Hello all you fabulous readers! Term starts tomorrow, so I thought I'd get this out before I get busy, irritated, and depressed. Thank you so much for the kind encouragement, and not to mention the very useful advice. Keep it up! The more reviews, the faster I get inspired (funny how that works), and the story is finally going to start picking up the pace. Enjoy!
That night, for the first time in two years, Draco had good dreams instead of nightmares. It was because he no longer felt quite so alone. In the other room, still relegated to the couch, Harry fell asleep still grinning, because he felt exactly the same way.
The next few days passed by slowly and quietly. Harry spent quite a bit of his time at his university, studying, giving Draco free run of the flat. Draco continued to heal and continued to cook. 'Occupational therapy,' Harry had joked, which Draco had laughed at, though he really hadn't understood. Later, Draco had looked up the term, and had uncovered what it meant. He didn't think Harry was too far off the mark. It was nice to be good at something again, and good to be needed.
Harry yawned widely as he came into the kitchen. He was still half asleep, despite having just had his morning shower, and could barely manage to nod at Draco by way of greeting.
" You clash, go change", Draco said sternly. Indeed, the improperly buttoned up blue shirt and green slacks Harry was wearing did not match well, but to Draco's consternation, his first reaction had been one of appreciation, not disdain. The way Harry's black hair curled slightly from the moisture of his shower, the glitter of tiny drops of water that dripped off a few wayward strands, even the fact that Harry was barefoot and without his customary glasses; it was all seemingly screaming at him, demanding attention and recognition. So instead, Draco focused his attention on the first available flaw he could find, and dropped his eyes back to the tabletop.
Harry's response was little more then a grunt. He went directly to the coffee pot, and stood motionlessly, staring at the machine until the black brew was ready. It wasn't until he had downed half a cup of caffeine that he felt capable of speech.
" I always figured you for an annoying morning person," Harry said, pulling out the chair across from Draco, and slumping into it.
" There's half a cheese omelette on the stove," Draco said, gesturing with his cup of tea without looking up from his chemistry book.
Harry could tell Draco was avoiding looking in his eyes, and he wondered why. " You didn't spit in it, did you?"
Draco snorted contemptuously. " I would never do something so vulgar."
Harry was not reassured by the comment, since Draco's tone seemed to infer that there was still something wrong with the omelette. He poked it gingerly with a fork and his stomach growled. With a shrug, he figured the risk was worth it, and ate the rest of the omelette right out of the pan. Satisfied, he dumped the pan in the sink, poured himself another cup of coffee, and leaned back in his chair.
" That was delicious," Harry said.
" How you've survived thus far on your own…" Draco did the impossible, and looked up at Harry. Thankfully, the disturbing feelings from before had faded, and Harry was just his friend again. Draco grinned, "I was thinking of trying to cook something a bit more challenging. You'll need to pick up a few things though. Actually, we're nearly out of everything."
" Yeah, I noticed. Well, I don't have anything planned for today, other then picking up my paycheque. We could go out, get a few errands done. You must be getting sick of this place," Harry suggested. " We can go to the supermarket, and you can get whatever ingredients you want."
Draco's first impulse was to say yes, but then the fear crept in, as though ice had been poured into his blood. Actually leave the flat? But he was safe here; he was protected. With every day he spent indoors, the world outside seemed to become darker, and more dangerous. What if someone outside recognized him? What if he somehow got lost, and couldn't find his way back? But he supposed Harry would be with the whole time, and Harry did make him feel safe. And he did want to see what was out beyond the four walls of the flat, to see a little more of Harry's world.
As Draco's mind whirled, still more complications arose. If he admitted to being recovered enough to go outside, then it would mean he would have to come up with another excuse for staying with Harry. For while he could consider leaving the flat for a few hours, the thought of leaving permanently made him nauseous. The outside world was only bearable because he had somewhere to come back to. A home. The problem was, it wasn't his home, but Harry's, and no matter what Harry said, eventually they would have to talk about why Draco was here. Eventually, Draco would have to leave - only he didn't want it to be so soon.
He needed a plan. Draco had always been good at organizing and planning things, and this was no different. If he wanted to stay with Harry (and right now, he was not going to complicate the problem by wondering why he did want to stay), then he needed some time to think. With a sinking heart, he knew the only answer he could give Harry's suggestion was no. He wanted to go, but the risk was too great. He couldn't leave, until he could be sure he could always come back.
