Chapter 18: The OWLs



Harry awoke to find everyone else in his dormitory were all awake and busy studying. "What the hell are you all doing?" Harry shouted.

"Well, the OWLs are in an hour, and we're not going to get any unless we study! OWLs, that is." said Neville Longbottom.

*****

Professor McGonagall gathered all of the fifth year Gryffindors and led them to the hundred and fifty-first corridor. She and Professor Snape put them in alphabetical order. She then opened the scroll that she had read off of during the Sorting Ceremony. Harry imaged what sort of tasks they would have to do, and the one thing that he kept thinking of was that this was like the Triwizard tournament that he had competed in. Harry looked ahead and saw Hermione was telling anyone who would listen what sort of things they had to do.

*****

"Harry Potter!" shouted professor McGonagall. "It is your turn, dear."

Harry walked into the dark room where he would be soon taking the test. He looked around and saw nothing but a rock and a top hat in the room.

"Mr. Potter, your first task is to pull a bunny out of that hat."

Harry thought of what sort of spell to use and then he remembered, the magic cap charm. He put the charm on the hat and pulled out a playboy bunny. The playboy bunny started to take off her clothes when there was a snap and she was no more. "Why did you take her away?" asked Harry. "It was just getting good."

"Your second task is to turn that rock into a monkey!"

Harry used a transfiguration spell and by accident put in too much power and turned the rock into George W. Bush.

"You have done well so far, Harry, make it sing."

Harry thought of another charms for this and applied it to George. George W. Bush started to sing the horrible lyrics of Britney Spears, but he was way off key!

"Now make it dance to the music, Harry."

Harry used the Imperius Curse on Bush, which easily worked since he was so stupid and had a will as strong as puddy. Bush started to dance, but could not do some of the moves Britney could do because he was a guy and not a gal. No one seemed to mind the fact that Harry Potter had used the Imperius Curse on Bush, but he agreed with the judges since Bush was really a rock.

"Congrats, Harry, now lets test your potion skills."

Bush turned into a stone cauldron and a fire was lit underneath, soon potion ingredients appeared.

"Now Harry, I want you to brew the slut potion and use it on Professor McGonagall."

Harry thought that this was impossible, how could he turn the most ugly and oldest female teacher in all the land into something sexier than Fleur? He wasn't even sure if the potion could make her even sexier than Hermione before her growth over her summer two years ago. Harry spent an hour adding all sorts of ingredients such as virgin's blood, Austin Powers' mojo and even veela tongue. Soon his potion was ready and Professor McGonagall enter the room in her red see through thong and watching bra. Harry tried to keep his eyes closed and she drank the potion. When Harry opened his green eyes he saw his teacher was so sexy he was ready to plug his plug into her charger even though he knew she was sixty-five years older than him.

There was a pop noise and professor Dumbledore appeared and said "Harry, you have just received 100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 OWLs! Now I will take professor McGonagall until the potion wears away, and the other hundred gallons of that potion. Don't tell anyone about the last task you had to do or where are Professor McGonagall and I." Professor Dumbledore grabbed Professor McGonagall and the potion and disappeared.

Harry left the room and used the memory charm on himself for he could not get rid of the image of Professor McGonagall (before she took the potion) in a thong out of his mind, or what he imagined Dumbledore would be doing with her and the potion tonight