(fade in)

(audience is strapped to their seats w/ ducktape, forced to watch)

(see George Lucas crying)

(fade out, audience still strapped in seats)

(fade in again)

(MHB base)

(Dynamo captured, after X6)

Dynamo: Unhand me!

(Chaos appears. Everyone runs away except for Dynamo, X, Signas, Lifesavor, and… Dr. Cain)

Chaos: Hiya, everyone, I'm back! What'd I miss?

Alia: (just walked in) Chaos! Why is it you ALWAYS dissapear BEFORE a major war???

Chaos: Why is it, woman, any of your concern?

Alia: You don't help out at all! (glares eyes)

X: (to Signas) uh-oh. I'm not going to like this.

Chaos: (waves hand, all the group, and Doulgas, who was at the wrong place at the wrong time, are floating above a "Stary expanse") THIS WILL TEACH YOU!!!!

Alia: (pales) X, what's going on? Is she going to attack us or something?

Zero: (who Chaos could not help but put in) Oh. Shit.

X: Chaos! She didn't mean it!! I swear!!

Alia: … help.

(Chaos has the evilest looking grin on her face).

(Chaos begins to play a trumpet. Everyone but Alia and Douglas (who don't have a clue) run as far away as they can get).

(Star Wars theme begins).

Star Wars: Episode 1: The phatom mean-ace.

Starring:

Alia as: Queen Amidala

Iris as: ……… … … Anikin's mom (I had to put her in somewhere)!

Signas as: R2-D2

Lifesavor as: C-3PO

Douglas as: Quin Gon Ginn

X as: Anikin

Zero as: Obi-won Kenobi

Dynamo as: Jar-jar Binks

Dynamo: CHAOS!!! I'LL KILL YOU!!!

Chaos: hee. ;)

Dr. Cain as: Yoda, in a sort of… drunken… manner.

Havoc as: Darth Sidious (sentor paplatine)

Sigma (yes, no duh) as: Darth Maul

Chaos as: The annoying chick who pops up everywhere

(all other characters will be playing as themselves. If not, it means they died rather than appear in this. Smart choice. If you see skeletons that you cannot identify to any animal, don't worry. That's them, trying to get revenge).

(Scene one)

Douglas: Ohh. This is what she does?

Zero: Pretty much, yeah. What did you expect? Blowing up stuff? This is much more… (can't think of word)

Douglas: evil?

Zero: Yah! That's it!

Skeleton pilot: Excuse me, sirs. We are landing.

Douglas: Out of curiousty, why am I older than you?

Zero: I suppose it has something to do with the female characters.

Douglas: (shrugs) come on. Let's go. Don't reveal we are Jedi yet.

Zero: Why not?

Doulgas: That would be bad.

(The walking skeleton to one of those green-frog things (trade federation guys): Welcome to our happy blockade!!!! Cookies?

Douglas: O.O;; That's not what I expected.

Zero: (sighs) Stop the blockade.

(The walking skeleton to one of those green-frog things (trade federation guys):

After some cookies? Please??

Douglas: (trys a cookie) ahhh!! (spits it out)

(The walking skeleton to one of those green-frog things (trade federation guys): (now mad): AHH!! DIE!! YOU DO NOT LIKE OUR COOKIES!!!

Douglas: No! No! I thought they were so good, the ground needed to try them too!

TWSTOOTG-FT: Oh. Sorry!

Zero: Watiamintue. We're up in space. There is no ground.

TWSTOOTG-FT: WHAT??!?! DIE!!

(Douglas and Zero run through the halls)

Douglas: You had to open your big mouth.

Zero: It can't be helped.

(Scene two)

(in the jungle-place)

Zero: AHH!! Damnit! Why am I stuck with the freakn' driod thing?

Douglas: (Waves a hand, Droid is destroyed) *yawn*

Zero: How'd you do that?

Douglas: This is Starwars. Didn't you people ever use the force?

Zero: :D;; Opps.

(Dynamo rushes through the forest to find them.)

Dynamo: There you are! Thank God! (Pulls off fake Juancan ears)

Zero: Why'd you do that?

Dynamo: Chaos said that since it's not my fault, for once, I don't have to wear the ears.

Zero: (pulls off cloak)

(Chaos appears for a brief moment and hits Zero on the head. Zero is obviously hurt. Puts on Cloak. Chaos disappears).

Zero: Let's go find the Queen and stuff.

