I am an evil, insane being. But I have a lot of fun!! WHOOO!!! But there's someone I'd like to thank…

First, I'd like to than Capcom because they own the rights to the X-series,

Second, George Lucas for the Star Wars movie that I'm making fun of,

And my sister, for letting me use Havoc.

And I would like to thank you, who are painfully reading my stories… and a big hug to TFRiD Queen , lugiamania Dr_Abel, and The Red Maverick. Thank you so much for reviewing!!!!

(Fade in)

(See MHB on a freezing, cold December night)

(See the cow pass by…)
(Fade out)

(Fade in)

(Inside the lounge)

Alia: It's kind of quiet, you know? Chaos hasn't done anything this week.

Zero: (please don't ask) Well, I've studied her habits, and this isn't maybe the best time to pester her…

Lifesaver: (Nods)

X: What do you mean by that?

Zero: Three letters… PMS…

(Knock on the door)

(Signas gets up to answer it)

(Chaos happily bounces in)

Chaos: For that comment, Zero, I'm gonna do the thing you hate the most…

(Zero pales)

Zero: The land of no females whatsoever?

Chaos: Nope.

(X, Alia, Douglas, Lifesaver, and Signas edge towards the door)

Chaos: Sit down. I would like to have a talk about the new movie.

(Everyone sits)

(Zero pales)

Signas: we can't do it again?

Chaos: Oh no. It was a big hit back home. Let's see… everyone needs to keep his or her same roles, except….

X: (thoughts) me. Me. Me. Me. Me.

Chaos: I can read your thoughts, X…

X: Sorry.

Chaos: No, I think I'll let Dynamo have a tiny break. Since there's a mercenary in the movie, I'll let him be both Jango Fett and Jar-jar binks. And his son.

Douglas: dynamo has a son???? YOU ARE A CRUEL BEING!!!!

Chaos: Shut it, Douglas… Or you'll be next.

Douglas: Sorry.

Chaos: Great! Now, let's see… Yeah, X and Alia both have to do the love scenes, and had better not screw up the kissing… Oh, Douglas?

Douglas: (winces) Yes?

Chaos: For whatever reason, Qui-Gon ain't dead. We didn't kill him. So, we're writing him in.

Douglas: Sweet!

Signas: I am R2, right? Small part! Yay!

Chaos: This can, of course, be fixed… where's Lifesaver? He gets a small part as well… damn. Where's Iris?

X: Why are you rounding us up, Chaos?

Chaos: … because I want you to suffer for as long as possible within a time limit.

X: What is the time limit?

Chaos: I have no idea. Let's begin!

Star Wars: Episode two: Attack of the cones!!! RUN!!! ROAD WORK!!!

Staring:

Alia as: Queen Amidala

Iris as: Anikin's mom

Signas as: R2-D2

Lifesavor as: C-3PO

Douglas as: Quin Gon Ginn

X as: Anikin

(X: This is gonna suck…)

Zero as: Obi-won Kenobi

Dynamo as: Jar-jar Binks and Janga Fett

Dynamo's son, Chibby-Dyanmo: Bobba Fett

Dr. Cain as: Yoda, in a sort of… drunken… manner.

Havoc as: Darth Sidious (chancellor paplatine)

Sigma: … think. Very hard. Dooku.

Chaos as: The annoying chick who pops up everywhere (what else?)

Side note: The characters are now in flesh-form! That's right! Flesh!! WHOOOO!!!! I really AM a cruel, heartless being!!!

Attack of the cones (run! Road Work!)

The whatever has been whatevering and all that happy crap.

As my sister pointed out, all the second paragraphs in the movies end in galaxy.

May our beloved Jedi-wannabes succeed in whatever mission they are on. Bye!

(Fade in)

(Big ship landing)

(Naboo fighters land)

(Pilots leave their ships, watch the fake-queen leave ship)

(Ship blows up)

Defense commander dude: Told you so.