" I don't think that's a good idea," Draco responded finally. He saw the almost imperceptible dulling of Harry's expression, and felt even worse. Harry had taken him in, and this was how he treated him? He hastened to give an excuse, " Not that I don't want to be seen with you, but I still don't think I'm feeling well enough."
" Do you still have a fever?" Harry asked. He reached out and gently touched Draco's forehead. Draco jerked backwards in his chair, away from the touch. The heat that caused his face to flush had nothing to do with fever, however, and everything to do with a sudden awareness of what his new found feelings towards Harry probably meant. Such feelings would… complicate matters.
Harry felt hurt when his touch was so quickly rebuffed. Well, at least he knew where he stood now. Despite having prepared himself for the inevitable snakebite, he was dismayed to discover that he had still been hurt by it. As it was, though intellectually he knew it wasn't anyone's problem but his, he couldn't help but lash out slightly, in anger. He said, " Oh, I see how it is."
Draco had always been good at reading people, and although Harry was attempting to conceal his emotions, Draco could see that Harry's jaw was clenched tightly, meaning despite everything, he had succeeded in making Harry mad at him. Sighing deeply, knowing he would definitely regret his actions in a moment, Draco spoke,
" Then again, maybe the fresh air would do me good."
Harry brightened, an easy grin appearing as if by magic. Any comments were forgiven and forgotten in an instant, like Harry was a dog Draco had kicked, and then conversely patted on the head.
" We'll take it easy, I swear. We'll get my cheque, and then go to the supermarket. Three hours, tops."
" Fine," Draco said reluctantly, determined to show as little enthusiasm as possible, which was quite easy considering he was still scared stiff at the thought of actually going out. " But for fuck sake, brush your hair, and change your clothes."
" Like you're one to talk", Harry said cheerfully. He looked pointedly at Draco's borrowed clothes, which were still a little loose, and would probably always be a little too large on Draco's slighter frame.
" I don't have a choice. You, however, willingly walk around dressed like an idiot," Draco explained.
" With flattery like this, I'm going to get a swelled head", Harry said, rolling his eyes skyward. He did go and change though.
Draco was bundled into one of Harry's heavier overcoats, and he put on the red mittens he had worn on arrival. The mittens were definitely not his style, but they reminded him of trials already accomplished, and he needed all the confidence he could get. Harry was oblivious to Draco's trepidation as they stepped over the threshold, and locked the flat door behind them.
They stood in the narrow hallway in front of a set of dented metal doors. Harry pushed a button, and there was a faint rattling before the doors slid open, and Harry stepped into the lift. He watched with considerable amusement as Draco edged his way inside as though fearing the doors would close on him like a steel trap.
" Never been in a lift before?" Harry asked, as the lift gave a little lurch and began its descent to the ground floor. Draco shook his head no, as he examined the sensations of the moving box. The elevator stopped, and Draco's stomach did a little flip as the forces of gravity and momentum collided. " How did you get to my place before?"
" Took the stairs," Draco replied.
" I keep forgetting how much of this is new to you. It's like when I first went to Hogwart's. Everything was different, and some people just took it for granted."
" You always looked so completely ridiculous every time something remotely magical happened," Draco said, slowly relaxing as they walked. The sky above had not fallen when they walked out the front doors to the sidewalk, and he took that as a good sign.
" And, oh, how the tables have turned," Harry said, cackling evilly, and rubbing his palms together with malicious glee. " Be afraid, Draco, be very afraid."
" I already am afraid. Afraid people will think I'm accompanying you by choice," Draco muttered, and Harry just laughed.
They soon came to the little bookstore where Harry worked. It was painted a pretty shade of blue with white shutters, and a hand painted sign flapped slowly in the wind with the store's name, 'Book's End', written on it. Tiny silvery bells rang as Harry entered, and Mrs.Cooper, behind the counter, looked up briefly and smiled. Her eyes widened to an impossible size when she saw Draco standing next to Harry. She looked back and forth between them, and Harry blushed a deep red. He had been hoping she would have forgotten his comment from before.
The store was bustling, and there was a small crowd at the register. Mrs. Cooper had to turn away and address a customer, and Harry gave a brief sigh of relief. Mrs. Cooper looked to be working hard and loving every minute of it – chances were good that she wouldn't get a chance to ask any questions.
" Be with you in a minute, Harry, I still have to work out your money, you don't mind waiting a bit?" Mrs. Cooper called out.
