A/N YAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!! I GOT 3 REVIEWS!!!!

Alex: Don'tcha mean WE got 3 reviews?

Akili: No, I meant I got 3 reviews cause I am the most important of all of us!!!!

Alex: Um, yeah, sure, whatever you say...

Akili: Hey! Aren't I the one writing this insane thing?

Alex: Well yeah....But I helped

Akili: Oh, stuff it, you're not even in the same town as me, you just come up with ideas, I write about them

Alex: But I do hel....

Akili: Oh go stuff a tree with chocolate

Alex: ...

Akili: Yeah, you heard me

Alex: But I'm having trouble trying to comprehend your stupidness

Akili: Are you calling me stupid?

Alex: Didn't I JUST say that?

Akili: But are you actually calling ME stupid Miss "I only take Math 10 honours"

Alex: ...Is it just me or are you getting weirder by the day?

Akili: Nope

Alex: .....Ok then....Let's just let the nice reviewer read the fic...Ok?

Akili: Fine, thank you, I was just getting to the fic.....And thank you to mad mandy who was my only REAL reviewer, and who was kind enough to review both chapters, here's the next chapter...

Alex: HEY! I reviewed too

Akili: Yeah, but so what. You knew that this fic was up and you didn't review right away....And mad mandy was the first one. So there.

Alex: But...You....Didn't....Thank....Me..... *sob*

Akili: Again....Go stuff a tree with chocolate

Alex: Chocolate.....?

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Akili: I'm sorry....Soooo sorry...... (You know, the Extra song) I wasn't going to do this to you again, but then I realised that my author's note was only 230 words long, and that is unexceptable.... How bout a good old fashion rant? Or...A GAME OF QUODPOT!!!! *Waits for people to cheer* What do ya mean you don't want to play quodpot? Losers....NO wait I'm sorry, I didn't mean that...Please still read my story, and review!!!! Even though it has no plot....You will love this chapter though...Won't you? *brandishes fist* Good, now, On the road again, I just can't wait to get on the road again... *walks off singing*

Alex: No, the horror of it all!!! Akili singing!!!!

Akili: All right, I'm done. And what was that you were saying about my singing?

Alex: Oh, nothing bad, just that hearing someone else, anyone else, singing would be better than hearing you...

Akili: Oh, is that all.....Wait a minute....Did you say...Anyone?

Alex: Why yes, yes I did.....Uh oh

Akili: *Mischievious glint in eyes* Well alright then. Now if you don't like what's about to happen, blame it on my good friend *pats Alex on back* Alexandrea Riddle...

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Alex was sitting in a dark corner mumbling to herself about Santa Clause and how can he come down the chimney. Professor Snape came up to her and was wondering what was wrong when suddenly he realised that she was mumbling about Santa Clause. This reminded him of something very bad that had happened to him, and he began to sing.

Open my eyes, what an ugly day! Just the type that makes me want to say hooray. I'm still a little fuzzy-headed from my sleep; Into my brain reality seeps.
Look all around me, can't believe what I see! These little short people are surrounding me!
I've got a white beard, a suit made of red; My soul becomes filled with a keen sense of dread!

OH GOD I'M SANTA CLAUS! (elfish chatterings)
OH GOD I'M SANTA CLAUS!
OH GOD I'M SANTA CLAUS! (elfish laughter)
OH GOD I'M SANTA CLAUS! (elfish laughter)

Hop out of bed; kick an elf in the chest. (Ow!)
What an awful way to awake from a rest.

"Santa, oh, Santa," the little gnomes cheer,
"You shouldn't be nasty at this time of year!"

"What do you mean?" I say in a rage,
"And what are you doing with those big burlap bags?"

The elves they do roar, "Why they're full of toys
For you to deliver to the good girls and boys."

OH GOD I'M SANTA CLAUS! (elves: la la la la lalala)
OH GOD I'M SANTA CLAUS! (elves: la lalalala la)
OH GOD I'M SANTA CLAUS! (elves: lala lalaa)
OH GOD I'M SANTA CLAUS! (elves: lalala la la la)

Resigned to my fate, I load up the sleigh, Harness the reindeer, and get under way.
It's nippy up here in the cool arctic sky; Good thing I remembered that bottle of rye.
Flying over rooftops, throwing out toys, Hopefully crushing those good girls and boys!
Like a bad dream, I pray for release. Please let this hellish existence be ceased!

OH GOD I'M SANTA CLAUS! (elfish chatterings)
OH GOD I'M SANTA CLAUS!
OH GOD I'M SANTA CLAUS!
OH GOD I'M SANTA CLAUS!

From this nightmare I finally awake. My brain is on fire; my hands they do shake.

Oh wait, they're not hands; they're cute little paws! I'm the Easter Bunny; I'm not Santa Claus!

OH GOD I'M THE EASTER BUNNY!(elfish chatterings)
OH GOD I'M THE EASTER BUNNY!
OH GOD I'M THE EASTER BUNNY!
OH GOD....

(elfish laughter)

Snape skipped away down the hall and Alex's mutterings became high pitched. Akili found her and managed to pull her to their common room where another frightening sight confronted them. The Mauraders were standing in a line, in front of the fireplace, minus Peter, the slimy gibberit. Sirius spotted them and, after Alex had been chained to a chair, directly in front of the Mauraders, said....

