Dawn was asleep when Buffy arrived home. She walked inside her bedroom and sat down beside her on the bed. She wished she could sleep as peacefully as her sister, free from money worries, vampire hunting and Spike. How could she tell Dawn about Spike?

Gently, she stroked back a stray hair that had fallen across Dawn's forehead.

"Buffy?" Dawn yawned.

"Shhh," she whispered. "Go back to sleep Dawn."

"What time is it?"

"It's late and you should be sleeping."

Dawn sat up. "What's wrong? Is Spike back?"

Buffy bit her lip. "We'll talk in the morning."

"We'll talk now," Dawn said. "You promised to stop treating me like a child remember?"

"It's just..." Buffy started to say, but Dawn interrupted her, finishing the sentence.

"Complicated. It always is."

Buffy smiled. "Yeah, it always is," she said softly. "Spike is back. He has been back for a few weeks."

"Why didn't you tell me?" yelled Dawn, jumping up from her bed.

"Something is wrong with him," Buffy continued. "He went to see some demon and now he is trapped inside his own mind."

"Is he going to be okay?" Dawn asked.

"I don't know," Buffy replied. "Clem found him and Anya has been looking for a guide to help me go inside Spike's mind and help him come back out of it."

"You are going to go inside Spike's mind?" gasped Dawn. "Buffy, are you insane?"

Buffy laughed. "Xander has been asking me that for a while now."

"It's dangerous isn't it?"

"There is a chance that neither of us will be able to return. We could stay trapped inside his mind forever."

"You can't do it then," Dawn said. "I can't let you do it."

"I'm the only chance he has," Buffy said softly. "If I don't, he'll be tortured inside his mind forever."

"And you could join him there. Or is that what you want?"

Buffy gasped. "How dare you say that to me," she yelled. "I owe it to him to help him. I can't leave him there, no matter what he has done. I thought at least you would understand."

"I do understand, but I can't lose you again. You can't leave me Buffy. I couldn't take it again."

Buffy stood up and wrapped her arms around her sister. "I'm not leaving you Dawnie. Anya has found the best guide there is and you know I can do this. You know I will never leave you."

Dawn wiped her eyes. "I know," she said. "I'm scared."

"You and me both. The inside of Spike's mind is a scary thought on its own without the thought of actually going inside it. I can imagine what he is going through."

"How?"

Buffy sat back down on the bed. Dawn joined her.

"A few years ago, Christmas Eve in fact, Angel was kinda going through the same thing," she said. "He wasn't trapped inside his mind, but he was tortured by visions from his past. I was even drawn into one of them. It wasn't very nice."

"Oh Buffy..."

"Now imagine what Spike's memories and dreams must be like. I'm terrified that I will go in there, see what he has done and then just leave him like that. I'm afraid his past will make me forget what he has done for us and for me."

Dawn didn't know what to say. Sure, Spike had done terrible things in past. So terrible she couldn't, and didn't want to try to imagine them. But the Spike she had always known was nothing like the monster he had been. Spike had always looked out for her, always been there for her when she'd needed someone to talk to or just hang out with. He was someone who didn't judge her or expect anything from her. She'd missed him and was probably the only one who really did want him back. Buffy had her sense of responsibility to him for everything he'd done for them, and she just bet she knew what Xander had to say about all this. He would be dead against this, maybe Anya too. After all, when she slept with Spike, she blew her chance for ever getting Xander back, if she still wanted him that was.

Dawn wondered about Willow, what her response to Buffy's plan had been. There was no love lost between the vampire and the witch, but Willow was going through a forgiveness kick, largely due to her whole falling off the 'no witchcraft' wagon and trying to kill everyone by destroying the world. She had been out of control and knew how it must be for Spike to have a demon inside him that he can't control and therefore couldn't be held responsible for it's actions. But Willow hadn't had the luxury of a demon she could blame for her acts, just grief and vengeance. It was kinda the same thing, Dawn thought.

"You'd better get back to sleep," Buffy said, breaking the silence.

"In a minute," Dawn said as she crawled back into her bed. "After you promise me that you'll take me to see him before you do this thing you have to do."

"In the morning, I promise," Buffy said as she stood back up and walked towards the door. "Sleep well."

"You too."

~*~

His own : "Do you like it baby?"

Buffy : "You're just...convenient..."

His own : "I'm all you've got...got...got..."

Drusilla : "This is so...disappointing..."

Buffy : "..because your girlfriend's a big ho...ho...ho.."

Drusilla : "It reeks of death...death...death..."

His own : "Do you trust me...?"

Buffy : "Never...never...never..."

~*~

"He's warm," Dawn said as she stroked Spike's forehead..

"Yeah I know," Buffy replied.

"Are you sure this is going to work? I mean, going inside Spike's mind...it's kinda creepy and probably dangerous."

