"I don't want to remember nothing." Cypher said to Agent Smith, who was calmly sitting opposite the balding croc, watching him bite into a piece of steak.

"Perfectly fine."

Cypher looked at Smith for a moment and then nodded, turning his head up to a passing waiter. "...Do you have any Grey Poupon?" He asked pompously.

Smith sighed, getting Cypher's attention as the waiter slunk off to find some mustard for him. "Oh, and I want to be rich and famous. Someone important. Like an actor."

"No problem."

"And I don't want to have to pay taxes."

"Of course."

"And I want a mansion filled with sexy crocs in bikinis-"

"Mr. Reagan..." Smith warned.

"Fine." Cypher sighed. "If it's troublesome for you, you could lose the bikinis and keep the girls-"

"Reagan!"

--- Back on the Neb... ---

"Trinity?"

"Yeah?" Trinity replied, trying desperately to scratch an itch on her back.

"You think he likes me?" Asked Neo, motioning to Morpheus, who was walking towards them.

"Yeah, of course. Why wouldn't he?" Trinity asked, surprised.

"It's just that... that... every time he looks at me, he breaks into these throes of maniacal laughter."

"Morpheus is... different. But I'm sure he likes you just fine." Trinity lifted her tail a little higher and reached the itchy spot, finally getting rid of the itch.

Morpheus approached the two standing in the hallway outside of the mess hall. "Trinity, get Dozer. We're going to take Neo to see the Oracle." Trinity immediately turned to waddle off and inform Dozer.

Neo smiled at his new captain, who, in response, broke into throes of maniacal laughter. Neo's grin slid off his face and he went to go get plugged in.

A few minutes later, the crocs were plugged into the matrix and ready to go.

"We'll be back in an hour." Morpheus said coolly to Switch, Apoc, Trinity, and Cypher. Ushering Neo into the car, he waddled over to the driver's seat and drove off.

The car ride was rather short, seeing as the Oracle's building was next door to the abandoned building where they had left the others. Wondering why they couldn't have just walked, Neo exited and walked up the stairs to the Oracle's apartment.

Arriving at the Oracle's door, Morpheus turned to Neo. "I told you I could only show you the door. You have to walk through it."

Neo nodded, managing to look confident and superior. He turned and walked to a door down the hall before throwing it open with his tail. Morpheus thwacked his face with his tail and called out after Neo, "Not that door, this one!"

"Oh." Neo walked back to the apartment Morpheus was standing next to and pushed the door open.

"Welcome, Neo. You're right on time." Came the voice of a blonde croc in a toga, as she led Neo into the apartment, as if she had been waiting for him the entire time. "The Oracle will see you shortly."

After staring at the toga-clad croc for a couple seconds more, Neo waddled over to a small platypus sitting on the floor. Around him lay several spoons, twisted beyond recognition.

"What are you doing? These are antique silver!" Exclaimed Neo, horrified at the child's blatant disregard for fine antiquities.

"There is no spoon." Said the small platypus.

Neo looked at the spoon resting in his claw. "Then what's this that I'm holding?" He asked, puzzled.

The platypus rolled his eyes. "It's a metaphor, you idiot."

Neo stared at the spoon while Spoon Platypus looked on in amusement, until Neo felt a tap on his shoulder.

"The Oracle will see you now."

Neo dropped the spoon and nodded at the platypus before waddling into the kitchen.

"Hello?" He called. Suddenly, a figure came out of the shadows, carrying a tray of cookies. Neo nearly fell over in shock. It wasn't a croc. It wasn't an elephant. It was... a... human?

"Crikey, Neo!" Called Steve Irwin, his Australian accent heavy as always.

"You're the Oracle?" Neo responded.

"Sure thing, mate! And you're supposed to be One?"

There was nothing Neo could do but nod in shock.

"Well, let's get started. Open your mouth."

Neo opened his mouth and the Oracle stuck his head in, looking around. "Crikey, look 't those beauties! Those teeth are razor-sharp!"

After a few more moments, Steve said : "Well, mate, I 'ate to say this, but you ain't the One."

"I'm not?"

