What I Want, Chapter Thirteen.

"I want to rip your eyes out,

I want to blind you with my pain,

I want to take you from my heart forever,

I never want to see you again." She began.

The first Stanza was her favorite. It was soft, quiet, filled with the passion, but not the speed or the volume of the rest of the song.

It was like she was crying.

Of course, she also hated it. She had been so weak, so fragile. And, goddamnit, she still wanted him.

"That was real good, Kitts, but you've got to keep going if we want a gig."

"Oh, yeah, sorry." She said, "From the top?"

Mitch nodded, and flashed her a cheeky grin. He wanted inside her pants, and she knew it, but she wouldn't let him. And he knew it.

Or so she hoped. "We already have a gig, by the way." She said before he started the chords again.

Everyone looked at her. "What?" Carmine said after a considerable silence.

"We're playing at Aqua Thursday night." Kitty said.

"No shit?" Asked Dan.

"No, of course, I'm shitting you." She said, then rolled her eyes. "What the hell do you think?"

"Kitty, we've only got five songs ready." Said Mitch, who-for all his heat and leather-was a very organized person.

"Five songs is more than enough." She said. "We're only opening."

"How many do we need."

"Joce' said half an hour, give or take, and."

"You got this through Jocelyn?" Interrupted Carmine.

"She does own the club, you know?"

"She also lives next door." Said Mitch, knowingly. "Kitty, none of us want this gig if it's not for the music."

"And it is for the music." She said, rolling her eyes at her friends' stubbornness, and stepping down from the mic platform, sliding down onto the chaise behind her. "She's only heard us rehearsing about ninety thousand times. She asked me if we would do it this morning."

"Kitty, you know we're grateful for the opportunity, right.but, if we didn't.earn it, what's the point?" Said Dan, standing up from behind his drums. "I mean,"

"I know what you mean, Danny, but, we did." They were all looking at her. "Really." She said, then she leaned her head back, her fingers were pulsing, and she didn't know why. "She offered before, if we wanted a venue, I knew you guys wouldn't go for it, so I said no."

"So what makes you think she's genuine this time?" Asked Carmine.

"She called me to tell me that she had a band." Kitty said, sitting back up. "She said she hadn't called anyone else before me. And Jocelyn may be nice, but not nice enough to sacrifice herself."

"I vote we do it." Mitch said, setting down his guitar. "Just for kicks if nothing else."

Carmine laughed. "Sure.might as well." She still didn't think it was a good idea, but, if Mitch was okay with it, she was too. He was the icing on her cake. Rather, he was the cake. She wanted him so bad, she couldn't stand the way he looked at Kitty. He only wanted her because she was the broken one. Carmine knew it, Kitty knew it, Dan knew it, everyone knew it, except Mitch, who probably hadn't realized that he wanted to be needed, and he thought Kitty was the one who needed him the most.

When, of course, it was the one who acted as if she really really didn't.

"Let's just run through this one more time." Kitty said. "I've got to stop spacing out after that first verse." Which, Carmine knew very well, was because of the guy in the picture frame she always had tipped down on her nightstand.

She'd tipped it up once, when she had been 'going to the bathroom.' He was hot. She admitted that first off, but, he had this smile, it wasn't real, but it wasn't as if he wanted anyone to think it was. It was just sad. And behind that picture-Car' just really had to check if there was anything written on the back-there was a picture of him and Kitty. His arm was slung around her, and his bare chest looked as if it was quivering as it brushed against her arm. Kitty was blushing, just a little bit, and her eyes were filled with something like love.

And both of their smiles were genuine.

"What you runnin' from Kit-Kat?" She had asked the picture, and then gently slid it back into the frame.

Of course, Kitty didn't know she knew. And she'd rather keep it that way than betray one of her only friends.

"So, from the top?" Asked Kitty.

"Why the hell not?" Said Dan, and started tapping out the beat. Carmine and Mitch stayed silent as they counted out their beats. Kitty started singing after five. "I want to rip your eyes out." Carmine came in on the keyboard after one beat, and one after that, Kitty sang: "I want to blind you with my pain." Mitch riffed in one beat later, and she sang: "I want to take you from my heart forever." They all paused, one, two, three endless beats. "I never want to see you again."

"I hate you for what you did to me," Kitty sang, her voice raising, dipping, meshing in harmony with her band, her friends. "You'd be better off dead." She smiled softly, and imagined how she would sing it. Presentation is nine tenths of a good performance, she had always thought. "Oh, even though I feel this way," Everyone paused. "I can't get you out of my head."

"I don't want you to be,

"Here, inside of me,

"Why can't you just leave me alone?

"I don't love you anymore,

"Don't want to see you anymore,

"I don't need you anymore,

"Much." Mitch breezed through the interlude, only looking back at her once or twice, and she closed her eyes. "Take off your damn sunglasses, let me look into your soul? Take off your damn protections, I don't want to need you anymore.I don't want to love you anymore. But baby, I do, love the way you were before you broke my heart, I do, love the way you were before you tore me apart. But, I don't want to, I don't need to, I don't love you, anymore."

The last notes faded away, and she blinked her tears away. "Good run." She said. "Same time tomorrow." She said, and hoped that they would leave before she cried.