Disclaimer: I in no way own FFIIIV or its characters. Although I do own Zell's made up Daddy, and you can feel free to torture the bastard however you seem fit

Author's Notes: Just a note, poor Zell-kun here hears voices in his head at night. The voices will mostly be italics with an added something to tell them apart:

Daddy's Voice:

Voice one:

Voice Two:

Hopefully this won't be too hard to distinguish. Daddy's voice is in bold. Voice one is in italics. And voice two is in bold underline. I want voice one and two to be characters from a FF series, so if you have any suggestions, to be shy and suggest!

Warnings: This chapter is pretty dark (my muses are in torture-the-bishies mode). Don't read if you squick easily. That said, on with the fic!!!

"I wouldn't mind if you kissed me using those lips, Chickie"

Zell groaned as he continued to stare up at the ceiling, as if the answer to all his problems were up there just waiting to be discovered. Even though it had been three days since the conversation with Seifer, he still couldn't get it out of his mind. Couldn't get rid of that slight sliver of something that he had felt when Seifer had said those words. And then the overwhelming sense of sadness and despair when Seifer had said that it was nothing more than a joke. Couldn't get his mind off the dream he'd had months before, which he'd seemed to get completely out of his mind.

Though now the dream was back, along with a few new ones. Dreams of Seifer holding him. Kissing him. Of touching him in that way. Of Zell wanting and begging for something so intense that it scared him, and left him breathless. The first time he'd had the dream, he had been so scared that he had cried. He had even thrown away the soiled sheet and clothes so that Seifer wouldn't find out. He didn't know just what Seifer would do if he was to find out that he was having those kind of dreams, though he'd be damned if he was careless enough to let him find out.

Though he couldn't help but wonder. Would Seifer be mad at him for not telling him earlier? Or would he tease him and make jokes. Or even worse, would he hit him?

"Only dirty little boy's do that kind of thing Zelly! And dirty little boy's need to be punished by their father! I'm just going to have to find you and…."

" Shut up!" Zell yelled out loud, then slapped a palm over his mouth.

He hadn't meant to say that aloud, and he listened franticly for any sign of someone else hearing him. If Seifer were to find out that he was hearing things again, well, it wouldn't be pretty. Especially since Seifer would then find out that Zell hadn't been taking his pills, which would only make Seifer unhappy. Zell knew he didn't want to see Seifer mad, especially since he knew that Seifer had quite the temper.

But once again, his thoughts were starting to stray, as they usually did when he didn't take his medicine. Would Seifer really be that mad to find out that he had been dreaming about those types of things? Although the real question to ask was would Seifer be angry if he knew that he was cause of those dreams?

Zell couldn't even remember the first time he had ever begin to think of Seifer in that kind of way. He had always admired the older boy, even if he was a pain in the ass. And even though he'd die before he ever told Seifer, Seifer was what he wished he could be. He just knew Seifer was the kind of person that would never let himself get picked on by anyone, would never do stupid things like trip or break things. Seifer was the kind of son his father would have wanted, not some little scrawny stupid kid who was too hyper.

Biting his lip, Zell rolled over onto his side, staring out the window into the darkness, curling himself into a ball. If only he wasn't so clumsy, or stupid, or scrawny. Maybe then Dad would have liked him. Maybe Seifer would like him.

" No he wouldn't stupid, Seifer likes girls, not scrawny big mouth chicken boys" Zell whispered to himself harshly.

The feeling to break something was getting more and intense, so Zell climbed out of bed to begin shadowboxing. It was something he always did when he was either scared, or bored, or nervous. Seifer always called it '"swattin' flies"'. Zell couldn't help but laugh, he guess it did look like swattin' flies when he did it. Maybe if he was more graceful or something Seifer would call it something different. He wished he could see Seifer shadow box, he probably did it better than he did.

After a few more minutes of shadowboxing, Zell slipped back into bed. With his shadowboxing over, his mind begin to wander again. He couldn't help but wonder what Seifer dreamed about. Maybe it was about money. Or girls. Or maybe, just maybe Seifer was dreaming the same dream about him.

Ha! Don't count on it. No one would want a little piece of shit like you.

Biting his lip once more, Zell shook his head clear of the voice, his Daddy's voice. He wouldn't listen to his Dad anymore, he didn't have to. Seifer had told him so, had told him that his father would never be able to hurt him again.

Oh he did, did he? And just how the fuck you suppose he's gonna do that? Pop a couple of pills in your mouth? Or maybe send you to the hospital, like the other family did

" That's not true, Seifer would never send me away. He loves me," Zell whispered, a deep sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach.

He loves you? Oh really? And just how does he love you Chicken-shit, tell me that

Flashbacks of Seifer in the dream suddenly came to Zell's mind. Visions of Seifer kissing, touching, pressing against him flashing before his eyes. The only thing he could think of was how hot he was. So unbearably hot, as the visions kept coming. Seifer kissing him tenderly on the lips. Seifer pressing hard kisses to his body. He could even feel the weight of Seifer on top of him. Could feel Seifer thrusting inside of him.

Heh. That's not Seifer's, that's Daddy. Such a nasty little boy

" No!" Zell moaned, reaching a hand up to pinch at his nipple.

Harder

Zell pinched his nipple harder, as a vision of Seifer lapping at his nipple tenderly flashed before his eyes. Of Seifer's finger rolling his tender bud, gasping as Seifer bit his nipple.

More

" Please…." Zell knew he was beginning to loose it again, as he always did at night. He hated the night.

I said more!

Tears slid down Zell's cheeks as he slid off his boxer, his fully erect manhood tenting the sheets.