"I don't know, but there is no other option. How are you holding up Clem?"

Clem had been staying at Spike's crypt watching over him ever since he had found him like this.

"I'm doing okay," the demon replied. "I miss him though. Spike's a lot of fun to hang out with."

"Spike? Fun? I haven't heard him described as fun before," Buffy said.

"He looks out for me. No-one else ever pays attention to me except for Spike."

Buffy touched his shoulder lightly. "We'll bring him back," she said. "Alright Dawny, school now and I'll meet you at the Magic Box afterwards. We'll talk more then." She moved back over to Spike. "Hold on Spike. Just a little bit longer."

~*~

Everyone was waiting for her at the Magic Box when she arrived. Even Giles. He'd arrived straight from the hospital and was looking around at all the alterations in amazement.

"You did all this?" he asked Xander.

"With a lot of help," he replied.

"It looks good," Giles said with his typical Englishman's understatement.

"It looks incredible," cut in Buffy.

"Bout time you showed up Buff," Xander said.

"I had to take Dawn to see Spike," she replied softly.

"How did she take it?" Willow asked.

"Better than I thought she would."

"You are still going to do this?" Giles asked.

Buffy nodded. "I'm going to do it. Anya found a guide and tonight..."

"Yes, Icelus. I have heard of this demon. He hides in the dream world and nightmares. Be careful Buffy. Not everything is as it seems with Icelus. His world is not a reality and he will twist things to suit himself. Never drop your guard no matter what happens," Giles warned.

"I think I have been around demons enough to know never to trust them," she replied.

Xander bit his tongue. Comments about Spike wouldn't be appreciated right now, he thought. He still thought this was the worst idea he had ever heard. She should leave Spike where he was. He deserved to be tormented by his memories, forever trapped in his own mind. He'd been saying it for weeks now and no-one was listening.

He'd said it about Angel too. He had never trusted the vampire and had been proven right when he'd lost his soul and went on his murderous rampage which resulted in Miss Calendar's death. Funny how everything he had done was all forgiven and forgotten just because he'd regained his soul and saved the day a few more times.

Why was he always the only one who saw the demons for what they were? Buffy was blinded by love. She'd loved Angel to the point that anything he did was forgiven without question. Forgiven everything, except for his leaving her. He didn't even want to think about the whole 'Spike' thing. It was still too weird. What was it about neutered vampires that pushed Buffy's buttons? Willow's loyalty let her down. Angel had saved her life so many times that she'd been able to forgive him too. At least Giles had held onto his mistrust, but eventually, Xander had seen him changing his opinion of the dark vampire.

He stood silently thinking. He disagreed with what Buffy was going to do, but he had decided that he couldn't let her go in alone. She would need backup and that's what he always was. Her backup, not groupie, comic relief or anything else Spike delighted in throwing at him. He had proven time and time again that he was more than that. He had spent years fighting beside Buffy and he wasn't about to stop now. If she was going in, so was he.

"Then I guess until Anya gets here, we research more about this demon guide of yours. You'll need to know everything you can before you go inside Spike's mind because once you're in, there's no coming back until you have defeated what you have to defeat to bring him and yourself back out."

Buffy nodded and walked towards the back of the shop where Xander had placed the new library. She agreed with Giles. There was no way she could trust this guide Anya had lined up for her. He had guided others before and they had failed. She would need all the help she could get.

Willow had been silent throughout the exchange. Her thoughts were not unlike Xander's. She had been thinking long and hard and come to the conclusion that she was going in with Buffy too. It would be her way of making everything up to her friend. She had realised what Buffy had been too scared to admit to anyone but Dawn. There was a chance that Buffy would go in, see what Spike had been and not be able to look past it and bring him back out. Willow didn't have the close relationship with the vampire that Buffy had had. She would be able to hold perspective and whilst no doubt she would be horrified by what she might see, she didn't have an emotional attachment. Buffy needed her in there with her. She needed someone with her that would be able to be strong when she would fall. And Willow knew that Buffy would fall. She had been trying to hold everything together for so long that a fall was inevitable and she would be there to catch her.

"Ah here we go, Icelus," Giles exclaimed looking up from his book. "Icelus is one of the Oneiroi, sons of Hypnos, the god of sleep. In Greek mythology, they represented different aspects of dreams. Morpheus appeared in dreams as a loved one, Phobetor as personified nightmares often appearing as an animal or monster, Phantasos appeared as an inanimate object and Icelus appeared in the form of a person. The Oneiroi are deities of certain types of dreams Buffy, so be very careful."

"What sort of dreams?" she asked.

"Uh, nightmares and uh, sexual dreams," Giles replied turning a faint shade of red. "And considering the err past you and Spike have, it could be, well interesting isn't quite the right word for it."

Buffy blushed also. "I can deal," she said softly.