" Take your time", Harry replied. Draco was already peering at the books; his interest piqued by more then a few titles in the non-fiction section. He had progressed from the natural science books, to the cookbooks, when Mrs. Cooper attached herself to his arm.
" And here I thought Harry was pulling my leg about having a boyfriend staying with him. How has he managed to keep you a secret, darling? You are positively gorgeous. Come. Come and talk with me, while I figure out Harry's cheque", Mrs. Cooper said, all in one breath.
She didn't give Draco a chance to respond as she pulled him into her small office. Draco caught a fleeting glimpse of Harry manning the till and looking stricken that Draco was alone with his boss, and then he was sitting in a careworn chair, across from a beaming Mrs. Cooper. " Isn't Harry just a dear? Helping me out like this, even when it's not his day to work, and when he obviously has much better things to do with his time. Don't worry; I'll give him back soon, though. I'll make sure you and he have some quality time together if I have to force him from the shop myself."
" Harry's told you about me?" Draco asked slowly; his mind busy sorting the pieces of the puzzle together. So he was Harry's boyfriend, was he? He supposed he could either deny it, or play along. As always, the opportunity for being deceptive appealed to him. It would mean dredging up skills he had not used for a long time - flexing rusty mental abilities. It would be a good way of testing just how far his recovery had progressed; a Draco Malfoy that couldn't lie and scheme, was a defective Draco Malfoy.
" Barely at all! He just mentioned a blonde in his bed, and here I thought it was some trick so I would stop setting him up with people! I'm ever so glad I was mistaken, what's your name then, love? And how and when did you meet our Harry?"
" I'm Draco, and you are?" Draco asked politely, already sliding comfortably into the role of Harry's lover. It was a little disconcerting just how easy the position came to him, but he shrugged it off, wanting to focus on the game at hand.
" I'm Mrs. Cooper, but never mind that. I want to hear all about you and Harry. I'll just die if you say it was love at first sight," she said with a squeal.
" Well, we met at school, and the reaction was immediate," Draco said. The hallmark of lying was to keep as many things true as was possible, and omit rather then change the things that were false. Aiming for the most angelic face he could muster, he said melodramatically, " Boarding school can be so lonely, you know."
" Oh, the both of you so lost and alone, away at boarding school, and then finding each other! How sweet. I can picture it already. Study dates in the library, holding hands in the hallways, stolen kisses after curfew in some forgotten classroom… Ooh, it's so romantic! And now you've come to see him, he must be so happy. I don't think I've ever seen him so at ease with someone else."
" We've never run out of things to say to each other," Draco admitted. That was also true – insults had always flown fast and furious between them.
" I knew the moment I saw you that you were the one for my Harry. Such a charming boy, you are," Mrs. Cooper said. Draco actually found himself blushing; she was just so sincere. " And here I was, trying to set him up with one of the local blokes. I was getting very worried about him, you see, he never seemed to show any interest in anyone, but now I see he was saving himself for you!"
Draco nearly spoiled things by laughing. The thought of Harry 'saving himself' for Draco, was beyond funny. Fortunately, Mrs. Cooper was giggling also. Draco was starting to feel like they were old friends.
" So are you two living together?"
Draco leaned forward, dropping his voice conspiratorially, and Mrs. Cooper leaned across the desk, eager to hear the secret. " Well, I've been hoping Harry will make it official, and ask me to move in permanently. A long distance relationship is just too wearing, you know?"
" Oh, I know dear, I know", Mrs. Cooper said, all sympathy for Draco's plight.
" But you know Harry. So stuck in his ways that any mention of change and he just pulls right back into himself. I really don't know what to do," Draco said. He really should have gotten some sort-of award for his performance; his lower lip was trembling slightly, and there were tears shining in his eyes. That they were tears of restrained laughter was beside the point.
" The beast! I tell you it's the same with men everywhere, present company excluded of course", Mrs. Cooper said, winking at him. " Well, you just keep at him, and even Harry will come around. He can be a little obstinate at times, but that doesn't mean he doesn't care. I'll push him from this side, as well. I would so like to seem him happily settled with a nice man like you."
" That would be just wonderful, Mrs. Cooper. I'm sure that with you reminding him from time to time about me, we will definitely get a reaction from him," Draco said. He could already see Harry's face as he tried to defend himself from Mrs. Cooper's well-intentioned prodding.
