my hands and placing it back into the folder before closing it. Standing, she places a small card in my hand.
"That is the number of an organization that specializes in placing patents with psychiatrists in their area. I'll enter your name into their database so all you have to do is call them within the next week, and they will set up an appointment for you. I'll inform the front desk to have someone bring your personal belongings."
She reached out and placed a hand firmly on my shoulder, "I know this seems like a lot, but life's much simpler when you enjoy it. You'll see."
I crinkled my nose at he heavy stench of her perfume. Who the hell wears vanilla? [3] But I was thoroughly repulsed when she leaned down and planted a kiss on my cheek! Oh urge to kill rising. Kami, I take back everything rotten I've ever said about Relena, just get this woman outta here!!!
Someone must have heard my prayer for she quickly sauntered out the door, leaving me repressing the urge to vomit.
***
Wufei entered the room and presented me with my personal belongings: a watch, my wallet, a Preverters badge, and my gun. I replaced each item in the appropriate pocket of my jacket. He smiled smugly, still dressed in his casual white cotton pants and blue tank top.
" I knew you'd figure it out Yuy."
His words surprised me and I looked blankly at him for a moment before reaching out and pulling him into a friendly hug. He drew back for a split second, obviously not expecting such a gesture, but slowly wrapped his arms around my back. I never noticed it before but he smells sweet, like co-co butter.
The hug lasted only a minute before he released me and patted my shoulder, shaking his head.
"Let's go, Heero. Their still waiting."
At that moment, something inside told me that everything was right. That I was going home.
TBC…
[1] Bergar is the last name of a shrink from one of my favorite novels of all time "Ordinary People"
[2] For those who have never gone to therapy, a psychiatrist is the guy who pumps you full of drugs, a psychologist is the guy who sits there and charges 100 bux an hour to nod his head and confuse you…
[3] I do! I do! ^__^
Yes! I know Heero could easily hack into the files and delete the whole mess but just read the next chapter before you flame me for plot holes!!!
A/N: /sighs/ thank gawd that's over with…for those who have never dealt with a suicide attempt personally, I tell you now, I made none of this up. This is Exactly what they do to you, I actually let poor Heero off pretty easy….. I'm really surprised and thankful for all the attention this story has gotten! Well, considering I'm still getting e-mails from fan-girls who say my Heero gives them nightmares. Sorry about that /sweat drop/
But in the next chapter we get our Duo back! YAY! Just dealing with Heero is driving me crazy.
So next: "Chapter 8 ~ Awakening"
Reviews? Please? Pretty please? Come on, ya know you wanna ^_-