Alia: Shut up. (Walks over to the fake queen) Abbi, are you okay?

Abbi: Do I look okay? (Promptly dies)

Alia: Abbi! NOOO!!! DON'T LEAVE ME!!!

DCD: Come on, it's not safe here.

Alia: It's not safe anywhere!!

DCD: Especially here, then.

Alia: okay… (Sniffs)

(Fade out)

(Fade in)

(Palpitine/Havoc's main room)

Havoc: This is very upsetting, Senator Amidala. Perhaps we should give you protection.

Alia: God, no! I can take care of myself!!!

Cain: Yeah! If some Sith lord (hiccup) wants to rape her, she'll (hiccup) yell in his ear!!! Trust me. (Hiccup) I tried.

(Havoc stares at Cain in utter unbelief.)

Havoc: You're kidding.

Alia:….

Havoc: How about Anikin and obi-wan, and Qui-gon?

Douglas: I'm in here, and… okay. Fine. These people can't even use the force, it's quite sad.

Alia: True enough.

Havoc: good! It's settled! Anikin and Amidala share a room-

Alia/Douglas/(X who just walked in): WHAT?!?!?!?!?

Chaos: (magically appearing) Havoc, you have no limits of cruelty, you know that?

Havoc: I would give them separate beds! You make them kiss!

Chaos: … good point… I think…

X: I'm only supposed to be PROTECTING Alia!

Alia: I don't need protection.

Zero: You do now.

Alia: Do not.

Zero: Do too.

Alia: Do not.

Zero: Do too.

Alia: Do-

Chaos: (interrupting) thank you for the squabble, children, but Chaos here wants to get back to the filming. George's lifeline could go at any moment.

Douglas: lifeline?

Havoc: Of course! We're all underwater!!

X: (slaps forehead) Why am I not surprised?

Zero: (waving his hand questioningly) why isn't Cain dead then?

Chaos: Actually, it's a notice thing. A human's mind will realize that they are in water and then they go see St. Peter. But Cain's too drunk to realize it.

Havoc: Yup. Now you guys know, so let's get rid of the flood, shall we?

Chaos: Okay. (disappears, the water is gone)

Cain: (snores)

Havoc: Qui-Gon, I am assured that this Sith Lord shall be found? And that Amidala shall be protected?

Zero: Wait! You're the Sith!

(All the Jedi who play as themselves stare at Havoc)

Havoc: You're delirious. I only want what's best for the Republic.

Jedi #1: No! I sense the dark side in you!

(Havoc flings Jedi #1 out the window)

Havoc: (sweetly) No one saw that, right? Good.

(Fade out)

(Fade in)

(Zero and X are entering the apartment, but are on an elevator)

Zero: You seem nervous, my young Pada-

X: Don't start that crap again, okay? I am NOT your Padawan learner. I am the greatest Jedi that ever lived!

Zero: (snorts)

X: I'm serious!

Zero: (Laughs)

(Elevator door opens)

Zero: Now, remember- you can't kill Alia no matter how hard you try.

X: But… I'd be saved.

Zero: No… you'd be screwed.

(enter room)

Dynamo: Ani! Oh, yes! I can leave now!

(Dynamo exits)

X: friendly, wasn't he?

Zero: You know how he is.

(Alia walks up)

Alia: I swear on my mother's grave that I don't need protection.

Signas: Right. Says the woman without a mother.

(Alia throws a vase at Signas. Signas dodges.)

Alia: This is crazy. I don't want to spend a night knowing worms are going to crawl all over my skin. Ewww.

Signas: oh, right, but I've got the worst job…

Zero: What's that?

Signas: I have to watch over Alia when she sleeps…. (groans)

Zero: Whoo!! Go Signas!!!!

(Fade in)

(Fade out)

(fade in)

(Fade out)

Chaos: LUCAS!!! FIX THE LIGHTING, PLEASE!!!

