HARRY POTTER AND THE MARK OF GRYFFINDOR
By Geena
Chapter 13: Yule
Harry didn't remember how he made it back to Gryffindor Tower that night, his thoughts revolving around the upsetting story he had heard from his godmother. Conflicting emotions were weaving a complicated web inside his head, making him stay up all night curled up in a ball in one of the plush chairs in the common room. That's where Hermione found him the following morning.
"Goodness Harry, have you been down here the entire night ? You must be freezing."
She held her hand to his forehead and Harry involuntary backed away, causing her to frown.
"What's wrong ?"
"Nothing." Harry didn't feel like talking. The minute he opened his eyes and saw Hermione standing there, the mixed emotions of the previous night came running back to him.
"How was Snuffles ? Did you get to see him ?" she asked.
"Er, yeah. He was fine."
Hermione gave him an odd look, but seemed to accept his lack of speech as a result of a sleepless night.
"I suppose you didn't get back until very late then ?"
Harry grinned sheepishly and Hermione shrugged her shoulders before she exited the common room. He immediately sprinted up towards his dorm, took a quick shower and got himself ready for breakfast.
The day seemed to go by at a pace which would even make a slug look like a record breaker in the 60 meter sprint. Needless to say Harry had plenty of time to ponder over his troubles. At the end of the day, what remained was a heavy weight in his stomach combined with a clenching throat every time he thought about the actions of his father. He had noticed the worried looks on his friends' faces, but didn't feel up to telling them about it. Not that he liked keeping secrets from them, but he just couldn't admit his wonderful, picture perfect father had been far from what they were made to believe. No matter what excuse his godmother had brought up to defend the actions of his father, the simple truth remained that his prejudice and lack of trust in his sister had led to the destruction of his family. Had deprived Harry of a normal family life.
"Harry, can I speak to you for a moment ?" Professor Palmer halted the Gryffindors on their way back to the common room.
He followed her to her office wordlessly, feeling ashamed in his father's place. She motioned him to sit down and conjured two mugs of hot chocolate with a lot of whipped cream on top. They drank in silence and after he had wiped his mouth clean, Harry gave her a shy smile, his eyes glowing.
"Thank you."
"I thought you might need this. And it's also very tasty." She smiled back, twinkling.
"So, how was your day ? I noticed you weren't your attentive self in my class. Not that I blame you, but if you feel troubled about what I told you yesterday it's best that you talk to one of us instead of bottling it all up inside."
Harry stared at his hands. He knew he could always talk to Sirius and his godmother, maybe even to Dumbledore and Lupin, but he honestly didn't think talking was going to drive away his shame and anger. Especially the anger seemed to be gaining importance now the first shock had settled down.
His emotions were probably written all over his face, for his godmother leaned in and ruffled through his hair.
"Oh Harry, you will get through this, trust me. I guess it isn't easy for any of us to find out that those we look up to are less than the perfect icons we turn them into. Let me put it this way: do you think yourself as flawless ?" Upon seeing his startled look she continued. "A lot of people think you are. You are the hero of the wizarding world. You couldn't do anything wrong. You are the perfect Golden Boy to them. Is that who you really are ?"
Harry shook his head, understanding what his godmother was trying to tell him, but his heart had been gravely wounded and he would need more time to come to terms with it.
"I know it's hard. But it's hardly the end of the world. You know Dumbledore always says things happen for a reason and I think he's right. We are not as free in our decisions and actions as you might think, Harry. The way we are brought up, educated and the things we experience brandish us and guide us in a subconscious way. Because we were raised as Gryffindors, our natural disposition was to distrust the Slytherins. You cannot blame James for that. You also must understand your father was caught in the middle of a dirty war. At a very young age he was confronted with the outrageous monstrosities the Dark Lord's followers engaged in. It's no wonder he felt nothing but resentment towards Severus. If only I had realised this sooner I might have been able to prevent certain things from happening, but even that's not sure. You see it took me a very long time to forgive both James and Sirius for what happened to Severus and Remus, and it took me even longer to forgive Sirius for betraying your parents, but in the end I did. After that, my life became a lot easier and though some part of me will never find complete happiness, I find that I can be happy for what I have right now and I truly hope you too will find your way out of the darkness you find yourself in at the moment."