" If all else fails, you can always just flutter those beautiful eyelashes of yours, and I bet he just melts at your feet. He already can't keep his eyes off of you", Mrs. Cooper whispered encouragingly to Draco. They both looked out the door and Harry was indeed staring at the pair of them. He couldn't help it, what we're they talking about?
Harry finished up with the last customer, and in the lull, hurried to the office. Draco and Mrs. Cooper we're still giggling and talking in whispers, which suspiciously stopped when he entered the room.
" And there's our darling boy. Here's your cheque, Harry. I hope you don't mind I stole your boyfriend for a bit? I had to make sure he was good enough for you, you understand."
Harry darted his eyes to Draco, wondering what the other had said. Draco watched him squirm for a moment, before jumping in,
" And it's a good thing she did. I found out that you've barely mentioned me. It's almost as though you're ashamed of me," Draco said, affecting a pout.
Harry blushed a deep red, and began to stutter,
" I… uh."
" Shame on you Harry, taking Draco here for granted. I bet you haven't even taken him out on the town since he's been here, have you? Selfishly keeping him to yourself," Mrs. Cooper scolded.
" Well, I…"
" This is the first time we've been out together in public in ages", Draco supplied helpfully.
" Harry!"
" But I…"
" No excuses! Now you take that paycheque of yours, and you cash it, and then you take Draco out somewhere very nice, just the two of you. And Draco, darling, you come back soon and tell me all the details," Mrs. Cooper said.
" Oh Harry, what a perfectly wonderful idea," Draco said, pulling on his coat and mittens, before reaching for Harry's hand. Harry dropped the hand in surprise, Mrs. Cooper frowned, Harry sighed, and took Draco by the hand again. Draco bit his lip hard to stop the laughter bubbling in his throat.
" Now, off with you two. Be good," Mrs. Cooper said, shooing them out of the store. A completely bewildered Harry allowed himself to be dragged out the door and around the corner. When they were a safe distance away, Draco let loose the laughter he had been holding.
Harry crossed his arms across his chest, looking indignant; Draco was bent nearly double, howling with laughter.
" Your face… It was priceless! I thought she was going to burn you on the spot when you didn't hold my hand," Draco gasped out, a fresh peal of laughter making more speech impossible. Harry tried desperately not to smile, but laughter truly is contagious, and even though the joke was at his expense, he found himself cracking. His laughter, fortunately, was drowned out by Draco's. Eventually, Draco ran out of air, and had to sit on the street's curb to catch his breath.
" At least you're taking the whole fact that I'm queer quite well," Harry said quietly, helping Draco to his feet.
" Hmm, I don't know why, but I didn't find it that surprising. I've never really cared one way or the other, anyway, about anyone," Draco said, still a little winded, but sufficiently in control again. " Though, having your boss tell me that I was your boyfriend was a surprise. You'd think I'd remember something like that."
Harry had the grace to blush, " Sorry about that. I was just trying to stop her from her matchmaking, and I had to give her something. You saw how happy she was."
" Don't worry, I could have done worse, and I like her. She thinks I'm about the greatest man she's ever met, which shows her excellent taste."
" You know, for a straight man, you did a very good impression of being gay."
Draco went quiet, and picked up the pace. He tossed out his words over his shoulder, " Whoever said I was straight?"
Harry stopped walking mid-step, his foot dangling a few centimetres above the sidewalk, allowing Draco to move on ahead. Draco passed the steps that would have taken them to the underground, but Harry didn't tell him. It was a longish walk to the supermarket, but then, the conversation had just gotten interesting.
" You're gay? But your reputation…" Harry blushed, remembering some of the more provocative gossip that had circulated around Draco's exploits. Draco snorted,
" The Slytherin slut? Banged every one in Hogwart's twice? Two for one special on virgin-be-gone? That reputation?"
" That would be the one."
" I never dated a single person while at Hogwart's – not even Pansy can claim to have gone on one official date with me."
To say that Harry was shocked was an understatement, " Then how…?"
" Because I was frequently absent, and because I never showed the remotest interest in those around me, it was assumed that I must be getting it somewhere else, from people far more experienced and pleasurable. Thus the legend was born. I think they would have been sorely disappointed if they'd known I was more often then not sitting on the castle roof reading."
" Maybe I should have tried disappearing more regularly. I might have improved my reputation," Harry said lightly.
