Dear Diary,

I've been really busy and I've just taken a look back on the last few months of my life.

Three months makes a hell of a difference, because I do not feel the things I once felt.

I told Matt everything. I just let it all out. He did exactly what I thought he wouldn't. He was Matt. He just held me and told me it was all right. I apologized and just cried and cried. I cried even more every time he rubbed my back or said "Shh…it's okay baby, it's okay…"

How can he forgive me after all I've done? I've been absolutely horrible to him and he forgives me. Can I live with that? I mean, I deserve to be punished and yet I'm getting the exact opposite. I love Matt to death… but I never treated him that way… I've never made it obvious… I need to start showing my love for him in every little way possible. I can't lose Matt… I just can't … I can't let that happen…

And as for Adam... he's a fagot.

When I told him about the pregnancy thing, I didn't mention the negative tests. I just said "Adam, I'm pregnant."

He said, "Is it mine?"

I told him yeah and he said, "it's not possible... I wore a condom."

I told him "well, they break."

He shook his head and told me that I ruined his life … that I'm a dirty slut.

Maybe I am. Maybe that's what I deserved to be called after all I put Matt through… but I didn't deserve to be called that by Adam. He's the last person who should've called me that. If anything… Matt should've… but if Matt didn't, then Adam had no right to. I hate Adam… he was no good for me, and I should've realized that from the beginning.

~ Amy

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Dear Diary,

Now that Matt knows everything, he has this sudden passion to kill Adam. Well… not exactly kill… but hurt… really bad.

I feel bad for Jay who has no clue whose side to take. He talks to Matt and he talks to Adam, but he never talks to Matt and Adam… does that make sense?

Torrie sees me walking with Matt all the time now…and… maybe it's me, but I think I see a hint of jealousy in her eyes.

Whatever, she just better not think about touching my man.

~ Amy

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Dear Diary,

Earlier today, I was in the parking lot getting something out of Matt's car when something slammed into my back. It hurt like hell, and I thought a car hit me. I turned around and it was Adam, looking like he was going to kill me. He had shoved me and I asked him what his deal was. He told me that I lied to him…you know…about me being pregnant and all. And I told him yes, I did. He shoved me into a wall and told me that I said I loved him.

Well I did… but we were having sex, so I don't think that counts

…And he said that we were supposed to stay together forever. So he pinned me against the wall and kissed me. He tasted like nothing but alcohol. Even drunk, Adam is strong as hell. I couldn't push him off of me. He didn't rape me or anything, but I felt violated.

I don't know whether to tell Matt or any one of the boys… if anything I'll tell Chris… I can't tell Jeff because he's crazy as hell and would probably kill Adam and then tell Matt… I can't tell Jay because he's Adam's brother… he wouldn't know what to do. He'd sit down for an hour saying "Let me think…" and then he'll go "Let me get this straight." And then he'll explain the whole story to you again… then he says "Okay… let me get this straight" when he already has it straight… never go to Jay with a problem… it's a definite no-no.

If I told Chris he would just be very protective of me and he would just beat Adam's ass a little… so if I decide to tell any of the guys, I'll definitely tell Chris.

~ Amy

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Dear Diary,

Matt and I aren't going out. We're just on a break. It's going good so far… but it seems like he wants it to stay this way. I miss him a lot. I hate sleeping alone, though that sounds very slutty. All I want is Matt. I want Matt's arms wrapped around me… Matt's lips touching mine… just Matt. I know what anyone would say if they were reading this… 'You missed him when you had the chance, honey' … I know it's true… but can't I just have my way?

~ Amy

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Dear Diary,

I think I saw Matt flirting today. My heart is broken. He was flirting with some blonde chick… I didn't really see her. He specifically told me he likes redheads and brunettes… damn it. I miss my Matty…

~ Amy

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Dear Diary,

I was in a really sad mood today… the guys cheered me up. They put on this little comedy show… making jokes on one another and stuff like that. Jay tried to imitate Jeff's accent, which was horrible. Jeff got back at him by imitating the way he flirts… which was pretty funny. Chris was just Chris and that's a comedy show in itself. I had a good time with them and I'm glad I finally smiled and laughed. They're the coolest.

~ Amy

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