Heh. What kind of man are you Zell? You aren't even that big.

Moaning softly Zell reached down and wrapped his hand, no, it was Seifer's hand. Seifer's large hand wrapped around his manhood, stroking him towards completion. He spread his knees more; he had too, the image of Seifer kneeling before him. He could almost feel the wet heat of Seifer's mouth as it engulfed his erection.

Such a little whore, you were always such a good little slut when it came to this

And just like that, the visions broke, and it wasn't Seifer taking him. Instead, each vision changed to that of his father. His father grinning down at him as he held him down and forced him to take what Zell didn't want. And yet, Zell's, no Seifer, no his father's hand continued to stroke his erection.

" Please stop!" Zell cried out, biting his free hand to keep from crying out louder.

What would Seifer think if he were to walk in right now?

At that, Zell went completely still. Daddy is right, I have to be quiet, can't let Seifer hear me, Zell thought. Seifer would think he was a bad boy if he did. Couldn't. Couldn't let him see. Couldn't let him see what he and his daddy did.

But you like this, don't Zell?

The voice was no longer in his mind, it was right next to him. And he could feel his Daddy inside him, hurting him. It didn't matter though, because when the sun came back up, he could be Zell again. He could go back to being the brash and foul-mouthed Zell. He could talk back to Seifer, and shadow box. He could go to school and walk the hallways, and go and talk to his friends. The Zell he was now, at night, wasn't the Zell in day.

He hated the Zell who got to live in the day.

Hate? Don't you mean jealous? Jealous because you'll never be him.

Zell bit harder into his hand, causing it to bleed. It didn't matter; pain was of no matter to him. All that mattered was that he spread his legs like Daddy ask. No, not Daddy, wasn't it supposed to be Seifer? Seifer was supposed to be the one. The only one.

You think he's going to want you like this? After he finds out just what you've been doing? Poor little Zelly, so adorably stupid.

" Daddy… please…. Please…." Zell panted out, his mouth open wide as he silently screamed, his back arching.

Such a little slut, Seifer will never want you

The vision of his father faded away, as did the vision of Seifer. His father had finished anyway, so why should he stay? All that was left was one last finally thing. He could hear his father laughing in his mind, could just hear how disgusted Seifer would be when he finally found out.

That's right, you have to clean up your messes Zell.

Zell cried as he licked clean the mess from his hand, dipping his hand over and over again onto the mess on his stomach until he was clean. He once again cried as he noticed that not only was he soiled, but the sheets were soiled as well. He couldn't throw away the sheets; Seifer didn't have the money to buy him any new ones.

You made this mess; you'll just have to sleep in it.

" I hate you," Zell began to murmur, sitting up and beginning to rock back and forth. " I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!"

Hate me all you like, there's nothing you can do about it anyway.

Tears begin to pour from Zell's eyes like rivers as he continued to rock back and forth, chanting the phrase like a mantra. His mind was empty now, almost as if the voice had never been there. If only he had taken his medicine, he wouldn't have been able to come back and hurt him again. But Zell hadn't taken his medicine, and so he had been punished.

" Seifer" Zell whispered, putting all the pain and sadness he felt into that one word.

Slowly creeping out of the bed, Zell walked towards the bathroom, his boxers clutched tightly in his hands. He didn't feel anything as he stepped under the showerhead, the hot water on full blast. The water singed his skin to the point of numbness; not that it mattered to him, Zell was numb inside already. If only the sun would come up soon, then he could give control over to day Zell.

After stepping out of the shower and making sure to clean up behind himself, Zell begin to make a slow trek towards Seifer's room. He didn't know why, but for some reason he wanted to see Seifer. Had to see him. The pain in his chest begin to increase with each step he took, his vision beginning to waver with unshed tears.

" I just want to see him," Zell whispered, pushing open the door to Seifer's room.

Seifer's room was dark, except for the light coming in from the moon. Seifer was lying on back, arms flung out almost as if he was expecting some angel to fall from the ceiling and hug him. Zell thought it looked cute, though he couldn't help but notice how the sheets were riding low on Seifer's hips, and that Seifer was wearing nothing underneath. Ignoring the blush, which Zell considered strange seeing as how filthy he was; why did he still blush?

Now standing beside Seifer's bed, Zell couldn't help but look down at Seifer in a mixture of want and admiration. Reaching out a small shaking hand, Zell cupped Seifer's cheek. He dragged a single over Seifer's lips, then down his chest. He couldn't help but drink in the sight of Seifer. Of his muscular arms, his abs, the dusky brown of his nipples, the trail of short blond hair that lead to a slightly larger patch of curly blond hair. Everything about Seifer was perfect. Untainted. Clean.

Unlike him.

Sitting next to Seifer, Zell leaned forward, his lips just inches away from Seifer's. Just this one little kiss, Zell thought, pressing his lips softly against Seifer's, just this one little kiss and I'll be happy forever.

So caught up in his mental swear, Zell did not notice Seifer's lashes flutter as his eyes slowly opened.

Author's Note: *Shakes her head* poor little Zell. *glomps fic-Zell* I nearly cried while writing this, mainly because I was listening to some pretty sad songs, and so sorry if this chapter isn't that great. My muses seemed to be crying once again for bishie torture, and they seem to have chosen poor Zell. Although things will start looking up for Zell. Next chap, Seifer tries to deal with the fact that he's been kissed by Zell, and likes it. Zell has an angst free chapter. And Quistis appears on the scene.

And thank you Platinum Angel and Hellcat for the reviews. *hands each a squeeze-me-I'm-angsty- Zell plushie*, hope you enjoy these ^_^