Chapter 17: Dobby's Family Tree


Harry was busy plagiarizing an essay in the common room when suddenly a big blue blur blew past him. It yelled, "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!" very loudly, then proceeded to fly around Harry's face several times and pinch his nose.

"What the hell? Dobby?" said Harry, annoyed.

The blue thing stopped, and said, "I'm not Dobby, I'm Dobby's cousin, Wobby!" Wobby bowed.

Harry scratched his head. "But why can't I go back to Hogwarts? I mean, I'm already there."

Wobby realized that suddenly, and then threw Harry out the window. "Harry Potter must never go back to Hogwarts!" He slammed the window shut.

Harry ran to the front steps, but the door was closed with a sign saying, "Do not open until Christmas." Then Harry climbed in the window. Once he was down from the window and inside, he realized he was in a room that he had never been in before. "Where the hell am I?" he asked no one in particular.

A voice came down from the ceiling. "You are in the room of insaneness, Harry Potter."



"Who are you?" yelled Harry.

"I am Dobby's uncle once removed, Bobby. You were not supposed to enter Hogwarts, and now you will face the consequences," said Bobby's booming, ominous voice.

"Let me out, Bobby!" said Harry.

Bobby said "No."

Harry said, "Yes."

Bobby said "No."

Harry said "Why not?"

Bobby replied by kicking him in the balls. Harry fell down in pain. Bobby took this moment of weakness by body slamming Harry. Harry was flattened and fell unconscious while Bobby was hitting him on the head with various objects.
******

Harry woke up to an ugly face. "Bobby?" he asked

The ugly face shook itself. "I'm Bobby's gangsta brother, Mobby."



"Hi, Mobby. I don't suppose you can let me out, can you?" said Harry.

"No, Harry Potter, I can't." said Mobby.

"Harry Potter was not supposed to go back into Hogwarts!" said another shrill voice.

"Dobby?" asked Harry.

"I'm not Dobby, I'm Dobby's corny grandmother, Cobby." said Cobby.

Harry got up and jumped out of the window. "Bye, Cobby. Nice to know you."



"Bye, Harry!" said Cobby, Mobby, Bobby, and a random house elf that was Dobby's great uncle seventeen times removed.

Harry went through the door, only to be greeted by Dobby. "Hello, Harry Potter! You were not supposed to go back to Hogwarts. Now you will face my wrath! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Dobby, who shot magic fire at Harry.

Harry reflected it onto Dobby, who was burned to a crisp. "Bye, Dobby. I need to go back to plagiarizing a magic essay."



"Harry... Potter... wait..." gasped Dobby.

Harry went back to Dobby's burned body. "What now?"



"I... need... to... tell... you... something... important.........." Dobby gasped.

"What is it?" asked Harry.

Dobby wheezed, "Harry... I..."



"Yeah, what is it?"



"I……love you..."

Harry was so freaked out that he instinctively tossed Dobby's body into a trashcan, and then tossed the trashcan containing Dobby into the lake. "Tough luck, pillow case boy! My heart belongs to Cho!"

Cho suddenly appeared. "Harry Potter, you are an asshole. You killed my one and only love, Cedric! Get out of my sight." Cho kicked him into the lake.

Harry watched her go. He saw Dobby floating nearby in his trashcan. "Dobby! My love!" he burbled out, reaching for him.

Harry grabbed a random merfolk. "ARGH! LANDLING!" he screamed, brandishing his trident. "NOW YOU DIE!"

******

Harry crawled out of the lake barely alive. He went back up to the common room to keep plagiarizing, only to find McGonagall standing in front of 'his' essay, with a scowl on her face.



"Mr. Potter."



"Yeah?" said Harry.

"Are you plagiarizing?" she asked.

"No." said Harry.

"Are you sure?" McGonagall said. "See, you and wrote the same exact thing that the

author of this book wrote, and I was that author!"

"Do these eyes lie?" asked Harry sweetly, showing her his hypnotic eyes.

"Ak... eyes... greenness... blinding... must... resist... agh!" struggled McGonagall, trying not to succumb to Harry's hypnotically green eyes of hypnotism.

"Hehehe..." laughed Harry, as McGonagall finished the rest of the essay for him, and gave him an A+.