Harry looked up to her and saw how she believed in what she was saying. Still, he would need more time, but she had given him something else to think about. She had given him hope.
*
The following day, after a surprisingly good night's sleep, Harry's world seemed to brighten up a bit. It was Christmas Eve and he was looking forward to spending this festive day with both his godparents. He knew he really should be letting his friends in on his secret, but he sort of wanted to keep his new found family to himself for a while. Sirius had asked him by means of Lupin if he would care to join them in the hut for dinner. It was difficult to explain to Ron and Hermione why he wanted to go there on his own, but to his astonishment they both considered it natural for him to want to spend time alone with his godfather.
When he arrived at the hut, his next surprise was seeing Snape there as well. Of course he wouldn't want to celebrate Christmas without his wife now she was at Hogwarts, but still it looked very strange to see him sitting there so peaceful, only two chairs away from Sirius.
The meal went by in a flash and again Harry was amazed at how few incidents there had been between his godfather and his Potions Master. And if there was a potentially dangerous situation developing, either Lupin or his godmother steered the conversation in another direction. He even found himself participating in this game and came to the conclusion he rather liked it, in a twisted sort of way.
After exchanging the gifts (his very first from his godmother, being a large photo-album), Snape stood up and left them to do his rounds. Even on this day he would not give up on his favourite pass-time. Jessica Potter sent her husband a radiant smile, Lupin nodded curtly, Sirius grunted something unintelligible and Harry managed a faint "Bye".
The party relaxed noticeably after that and very soon the hut was filled with laughter. It seemed Lupin and Jessica had a vivid memory of all the stunts the Marauders used to pull off and when he heard them from the mouths of his friends, Sirius remembered them as well.
At long last both professors present urged him to return to his dormitory. Harry left reluctantly but felt happier than he had been for days now.
The next morning he exchanged presents with Ron, Hermione and Ginny and his mood got even better. The worries about his fucked up family were carefully locked in the back of his head where they wouldn't cause much trouble but could always serve as a reminder for times when his judgements were in danger of becoming too black and white.
The holidays moved along quickly and before they knew it, the big day of the Yule Ball had arrived. With that came also the return of Harry's mixed up feelings towards Hermione. In the hours leading up to the feast, he found himself wandering in front of the portrait with the girl and the snake, being the entrance to his godmother's quarters.
"Well, havvvve you deccccccided if you're going to come in or not ?" The snake peeked it's head up.
"Uh."
"Oh for Merlin's sake, do get a move on!" The girl said fervently, reminding him of Hermione.
The portrait swung open, revealing his godmother at the other end.
"Do you need help with your dress-robes ?" She winked and made room for him to step into the room.
"Are, em … are you alone ?" His eyes scanned the room, frantically looking for signs of a certain Potions Master.
A soft chuckle made him stop and turn. "Don't worry, Severus is currently stalking the dungeons to urge his Slytherins to get ready on time."
Harry relaxed seemingly and slumped down onto a chair.
"What brings you here ?"
"Well … I … ehm. Can I ask you a question ?"
"Sure, go ahead."
"How can you tell the difference between friendship and love ?" Harry looked desperate and Jessica Potter had difficulties to keep her giggles inside. Of course Harry was a teenager and he would be having these confusing hormonical outbursts, but she never really expected him to come to her with it.
"I take it you're talking about yourself and Miss Granger ?" Seeing the deep blush on his face she concluded she had hit the jackpot. "Tell me about her, how you feel."
"We've always been friends. Well, not right from the beginning but still … Anyway, I never really thought about Hermione like that. I even had a crush on another girl last year. But I don't know what has changed and when it did. Maybe it was when she looked so drop-dead gorgeous last year at Yule or maybe it was the kiss she gave me right before I went back to the Dursleys, I don't know. All I do know is that every time I see her my heart races, my hands feel sweaty and my head spins."