" Stupid, isn't it? The things we do to impress people? When I caught onto the fact that my housemates thought I was having passionate, clandestine meetings, I began staging elaborate scenes to reinforce their suspicions. I'd do-up my buttons wrong, leave my robes rumbled, even rub lipstick on my collar. Pathetic, really. I stopped doing that when I got a bit older; it didn't seem so important anymore. Though I would still never admit that I was a virgin. It's a fate worse then death to be a virgin these days, though why that's the case when there's so many diseases, I'll never understand."
" I know what you mean. I'm… I'm still a virgin, even now. I've made out a few times, and stuff, but… I try not to let it show, if that's even possible. It's sick really, how my deepest, darkest, secret is that I'm a virgin. Not the deaths I've caused, not the fact that I'm a wizard or anything. What I don't want people to discover is that I've never slept with anyone."
" And yet you told me", Draco pointed out.
" Yeah, well…"
" Sometimes secrets need to be told," Draco said quietly. " I'm still a virgin too. I haven't even come close."
They were both silent, the sharing of deep secrets weaving around them and creating a separate world where only they existed. Their feet trudged through the slushy streets, occasionally glancing at each other, wondering where to take the conversation from here. Harry was thinking that Draco's earlier assertion was right: these confessions would have been easier if they'd both been drunk. He made mental note to pick up some serious alcohol on the way home.
" So have you always known you were gay?" Harry asked.
" I'm not really sure I'm gay, either," Draco said, voice pensive. Seeing Harry's look of confusion, he struggled to find a way of explaining what had taken him two years of seclusion to even begin understanding. " It's like this: you're gay if you're attracted to members of your own sex, you're straight if you're attracted to the opposite sex, and your bi if you're attracted by members in either group."
" So far nothing I didn't know by age twelve, but continue," Harry ordered. Draco rolled his eyes,
" What I'm trying to point out is that the key aspect of all definitions, is that you must be attracted."
" You're not going to say you've never been attracted to anyone before? That's ridiculous," Harry scoffed.
" Ah, but what is attraction? Take me for instance, I am, outwardly, highly attractive", Draco said, no hint of shame.
" And so modest," Harry muttered. " You might be attractive, but then you open your mouth and the illusion disappears."
" Precisely my point. You, when you despised me, would never have seen me as attractive. It no longer mattered what I looked like, all that mattered was your perception of me."
" Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. You're not exactly breaking new ground here," Harry interposed, determined to play the devil's advocate.
" So you admit, that it is possible to view someone as attractive or otherwise, without any mention of outward appearance?"
" Absolutely," Harry said.
" And that the only true attraction exists outside parameters of physical appearance?"
" For some people, I would say that's true."
" Therefore, for some people, true attraction can exist beyond even male or female distinctions," Draco said, summing up his argument.
" You being one of these enlightened people, I assume?"
" Harry, you know how fussy I am. I spend hours choosing which robe to wear..."
" That's not so weird," Harry interjected.
" They're all identical black robes," Draco explained.
" Oh, yeah, that's messed up."
" So, knowing that, can you imagine how seriously I take a relationship?"
" It's true, you are rather prissy. And fussy," Harry said solemnly.
" Yeah… hey!" Draco said offended; Harry just smiled.
" Go back to talking about your high and lofty ideals."
" Well, I was just saying that while I may have been momentarily distracted by a pretty face a few times, in all honesty, I've never been truly attracted to anyone, and since I don't know the gender yet of my eventual partner, I refuse to label myself."
" Perfection is hard to find, you know", Harry warned.
" I'm not looking for a perfect person; I'm looking for the person who is perfect for me. And I wager, in that respect, I'm no different then you."
" Ick. I'm like you? Disturbing."
" Shut-up," Draco said, half-scowling, half-smiling. "How many people know you're gay?"
" Ron and Hermione. Dumbledore - just because he knows everything. Most of the people I've met here know; there didn't seem much point in lying to them," Harry replied. " I remember when I first told Ron, he freaked out for a few minutes, and then decided that because I fancied boys, that I must fancy him. He used to wait until I fell asleep, before he would go to bed, scared I would 'make a move' while he slept," Harry said, laughing at the memory.
" Stupid git", Draco said, laughing also.
" Hey! He's still my best friend," said Harry.
" Nah, I didn't mean it like that. I meant that he was stupid to think you would ever fall for him."