Douglas: The sooner this movie ends, the better.

(audience still in duck tape): (nodds heads)

(Dynamo leads way)

(Scene three)

(In castle)

Zero: AMIDALA!!! AMIDALA!!!

Douglas: Shut up! They'll hear you!

Dynamo: Well, he does have a point, Douglas. The louder we are, the more likely Alia will hear us!

(hear Alia's voice)

Dynamo: Thataway!

Alia: hiya, guys!

Zero: Come on, Alia, we have to run away again.

Alia: What? I never ran away with you. Shut up.

Zero: No, we did. Dynamo, Douglas, and me. Besides, we're going to try and finish the movie as soon as possible.

(suddenly surrounded by the droid army).

Alia: Scratch that.

(Douglas concentrates and suddenly, every droid explodes).

Dynamo: O.o

Zero: o.O

Chaos: O.O;;

Chaos: (thoughts) Well, HE certainly understands what's going on here.

Alia: WOW!!! THAT WAS SOOO COOL!

(Douglas is thrown out the window from Alia's yelling).

(Zero rushes to the window)

Zero: Douglas! Are you okay?

Douglas: Keep that… thing… away from me!!!!

(scene three: On Tatootine)

Alia: XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX!!!!!!!!!!! XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU, XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

(Everything is blown to the other side of the planet)

Zero: Good going, Alia.

Alia: It can't be helped.

Dynamo: Yes, it can. Now, let's go find the town thingie and go home.

(walk into town that Chaos Magically restored)

Old peddler woman: Buy some soda! Buy some soda!

Dynamo: (thoughts)Something can't quite be right with that old woman. (non-thoughts) I think I'll watch her until I can figure it out.

Zero: Be my guest. (leave Dynamo)

Old peddler woman: Buy some soda! Buy some soda!!

(Zero, Alia, and Douglas arrive in Watoo's shop).

Skeleton of Watoo: Welcome! You wish to buy?

Zero: Yeah. Parts for our ship.

Alia: Is there a podrace?

Skeleton of Watoo: There is no podrace. There are only re-runs.

Douglas: Re-runs?

Skeleton of Watoo: Of course. Too dangerous. We got sued. Real Bad. Damn lawyers.

(Dynamo comes in, sipping a soda)

Skeleton of Watoo: SODA!! SODA!! I'll TRADE EVERYTHING I OWN FOR A SODA!! MY TWO DROIDS!! MY SLAVES!! ALL FOR A SODA!!

Dynamo: (sips innocently) Okay.

(Skeleton of Watoo grabs soda and hands Dynamo the keys to the back room. Dynamo opens the closet to find Iris, X, Signas, and Lifesavor).

Lifesavor: I don't deserve this.

Signas: Neither do I.

Zero: Iris!

Iris: Zero! You jerk!

(both hug happily)

Old Peddler woman: Soda! Buy your soda!

Iris: This is Tattoine. There is barely water, let alone soda.

Dynamo: (snaps fingers) That's what's wrong.

Old peddler woman: (shoves soda in Dynamos face) Soda! Buy some soda!! Buy soda from me!

Dynamo: Get that thing outta my face.

Old Peddler woman: Jar-jar, jar-jar! Soda!! (dances)

Dynamo: WHAT THE???

(the old peddler woman dances to the song, "we will, we will rock you", except uses "jar-jar" instead of "we will". Soda and Disco lights fill up the junkyard. Everyone dances but Dynamo).

Havoc: What the F*** is that?

Sigma: The jedi again.

Havoc: Go kill them and put them out of our misery.

Sigma: At last we will reveal ourselves to the Jedi. At last we will have revenge.

Havoc: We did that last week.

Sigma: Shit.

(Fade in)

(Disco. Lights. Dancing. The happiest place on Tatooine. Until…)

Sigma: Honey, I'm home!! (grins evily at our heroes (yes, you can laugh now))

Sigma's wife: Finally! I scrub the house, work day and night, and all I get is your lazy arse sitting around all f***ing day! You're coming with me, mister!

Everyone looks around.

X: Sigma, I didn't know you had a wife.

Sigma: I didn't know either.

Sigma's wife: Don't feed me up with that!

Sigma: Help. Please! NOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

X: (to Zero) When was there an old peddler woman?

Zero: No clue.

Douglas: Wait a second…

(pulls of woman's cloak)

Douglas: you're CHAOS!!!

