A/N TWITS ALL OF YOU!!!! TWITS I TELL YAS!!!!
Alex: Akili....When are you going to learn that if you insult the readers, they won't review!
Akili: *loads shotgun* *cackles evilly to self* Oh, but they will *cocks gun* They surely will...
Alex: *backs away slowly* umm.....Akili....Put down the gun please...
Akili: Why? *puts down gun and looks questionately at Alex*
Alex: *dives for gun and grabs it, runs away* MUAHAHAHAHA I GOT THE GUN!!!! *Accidentally fires it, dives for cover* Ahem.....Oops *smiles sheepishly and throws gun away* Now that that's over with....
Akili: *cowering in corner* Yo...You took my gun away...you mean TWIT!!!
Alex: You would only hurt someone
Akili: No I wouldn't...I promise....
Alex: Oh, fine, if it will stop your whining... *retrieves gun and gives it to Akili*
Akili: Oh thank you.... *cocks gun* MUAHAHAHAHAHA I HAVE THE GUN BACK!!!! *Accidentally drops gun off of dock that materialised out of nowhere* NOOOOO!!!!!
Alex: *smirks*
Akili: STOP YOUR SMIRKING!!!! AHHHHHH!!!! *Runs off ranting about smirking and how it makes Alex look stupid*
Alex: HEY!!
Akili: Is for horses
Alex: That was lame
Akili: I know *looks sad* Maybe I'll be funnier tomorrow
Alex: Fine, we'll continue tomorrow
Akili: Fine
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~ Next Day ~
Alex: We're baaaaccckkkk!!!!
Akili: OH NO THE WORLD IS GOING TO END!!!! WE CAME BACK!!!! AHHHHH!!!!
Alex: And your point is?
Akili: What point? Must I have a point?
Alex: No...I suppose not...
Akili: YAAAHAAAA!!!! I HAVE DEFEATED THE EVIL ALEX!!!! I SHALL NOW RULE THE WORLD!!!! *Gets dragged off in a straight jacket by people in white coats* AHHHHH!!!! LET GO OF THE FUTURE RULER OF THE WORLD YOU TWITS!!!!
Alex: *snickers* Ha. She's gone, now I can write some stuff....Back in the day, I was a pretty good writer you know....I would write tons of stuff....
Akili: NOOOOOO!!!!! *Escapes people in white coats, gets free of straight jacket and dives at keyboard*
Alex: Now look what I'm reduced to. Writing this stup...asoeiasnlfkamsdfasdfdfas5df4...
Akili: Ha. Take that stupid peasant!
Alex: Can we just let the people read now?
Akili: No. As their future leader I will tell them when to read.
Alex: Now?
Akili: No.
Alex: Ok....
Akili: We shall now discuss the boring subject of socks. I am wearing white socks, how about you Ms. Riddle?
Alex: Oh are you mad? You're calling me by my last name
Akili: Just stick to the lovely subject of socks will you?
Alex: Fine, I am wearing neon pink with neon green polka dots.
Akili: Really?
Alex: No dimwit!
Akili: Darn.....Wait....Did you just call me a dimwit?
Alex: Um.....No?
Akili: That's better....Wait....Did you mean that?
Alex: Yes?
Akili: Ok then...Now we are going to change subjects
Alex: Good, anything but socks!!!
Akili: We shall talk about.... *strikes regal pose* ......Sparkly puke!!!!
Alex: No the horror!!!.....Um....Sparkly PUKE!!!????
Akili: Yes
Alex: Where in the world did you come up with that subject?
Akili: From Carmen Sandiego of course
Alex: Yeah....Sure....Whatever.....
Akili: Never mind the sparkly puke then. We'll talk about Estonian expressions
Alex: There are such a thing as Estonian expressions?
Akili: Of course
Alex: Ok. Just asking.
Akili: Finish this sentence. A friend always peels his neighbours....
Alex: Oranges. Please let it be oranges.
Akili: Nope
Alex: Bananas?
Akili: Strike two
Alex: I'm scared of what it might be. Just tell me and kill me now.
Akili: A friend peels his neighbours.....TROUSERS!!!!
