Monster's Life 3- Chapter 3
Where we last left off, Phil was killing Monsters left and right with the Club of Puncturing, and yet he was still no closer to finding it.
Phil had unfortuneately learned to use the club's power to his advantage. He strode through hell, using it left and right. A group of Balrogs charged him, intent on killing him and eating his delicious body.
"RARGH! Pitiful human! Prepare to taste-", they shouted.
"Club that Punctures.", Phil interjected. The demons began exploding one by one.
"The pain! THE PAIN!!!", one screamed as his head pulsed and detonated. Phil cheerfully whistled a merry tune as he moseyed through the volatile monsters.
Back on level 17, Diablo was thumbing through reports. He removed his glasses and peered at Damien and Me.
"So...this Phil person is killing everything, without even drawing his sword?", he asked. We nodded.
"He was even as audacious as to clear out level 14 wearing his underwear and covered head to toe in steak sauce.", Damien said. Diablo leaned back in his chair and licked his lips.
"Mmm...human.", he said slowly, obviously fantasizing eating Phil. Then he accidentally caught his tongue on one of his numerous face horns.
"Ah! Oh, the Pain!! Make it sthop!!!"(Stick your tongue out and read this line aloud), he screamed. He tried prying it off the spike, but ended up mangling his tongue even more on his arm spikes. "Sthweet Merthiful Crap, thith ith painful!!!" Just then a hacked amazon popped in.
"Did someone say 'Ith'? I've got Pskulls and SoJ's!", she asked. We stared at her, then she slowly backed away.
"HELP ME!!!", Diablo yelled. In a fit of desperation, Damien and I sliced off his body horns. When we were done, we panted and looked back. Diablo cowered and screamed.
"Don't look at me, Don't look at meeeeeee!!!" He ran into his room. Damien and I looked at each other, and Diablo came back out wearing robes. His eyes were tearing up.
"Get Phil...and bring him to me!!", he choked out. We nodded and ran up the stairs.
The stairs came up to a cauldron in Level 15. We had hid the stairs in the Cauldrons because everyone's too chicken to open them. I swung open the lid and hopped out. Damien followed in suit shortly thereafter. We saw Phil rounding the corner. He was dressed in his full battle regalia. Damien slammed the Cauldron shut. Phil stared at us for a second, and we stared him back. The air was so thick with impending combat that people were setting up seats. I stepped towards him with my friggin' big sword out. He stepped towards me with his kinda big but still not as big as mine sword out. I looked down at him through my helmet visors.
"Thats an awfully puny sword compared to mine.", I jeered.
"Its not the size, its how you use it.", Phil countered.
"I'm sorry, I can't help the size of my sword. It's merely proportional to my body size.", I counter-countered. Phil looked defeated for a second, then went through an intricate series of complex motions with his sword. I merely laughed, then went through a series even more intricate and complex than his. His eyes flared and he stared it me, his eyes firing daggers of hate.
"You know, that can't be healthy for your vision.", I said, brushing the daggers out of my chestplate. "Face it Phil. I'm better than you. I'm bigger, I'm stronger, my sword is bigger, and I can swing my sword fancier than you." Phil picked up a rock and threw it at my head. It connected, knocking one of the horns off and sending me spinning to the ground, landing with a dull thud and a couple clanks.
"Wow, nice throw...", Damien said, awed.
"Indeed. I trained with the Intafada, you know.", Phil beamed.
"You bastard! That was my favorite horn! I'll kill you!", I yelled. We charged each other.
Diablo was sitting on the couch on his room, watching TV with the robes wrapped tightly around him. There came a knock on the door.
"Go away! You can't see me like this!!", he sobbed.
"But...I brought the pizza-", a voice started.
"Go away!!!...but leave the pizza.", Diablo screamed. There was a rustling then a quick patter of feet. Diablo went out and got the pizza. The he disrobed and stood in front of the mirror, touching his horn nubs as if they pained him.
"Look at you...you used to be so....so magnificent, so pointy....now what are you? You're a bumpy red thing covered in nubs. What happened man!? Where did we go wrong?" Diablo cried. Then he ate the pizza in one bite.
Phil was indeed a clever opponent. His swordplay was almost as good as mine. Every attack I made, he blocked. Every attack he made, I blocked. Our swords clanged together every second, and every strike either of us scored was turned aside by our armor. We battled everywhere around the level. With my superior strength I forced him up the stairs. The fight carried on everywhere. We went into the Chamber of Bone, through Leoric's Tomb, over his couch where he was watching skeleton porn, or something. We carried the skirmish into the Hall of the Blind, where our missed swings hacked up those invisible bastards. I forced him back up into town, and we laid waste to the houses. We reversed and went down the stairs into hell, where we found it. Sitting on a pedestal, there it was. The Club of Puncturing. We had finally found it. Damien found our position and rushed to my side. Phil turned.
