Disclaimer and thanks as seen in the first chapter

Retribution X's Kitchen- Babysitting Kat

We sat around the kitchen table trying to keep Kat out of Pyro's way, trust me to be left holding the baby while the others get to bug the Professor. Me, Hank and ol' one eye were informing Kurt how difficult it was to explain the whole sex thing to her, while the kid sat on the floor by the fridge eating ice cream straight out of the tub with her bare hands. 'Hope she gets belly ache' I thought bitterly.

"Umm…gentleman…I'm…er…I don't know if you...er…are aware…" Kurt stuttered

"What's the bloody kid doing now?" that stutter could only mean the kid, I spun around to check on her but she was sat blinking innocently at me.

"Don't tell anyone how I live" she whispered.

I turned back to the group gathered around the table and pulled out a cigar.

"But…um…that's is to say I have…er formed…an…er…attachment to…Melody" Kurt said hesitantly

"Awwww! That's so sweet" Scott crooned eyes misting over

"Ponce!" I growled

"SHUT UP LOGAN!!" Hank reprimanded "I agree with Scott and think that it is rather sweet"

"Owww! My tonguth thtuck" Kat said with her tongue stuck to the side of the freezer I shot her a withering look "I ran out of ithe cream" she explained

After 5 minutes of tugging she was finally free "Who were you talking about?" she asked

"Ol' blue elf over there has a thing for Melody" I said as Kurt blushed

"Ohhh fuzzy boys heading for the lurve shack" she squealed

"Ummm…Boys I think we're forgetting that this…well…" Scott looked at Kat "…thing used to share a room with the object of Kurts desire."

I knew there was a reason why he was our leader other then the stuff he got up to with the Professor

"Well your gonna have to pay up in advance I wanna see my friends Mr Hagaan and Mr Daz" This kid was smarter then she looked.

"We've only got Ben and Jerry's" I said using my newly founded skills of compromise as opposed to slice and dice.

"Haagen-Dazs"

"Ben and Jerry's"

"Ben and Jerry's"

"Haagen-Dazs"

"Ha ha, I made Wolvie look thick" The kid giggled Snick "Aarggghhh! He's going to kill me!" She said cowering behind Hank

Hank stepped in "Don't kill her we can pump her for information!"

"Yer lucky kid!" I growled sliding my claws back in

"Yes pump me, pump me for all I'm worth. Leave me hollow and alone and without a date for Valentines Day like you all are! I know I can see it in your eyes…" The kid started to sniff "…or eye..." I couldn't help but smirk "…then I'll be left her alone with my only friend who doesn't have a date…"

"Scott?" I asked

"My only FRIEND and that's Mr full fat ice cream!"

"Umm… Kat that's only half fat" Hank pointed out

"See even he's not all there…"

"Just like you" I muttered she ignored me however and carried on

"I'm just going to die alone, miserable and dead!" Her eyes misted over then thought for a moment "Oh there was a question…oh well doesn't matter whatever the question the answers Malta, it always is!"

Snickt "Kurt needs help with the perfect date for Mel" I said waving my claws near her face she yelped again and dove for cover by Hank.

She looked out under his arm "Well ask Cilla Black, don't ask me!"

I growled "Why? Why do we put ourselves through this? Chuck could make life a lot easier for us all and expel her?"

"According to her results in all the standard tests the kids a genius. So that rules out expelling her for being a dunce!" Hank informed a surprised room

"Yay! I'm the next Albert Square" Kat exclaimed

"I think that the person that you are refering to is infact named Albert Einstine."

"Noit was Albert Square. I saw it on a show."

"was the show called Eastenders."

"Well can't we expel her for being annoying?" I thought for a moment ignoring Hanks last remark. "How come you're a genius?"

Kat looked up with an empty pot of ice cream on her head "Huh? Malta"

I sighed "Forget it!"

"Has anyone ever told you that you look like an ewok from star wars? She asked me

snickt

5 minutes later

Kurt looked at her notebook "so I should treat her mean to keep her keen right?"

"And talk about things your interested in. I kept Jean entranced when talking about my pokemon card collection. I tell you she was enthralled!" Scott added

"And for some reason I should sing to her about fireflies. Are you sure about that Kat?" Kurt asked her brows furrowed

Kat gave him the thumbs up sign as I tightened my grip around her neck

"Hank we've yet to hear your advice!" Kurt said pen poised to take notes

"Well the best advice I can give a fellow fur ball would be to ensure all fur is free of Twinkie wrappers and week old Murray mints" Hank said seriously

I let go of the kid's neck, it was no use she would never die.