Harry scrutinized his blonde companion. Draco kept his eyes directly forward. " Why… Why wouldn't I have ever gone after Ron? I mean: I knew he was straight, but I might still have had feelings for him. Just because I never did, doesn't mean it would have been impossible."
" Simple. Ron falls in and out of love with great rapidity. Even I know that from the few occasions I met with him while at Hogwart's. You, however, are like me, and will not be with someone unless you think it's going be taken seriously. I'll even go so far as to say that I think you're unlikely to fall in love more then once or twice in your entire life. Knowing a relationship with Ron would most likely be an experiment, and temporary, you would never have let yourself fall for him."
" I suppose that makes sense. I always did envy Ron his ability to date for fun. For me it was always such a major upheaval, that I tended to avoid it whenever possible. I really didn't want to be queer. I still feel like I'm getting used to it, and maybe that's why I've never really been with anyone."
" If it helps, I have another reason why I never slept around, other then not having met the right person."
" Yeah, and what's that?"
" Sex is disgusting."
" What?" Harry burst out. Draco's face was slightly scrunched up, as though there was something distasteful about his surroundings.
" You know what I'm like, how I like to have everything in its correct place, all neat and clean and organized. I used to freak out when I got black ink on my black robes, for Merlin's sake. Sex is all about touching someone's skin, sweating and groaning. Becoming covered in fluids that under normal circumstances you wouldn't hesitate to wash away at the nearest opportunity. It's just so… messy."
" Messy?" Harry repeated incredulously. " You don't want to have sex, because you don't want to get dirty?"
" I didn't say I never wanted to have sex. I just think, that if I'm going to do it, then it would have to be with someone I trust as implicitly as I trust myself. To do something like that with just anyone is repulsive. Who knows where they've been?"
Harry laughed gently, not laughing at Draco, but seeing the humour in Draco's analytic description of the act. " So what about, um, you know?"
" What are you talking about?"
" Well, what about touching yourself? Do you think that's too disgusting also?"
" Oh. That. To me that's just something you have to do to take care of your body; like brushing your teeth." At Harry's derisive snort of laughter, Draco reddened slightly, " Okay, not quite the same as brushing your teeth. But it's still just you. Letting someone else do that to you? Being so out of control and vulnerable, knowing that if they were to leave you that it would be utterly shaming and humiliating. It's easier to forgive an enemy then a friend; imagine the power a lover would have?"
" Easier to forgive an enemy, huh? Guess that explains how I'm able to tolerate you. And your silly speeches that are really just trying to conceal the fact that you're a hopeless virgin," Harry said.
The supermarket was visible in the distance, and it seemed the appropriate time to lighten the mood. Draco seemed to agree, as he punched Harry in the shoulder for the slight, and grinned.
" I don't know why I bother talking to you. Uncultured swine," Draco said in the most superior of his voices.
Surrounding the supermarket was a very inadequately sized parking lot, and, consequently, a great number of cars circling the lot, waiting for a space. The cars were not very patient, and Harry and Draco were shouted and beeped at as they cut across the pavement to the entrance. Draco was still trying to figure out the rules regarding traffic – red means stop, green means go, were easy enough, but the sheer number of signs and regulations was overwhelming. As a result, he remained leery of the fast moving automobiles, and followed so closely on Harry's heels that he stepped on the backs of Harry's shoes twice.
The supermarket was bustling with customers, all seemingly in a hurry. One particularly large woman with badly dyed blonde hair, charged into Draco, who was standing and gawking in the store's electronic doorway, nearly knocking him over. Harry grabbed his sleeve, and dragged him out of the way.
Draco approved of the automatic doors; the frivolous use of energy was a sign of luxury – something he always respected. The supermarket itself was a marvel: the seemingly endless rows; aisles and aisles of brightly packaged ingredients, in millions of sizes, shapes, and textures. The gleaming bottles filled with every colour liquid imaginable, exotic fruits and vegetables, many of which Draco had never seen before, and the subtle promise of the spice rack, from which pungent smells could still be appreciated. Shiny floors, bright lights, and endless possibilities all laid out for him with cool efficiency. It was awe-inspiring.
Unfortunately, when Draco stopped gaping and looked around him, he realized he had lost Harry. The panic and fear was immediate, his heart thudding with sudden severity in his chest. His silvery head whipped around, desperately searching the throng of people. Suddenly, all the people, who had seemed harmlessly anonymous before when Harry was with him, began looking like people he knew; people who might conceivably be looking for him. Fear scrabbled in his belly like some wild animal, twisting and tearing at his insides until he was visibly shaking. He felt small and weak, and ready to crumble into a small ball and let the darkness fold-in on him; bury him. A hand on his shoulder made him jump, and leap back with a small shriek.