"Naw. Maybe in your next life or something. Y'got bloody 'mazin' teeth, though. Cookie?"

Neo looked at the overly-cheery Australian and shook his head. "No thanks." He said, before walking out and meeting Morpheus in the hallway.

"What was said was meant for you and you alone."

Neo nodded and they continued their walk to the building next door in silence, until Neo broke the quiet with, "You didn't tell me Steve Irwin was the Oracle."

--- Back at the abandoned building... ---

The crew of the Neb trooped up the stairs, on their way to go back to their hovercraft. Neo abruptly turned his head to the side, remarking, "Dejá vu."

The rest of the crocs immediately stopped and surrounded Neo.

"What?"

"I said dejá vu."

"What happened?"

"Well, a black cat walked by, meowed, turned around three times, and then fell through a hole in the floor. Then another cat that looked exactly like it walked by and did the same thing."

"Was it the same cat?" Morpheus demanded.

"I... I don't know." Neo replied truthfully.

"It's a trap." Morpheus stated. "Go!" The crocs turned around and ran up the stairs.

--- After running around the building for about ten minutes... ---

Neo paused to gasp for air, tired from running for the past ten minutes. They were in a bathroom of some sort, and Apoc and Switch seemed to be trying to create a hole in the wall using their teeth. Trinity waddled back over to Neo and gave him a comforting smile.

"You OK?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine."

"Good. Get into the wall." And before Neo knew it, he was inside the hole Apoc and Switch had made, inside the wall, climbing down.

A few minutes later, the Agents arrived to see a large hole in the wall near the floor. Not seeming to notice, the top-hatted evildoers exited, leaving one soldier alone in the bathroom, snooping around.

Inside the wall a cloud of dust fell, causing Cypher to sneeze.

"Bless you." Said the soldier, turning around to exit. Reaching the door, he did a double take and whirled around. "They're in the walls!"

The crocs, excluding Morpheus, immediately let go of their holds on the wall, falling down and landing in one giant, scaly heap at the bottom. Cypher glanced around nervously, then crawled off mysteriously, quietly practicing his evil laugh.

--- Back in the bathroom... ---

Morpheus worked his tail around Smith's throat. "Who are you?" He gasped.

"A Smith." Came the top-hatted croc's reply. Morpheus threw him across the room with a powerful flick of his tail.

"How the hell did your top hat just stay on?" Morpheus asked in astonishment.

Smith merely smirked and began pounding Morpheus into a pulp.

--- Back on the Neb... ---

Dozer unplugged Cypher, who got up slowly and crawled to the other side of the room, where a large, conspicuous plasma gun was waiting. He looked at Tank, who was unsuspectingly typing away on the keyboard, as usual, then picked up the gun.

Well, tried, anyway.

After three minutes of fumbling the gun, Cypher managed to gain control of it and shoot it in the general direction of Tank, who whirled around and flung himself against the monitors, gasping for air.

"C'mon, Tank, I didn't even hit you." Cypher said in exasperation.

Tank looked down at himself and saw no wounds. "Oh." He said, before Cypher blasted him with the gun.

Dozer looked at the crumpled body of Tank, then at Cypher, then at Tank, then at Cypher, and so on, until he got dizzy and gave up. Of course, by that time, Cypher had already shot him.

The balding crocodile waddled over to Tank, placing the operator's headset on his own head.

--- At the TV repair shop... ---

Trinity pulled out her cell phone with her tail after unsuccessfully attempting to reach her back with her stumpy arms and connected to the Neb. "Hello?"

"Trinity." Came the voice of Cypher.

"Oh, God. You killed them!" She exclaimed.

There was a moment of silence from the other end of the phone, then: "Wow, you're good."

"I'm right?"

"Yeah."

"Shit!" She yelled.

Neo watched Trinity on the phone with Cypher. He couldn't hear what Cypher was saying, but Trinity's responses were mostly the same- either "Shit!" or "Goddamn you, Cypher!", so Neo assumed she was mad at him.