Alex: WHAT! ARE YOU SERIOUS! *Collapses in laughter*
Akili: Hey man. It's not that funny.....On second thought.... *Also collapses in laughter*
Alex: *Getting up* Now that that's over. What to talk about next.
Akili: Pedo un anillo de espuma no una pila de hamsteres
Alex: Huh?
Akili: Roughly.....I ordered a doughnut, not a pile of hamsters.
Alex: Oh.....WHAT?!?!?!?!?
Akili: Felicitaciones en su sombrero que huele asqueroso
Alex: Again....Huh?
Akili: Congratulations on your foul smelling sombrero
Alex: I don't have a foul smelling sombrero
Akili: Now you do
Alex: No. I won't have one.
Akili: Fine. Now repeat after me
Alex: Um....Ok
Akili: Donde puedo conseguir un palillo grande del pogo empujado en mi oreja
Alex: Donde puedo conseguir un palillo grande del pogo empujado en mi oreja
Akili: *Grabs large pogo stick and shoves it in Alex's ear* Here. You're welcome.
Alex: What did I say? And I didn't say thank you.
Akili: Where can I get a large pogo stick shoved in my ear....Roughly... And I was
anticipating your thank you. It's not every friend that will shove a large pogo stick in your ear when you ask for one.
Alex: But I didn't ask for one!
Akili: Sure you do a friend a favour and they throw it right back in your face. Well I won't talk to you now. You must talk to Captain Silver Hand.
Alex: Um.....
Akili: *Covers own hand in sparkly silver Christmas tree garland* *moves hand as if it's talking* Hello you twit
Alex: Um....
Akili: C'mon twit. Is that all you can say. Dimwit.
Alex: Stop insulting me!
Akili: No.
Alex: Well then.....Go plant potatoes in the Pemberton Seed Potato Control Area where the planting of potatoes is restricted
Akili: Y'know. I think I will *Goes off. Plants potatoes. Runs back being chased by police. Screams* ALEX!!!! HELP ME!!!!! I'M BEING CHASED!!!!
Alex: Oh. You're talking to me now are you?
Akili: C'mon you twit!!!
Alex: Now now, ask nicely
Akili: Alright. Please please please help me
Alex: How bout....NO!!!!
Akili: What did I ever do to you?
Alex: Lots of things
Akili: Oh. Right. Well if you help me, I'll apologise
Alex: Alright. *Snaps fingers, police disappear* There you go
Akili: Great. Thanks. Now. I'm sorry for things I have done.
Alex: You're forgiven *begins to cry* I'm sorry too
Akili: Oh no you don't. You're not turning this into a mushy fluffy story.
Alex: Oh fine then. How bout we get on with the chapter?
Akili: Ok. This time we'll do as you suggest
Alex: Thank you
Akili: No no, thank you
Alex: No, thank you
Akili: I must have the last word. Thank You
Alex: Fine you can have the last word. And thank you
Akili: Thank you. And thank YOU
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Alex was walking down the hall, again, when there was a noise behind her. She turned quickly, but nothing was there. She continued walking. There was another sound and when she turned, there was a shadow darting away around a corner. Alex was beginning to be scared. She began to walk faster. Suddenly she was blinded by big bright lights. When she was able to see again, what she saw frightened her down to her toes. She wanted to run and hide in a big hole. What she saw was so horrible and frightening that I dare not write about it.....Okay I will. Right in front of Alex was.......AKILI ABOUT TO SING!!!!! AHHHHH!!!!!! THE HORROR!!!!!! Anyways......
Akili: Ravenclaw is the eagle,
Slytherin is the snake
Hufflepuff is the badger, and that was a big mistake Yeah,
Gryffindor is the lion that stands so proud and tall But I am the greatest of them all
I am the beaver,
I'm furry and I'm free
Yeah, I am the beaver,
I smell like stinky cheese Yeah, I am the beaver,
I can chew right through small trees I am the beaver, I am the beaver, I am the beaver
You might think a rodent is a pretty lame choice
For a personal animal, but don't you listen to that voice
No, 'cause all them birds and predators just take from the land
But the beaver always gives a dam
I am the beaver, it's bark I like to eat
Yeah, I am the beaver, it tastes really sweet
Yeah, I am the beaver, the nickel I complete
Yeah, I am the beaver, I am the beaver, I am the beaver
The eagle flies the skies above and swoops down on its prey
The big snake will poison anyone who dares gets in its way
The lion is the greatest of the hunters today
But the beaver, it can build dams
Yeah, the beaver, it can build dams, dams, dams!