"That bad, huh." She smiled compassionate at him and he smiled back, glad she didn't make fun of him.
"So I asked her to the Ball."
"Good move. Now what's the problem ?"
"Ron didn't take it all too well and Hermione told him we were going together because we were friends, nothing more." Harry's despair was increasing.
"Ah, I see. And now you want to know from me whether she really really meant it, or whether she was just trying to soothe your other friend."
Harry nodded fiercely and was startled by her laughter.
"I'm sorry Harry, but if I knew the answer to that, I wouldn't be teaching here, I would be making a fortune as a clairvoyant. But I tell you what. If you want to be certain about her feelings, you should just ask her. You are very good friends already and if these things can't be talked about between friends, well then what's the friendship worth ? But do be sure you ask her when you are alone, this is private."
"But what if she makes fun of me ?"
"Oh really Harry, you don't think a smart and sensitive girl like Hermione would do that ? True, she might giggle a bit, but that's just nerves. I'm sure she'll be really gentle with you and who knows, you might be in for a surprise."
"So you think I might stand a chance ?"
"I don't want to get your hopes up, but I don't see why not. You are a very nice boy Harry and I can imagine there's tons of girls who'd want to go out with you."
"You mean they'd want to go out with Harry Potter."
"Ah. Is that why you asked Hermione to the Ball ?"
"No ! Er, well it might have something to do with it, but not entirely."
"Listen Harry, before you go to speak to Hermione, you must be sure of your own feelings. As I said, you are good friends now and it would be a bad idea to jeopardise this friendship."
"No no, I wouldn't !"
"I'm not saying you'd do it deliberately, but consider this: you are very young and right now you want to have a good time and you want someone you know who won't be interested in the 'image' of you. This leads you automatically to one of your friends, but what if this is just a little crush and nothing more ? Will your friendship come out unscathed at the end ? Nothing guarantees that !"
"So you're saying I shouldn't tell Hermione ?"
"No, I'm not telling you anything of the kind. I just want you to think twice before you say or do anything rash."
Harry looked utterly confused and Jessica got pity on him.
"Don't worry too much. These things have a tendency to sort themselves out, you'll see."
"So you *do * think Hermione only said that because she wanted to keep Ron in line !" Harry exclaimed.
"Well, let's put it this way: if I were in her shoes, that's what I would do."
With that Harry returned to Gryffindor Tower, still somewhat confused but determined to do something about it very soon.
*
The Great Hall was once again bathing in the light of thousands of candles. The Christmas trees were dominating the corners of the Hall, overseeing the festively decorated tables. Since quite a lot of students had inter-house dates, the tables weren't reserved for one House only. Harry entered with Hermione, clinging to the arm she had tucked under his.
"Don't worry, I won't fly away." She loosened his grip a bit and Harry's face grimaced, but he returned to smiling when he spotted his friends. Ron was there with Cho as expected and Neville had brought Ginny. He was overly courteous and both the other couples had to keep their eyes averted not to laugh. It was very sweet though, but when Ron and Harry walked across the room together to fetch the drinks, Ron whispered: "The girls won't expect us to carry on like * that * now, would they ?"
Harry smirked. "Oh yes Ron, they would.
Ron wrinkled his nose. "Well they can expect whatever they like, but it doesn't mean I have to make a complete idiot of myself."
They came back laughing and it set the tone for that evening.
When their tummies had been filled with Hogwarts' delicious food, Dumbledore opened the dance with Professor McGonagall.
Soon other couples were allowed on the floor and Harry, who knew he wouldn't be able to avoid it all evening decided to just go ahead with it and asked Hermione to dance.
All things considered it went better than he had feared. It appeared the extra dance classes had paid off and even Neville was acting more relaxed than usual.
It was shortly before midnight when it happened.
All of a sudden, Malfoy stood up and headed for the Head Table, where he curtsied in front of Professor Palmer and asked her to dance.
The Hall fell silent except for the music and all gazes were fixed on the Slytherin prefect dancing with one of his professors.