All of a sudden, Trinity's eyes focused on Apoc. Apoc glanced around nervously, now that all of the eyes in the room were on him. Suddenly, he and Switch fell over, lying on their backs, stumpy feet in the air.

Neo looked at them in horror as Trinity continued her string of expletives directed towards Cypher.

And then the phone rang.

A puzzled Trinity dropped her cell phone and picked up the phone on the table, going back to the Neb.

--- Back on the Neb... ---

Tank unplugged Trinity, who sat up slowly. She looked around the room, her eyes falling on the lifeless croc that was Dozer. "Dozer..."

Tank nodded grimly, and the two crocs somehow managed to hug each other.

Back in the matrix, Neo looked around at the silent, abandoned TV repair shop. "Tank? Trinity? Can you get me out of here? Guys?"

--- In the Tupperware Building... ---

Smith injected the needle into Morpheus' throat.

"How does it work?" He asked Agent Jones.

"The more inanely you talk, the more quickly he will break. Then we will have the secret Bush's baked beans recipe!" He replied, adjusting his top hat.

"You mean the Zion mainframe codes?"

"Uh... yeah." Jones replied. Smith nodded and motioned for Jones and Brown to leave.

"I'd like to share a revelation I had a while ago with you," Began the Agent, removing his earpiece. "It came to me when I was trying to classify your... species."

Morpheus simply sat there, drool coming from the end of his mouth. Smith stared at the drooling croc, decided he wasn't being inane enough, and decided to take the punishment up a notch further.

--- In the Neb... ---

"What are they doing to him?" Neo asked. He had finally been remembered and unplugged several minutes after Trinity.

"They're trying to get the Zion mainframe codes out of him. All they have to do is talk inanely for a while, and eventually, he'll crack."

"But he's Morpheus. Do you think he'll crack?"

Tank looked sadly at Neo. "These are Agents. Everybody cracks."

Neo waddled over to his chair and started the preparations for plugging in.

"What are you doing?" Trinity called.

"I'm going in." Said an ultra-suave Neo.

"No. Morpheus sacrificed himself so you could get out-"

"No, Morpheus did what he did because he believes I'm something that I'm not."

Trinity and Tank stared at Neo in confusion. "What you say?" Tank asked.

"I'm not the One. The Oracle told me."

"Oh, did he? Neo, Steve Irwin is the Oracle, dammit. Are you going to listen to your heart or Steve Irwin?" Trinity demanded.

"Good point." Neo paused. "Well, let's go in anyway."

--- Back in the Tupperware Building... ---

"'...Then, Chantal Devereaux, her smoky mahogany eyes burning like the fire of a million suns, used her levitation power to raise Neo high into the sky. Her ripe chestnut hair gleamed like a thousand ripe chestnuts, and Neo could almost taste her smell of passionate citrus-'" Smith was interrupted by Jones and Brown walking in suddenly.

"What were you doing?" Jones inquired.

Smith held up a large, gold-thread-bound glossy volume. "Mary-Sues, to break his mind."

Brown turned to Jones. "He doesn't know."

--- Down below, in the lobby... ---

A guard lazily waddled up to Neo as he entered the the lobby. "Please remove all metal objects-"

He trailed off when Neo opened his coat with his tail to reveal all of his guns. "Holy shit!" He yelled, before being shot by Neo. Neo only had to look at the other guards before they all turned around and ran as fast as they could (Well, as fast as a croc could run) for their lives.

Trinity entered behind Neo and together they waddled towards the elevator.

Suddenly, backup showed up. The guards each went behind their own pillar for protection as one guard yelled "Freeze!".

There was a moment of silence before Trinity yelled back "Everybody clap your hands!".

The guards were not amused.

Over the following ten minutes, despite being crocodiles, Neo and Trinity managed to turn cartwheels, shoot other crocs, do fancy kicks with their tails and run off of walls, dressed in tight black leather the entire time.

When the fighting came to an end, Trinity and Neo crawled into the elevator. Trinity managed to open the metal suitcase she had been carrying and take out a bomb. Neo leapt up in the air and crashed through the elevator roof, landing on top of the elevator. He also gave himself a splitting migraine from the force of his jump against the metal roof of the elevator.