I am the beaver, I slap my tail when danger's nearby
I am the beaver, I have a waterproof hide
Yeah, I am the beaver, And I say that with great pride
I am the beaver, I am the beaver, I am the beaver
I am the beaver, our name is often used as a double entendre
I am the beaver, and in Canada French doesn't belong
Yeah, I am the beaver, and the subject of this song is
I am the beaver, I am the beaver, I am the beaver (I can't hear you!)
I am the beaver, I am the beaver, I am the beaver (Are you gettin' the point?)
I am the beaver, I am the beaver, I am the beaver
Just as quickly as she had appeared, Akili vanished into thin air, leaving Alex muttering to herself "Am I ever going to get to class without a song interrupting my day?" And she was answered by a disembodied voice "No!" Alex jumped then continued on to potions.
As soon as Alex sat down in her seat Snape walked in and said "today there will be a test". Many people groaned and one girl said "but you're not our ordinary teacher" and Snape replied "yes, yes, I know.....Your regular teacher had a.....unfortunate accident....yes....that's it.....accident....." and Snape walked out of the room mumbling to himself. Alex looked down at her desk and there was a test paper on it.
~
1. What is the brand of your computer?
2. Where did you buy your computer?
3. What is it like to steal computers?
4. Does your printer ever eat paper?
5.a) If yes to the previous question, Do you ever shout profanities at your printer?
5.b) At your computer?
6. Does your computer shout profanities back?
7. Do you wish your printer would eat your siblings?
8. Is your printer and/or computer an escaped convict? If so, did you help them get out of prison?
~
"What the hell is this?" Alex yelled. The test on her desk yelled back "it's your test dummy". Alex stared at the paper, "well then," she began, "what are you on? And more importantly, where can I get some?" The paper said "I am on a desk, and you can get the desk if you steal this one, or buy your own." So Alex ran out of potions class with her desk in her hands.
Akili walked into the common room to see a giant bonfire in the middle of the room and Alex sitting there smelling the flames and smoke. "Um....what are you doing?" Asked Akili. "Sniffing" replied Alex. "Ah" Akili said and stood there a moment before Sirius and Lockhart came in and began to sing!!!
I'm proud to be a Teacher
I'm proud to be a Teacher
I'm proud to be a Teacher
'Cause I get to play with little people's minds
I'm having a lousy day
I dumped my gel and spilled my coffee
On my best clothes.
So I had to change into my ratty old robes.
So I rush into the classroom
Where they are discussing what my fate in this occupation is
And I don't really give a damn
Because I don't know what I'm teaching!
So I lie and say
Lockhart: I'm proud to be your teacher
I'm proud to be your teacher
I'm proud to be your teacher
'Cause I get to teach you stimulating students
Lockhart: I open up my eyes
Hoping that it's still dark, but it's 9 o'clock
And I have only one more hour to go
To return to hogwarts to teach next semester
So I run down to the station where there's a 20-mile lineup
And I'm yelling and I'm screaming
And I'm not wearing any pants ah ah ah ah ahhhhh
Sirius: I'm proud to be a Marauder
I'm proud to be a Marauder
I'm proud to be a Marauder
'Cause I get to screw with other people's lives
Sirius: I took out all my anger
On the twit that is a teacher. IT told me
That I couldn't because I'm a dork
But that can't be 'cause I graduated from Hogwrats.
So I go and visit Albus, wait an hour in his office.
And I'm talking to his face
He says "Wait I'll get your last month's record"
He comes back in 7 hours
Says I've got some late detentions and a prank on Slime Ball Snape.
That bounced and so they'll have to take off 40 points for that
And for the prank I never finished and I don't have my marauder back-up.
And I think I'll die before I serve out my detentions and I don't even GO TO SCHOOL~!~
Lockhart: I'm pleased to be a teacher
Sirius: I'm proud to be a Marauder
Both: I'm pleased to be a teacher
'Cause I get to play with other people's minds
Sirius: (HE'S A TEACHER)
Lockhart: Granger will you mark these tests?
