Chapter 21: The true father
"I..." said Voldemort, tearing up. "I am your father, Harry."
"What the f#$%? I thought I told you that it would sound totally lame!" Harry said.
"I mean I actually am your father, Harry. As in I actually did the nasty with Lily and
unfortunately you were the result. Therefore, it is not because of some mystical magical reversal
that you have a lot of my powers, it's because you are my son."
Harry was totally grossed out. "No way!"
Suddenly a big hole was smashed in from outside of the wall. Sirius walked in through the hole.
"It's not true, Harry! Don't believe a word he says! I am your father!"
Harry stared, stunned, at Sirius. "Are not. I'm quite sure it was James Potter, thus my last name."
"It should be Harry Black, but Lily flipped a coin and decided against me. But she did make me
your godfather, at least." Sirius concluded.
Someone walked through the resulting hole. "Liars, all of you! I am Harry's true father!" It was Snape.
"AAH! SNAPE! SAY IT ISN'T SO!" screamed Harry.
Snape nodded grimly. "Sorry to say it, Harry, but I am."
Suddenly a yellow spongy person walked through the door. "Wrong! Harry is my son!" said
Spongebob Squarepants.
"No!" said Dumbledore. "Harry is mine!"
Suddenly another figure walked through the hole. "Untrue, once again!" It was Lupin. "I am
Harry Potter's true father. Or should I say...Harry Lupin?"
Now all of them were arguing. "Harry Riddle!" "Harry Black!" "Harry Lupin!" "Harry Snape!"
"Harry Dumbledore!" "Harry Squarepants!"
Harry ran away a couple meters, stopping at the door. "Just tell me who is my real father!"
All of them looked down, too ashamed to speak. Harry stuttered out, finally guessing at the truth.
"Y... You don't mean... all of you... did....?"
"That's right, Harry." said Voldemort. "Lily Potter, me, Sirius, James, Remus, Dumbledore,
Severus, and Spongebob. Same bed, same night."
"GROOOOOOSSSSSSS!" said Harry, vomiting on top of Spongebob, who quickly sucked it up
and died of infection, incinerating himself on the spot.
Voldemort, Sirius, Lupin, Snape, Dumbledore, and Harry instinctively ran away from each other,
and grabbed their wands. "AVADA KADAVRA!" they all shouted, instantly killing everyone
present. Dobby gathered the Dragonballs, and wished them all back to life.
"Where am I?" said Harry, waking up in a daze.
Dobby stood over him, then dragged him to a more secluded spot. "Now Harry Potter is at Dobby's mercy! Mwahahaha--" he trailed off, plotting what he might do to the poor, defenseless Harry. Dobby quickly ran out of air because he forgot to breathe and fainted.
Harry woke up and ran away from the sleeping Dobby as fast as he could.
