What I Want, Chapter Twenty.
They spoke for hours more, Kitty pretending that she didn't remember what Marie and Jubilee had said about Scott.
He'd fallen apart? Fallen apart, like a rag doll after she'd left, standing in her room, smelling her clothes, looking at her things, remembering her as he loved her, and fallen apart.
He'd kissed another woman, yes, but she'd raped his soul. Now he wasn't innocent-not that he ever had been, but he wasn't calm, he wasn't placid, he wasn't whole anymore. And it should have made her want to walk away from him. At first she was happy, because she thought that maybe he wasn't the man she loved anymore. That because of her, because of her abandonment, maybe he had become someone different, maybe he had changed into a man who wouldn't save her.
But she knew differently. He'd met her when she came, smiled at her, though his heart was not in it. He'd come to the city to give her flowers when she first sang, rescued her from the passion of others, and she had nothing to give him for it. A broken body, a mind that would not let her kiss him, a soul that wanted to float away.
No, she still was not a perfect catch, she was not a Goddess in disguise, and yet he saved her, again and again.
After Marie and Jubilee fell asleep, Kitty sorted through these things in her mind, and then she couldn't pretend to sleep anymore. She got up, pulled on her jeans, her sweater and her long wool coat, and walked down to the forest.
There was this one bench where she liked to sit, old and wrought iron with blue wooden slats, black metal bindings, and a flower-bed on either side of it. There was a big weeping willow behind it, and when she felt like crying, she could go there, not shed a tear, just letting the willow cry for her. She liked that, because even though the bench was out of the way, if anyone came upon her, they would not know that she had been crying.
In her black coat, and her blue jeans, she sat down on the bench, thinking about how she could get him back, maybe just as her friend, but back.
Because she'd gone away so that when she was back, he would change, and she wouldn't love her anymore. But he had changed, lost his wildness, and gained a sweetness, and she'd come back only to fall more in love with him. This Scott wasn't domineering, he was sweet. This Scott wasn't in control, he followed orders. And this Scott wasn't just kind and generous; he was also a savior, her hero.
Kitty crossed her legs and propped her elbows on her knees, her chin in her hands. She closed her eyes twice, and then opened them.
Apparently, the willow wouldn't weep for her this time. A tear escaped her eyes, and then another, before long, she was crying full on and gasping. Hiccups were not far behind when she started to breathe again.
"Between you and me," She sang softly. "There's a basin of blood. There's a river of pain.between you and me." Her hands came in front of her chest in a moodra as she spread her legs into a Lotus. "Between you and me, boy, there's a lot of lies, a lot of pain, a lot to gain, between you and me." She was making it up as she went, and the eyes peeking through the forest didn't unnerve her because she didn't notice them.
"Between you and me, there's a basin of blood, there's a river of pain, between you and me." She took a breath, and so did the eyes in the forest, and then she sped up. "You're my hero, cue the lights, you're my savior, cue the night, I don't see you, why should I? I don't understand you, I can't understand you."
Kitty sang on, lamenting, until the figure stepped out of the forest. A gasp came to her lips, but never made it's way out.
They spoke for hours more, Kitty pretending that she didn't remember what Marie and Jubilee had said about Scott.
He'd fallen apart? Fallen apart, like a rag doll after she'd left, standing in her room, smelling her clothes, looking at her things, remembering her as he loved her, and fallen apart.
He'd kissed another woman, yes, but she'd raped his soul. Now he wasn't innocent-not that he ever had been, but he wasn't calm, he wasn't placid, he wasn't whole anymore. And it should have made her want to walk away from him. At first she was happy, because she thought that maybe he wasn't the man she loved anymore. That because of her, because of her abandonment, maybe he had become someone different, maybe he had changed into a man who wouldn't save her.
But she knew differently. He'd met her when she came, smiled at her, though his heart was not in it. He'd come to the city to give her flowers when she first sang, rescued her from the passion of others, and she had nothing to give him for it. A broken body, a mind that would not let her kiss him, a soul that wanted to float away.
No, she still was not a perfect catch, she was not a Goddess in disguise, and yet he saved her, again and again.
After Marie and Jubilee fell asleep, Kitty sorted through these things in her mind, and then she couldn't pretend to sleep anymore. She got up, pulled on her jeans, her sweater and her long wool coat, and walked down to the forest.
There was this one bench where she liked to sit, old and wrought iron with blue wooden slats, black metal bindings, and a flower-bed on either side of it. There was a big weeping willow behind it, and when she felt like crying, she could go there, not shed a tear, just letting the willow cry for her. She liked that, because even though the bench was out of the way, if anyone came upon her, they would not know that she had been crying.
In her black coat, and her blue jeans, she sat down on the bench, thinking about how she could get him back, maybe just as her friend, but back.
Because she'd gone away so that when she was back, he would change, and she wouldn't love her anymore. But he had changed, lost his wildness, and gained a sweetness, and she'd come back only to fall more in love with him. This Scott wasn't domineering, he was sweet. This Scott wasn't in control, he followed orders. And this Scott wasn't just kind and generous; he was also a savior, her hero.
Kitty crossed her legs and propped her elbows on her knees, her chin in her hands. She closed her eyes twice, and then opened them.
Apparently, the willow wouldn't weep for her this time. A tear escaped her eyes, and then another, before long, she was crying full on and gasping. Hiccups were not far behind when she started to breathe again.
"Between you and me," She sang softly. "There's a basin of blood. There's a river of pain.between you and me." Her hands came in front of her chest in a moodra as she spread her legs into a Lotus. "Between you and me, boy, there's a lot of lies, a lot of pain, a lot to gain, between you and me." She was making it up as she went, and the eyes peeking through the forest didn't unnerve her because she didn't notice them.
"Between you and me, there's a basin of blood, there's a river of pain, between you and me." She took a breath, and so did the eyes in the forest, and then she sped up. "You're my hero, cue the lights, you're my savior, cue the night, I don't see you, why should I? I don't understand you, I can't understand you."
Kitty sang on, lamenting, until the figure stepped out of the forest. A gasp came to her lips, but never made it's way out.