Seconds later, the two crocs were zooming towards the top of the building, their tails wrapped around the wire used to pull them up.

They reached the roof just as the bomb exploded, sending doors off their hinges and crocs flying. Upstairs, the explosion hit the Agents with such force that their top hats fell off.

"Find them!" Growled a very angry Smith as the water from the sprinkler poured down on him.

--- On the roof... ---

Trinity and Neo looked around at the dead crocodiles that lay around them. It had been a long fight and they were getting ready to go save Morpheus when-

An Agent appeared in the helicopter next to them and crawled out.

Neo stared at the Agent and then began to fire. The croc easily dodged all of the bullets by jumping over them, ducking them, and moving his head to the side. However, by the time Neo ran out of ammo, the Agent's top hat had a few holes in it.

Grimly adjusting his hat, the Agent picked up his own gun.

"Triniteeeeeee!" Shrieked Neo as the Agent began to shoot.

To Neo, it seemed like time had stopped. He dodged the bullets with ease before falling to the ground. The Agent crawled over and held his gun to Neo's head.

"Only amphibian." He snarled.

"Reptilian." Neo corrected.

Suddenly, Trinity pressed her gun against the top-hatted Agent's head. "Dodge this."

She pulled the trigger and the croc undramatically fell over sideways.

After a few minutes of struggling to get Neo off of his back, Neo said, "Did you see that? I dodged all of the bullets!"

"Neo, they all went over your head. He just had a bad shot."

Neo scowled and quickly changed the subject. "Do you know how to fly that thing?"

Trinity shook her head. "Not yet." She switched on her cell phone. "Tank, I need to learn how to fly a B-16 F-20 Super-Auto Turbo-Power Boeing 707."

There was silence on the other end, then "Come again?"

Trinity sighed. "Hurry!"

Moments later, Trinity and Neo entered the helicopter.

--- Back to the Agents... ---

The Agents looked at Morpheus, who was handcuffed, sweating, and soaked with water from the overhead sprinkler. Smith was not the least bit concerned about his hair, as he was a machine and his hair could easily be upgraded.

Well... can you really 'upgrade' hair? Because it's not a machine itsel-

Smith's thoughts were cut off as a helicopter appeared outside the window.

"No." He gasped, as Neo started to fire on the Agents with the machine gun in the helicopter.

Minutes later, the room was in shambles. Nothing was left standing- except for Morpheus, who seemed to have been unaffected by the recent hail of gunfire.

"Get up, Morpheus." Neo whispered. "Get up."

Morpheus, meanwhile, was struggling to stay conscious and wriggle out of his handcuffs. The handcuffs were pulling his stumpy croc arms together, making it quite uncomfortable for the Fearless Leader of the Neb.

Suddenly, he reared his head up and roared, breaking free of his bondage. Neo, seeing this, blinked twice and tied a rope around his stomach. Morpheus ran forward and leapt out of the window, being caught by Neo. Trinity began to fly away.

Down below, a small croc child who had recently come from the doctor after having what her mother deemed 'hallucinations' of flying crocodiles in top hats looked up.

"Mommy, look! A crocodile is flying a helicopter that has two other crocs dangling from it by a rope!"

The mother sighed and looked up herself. Nevertheless, she got quite a shock when she saw exactly what her daughter had described.

The helicopter landed on a rooftop, and Trinity, Neo, and Morpheus exited it.

Neo and Trinity looked at each other hard. They gazed into each other's eyes for what seemed an eternity.

"Neo, I-" Trinity began.

"Do you believe it now, Trinity?" Morpheus boomed, walking over to the happy couple.

"Way to ruin the moment." Muttered Neo under his breath.

Not bothering to get an answer, Morpheus dialed Tank on his cell phone.

"Tank, we need an exit."

---

Ten minutes later, Morpheus, Trinity and Neo had reached the subway station where Tank had assured them a phone would be waiting.

"You first, Morpheus." Trinity ushered Morpheus into the phone booth.

After minutes of grunting, Morpheus gave up. "I can't reach the phone, Trin."