" Shit, sorry, didn't mean to scare you. Got us a cart, where to first?" Harry asked. Draco's mouth opened and closed, as he felt cold roiling fear being slowly replaced with warm relief. He ran a hand through his hair, seeking composure, before closing his hands into clammy fists.
" So many people… I didn't know where you'd gone," Draco said tensely.
" I was getting a cart, like I just told you. Now, you're the expert here, what do we get?"
Though Harry wasn't aware of the depth of Draco's anxiety, he knew that his companion was nervous and he deliberately kept Draco distracted with inane questions and silly jokes. Twice he made himself the fool, successfully getting Draco to think-up some snide comment in response. Then again, he honestly didn't know how to use spices beyond those of salt and pepper. What the hell was oregano, anyway?
They did pick up some alcohol, which, combined with the groceries, made what they were carrying rather heavy. Or, more accurately, it made what Harry was carrying quite heavy. Draco had played up his recent illness so that he would only be expected to carry the very lightest of items. Harry growled, but didn't beleaguer the point. They decided to take the metro back to the flat, to lessen Harry's load. Draco took the stairs two at a time, and arrived at the platform ahead of Harry. He was looking down the track, seeing if the train was arriving, when he spotted a familiar blonde head in the crowd.
The bags he was clutching fell to the ground heedlessly, a few items spilling out. His gaze was fixed on the man with the blonde hair, broad shoulders, and arrogant stance. Lucius; his father. Pain in his chest flared like fire before he remembered he had to breathe. How had Lucius found him? Why was he waiting here, not even looking at Draco? Was his intention to make Draco panic, cause a scene, make it so that Draco betrayed himself, and Lucius remained innocent?
He felt tears prick the corners of his eyes, because his freedom was about to be taken away. Everything he had planned, the most mundane of hopes, was now denied him: all because of that man.
In the store he had been frightened; here, he was terrified. The man began turning slowly towards him, and Draco could only watch, rooted to the spot. It was like in his nightmares, when the darkest demons came after him, and there was nothing he could do but scream soundlessly. The whole world around him faded to nothing, until all he could see was the man, coming closer, the black overcoat and heavy scarf he was wearing obscuring all features, making him seem more like a sinister spectre, then a human being. Draco heard himself whimper, and he bit his lip to keep it from becoming any louder. Warm coppery blood filled his mouth, but he barely noticed.
Then, just as suddenly as the onslaught had appeared, the ordeal was over. The man grinned and shook hands with another man, and it was perfectly obvious that the blonde man was not Lucius at all. There was no trap for Draco, no reason to suspect that he had been discovered at all. His heart returned to its normal rhythm, and his lungs unclenched so that he could breathe freely and without pain. The fear was no longer a sharp knife to his gut, though enough apprehension remained to cause a dull ache that sapped his energy.
It came gradually to his awareness that Harry was gripping him by the shoulders, and shaking him none to gently.
" What the fuck is going on? Are you okay? What's wrong?" Harry practically screamed at him.
Draco knew he was expected to push Harry away, and to make up some excuse for his actions, but he was still trembling, both inside and out. Numbly, he stooped and began gathering up the fallen articles. Harry sighed before bending down to help him.
" We have to talk about this," Harry said gently.
" I know," Draco replied, voice quavering. It was just as he had predicted. The excursion had been a bad idea: confessions were at hand.
The train arrived before Harry could say anything else, and there was a scramble as people pushed their way inside. In the compartment there was standing room only, and Harry and Draco were pushed up alongside each other.
Draco was dimly aware of Harry's concern, but mostly he was lost in his own thoughts. The train lurched, Draco stumbled into Harry, and found comfort in his warmth. He didn't step back. Instead, Draco leaned against Harry and shut his eyes, not really caring at the moment what Harry might think. He didn't have the strength to resist what he so sorely needed.
Draco felt Harry shuffle slightly against his body, and felt the bags at their feet being pushed into a more orderly pile. And then, he felt a very tentative arm come around his waist.
Harry's arm did not tighten, nor did it pull Draco any closer. It just wrapped around Draco gently, anchoring him. When they arrived at their stop, the arm disappeared, though it seemed that they could both still feel the connection.