Lockhart: (HE'S A MARAUDER)
Sirius: Do you have any assets?
Lockhart: (HE'S A MARAUDER)
Sirius: You should prank you shouldn't think
Sirius: (HE'S A TEACHER)
Lockhart: That prank will cost you fifty points
Lockhart: (IT WILL COST YOU FIFTY POINTS)
Sirius: (He's a teacher and he says
that it will cost you fifty points
He's a teacher and he says
that it will cost you fifty points)
Both: (IT WILL COST YOU FIFTY POINTS)
And with that Lockhart and Sirius fell over into the flames of the fire. Then jumped up and ran around the room screaming loudly with Lockhart frantically trying to put out his hair. Sirius and Lockhart then ran out of the common room and Akili and Alex heard him for many more minutes before all was silent. Then the flames engulfed the two of them and they knew only what they saw but that's another story and shall be told another time.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
That is all
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Akili: NOT!!!!! I am going to sing you a loverly song!!!
Alex: No, no, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
Akili: Oh, shut up you. Now on with the song!!!! It is called "The Frim Fram Sauce" here we go!
I don't want French fried potatoes, red ripe tomatoes, I'm never satisfied
I want the frim fram sauce with the aussen fay, with chafaifa on the side.
I don't want pork chops and bacon, that won't awaken my appetite inside
I want the frim fram sauce with the aussen fay, with chafaifa on the side.
Now a person's really got to eat, and a person should eat right
Five will get you ten, I'm gonna feed myself right tonight
I don't want fish cakes and rye bread, you heard what I said
Waiter please serve mine fried
I want the frim fram sauce with the aussen fay, with chafaifa on the side
I want the frim fram sauce with the aussen fay, with chafaifa on the side
Now a person's really got to eat, and a person should eat right
Five will get you ten, I'm gonna feed myself right tonight
I don't want fish cakes and rye bread, you heard what I said
Waiter please serve mine fried
I want the frim fram sauce with the aussen fay, with chafaifa on the side
I want the frim fram sauce with the aussen fay, with chafaifa (chafaifa) on the side.....
Puh-leeze!
*Taking a bow* Thank you, thank you!!!! Now.....
Alex: Uh oh, she has that look in her eye....
Akili: We're going to vote on what Alex and myself will be when we grow up. Please cast your votes in your reviews!!!
a) Sit on the porch in a rocking chair and yell at kids to get off the lawn
b) Join a band and star on YTV's Hit List
c) Grow a potbelly and name it Clive
d) Live the Hip Hop high life
e) Discover a lost world in the sewer system
f) Start up a Chinchilla Pet Motel
g) Become an anime cartoon character
h) Become a kangeroo and keep a pet starfish and play one player tag
i) Werden ein Klemmelastwagen und Abnutzung Galoschen zu einem Beteiligten wo sie gesahnte Metallklumpen dienen und wo sie auf den Rand eines Toilettesitzes tanzt, nachdem sie Twister mit einem Stachelschwein gespielt hat.
Alex: Um....
Akili: Ich bin konfus!!!!!
Alex: Yeah, me too. I don't even want to know what that last one says.
Akili: Me neither
Alex: You mean you didn't come up with it?
Akili: Um....Of course I did....Let's end here
Alex: A Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!!!
Akili: What?
Alex: You mean you're the only one allowed to be weird here? I'm not allowed to be even a tiny bit weird?
Akili: Nope
Alex: Aw.....
Akili: Well maybe a little bit
Alex: REALLY!?!?!?! YOU MEAN IT?!?!??!
Akili: Yeah, but I have to be weirder, stranger and odder than you and anyone else on this planet and others like it.
Alex: Ok. One: No one could ever be weirder than you
Akili: Point taken
Alex: Two: There are no other planets like this one
Akili: Ah. Touche!
Alex: Ta tah all who read this.....interesting......fic!!
Akili: Toodles!!! Bye!!! Adios!!!! Chau!!!!! Au revoir!!!! Ciao!!!! Auf Wiedersehen!!!!!
Alex: Um. Yeah.