Trin sighed and knocked the phone off of it's receiver with her tail, and Morpheus pressed the phone against the ear.

When Morpheus disappeared, Trinity turned to Neo.

"Neo..."

Neo looked at Trinity. "Yeah?" He said, trying to look macho and suave after his recent heroic saving of Morpheus. He would've slicked back his hair, too, if he had any hair.

The phone began to ring.

Trinity sighed. "Forget it." She said, pressing the phone against her head.

Only seconds after Trinity was gone, a hole appeared in the telephone.

Neo looked at it blankly, and then looked to the side, where Smith was standing, gun in hand.

"Mr. Anderson! Mr. Anderson, it's nice meeting you again. I'm going to enjoy watching you die, Mr. Anderson." Smith said.

"My name... is... Neo!"

Smith sighed, obviously very put out. "Mr. Anderson, you weren't supposed to say that until the climax. You just ruined the dramatic effect, Mr. Anderson."

"Is that why you keep calling me Mr. Anderson?"

"Yes, Mr. Anderson."

Neo shuddered. "You can stop now, it's freaking me out."

Smith smirked. "I'm afraid not, Mr. Anderson. Shall we fight... Mr. Anderson?"

Neo looked at Smith, and then at Smith's gun. Then he turned around and ran.

What followed was quite interesting. As everyone knows, crocodiles lack the ability to run fast. Therefore, the highly anticipated high-speed chase turned out to be Neo crawling along the curb, with Agent Smith waddling only slightly faster behind him.

--- Back in the Neb... ---

"Sentinels!" Tank shouted across the room, over the blare of the alarm.

Morpheus covered his ears, which were already hurting from the din, and contemplated yelling back 'Ya think?' or something that would make Tank sounds like an idiot. Instead, he waddled over to the EMP and flipped the top open. Neo would make it... if he would only move a little faster, that was...

--- Back to Neo... ---

Neo reached the apartment building where Tank had told him a while ago a phone would be waiting.

He waddled up the stairs and kicked open one of the doors with his tail.

Smith was waiting, gun in claw.

Moments later, ten bullets were buried deep in Neo's scaly skin. And he still wasn't dead.

"Ow." He remarked simply.

Then he died.

Back on the Neb, the three crocodiles stared at the monitors in disbelief. Trinity rushed over to Neo, lying on his chair.

"Neo... I've waited so long to say this... even though you've only been here a week. The Oracle told me that I would fall in love... and he also told me that the man I loved would be the One. So that means you can't be dead, Neo. You can't. Because I love you."

And with that, she kissed him. Actually, she pressed her lips to his cheek, because she didn't want to bite his face off, but... it was still romantic.

Tank brushed a tear off his face and patted Morpheus with his tail. Morpheus himself was leaning on Tank's shoulder and sobbing "It's... just like... Oprah...".

Suddenly, the spell was broken by a sudden laser beam from the Sentinels outside.

"Dammit, Neo, get up off the floor and kick some ass!" Trinity screamed, causing Tank and Morpheus to abruptly stop crying.

--- In the abandoned building... ---

Neo got up, all right. He got up and thwacked Smith in the face with his tail.

"Mr. Anderson...?"

Neo nodded.

"Didn't I just...?" He paused, looking at the blood stains on the walls and thinking I could've sworn I killed him... oh well.

Smith lunged at Neo, who leapt out of the way, sending Smith crashing into the wall. Laughing uproariously, Neo walked into the room ad picked up the phone.

--- Back on the Neb... ---

Tank switched on the EMP just as Neo arrived back on the Neb. As soon as Neo opened his eyes, Trinity had her snout on his, resulting in the longest, most passionate kiss in the history of crocodiles.

As Morpheus watched them, he murmured under his breath, "He is the One."

Tank, passing by, overheard him. "No shit, Morpheus."

--- In the matrix... a week later... ---

Neo hung up the phone and waddled out of the phone booth, putting on his shades as he did so. He looked around for a moment and then took off in flight.

Said a small croc child as she and her mother walked by: "Mommy, did you just see that croc in shades and a trenchcoat go flying?"

---