Lucas: Look, Chaos, woman, let's talk. I want to be free.

Chaos: You dissed my movie-making skills. I want revenge.

Lucas: Revenge is the path of the dark side. Revenge leads to anger, anger leads to hate and hate-

Chaos: (dangerously) Leads to your suffering.

Lucas: My apologizes. (fixes light)

(fade in)

(Alia is moving about the room. Suddenly, a bounty hunter magically appears and points. Zero takes it down with his lightsaber. X points and Dynamo waves. End of scene. Fade out).

(fade in)

Zero: Okay, everyone! In order to get out of this warped movie as soon as possible, let's happily send X and Alia far away on the planet of Tatooine! I'm gonna go talk to Dynamo, and then I'm gonna go get captured by Sigma! Everyone got the game plan?

Everyone: Yes.

Havoc: There's a kissing scene on Naboo, people. Plus Anikin finds his mother abducted by sand people. Do we want to make Chaos mad?

Lucas: (from nowhere) Yes!! Run, my friends! Run far, far away into the abyss! Ack!!! No, Chaos I'm sorry!!! Please!! No more Barney!! NO!!!! (voice chops off suddenly)

Alia: Okay, point taken. Um…

X: (waking up out of a fake deep sleep) oh no, Amidala! My mother is in danger! Screw your planet and we're heading off to Tatooine!

Lifesaver: Okay, we've got the dream…

Signas: I know! (whispers to Zero)

Zero: Of course! Dyanmo must also be on Tatooine!

(sudden change of scene into a sandpeople's house)

Iris: wow. So many people. This house is gonna break now, you know. Zero: Iris, we need a kissing scene- quick.

Iris: okay.

(Zero and Iris kiss)

Alia: And The mom don't die….

Douglas: Yeah, it's difficult to deal with, being alive. Okay, everyone off to the odd planet with sand and Zero goes to Janga Fett's!

Iris: I wanna go with Zero.

Douglas: Okay. Both of us should be dead now, anyway.

(sand people lift up the tent and attack)

X: I'm not killing. Because then I'll go on a killing spree-

SFX: Zam! Wham! Kabam! (Sand people die. Zero puts saber away)

Zero: Okay. See you guys.

(fade out)

(fade in)

(Zero walks into a building with Iris. The long, silvery white being (called Taun We) greets them. She leads them straight to Janga Fett's place).

Dynamo: Hello.

Zero: Hi.

Chibby-Dyanmo: Hi.

Iris: hi.

Dynamo: Bye.

Chibby-Dynamo: Bye.

Iris: bye.

Zero: Buh-bye. (exits, then the two run from a ship.)

Dynamo's voice on com-link: Okay, you guys all ready?

Zero: I had better be!

(fade out)

Chaos: These scenes are short and to the point. Dang.

Lucas: they all work together, I see.

Chaos: Whatever.

(fade in. Zero has been captured by Dooku (gasp!) and hangs in a happy electro-bubble.)

Sigma: Ah, Obi-won. What if I were to tell you the Republic-

Zero: I know.

Sigma: and the Maverick hunters-

Zero: Fat chance.

Sigma: (coughs) Yeah, right. Okay! So, what if Qui-Gon Gin where here, now? He would join me!

Douglas: Yeah right! I will take Zero and flee!

Sigma: (taps foot)

Douglas: (sighing) I will take "Obi-Won Kenobi" and "flee". (power systems suddenly fail. Everyone is transported to the middle of a clone battle).

Sigma: WTF?

Douglas: My feelings exactly.

Chaos: Lucas!!!!

Radom Vendor: Buy some water! Buy some water! (clones all line up, leaving our heroes alone)

Cain: (hiccups)

Sigma: I'm supposed to fight him now, right? Or do I need to axe off X's arm?

X: (inaudible squeak)

Chaos: CUT!!!!

(everyone freezes)

Chaos: that's a wrap, people!

(Everyone stares)