What I Want, Chapter Eighteen.

They didn't sate each other though. Kitty knew it was a dream, a fantasy, that he would say that, the he would do that. Not Scott.

She walked to the door, and he walked out. Nothing. He said it wasn't over, but did nothing.

She couldn't even breathe. "I want to blind you with my pain." She whispered, and then curled up on the bed.

Even if he had said that, had done that, she wouldn't have been able to follow him. Kissing was almost too much. It had almost been too much when they'd done it before, but he didn't even want her anymore.
On the other side of the door, Scott leaned against the wall, and wondered what he could do.

He didn't consider once that she had no idea what he felt, what she should do either.

As he walked down the hall, he heard the creaking open of a door, and looked back, but he must have imagined it. Besides, Kitty wouldn't need a door.
That night at dinner, they sat as far apart as humanly possible, Kitty was on one end of the long table, sitting with Jean, the queen of the house, and several of the girls who'd returned for the holidays. Scott was on the other end, sitting with the Professor and Logan, the kings of the house, and the younger boys, who all wanted to absorb some of the power on that end of the table.

Scott didn't belong with the powerful when he was so weak and needy.

Kitty didn't belong with the feminine when she couldn't even kiss a man.

They needed each other, but neither was weak enough to admit their pain.

"So Kitts, how's the famous big apple?"

"Good." She said. "It's fun, Julliard is so full of talent that I can hardly stand it though." She smiled, and asked Jubes how her life was in Chicago. The response was typical Jubilee, and she didn't worry.

"How's life with the correspondence courses at the mansion?" Jubes asked Rogue.

"Fine." She said. She was sitting the farthest from Jean, three down, and she shot a glance of poison at her every three seconds. "I'll tell you more tonight."

"When we all steal into your room, and chat the whole night."

Her smile bloomed slowly, and with a look that was so Rogue, she said "Yeah, when we chat till dawn." Rogue knew, of course, that she wouldn't keep whatever she said a secret from the woman at the end of the table.

~*~

"So." Said Jubilee that night. "Tell us all about New York."

"Not much to tell." She said. "I joined a band, school's going really well, and.no romantic life to speak of."

Jubilee sighed, and then turned to Rogue. "Roguey, baby, I know you've got something to tell me, something hidden inside that little skull of yours that you just can't wait to get out."

Rogue smiled. No one could resist Jubilee after she had eaten a gallon of double fudge ripple and bananas. "Logan and I." She paused, and bit her lip. "He and I went on that road trip to Alaska, over the summer, you know, for my birthday.and." She paused again, wondering if she should tell anyone, afraid that if anyone knew, then it would stop what had been started. "He kissed me."

Jubilee laughed, and Rogue blushed, but she went on. "Then, over the year, he started to ignore Jean, like, not even half-flirting with her like he did before, just kind of stopped paying attention to her.and we went out, on a date, and we kissed again, and, well, then we kind of got deeper, and stuff." Rogue was bright red, and Jubilee was holding in another spurt of laughter. "Then..." She trailed off. "That's it, really, mostly.just some more stuff, like, we keep making out and stuff. And now Jean hates me."

"Jean hates everyone since Scott broke up with her." Jubilee said. "She wanted a quick rebound, and you took it from her, I mean, it's so obvious."

"When did Scott break up with Jean?" Kitty asked softly, she hoped it sounded casual, but knew that it probably sounded worried.

"Right after you left." Said Jubilee. "Actually, I thought that was a bit odd, I mean, everyone knows the guy has loved you forever, but I mean, why not before you left." She rolled her eyes. "Who knows?"

Jubilee was being too casual about it. Too disjointed, trying to shake the subject. "What happened after I left?" Kitty asked.

"What do you mean?" Asked Jubilee, Rogue sat quietly on the bed, blushing.

"What happened, other than that, after I left?"

"It's not a bit deal, Kitty." Said Jubilee. "But we didn't think you'd want to know."

"I want to know Jubilation-Lee, now tell me." Kitty was getting angry. Everyone had to keep something from her. Everyone.

"Scott had a breakdown." Jubilee said. And Kitty knew that Scott hadn't been lying when he'd said that it wasn't over.