Okay, I'm really sorry it's taking so long for each chapter...but I'm done with school!!!!! So that will help get them up faster. Please review and leave me a little note saying if you liked it or not, it would really mean a lot to me.

Disclaimer: Not mine. Not a single one. Okay, maybe one...or two....you know what, I don't own any of them, because how can you really own things that are really real right?

"I think that she had a good birthday, what do you think?" Monica asked Chandler wiping off her hands on a towel.

"I think that she had a wonderful birthday," Chandler agreed. Monica seemed to him to be...well, happier than she had for awhile.

"I better go put her to bed," Monica remarked looking into the living room where Lydia was crashed on the couch.

"Good idea," Chandler remarked. "Need help?"

"I got her," Monica said waving her hand and gently picking up her slumbering daughter and carrying her to her bedroom. Monica couldn't believe that she was four. God, it seemed like yesterday that she was a tiny little thing. Monica sighed and flicked the light switch off. Having Lydia move back in turned out to be a wonderful form of therapy. They would talk about Tom and Monica could finally get through a conversation about him without losing it. Chandler could see that way that her eyes lit up when Lydia did something or said something that she found amusing. It was finally going okay....not great, but okay. And after the year that they had had it was more than they had expected. Anything was more than they had expected. She kissed Lydia's forehead and then went back into the living room where Chandler was the only remained guest from the party.

"She looks more and more like you each day Monica," Chandler commented. "I mean it. A carbon copy of you." Monica smiled.

"You think?"

"Yes, definitely."

"I always thought she looked like Tom...." her voice trailed off and Chandler was suddenly afraid that he had picked the wrong topic. Monica smiled though at him. "If she looks like me...good luck." She gave a small snort.

"Good luck to the boys," Chandler said. "Cause she's going to break hearts."

"And whose heart did I break?"

"Mine." She didn't know what to say to that. She studied his face to see if he was serious or not.

"Oh is that so?"

"Sure."

"Let me remind you that it is you who made me cry at that first Thanksgiving that you came to eat with us." He laughed at the memory.

"Yes, but you got your revenge. I just wish you hadn't taken it out on my toe." She covered her face with her hands as she giggled.

"Sorry."

"Monica?"

"Yes?"

"Where did you go?"

"What?"

"Those three months....you disappeared, and I know I picked you up outside of Pittsburgh.....but where were you until then?"

"I tried Chicago for a few weeks, Pittsburgh... Cincinnati...anywhere that wasn't here," she sighed. "It was just something that I needed to do. I needed to be anywhere but here." He studied her face in the soft light of the lamp.

"Monica?"

"Hmmm?"

"Did you mean what you said?"

"When?"

"That night I picked you up, when I dropped you off, you said that we could have been really special? What did you mean by that?" It was out. The thought had been circling around in his head since she had said it what seemed like forever ago.

"I meant just that....I always had a crush on you Chandler, you knew that." She took a sip of her drink and placed it back on the coffee table. He looked to be deep in thought.

"No, I didn't know that. Why didn't you say anything?" She shrugged.

"It didn't seem important," she replied. Not important? Of course it was important!

"Why not?" He implored.

"I don't know, Chandler. I guess neither of us would have acted on it, so what was the big deal? Besides, I thought that you knew."

"I didn't."

"Oh." That's all she said. Oh. She had had a crush on him? For how long? It seemed to him that he had always had a thing for her. Of course, he wouldn't tell her that. Not after she had brushed it off.

"I guess I should go," he said standing up and getting his coat. "I'll call you tomorrow."

"Are you upset with me?"

"No," he assured her. That was the truth, he wasn't upset with her, but he was upset. And he thought it was about time for him to go home.

"Chandler," she started.

"No, Monica, I'm not upset with you, I'll call you later." He kissed her cheek and left her alone in the apartment.

I've looked at life from both sides now

from win and lose

and still somehow

It's life's illusions I recall

I really don't know life at all

"Watch this Uncle Chandler!" Lydia cried as she ran through the apartment and flipped onto the couch.