Akili: See ya!!!! Review!!!! Or I'll retrieve my gun......
Alex: Akili....When are you going to learn that if you insult the readers, they won't review!
Akili: *loads shotgun* *cackles evilly to self* Oh, but they will *cocks gun* They surely will...
Alex: *backs away slowly* umm.....Akili....Put down the gun please...
Akili: Why? *puts down gun and looks questionately at Alex*
Alex: *dives for gun and grabs it, runs away* MUAHAHAHAHA I GOT THE GUN!!!! *Accidentally fires it, dives for cover* Ahem.....Oops *smiles sheepishly and throws gun away* Now that that's over with....
Akili: *cowering in corner* Yo...You took my gun away...you mean TWIT!!!
Alex: You would only hurt someone
Akili: No I wouldn't...I promise....
Alex: Oh, fine, if it will stop your whining... *retrieves gun and gives it to Akili*
Akili: Oh thank you.... *cocks gun* MUAHAHAHAHAHA I HAVE THE GUN BACK!!!! *Accidentally drops gun off of dock that materialised out of nowhere* NOOOOO!!!!!
Alex: *smirks*
Akili: STOP YOUR SMIRKING!!!! AHHHHHH!!!! *Runs off ranting about smirking and how it makes Alex look stupid*
Alex: HEY!!
Akili: Is for horses
Alex: That was lame
Akili: I know *looks sad* Maybe I'll be funnier tomorrow
Alex: Fine, we'll continue tomorrow
Akili: Fine
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~ Next Day ~
Alex: We're baaaaccckkkk!!!!
Akili: OH NO THE WORLD IS GOING TO END!!!! WE CAME BACK!!!! AHHHHH!!!!
Alex: And your point is?
Akili: What point? Must I have a point?
Alex: No...I suppose not...
Akili: YAAAHAAAA!!!! I HAVE DEFEATED THE EVIL ALEX!!!! I SHALL NOW RULE THE WORLD!!!! *Gets dragged off in a straight jacket by people in white coats* AHHHHH!!!! LET GO OF THE FUTURE RULER OF THE WORLD YOU TWITS!!!!
Alex: *snickers* Ha. She's gone, now I can write some stuff....Back in the day, I was a pretty good writer you know....I would write tons of stuff....
Akili: NOOOOOO!!!!! *Escapes people in white coats, gets free of straight jacket and dives at keyboard*
Alex: Now look what I'm reduced to. Writing this stup...asoeiasnlfkamsdfasdfdfas5df4...
Akili: Ha. Take that stupid peasant!
Alex: Can we just let the people read now?
Akili: No. As their future leader I will tell them when to read.
Alex: Now?
Akili: No.
Alex: Ok....
Akili: We shall now discuss the boring subject of socks. I am wearing white socks, how about you Ms. Riddle?
Alex: Oh are you mad? You're calling me by my last name
Akili: Just stick to the lovely subject of socks will you?
Alex: Fine, I am wearing neon pink with neon green polka dots.
Akili: Really?
Alex: No dimwit!
Akili: Darn.....Wait....Did you just call me a dimwit?
Alex: Um.....No?
Akili: That's better....Wait....Did you mean that?
Alex: Yes?
Akili: Ok then...Now we are going to change subjects
Alex: Good, anything but socks!!!
Akili: We shall talk about.... *strikes regal pose* ......Sparkly puke!!!!
Alex: No the horror!!!.....Um....Sparkly PUKE!!!????
Akili: Yes
Alex: Where in the world did you come up with that subject?
Akili: From Carmen Sandiego of course
Alex: Yeah....Sure....Whatever.....
Akili: Never mind the sparkly puke then. We'll talk about Estonian expressions
Alex: There are such a thing as Estonian expressions?
Akili: Of course
Alex: Ok. Just asking.
Akili: Finish this sentence. A friend always peels his neighbours....
Alex: Oranges. Please let it be oranges.
Akili: Nope
Alex: Bananas?
Akili: Strike two
Alex: I'm scared of what it might be. Just tell me and kill me now.
Akili: A friend peels his neighbours.....TROUSERS!!!!
Alex: WHAT! ARE YOU SERIOUS! *Collapses in laughter*
Akili: Hey man. It's not that funny.....On second thought.... *Also collapses in laughter*
Alex: *Getting up* Now that that's over. What to talk about next.
