*special thanks to sunshine belle for helping me get this story up and for the support!*
8th grade
I sat there in English class and caught myself staring, yet again. Sometimes I would just get lost just concentrating how she moves or the special way she does her hair or the way she laughs, but then I would think and just sigh, knowing it could never be.
After class she came up to me asking for the notes she missed yesterday. She seemed a little quiet today but I didn't confront her about it. She said her 'thanks' and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I felt my heart flutter a second and all I could think about was telling her my feelings. Maybe they will blow over and things can go back to normal. Elizabeth McGuire and David Gordon. Best friends. But I love her, but I'm just too shy (or is it scared?)
10th grade
I was concentrating on this particularly difficult math problem when the phone rang.
"Hello?" I answered.
"Hi, Gordo" she mumbled, almost short of breath and hiccupping .
"Oh no. What happened?" I asked wanting to kill the person who did this to her.
"It's Ethan. He broke my heart, yet again. I must be so stupid thinking he would change. I almost think I deserve this."
"Listen. you don't deserve this. I'll be over soon." With that I hung up went downstairs to grab a video and some chips and ice cream. In a matter of moments I was at her doorstop looking down at her, with red, swollen eyes.
After a Drew Barrymore movie and a couple pounds worth of junk food, she was asleep on the couch with her head resting on my lap. 'This is how it always should be. Me and her. If only she would notice me as more than a friend.' I thought but then right after I scolded myself for being so selfish. But, I love her but I'm just too scared.
Senior year
I checked myself in the mirror again going over the plan tonight, Senior prom.
*before*
"Look, my date is sick so I guess we're back to plan B," she stated.
"Okay. I'll pick you up at 7." I thought back to 8th grade when we made that promise, to go with each other to the prom if we had no dates. I don't regret it now even if I am only her backup.
*end flashback*
So I picked her up and her parents took dozens of pictures. The night went by in one big flash of excitement and I was back at her porch, sharing another silent, awkward moments we've been having lately.
"I had a great time today. And thanks for taking me on such late notice," she said, tucking her hair behind her ear.
"No problem. I was glad to do you, I mean it, IT" we both laughed at my mistake and she pecked my cheek and I felt my stomach do flips. She went in, leaving me with my thoughts. I love her but I'm just too worried, scared, shy, you name it. and I don't know why.
Later on that year
A day passed, then a week than a month and soon graduation was upon us. We took pictures together. We were going to the same college. By some miracle of God we both made it into NYU. Lizzie and I finally had a chance to talk.
"Gordo, promise me something."
"What is it?"
"Friends forever?" she said with her pinky out.
"Friends forever" I answered with only half the truth.
After
Now I sit quietly with the wedding march playing in the background. I stand next to Matt and Jo and watch the bride, the oh so beautiful bride walk down the aisle, but not towards me. She smiled at me and mouthed 'hi' I answered with a 'good luck' A part of me knew this day had to come but now my insides sank with the final kiss that made them man and wife.
I love her but now she's gone, and I don't know why.
Years later
A somber song plays in the background as the guests around. Black covered the room. 'Lizzie would hate this' I thought 'besides the fact that it's her own funeral.' I walked up to the coffin and stared at her face. I looked to her parents, talking to some friends of the family, then to her husband, hugging and talking to the kids.
At the reception, Sam came up to me and gave me an old, colorful book with the word 'Journal' scrawled across the cover.
"I thought you should have this." Sam said.
"Thanks. And I'm sorry for this." We parted and opened up a page with the bookmark between the pages. He skimmed the entry:
June 18th, 2001
Dear Journal,
It was the last day of school today. Me and Gordo hung out after school and he told me one of his world famous speeches again, the one about the future and how I have to plan what I do now before it's too late. But down in my heart I know what I'm gonna do for the rest of my life. I'm gonna be a stay at homemom and be married to a successful, caring husband, Gordo. I'll take care of the kids and we'll all live happily ever after. Now if only he would tell me that he feels the same way. I would tell him first but I'm too scared, our friendship can be at stake here. I wish he would tell me he loved me!