"You won't have to alone," Xander said finally. "I'm going in with you."

"Xander no," she gasped. "I can't take anyone in with me. Its already dangerous enough without having to keep an eye on you."

"Who said I needed looking after?" he asked, starting to feel a bit annoyed. "Why am I always seen as Xander the helpless who needs Buffy always behind me to look out for me? I can take care of myself you know."

"I'm sorry," Buffy said softly. "Its just, its going to be hard enough for me to get through whatever dreams and nightmares Spike is trapped in. I'm the slayer, I can deal with things like that. You wouldn't be able..."

"What have I been doing for the past 5 years?" he shouted. "I have seen some pretty sick shit and never once has anything happened to me..."

"Hyena possession," Willow cut in. "Inca mummy girl, praying mantis teacher, Cordelia...."

"Thank you Willow," he snapped at the slender redhead before turning back to Buffy. "I just mean, I have always been beside you, helping you fight, and look, I'm still here, still breathing. Do you have to be dead again before anyone takes me seriously?"

"I'm sorry," Buffy replied in a small voice. "I just don't want to risk losing you. Someone has to be here to look after Dawn if something happens to me. You and Willow are..."

"Coming with you," Willow said, finishing off Buffy's sentence. "Hey! You didn't think you could leave me out of this did you? And my mind is made up so nothing you can say will be changing it."

Buffy looked between her two friends. She knew from the looks on their faces that they were right. There was no way she was going into Spike's mind without them. Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea after all.

~*~

Buffy brushed the hair back from Spike's forehead. She was still shocked by the warmth of his skin, but she was getting used to it. He felt, alive, and she liked that. Maybe, somewhere deep down, she did have feelings for him that she just couldn't admit to herself or to anyone. He looked so peaceful despite the torment she knew he must be going through. She'd only ever seen him like that after they'd...

Blushing, she turned around to see if the others were watching. Giles was busy with another one of his lectures. She could tell by the expressions on Willow and Xander's faces that it was nothing they hadn't heard before. Giles always stuck to his tried and true "be careful" speech. Although, she thought to herself, maybe this time, they had reason to be careful. Demons and vampires she could handle. This was something altogether different. This time she would be totally unprepared for what she would find in Spike's mind.

"Anya should be here soon," she finally said as she walked over and joined then. "Are you absolutely sure you want to..."

"You're not going in there alone," Xander said, interrupting her.

"Darn tootin' you're not," Willow added.

Buffy smiled. She could always count on her friends to support her, no matter what. She considered herself very lucky. They were why she'd lived longer than any other slayer, she told herself. She always had them to watch her back and to always be there to hold her when things got tough. She felt a moment of sadness when she thought about all the slayers who had come before her and had never had anyone to back them up like she had. Maybe if they had, things might have turned out differently for them, and for her.

"Thanks guys," she said in a small voice. "I don't know what I would ever do without you."

"You'll never have to find out," Xander said taking her in his arms and holding her close.

Buffy swallowed down the tears that were threatening to overwhelm her. She had to hold things together and be brave. For them, for Spike and for herself.

"Ahem."

Xander looked over Buffy's shoulder and dropped his arms as he stepped back.

Anya, and she wasn't alone. Beside her stood a very tall demon with jet black wings. Icelus.

"Are you ready?" she asked, not meeting Xander's eyes so he couldn't see the hurt in them. She'd always suspected his feelings for Buffy had never died. Seeing her in his arms had hurt her deeply. Part of her wanted this to fail. The only thing holding it back completely was the knowledge that Buffy had never, and never would return his feelings.

Buffy nodded. "Let's do it," she said.

Icelus stepped forward. It almost hurt Buffy's neck looking up at him. His icy blue eyes burned into hers and his voice, when he spoke, was like a sensual wave.

"You know the risks?" he asked.

She nodded again, unable to speak.

"Then we shall begin," he replied. They watched as he knelt beside Spike's bed. His hand rested on the vampire's chest as in a low voice, he began chanting. A soft purple glow slowly begun covering Spike's body. Startled, Buffy started to step forward, but Anya pulled her back.

"Its all part of the ceremony," she said in a quiet voice.

Buffy watched as the purple glow completed its mission and totally covered Spike from view.

"Step forward slayer," Icelus commanded.

Buffy felt almost powerless to resist his voice. It was like her feet had a mind of their own as she moved forward and found herself standing next to Icelus without consciously remembering the walk there.

"Whoa, hold up buddy," Xander said stepping forward to join them. "She's not going in alone."

"That's right," said Willow as she moved up to join Xander. "We're going too."

Icelus chuckled. "So be it," he said. "Place your right hands on his chest."

All three friends reached out and let their hands rest on Spike's chest. Icelus smiled briefly then began chanting again. The purple glow flared up and turned a deep red as it washed over them, then, they were gone.

"It is done."