Akili: Pedo un anillo de espuma no una pila de hamsteres
Alex: Huh?
Akili: Roughly.....I ordered a doughnut, not a pile of hamsters.
Alex: Oh.....WHAT?!?!?!?!?
Akili: Felicitaciones en su sombrero que huele asqueroso
Alex: Again....Huh?
Akili: Congratulations on your foul smelling sombrero
Alex: I don't have a foul smelling sombrero
Akili: Now you do
Alex: No. I won't have one.
Akili: Fine. Now repeat after me
Alex: Um....Ok
Akili: Donde puedo conseguir un palillo grande del pogo empujado en mi oreja
Alex: Donde puedo conseguir un palillo grande del pogo empujado en mi oreja
Akili: *Grabs large pogo stick and shoves it in Alex's ear* Here. You're welcome.
Alex: What did I say? And I didn't say thank you.
Akili: Where can I get a large pogo stick shoved in my ear....Roughly... And I was
anticipating your thank you. It's not every friend that will shove a large pogo stick in your ear when you ask for one.
Alex: But I didn't ask for one!
Akili: Sure you do a friend a favour and they throw it right back in your face. Well I won't talk to you now. You must talk to Captain Silver Hand.
Alex: Um.....
Akili: *Covers own hand in sparkly silver Christmas tree garland* *moves hand as if it's talking* Hello you twit
Alex: Um....
Akili: C'mon twit. Is that all you can say. Dimwit.
Alex: Stop insulting me!
Akili: No.
Alex: Well then.....Go plant potatoes in the Pemberton Seed Potato Control Area where the planting of potatoes is restricted
Akili: Y'know. I think I will *Goes off. Plants potatoes. Runs back being chased by police. Screams* ALEX!!!! HELP ME!!!!! I'M BEING CHASED!!!!
Alex: Oh. You're talking to me now are you?
Akili: C'mon you twit!!!
Alex: Now now, ask nicely
Akili: Alright. Please please please help me
Alex: How bout....NO!!!!
Akili: What did I ever do to you?
Alex: Lots of things
Akili: Oh. Right. Well if you help me, I'll apologise
Alex: Alright. *Snaps fingers, police disappear* There you go
Akili: Great. Thanks. Now. I'm sorry for things I have done.
Alex: You're forgiven *begins to cry* I'm sorry too
Akili: Oh no you don't. You're not turning this into a mushy fluffy story.
Alex: Oh fine then. How bout we get on with the chapter?
Akili: Ok. This time we'll do as you suggest
Alex: Thank you
Akili: No no, thank you
Alex: No, thank you
Akili: I must have the last word. Thank You
Alex: Fine you can have the last word. And thank you
Akili: Thank you. And thank YOU
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Alex was walking down the hall, again, when there was a noise behind her. She turned quickly, but nothing was there. She continued walking. There was another sound and when she turned, there was a shadow darting away around a corner. Alex was beginning to be scared. She began to walk faster. Suddenly she was blinded by big bright lights. When she was able to see again, what she saw frightened her down to her toes. She wanted to run and hide in a big hole. What she saw was so horrible and frightening that I dare not write about it.....Okay I will. Right in front of Alex was.......AKILI ABOUT TO SING!!!!! AHHHHH!!!!!! THE HORROR!!!!!! Anyways......
Akili: Ravenclaw is the eagle,
Slytherin is the snake
Hufflepuff is the badger, and that was a big mistake Yeah,
Gryffindor is the lion that stands so proud and tall But I am the greatest of them all
I am the beaver,
I'm furry and I'm free
Yeah, I am the beaver,
I smell like stinky cheese Yeah, I am the beaver,
I can chew right through small trees I am the beaver, I am the beaver, I am the beaver
You might think a rodent is a pretty lame choice
For a personal animal, but don't you listen to that voice
No, 'cause all them birds and predators just take from the land
But the beaver always gives a dam
I am the beaver, it's bark I like to eat
Yeah, I am the beaver, it tastes really sweet
Yeah, I am the beaver, the nickel I complete
Yeah, I am the beaver, I am the beaver, I am the beaver
The eagle flies the skies above and swoops down on its prey
The big snake will poison anyone who dares gets in its way
The lion is the greatest of the hunters today
But the beaver, it can build dams
Yeah, the beaver, it can build dams, dams, dams!