"Me too, me too..."
8th grade
I sat there in English class and caught myself staring, yet again. Sometimes I would just get lost just concentrating how she moves or the special way she does her hair or the way she laughs, but then I would think and just sigh, knowing it could never be.
After class she came up to me asking for the notes she missed yesterday. She seemed a little quiet today but I didn't confront her about it. She said her 'thanks' and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I felt my heart flutter a second and all I could think about was telling her my feelings. Maybe they will blow over and things can go back to normal. Elizabeth McGuire and David Gordon. Best friends. But I love her, but I'm just too shy (or is it scared?)
10th grade
I was concentrating on this particularly difficult math problem when the phone rang.
"Hello?" I answered.
"Hi, Gordo" she mumbled, almost short of breath and hiccupping .
"Oh no. What happened?" I asked wanting to kill the person who did this to her.
"It's Ethan. He broke my heart, yet again. I must be so stupid thinking he would change. I almost think I deserve this."
"Listen. you don't deserve this. I'll be over soon." With that I hung up went downstairs to grab a video and some chips and ice cream. In a matter of moments I was at her doorstop looking down at her, with red, swollen eyes.
After a Drew Barrymore movie and a couple pounds worth of junk food, she was asleep on the couch with her head resting on my lap. 'This is how it always should be. Me and her. If only she would notice me as more than a friend.' I thought but then right after I scolded myself for being so selfish. But, I love her but I'm just too scared.
Senior year
I checked myself in the mirror again going over the plan tonight, Senior prom.
*before*
"Look, my date is sick so I guess we're back to plan B," she stated.
"Okay. I'll pick you up at 7." I thought back to 8th grade when we made that promise, to go with each other to the prom if we had no dates. I don't regret it now even if I am only her backup.
*end flashback*
So I picked her up and her parents took dozens of pictures. The night went by in one big flash of excitement and I was back at her porch, sharing another silent, awkward moments we've been having lately.
"I had a great time today. And thanks for taking me on such late notice," she said, tucking her hair behind her ear.
"No problem. I was glad to do you, I mean it, IT" we both laughed at my mistake and she pecked my cheek and I felt my stomach do flips. She went in, leaving me with my thoughts. I love her but I'm just too worried, scared, shy, you name it. and I don't know why.
Later on that year
A day passed, then a week than a month and soon graduation was upon us. We took pictures together. We were going to the same college. By some miracle of God we both made it into NYU. Lizzie and I finally had a chance to talk.
"Gordo, promise me something."
"What is it?"
"Friends forever?" she said with her pinky out.
"Friends forever" I answered with only half the truth.
After
Now I sit quietly with the wedding march playing in the background. I stand next to Matt and Jo and watch the bride, the oh so beautiful bride walk down the aisle, but not towards me. She smiled at me and mouthed 'hi' I answered with a 'good luck' A part of me knew this day had to come but now my insides sank with the final kiss that made them man and wife.
I love her but now she's gone, and I don't know why.
Years later
A somber song plays in the background as the guests around. Black covered the room. 'Lizzie would hate this' I thought 'besides the fact that it's her own funeral.' I walked up to the coffin and stared at her face. I looked to her parents, talking to some friends of the family, then to her husband, hugging and talking to the kids.
At the reception, Sam came up to me and gave me an old, colorful book with the word 'Journal' scrawled across the cover.
"I thought you should have this." Sam said.
"Thanks. And I'm sorry for this." We parted and opened up a page with the bookmark between the pages. He skimmed the entry:
June 18th, 2001
Dear Journal,
It was the last day of school today. Me and Gordo hung out after school and he told me one of his world famous speeches again, the one about the future and how I have to plan what I do now before it's too late. But down in my heart I know what I'm gonna do for the rest of my life. I'm gonna be a stay at homemom and be married to a successful, caring husband, Gordo. I'll take care of the kids and we'll all live happily ever after. Now if only he would tell me that he feels the same way. I would tell him first but I'm too scared, our friendship can be at stake here. I wish he would tell me he loved me!
"Me too, me too..."