Sirius - Thank you very much it's about time for a sing-a-long song! (Remus: Yeah! Akili cheers. Alex: Uh oh...)

Remus - Everybody likes sing-a-long songs right? (James: Yeah! Akili cheers. Alex: Dear God help me!)

James - Yeah, everyone just sit around the old campfire with the nice linen out and sing....a-long songs
(Sirius: Yeah! Akili cheers)

Sirius - This song, in our lovely line of work we often get to do a lot of driving across this wonderful land of ours which means we get to go through that wonderful......place of snow and rock called Northern Ontario (Akili cheers)

Remus - Has everyone driven across Northern Ontario? (Akili cheers) Stop cheering

James - For those of you who haven't, Northern Ontario is 80 billion kilometres long

Remus - There are 13 people who live there

Sirius - All of whom are named Frank

James - Even the girl

Remus - She's very popular

Sirius (trying to look suggestive but failing miserably) - Very popular indeed

Remus - We were driving across Texada Island once, the world's closest place to Hell, that's a Canadian
fact. And we saw a theme park, this is a real place, it's called James' Taxidermy and Mounted Animal
Nature Trail. (Akili cheers)

James - Oh you've heard of it

Sirius - Everyone's heard of it, it's the only low maintenance zoo.

Remus - Grab some roadkill and WOO!

James - The traditional sound of the taxidermist WOO!

Sirius - So anyways, we have written a little.....theme song for the Mounted Animal Nature Trail.

James - It has a sing-a-long chorus.

Remus - Please everybody sing-a-long.

Sirius - And they will feel the love.

Remus - In.

Sirius - Calidar!

- All (singing): On The Mounted Animal Nature Trail, you'll be sure to see
- All Mother Nature's favourite pets, all sitting rigidly.
- They're never hungry any more, their last meal left them stuffed.
- Don't worry, they won't walk away if you try to pet their fluff.

- Where the dog goes... (Akili: woof)
- And the cow goes... (Alex: moo)
- And the bear goes... (Akili: roar) Remus: Enthusium mediocre, keep in mind the animals are dead
- And the pig goes... (Alex: oink) Sirius: SHUT UP!
- And the crow goes... Sirius: Caw! Remus: Damn it's still alive.
- All: You can see all this on The Mounted Animal Nature Trail.

- Sirius: Dance!


- All: The Mounted Animal Nature Trail, it's great for Mom and Dad!
- Where else could Grandma and the kids see the silence of the lambs?
- Don't have to walk a hundred miles or climb the steepest hill,
- And the only fearsome sound you'll hear is the ringing of the till.

- Where the dog goes... (Akili: woof) Remus: No, meow....

Sirius: LATE AND STUPID!
- And the cow goes... (Alex: moo) Remus: Big and strong
- And the bear goes... (Akili: roar) James: Okay Sirius if there's a kid you can probably take him
- And the pig goes... (Alex: oink) Sirius (cringing): Oh, he certainly intimidated me

Remus: Yes he did
- And the crow goes... Sirius: Caw! James: Won't it ever die?
- All: You can see all this on The Mounted Animal Nature Trail.

- Sirius: Dance!


- All: The only things that bite are the bugs, Remus: Ow
- And unlike other theme parks, the mice won't say hello.
- And if you're having troubles with your own family pet,
- You can bring him in and add him to the trail!

- WOO!!

- Sirius: OK everyone!
- Where the dog goes... (Akili: woof)
- And the cow goes... (Alex: moo) James: Stop it

- And the armadillo goes... (Akili: meow) Remus: Someone should read Dr. Seuss
Sirius: Who's Dr. Seuss?

James: Yeah Remington's Restaurant and Lounge, who is he? Your boyfriend?

Alex: Hey that's my nickname!

Remus: And he's not my boyfriend, I'm straight damn it!

Sirius: We're sure you are *wink* Anyways.....

- And the pig goes... (Alex: oink, why did I get stuck with the pig the whole time?)
- And the crow goes... Sirius: Don't cry for me Argentina. The truth is I never left you

Remus: Where's his metal bra?.
- All: You can see all this on The Mounted Animal Nature Trail.

- Sirius: Dance!

Sirius tap danced toward the portrait hole, Remus and James followed. Suddenly there was a crash and Remus poked his head back into the common room, "That was Sirius," he said, "he tripped over the bottom of the hole. He tried to do a ballet move and somehow the portrait moved towards him and he tripped over it." Remus was smiling and he bowed and can can'd out of their sight.

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A/N Now wasn't that interesting? Who wants to go visit the Mounted Animal Nature Trail with me? Put up your hand!

Alex: mumbling: I'd like to PUT you ON the Mounted Insane Peoples Trail

Akili: What was that?

Alex: *smiles innocently* Oh nothing that concerns you, I was just mumbling about how scared I was when Snape sang

Akili: Oh, did that scare you? Well how bout this?

Snape took off his head, and became a humongous hot pink and neon green man eating bunny and chased Alex down the hall and Alex screamed and the bunny disappeared. Alex came back gasping.

Alex: gasping: When will I learn to keep my big mouth shut?

Akili: My guess is.....NEVER!!!!

Alex: Got a point there