I am the beaver, I slap my tail when danger's nearby
I am the beaver, I have a waterproof hide
Yeah, I am the beaver, And I say that with great pride
I am the beaver, I am the beaver, I am the beaver
I am the beaver, our name is often used as a double entendre
I am the beaver, and in Canada French doesn't belong
Yeah, I am the beaver, and the subject of this song is
I am the beaver, I am the beaver, I am the beaver (I can't hear you!)
I am the beaver, I am the beaver, I am the beaver (Are you gettin' the point?)
I am the beaver, I am the beaver, I am the beaver
Just as quickly as she had appeared, Akili vanished into thin air, leaving Alex muttering to herself "Am I ever going to get to class without a song interrupting my day?" And she was answered by a disembodied voice "No!" Alex jumped then continued on to potions.
As soon as Alex sat down in her seat Snape walked in and said "today there will be a test". Many people groaned and one girl said "but you're not our ordinary teacher" and Snape replied "yes, yes, I know.....Your regular teacher had a.....unfortunate accident....yes....that's it.....accident....." and Snape walked out of the room mumbling to himself. Alex looked down at her desk and there was a test paper on it.
~
1. What is the brand of your computer?
2. Where did you buy your computer?
3. What is it like to steal computers?
4. Does your printer ever eat paper?
5.a) If yes to the previous question, Do you ever shout profanities at your printer?
5.b) At your computer?
6. Does your computer shout profanities back?
7. Do you wish your printer would eat your siblings?
8. Is your printer and/or computer an escaped convict? If so, did you help them get out of prison?
~
"What the hell is this?" Alex yelled. The test on her desk yelled back "it's your test dummy". Alex stared at the paper, "well then," she began, "what are you on? And more importantly, where can I get some?" The paper said "I am on a desk, and you can get the desk if you steal this one, or buy your own." So Alex ran out of potions class with her desk in her hands.
Akili walked into the common room to see a giant bonfire in the middle of the room and Alex sitting there smelling the flames and smoke. "Um....what are you doing?" Asked Akili. "Sniffing" replied Alex. "Ah" Akili said and stood there a moment before Sirius and Lockhart came in and began to sing!!!
I'm proud to be a Teacher
I'm proud to be a Teacher
I'm proud to be a Teacher
'Cause I get to play with little people's minds
I'm having a lousy day
I dumped my gel and spilled my coffee
On my best clothes.
So I had to change into my ratty old robes.
So I rush into the classroom
Where they are discussing what my fate in this occupation is
And I don't really give a damn
Because I don't know what I'm teaching!
So I lie and say
Lockhart: I'm proud to be your teacher
I'm proud to be your teacher
I'm proud to be your teacher
'Cause I get to teach you stimulating students
Lockhart: I open up my eyes
Hoping that it's still dark, but it's 9 o'clock
And I have only one more hour to go
To return to hogwarts to teach next semester
So I run down to the station where there's a 20-mile lineup
And I'm yelling and I'm screaming
And I'm not wearing any pants ah ah ah ah ahhhhh
Sirius: I'm proud to be a Marauder
I'm proud to be a Marauder
I'm proud to be a Marauder
'Cause I get to screw with other people's lives
Sirius: I took out all my anger
On the twit that is a teacher. IT told me
That I couldn't because I'm a dork
But that can't be 'cause I graduated from Hogwrats.
So I go and visit Albus, wait an hour in his office.
And I'm talking to his face
He says "Wait I'll get your last month's record"
He comes back in 7 hours
Says I've got some late detentions and a prank on Slime Ball Snape.
That bounced and so they'll have to take off 40 points for that
And for the prank I never finished and I don't have my marauder back-up.
And I think I'll die before I serve out my detentions and I don't even GO TO SCHOOL~!~
Lockhart: I'm pleased to be a teacher
Sirius: I'm proud to be a Marauder
Both: I'm pleased to be a teacher
'Cause I get to play with other people's minds
Sirius: (HE'S A TEACHER)
Lockhart: Granger will you mark these tests?