Harry quickly glanced at Professor Snape and immediately wished he hadn't. Never had he seen such a look of contempt and intense hate on the Potions Master's face. If anyone were to look at him right now there was no way his secret marriage would remain a secret for long. Hermione followed his gaze, mumbled something and got up.
Before Harry had time to register what she had said he saw her go up to Snape and talk to him. He held his breath, along with anyone who had followed where Hermione was going. Then, Snape stood up, took Hermione's hand gracefully in his and led her towards the dance floor. Ron let out a loud groan.
"Oh dear, has she gone stark raving mad ?"
But Harry suspected he knew what she was doing. When she manoeuvred Snape and herself in the vicinity of Malfoy and Professor Palmer, Harry was certain. Then a thought hit him. When the music stopped, both couples would be next to each other and it would be only normal if Professor Snape took over from Malfoy, which was what Hermione had anticipated. But it would also mean that Hermione would be forced to dance with Malfoy.
In a split second Harry jumped up from his chair and rushed towards the Head Table. He bowed in front of Professor McGonagall and sighed relieved when she accepted.
"Really Potter, I must complement you on your dancing skills. Nobody would believe you had only just learned."
"Uh, thank you." Harry managed to mumble, his feet struggling to stay in the rhythm, use the right steps *and * steer them in the direction of the other two mixed student/teacher couples.
"Oh, I see you are guiding us to Severus and Jessica. Please Potter, don't make me dance with Severus, I'm not up for his usual sarcasm."
"Actually that wasn't what I was thinking, Professor." Harry said.
He could see McGonagall didn't know what he was aiming at, but when he looked over Malfoy's shoulder at his godmother, he saw she understood why he was there.
It all happened really fast. When the music stopped, Harry's eyes locked with Snape's and it was as if they communicated telepathically. Snape scooped his wife away from Malfoy and Harry hurried over to Hermione, leaving McGonagall in front of a dazed Malfoy.
"Well, mister Malfoy, it seems the Gryffindor/Slytherin exchange will continue a little longer. I must say I'm impressed with your manners. It is very worthy of a prefect to ask his professors to dance."
Harry steered Hermione away from the couples and both their heads went to Snape and Palmer aka Potter. Hermione got a dreamy look in her eyes and she murmured: "They're really made for each other, aren't they ?"
Harry could only agree with her. The way his aunt and uncle twirled around the dance floor was nothing but magical. A radiant glow surrounded them and Harry wondered how anyone could not notice the special bond between them. As they passed the Head Table, Harry saw a melancholic smile on Lupin's face and Dumbledore was beaming at his dancing professors.
When they got back Harry felt exhausted. Not only was dancing turning out to be quite an effort, but the additional stress caused by Malfoy had him drained to the bone. Hermione didn't look any better and when he suggested they'd step outside for a while she followed him gladly. Harry shot a quick look over his shoulder and saw Cho dragging Ron with her for another round on the dance floor. Behind her goblet, his godmother sent him an encouraging smile and his heart fluttered in anticipation.
Dumbledore had enchanted the grounds around Hogwarts to feel and look like a Mediterranean garden in the midst of summer. Crickets were chirping, moonlight was shining and the heavy scent of honeysuckle invaded Harry's nostrils. They walked as far as a tiny pavillion where Harry followed Hermione's example and sat down next to her. They sat there in silence for a while, each consumed by their own thoughts. Harry kept searching for a way to pour his heart out, but the words kept sticking in his throat. Finally he mustered up the courage to say something.
"This has been a fine night, hasn't it ?" he asked in a shrill voice.
"Yes. I like going to balls, though I wish it wouldn't take so much preparations."
"But it's worth it. You look gorgeous." Harry blurted out before he could stop himself. Apparently Hermione was surprised as well, for she blushed deeply.
"T-thank you." She whispered softly.
Harry stared at his feet for a while, mentally kicking himself for not having the guts to continue. Where was his Gryffindor courage when he needed it ? At long last he dared to look at her again, only to see a puzzling expression on her face. He didn't want her to start ask questions and analyse the situation to shreds, so he did the first thing to enter his mind, which was bending slightly forward and pushing his lips on hers.
TBC