"I wouldn't look up the girl's skirt until you know she likes it" I advised

"Are you speaking from personal experience there Logan?" Scott smirked

"Oh and girls love aggressiveness the meaner you are the faster they'll swoon" I added

"Oh and do you know you don't need a shirt nowadays to get into a restaurant" Scott threw in excitedly

I pushed myself into Kurt's face "And if my videos are anything to go by Girls adore mud, wrestling and monster trucks but are just too embarrassed to say!"

"Never eat yellow snow"

"!?"

We all stopped and looked at Kat

"Yellows in this season, oh and watch out for monkey butlers they spit in your food and expect large tips" Kat said knowingly

A week later

"Your were right he is taking me out for Valentines Day" I told Jubilee with a sigh

"What are you moaning about? At least you've got a date!" Jubilee moaned then suddenly she shot up in her chair "Did you hear Mel and Kurt are going out on a date on Valentines Day"

"Always two paces behind huh Jubes? I heard that as soon as he asked her"

"Oh!" She said looking crestfallen

At that moment we heard Kat coming through the door with a Boom Box on her shoulder belting out what seemed to be Britney Spears

"For our theme do you think would be better 'Hit Me Baby'…."She asked before I interrupted

"But wouldn't that song kind a be asking people to beat you up?" I said looking at her exasperated "100,000 sperm…and YOU were the fastest!"

"Oh okay then that leaves this?" She skipped the C.D to 'Ooopps I did it again'

An hour later in the kitchen

"Ooopps I did it again…"

Sang Britney Spears a warning of the monstrosity that would enter the kitchen i.e. Kat.

"Why did we have to meet here again?" I shouted to Evelyn over Kats 'music'

Ev shrugged "Wolverine said we should?"

"Oh yeah!" Wolverine had instructed us to meet around the kitchen table at the end of our Danger room session but hell I wasn't going to argue.

Kat placed her Boom Box down and began an elaborate dance worthy of a gyrating hippo.

"What's all this racket?" Wolverine said glowering at the Boom Box

"It's our new theme tune!" Kat informed him diving for the volume control and cranking it up a few notches "Do you like?" She yelled

"Turn it bloody off before I do it myself!" Snickt

"Okay" Kat started twitching at his raised voice. But she did as she was told and turned it off.

"Hoobloodyray!" I muttered

Wolverine looked uncomfortable "I've got some presents for yer"

"Yay! Prezzies" Kat squealed clapping her hands before continuing suspiciously "It's not one of your nasty videos each is it?"

Wolverine choose to ignore that "Here" he said tossing a small cardboard box at each of us   

"Goody a box!" Kat beamed

We each opened the boxes cautiously but broke into a smile when we saw shiny dog tags I held mine up. Engraved onto the smooth flat pieces of metal was written 'White Lightning mutant no 17887 Retribution X'. I didn't know what to say I'm no good at thank yous. I put the dog tags over my head and looked at them laid on my chest. Jubilee flung herself at Wolverines waist

"Thank you Wolvie you're the best!" She said as she planted a kiss on his rough cheek.

I smiled at him "Thanks" I said quietly

"Ooohhh shiny!" Kat said after finally getting into her box.

The next day

"OOoooppps I did it again

I played with your heart.."

Kat entered the rec room where the rest of us were watching the news coverage of a Friends of Humanity rally the X Men were attending.

Kat however was flanked by two large good looking male dancers covered in baby lotion, everyone looked at them mouth agape as they launched into an intricate dance routine.

I nudged Jubilee "It's isn't civilised to drool"

Valentines Day.

I looked in the mirror critically, I looked typically Ashley I concluded whether good or bad I was unsure but hell I wasn't going to dress up for no one.

"How do I look?" Jubilee asked giving me a twirl

Jubes and Evelyn had bagged dates with the two hunky strippers that Kat had hired.

"You look like a normal human being" I said helpfully

We were all going together that is everyone except Mel who Kurt was giving a lift to and Kat who was being babysat by Wolverine. Talking of Wolverine

"Is Wolverine okay about giving us a lift?" I asked nervously

"Sure"

"You ready to go girls?" Came Evelyn's voice from the door

I sighed wondering if it was too late to back out "Yeah lets get this over and done with"

"God make it sound like your being led to your death why not!"

How will their dates turn out check out the next chapter to see!!