"Lydia Grace Spencer," Monica admonished coming out of her bedroom. "What did I tell you about jumping on the furniture?"

"Not to do it?" Lydia looked up sheepishly.

"That's right," Monica said laughing coming over and picking up her daughter and spinning her around. She placed her back down and bit her lip turning to Chandler.

"How do I look?" Monica asked.

"Perfect." That was the truth. A black dress that showed off all her features, and her hair piled on top of her head and the diamonds Tom had given her on her last birthday sparkled in her ears.

"Perfect," Lydia repeated.

"Good," Monica said letting out a nervous laugh. "Rachel will be here any minute." As if on cue, the door opened and Rachel walked in.

"Lydia!" Lydia ran to her "aunt" and jumped into her arms.

"Doesn't Mommy look beautiful?" Lydia asked. Monica blushed and her hands automatically went to twist a piece of hair as she was being looked over.

"She certainly does," Rachel agreed and hugged her best friend. "Have fun."

"Lydia, be good," Monica instructed picking up her purse.

"I'm always good," Lydia said laughing. Monica laughed along with her and kissed her on the forehead.

"We'll be back later," Chandler told Rachel leading Monica out of the apartment.

"Thanks for doing this," Monica said to Chandler as they walked to the elevator.

"What?"

"Taking me out to dinner, I needed a night off."

"Monica, this isn't just for you. I wanted to go out to dinner with you. It's not a chore."

"Just....thanks." He nodded and held out his arm, which she accepted as they boarded the elevator and it slid down to the lobby. While her new apartment was bigger and nicer, it didn't have the charm that the purple apartment had had. Rachel still lived there, and Phoebe had moved in when Monica had moved out to live with Tom.

"Victoria's?" Monica asked when they pulled up in front of a restaurant.

"Yes? Is that all right?"

"It's fine," she said softly.

"Mon?"

"Oh nothing, it's just I told Tom I was pregnant here." She smiled a little at the memory and closed her eyes. "No, but it's fine."

"Are you sure? We can go somewhere else?"

"No."

"Are you...."

"I'm fine. This is great." While she had made pretty big steps when it came to moving on from Tom's death, she still had these little things that she couldn't do. Eat in certain restaurants, and shop in certain stores. They reminded her of him too much. Everything had reminded her of him for awhile. It was time to get over that, she decided taking a step towards the restaurant. And suddenly, she was very glad that Chandler had offered his arm.

"Table for two? Bing?" The maitre d' nodded and told them to follow him. Memories flooded her senses. When they sat down, she could picture Tom across from her. She could see his face when she told him that she was pregnant. She could see him.

"Monica?"

"I'm fine."

"No you're not." Chandler could see it in her eyes. She was not okay. She was far from okay. This was too much. Too many memories, too soon.

"Chandler?" It came out half pleading, half sobbing. "Can we go somewhere else?"

"Anywhere else, you name it."

That's how a half an hour later they were sitting in a booth at the bar down the street. They stood out in their dress and suit.

"I'm sorry," Monica repeated for what seemed like the hundredth time.

"Don't worry about it I said."

"But I feel badly. You had this fantastic dinner planned, and I ruined it."

"You didn't ruin it, you didn't ruin anything." She smiled at him and took his hand.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome." She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek at the very same time that he turned his head. So her innocent, friendly kiss landed squarely on his mouth.

"I'm sorry," they both said at once. Then they both fell silent and Chandler took her face in his hands and kissed her again. She pulled away and sighed.

"I can't....it's too soon..." she grabbed her coat and ran from the restaurant leaving him all by himself.

I've looked at life from both sides now

From up and down,

and still somehow

It's life's illusions I recall

I really don't know life at all

~I hope that you liked this chapter, and please tell me if you did. Thanks! Oh! And I graduate tomorrow!!!! Go me!!!!!!!! I'm so excited. Can you tell?~