Chaos: Damn. Well, gotta run…

Alia: No you don't! You're putting us back in MHB!!

Dynamo: And me somewhere, like 50,000 miles away from it!!

Zero: And me in my capsule!

Chaos: look, you have to re-claim the Throne of Naboo, but first you must greet the senetor. Then, Alia and I will talk about what I do for the "war effort". (disappears)

X: Alia, did you know Chaos is immortal and travels dimensions and has the powers of a GOD??!?!?!?!!?

Alia: She does?

Zero: Yes.

Alia: Oops. (hits head)

Zero: Stupid.

(Fade in)

(Editor's note: Do to all the fading in, we used up our electricity bill. These next scenes are all done in sunlight).

Havoc: (as senetor) Welcome! Zero, X, Douglas, you get to take X to get some Goddamned 'Jedi' training. Alia, Lifesavor, Signas, Iris, with me.

Alia: You're with the enemy! You're a Maverick!

X: (to Alia) When Chaos does this, we all team up to get out.

Havoc: It's kinda cool here, though.

X: (rolls eyes)

Dynamo: What about me?

Havoc: Go kill someone.

Dynamo: Yes! Something I can enjoy!

Chaos: Excuse me. I don't think 'Happiness' was included in this vacation. You're coming shopping with me. We're buying you dresses!

Dynamo: NOOOO!!! DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH ME, DEMENTED FREAK!!!!

(Chaos fumes and snapps fingers. Dynamo is now a pregnant Gungcan).

X, Zero, Alia, Douglas, everyone else: O.o (thoughts) Never, ever piss off Chaos.

Chaos: I can read your thoughts....

Alia: Go buy clothes.

Haovc: Alrighty, then, Jedi knight-folk! Go meet Yoda! The rest of us will be waiting by the ship.

Dynamo: NOOO!!! NO!!! Don't leave me!!1 Goddamnit! NO!!!!

Chaos: Demented freak suggests we look into the Maternity section of town. Bye!

Alia: Run Dynamo! Run far away, and never return!

(fade in) ( I lied)

(Douglas, Anikin, and Zero appear before the skeletons of the Jedi council)

Yoda skeleton: The boy is strong, but to old.

Zero: What the heck do you mean he's to old?!?! He must be trained before the senteor gets him and all that crap!

Yodaskeleton: I don't care.

Douglas: the boy will be trained.

Yoda: whatever. Go. There is great evil on Naboo.

(Group is on Naboo)

Douglas: RUN!! RUNN!!! FREE THET BIRDS!!!

Poliets: YEAH!!! THE BIRDS!!! (Run into their ships and take off)

X: Gotta go. Lifesaver….

(Lifesaver hopps into the back of the fighter)

Zero: Bye, X!!! Have fun killing!

X: -_-;; Why do you do that to me? Do you think I ENJOY it?

Zero: Of course! That's why we're gonna fight in 103 years!

(groups turns to Zero, Zero covers mouth) (X leaves, not hearing the warning)

Dynamo: (scolding) Now, don't go spoiling the plotline!

Alia: Hey, look! There's Sigma!

Sigma: …
Zero: Yes! He's speechless!

Douglas: Or maybe it's because he only has about two lines in the entire movie.

Zero: Yeah! That too!

Alia: The rest of us will run, except Signas.

Signas: Why not me?

Alia: Because you ticked me off.

Signas: When?

Alia: now.

Signas: (rolls eyes)

Dynamo: Can I stay here?

Alia: Why?

Dynamo: (sheepishly) Umm… Chaos made me nine months pregnant.

Zero: TOO MUCH INFORMATION!!!! ALIA!! GO KICK BUTT ALREADY!!

(Douglas and Zero run to attack Sigma)

(Sigma runs, very, very fast)

(Zero is trapped within the shields while Doulgas and Sigma fight).

(Douglas uses the force and Sigma falls down the deep pit)

(the movie ends)

baby's wail: WAHHH!!! WAHHH!!

Chaos: Aw… how cute. Dynamo, you're a guy again.

Dynamo: Thank you.

X: o.O

Dynamo: Can I have my clothes back now?

Chaos: sure, but you get the baby.

(Dynamo takes baby and runs far, far away)

(So ends our story….)

(go home and rejoice)

(bye now)

(I'm serious)

(Leave me alone)

(go home now…)

(go home….)