Lockhart: (HE'S A MARAUDER)
Sirius: Do you have any assets?
Lockhart: (HE'S A MARAUDER)
Sirius: You should prank you shouldn't think
Sirius: (HE'S A TEACHER)
Lockhart: That prank will cost you fifty points
Lockhart: (IT WILL COST YOU FIFTY POINTS)
Sirius: (He's a teacher and he says
that it will cost you fifty points
He's a teacher and he says
that it will cost you fifty points)
Both: (IT WILL COST YOU FIFTY POINTS)
And with that Lockhart and Sirius fell over into the flames of the fire. Then jumped up and ran around the room screaming loudly with Lockhart frantically trying to put out his hair. Sirius and Lockhart then ran out of the common room and Akili and Alex heard him for many more minutes before all was silent. Then the flames engulfed the two of them and they knew only what they saw but that's another story and shall be told another time.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
That is all
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Akili: NOT!!!!! I am going to sing you a loverly song!!!
Alex: No, no, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
Akili: Oh, shut up you. Now on with the song!!!! It is called "The Frim Fram Sauce" here we go!
I don't want French fried potatoes, red ripe tomatoes, I'm never satisfied
I want the frim fram sauce with the aussen fay, with chafaifa on the side.
I don't want pork chops and bacon, that won't awaken my appetite inside
I want the frim fram sauce with the aussen fay, with chafaifa on the side.
Now a person's really got to eat, and a person should eat right
Five will get you ten, I'm gonna feed myself right tonight
I don't want fish cakes and rye bread, you heard what I said
Waiter please serve mine fried
I want the frim fram sauce with the aussen fay, with chafaifa on the side
I want the frim fram sauce with the aussen fay, with chafaifa on the side
Now a person's really got to eat, and a person should eat right
Five will get you ten, I'm gonna feed myself right tonight
I don't want fish cakes and rye bread, you heard what I said
Waiter please serve mine fried
I want the frim fram sauce with the aussen fay, with chafaifa on the side
I want the frim fram sauce with the aussen fay, with chafaifa (chafaifa) on the side.....
Puh-leeze!
*Taking a bow* Thank you, thank you!!!! Now.....
Alex: Uh oh, she has that look in her eye....
Akili: We're going to vote on what Alex and myself will be when we grow up. Please cast your votes in your reviews!!!
a) Sit on the porch in a rocking chair and yell at kids to get off the lawn
b) Join a band and star on YTV's Hit List
c) Grow a potbelly and name it Clive
d) Live the Hip Hop high life
e) Discover a lost world in the sewer system
f) Start up a Chinchilla Pet Motel
g) Become an anime cartoon character
h) Become a kangeroo and keep a pet starfish and play one player tag
i) Werden ein Klemmelastwagen und Abnutzung Galoschen zu einem Beteiligten wo sie gesahnte Metallklumpen dienen und wo sie auf den Rand eines Toilettesitzes tanzt, nachdem sie Twister mit einem Stachelschwein gespielt hat.
Alex: Um....
Akili: Ich bin konfus!!!!!
Alex: Yeah, me too. I don't even want to know what that last one says.
Akili: Me neither
Alex: You mean you didn't come up with it?
Akili: Um....Of course I did....Let's end here
Alex: A Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!!!
Akili: What?
Alex: You mean you're the only one allowed to be weird here? I'm not allowed to be even a tiny bit weird?
Akili: Nope
Alex: Aw.....
Akili: Well maybe a little bit
Alex: REALLY!?!?!?! YOU MEAN IT?!?!??!
Akili: Yeah, but I have to be weirder, stranger and odder than you and anyone else on this planet and others like it.
Alex: Ok. One: No one could ever be weirder than you
Akili: Point taken
Alex: Two: There are no other planets like this one
Akili: Ah. Touche!
Alex: Ta tah all who read this.....interesting......fic!!
Akili: Toodles!!! Bye!!! Adios!!!! Chau!!!!! Au revoir!!!! Ciao!!!! Auf Wiedersehen!!!!!
Alex: Um. Yeah.
Akili: See ya!!!! Review!!!! Or I'll retrieve my gun......