"Thanks for leading me here!", he laughed, then ran for the Club.
"You'll get it when I'm in hell!", I shouted, rushing after him.
"We ARE in hell!", Phil pointed out. I tackled him shortly before the pedestal.
"Club that punctures, club that punctures, club that punctures!!", Phil rambled, beating my with the hilt of his sword. My head started to hurt, but I shook it away. I had a job to do. Damien lunged for the club, but Phil grabbed his leg and he fell short. His face collided with the stem of the pedestal, knocking it forward. The club fell into Phil's hand. He swung it in a wide arc, but I ducked under it. Damien rose to his feet and charged Phil, his sword up for a bisecting strike. Expertly, Phil swung the club, connecting with Damien's chest. He flew backwards, and struck the wall, a large hole blown in his Breastplate. Phil threw his sword away, instead wielding the club as if it were a sword. I figured that would be a mistake, so when he swung, I blocked it with the flat of my blade. There was a bang and the top half of my sword spun away.
"Not so big now are you?", Phil mocked. He swung the club down. I brought my shield up to block it, but the Club punctured through and struck me on my helm. The energy that punctured through destroyed my eye.
"Damn! My precious eyemeat!", I yowled. I fell back, and put my hand up to my face. Phil stepped up to me, and brought his club up for a killing blow....
That's the end of chapter three!
Where we last left off, Phil was killing Monsters left and right with the Club of Puncturing, and yet he was still no closer to finding it.
Phil had unfortuneately learned to use the club's power to his advantage. He strode through hell, using it left and right. A group of Balrogs charged him, intent on killing him and eating his delicious body.
"RARGH! Pitiful human! Prepare to taste-", they shouted.
"Club that Punctures.", Phil interjected. The demons began exploding one by one.
"The pain! THE PAIN!!!", one screamed as his head pulsed and detonated. Phil cheerfully whistled a merry tune as he moseyed through the volatile monsters.
Back on level 17, Diablo was thumbing through reports. He removed his glasses and peered at Damien and Me.
"So...this Phil person is killing everything, without even drawing his sword?", he asked. We nodded.
"He was even as audacious as to clear out level 14 wearing his underwear and covered head to toe in steak sauce.", Damien said. Diablo leaned back in his chair and licked his lips.
"Mmm...human.", he said slowly, obviously fantasizing eating Phil. Then he accidentally caught his tongue on one of his numerous face horns.
"Ah! Oh, the Pain!! Make it sthop!!!"(Stick your tongue out and read this line aloud), he screamed. He tried prying it off the spike, but ended up mangling his tongue even more on his arm spikes. "Sthweet Merthiful Crap, thith ith painful!!!" Just then a hacked amazon popped in.
"Did someone say 'Ith'? I've got Pskulls and SoJ's!", she asked. We stared at her, then she slowly backed away.
"HELP ME!!!", Diablo yelled. In a fit of desperation, Damien and I sliced off his body horns. When we were done, we panted and looked back. Diablo cowered and screamed.
"Don't look at me, Don't look at meeeeeee!!!" He ran into his room. Damien and I looked at each other, and Diablo came back out wearing robes. His eyes were tearing up.
"Get Phil...and bring him to me!!", he choked out. We nodded and ran up the stairs.
The stairs came up to a cauldron in Level 15. We had hid the stairs in the Cauldrons because everyone's too chicken to open them. I swung open the lid and hopped out. Damien followed in suit shortly thereafter. We saw Phil rounding the corner. He was dressed in his full battle regalia. Damien slammed the Cauldron shut. Phil stared at us for a second, and we stared him back. The air was so thick with impending combat that people were setting up seats. I stepped towards him with my friggin' big sword out. He stepped towards me with his kinda big but still not as big as mine sword out. I looked down at him through my helmet visors.
"Thats an awfully puny sword compared to mine.", I jeered.
"Its not the size, its how you use it.", Phil countered.
"I'm sorry, I can't help the size of my sword. It's merely proportional to my body size.", I counter-countered. Phil looked defeated for a second, then went through an intricate series of complex motions with his sword. I merely laughed, then went through a series even more intricate and complex than his. His eyes flared and he stared it me, his eyes firing daggers of hate.
"You know, that can't be healthy for your vision.", I said, brushing the daggers out of my chestplate. "Face it Phil. I'm better than you. I'm bigger, I'm stronger, my sword is bigger, and I can swing my sword fancier than you." Phil picked up a rock and threw it at my head. It connected, knocking one of the horns off and sending me spinning to the ground, landing with a dull thud and a couple clanks.
"Wow, nice throw...", Damien said, awed.
"Indeed. I trained with the Intafada, you know.", Phil beamed.
"You bastard! That was my favorite horn! I'll kill you!", I yelled. We charged each other.
Diablo was sitting on the couch on his room, watching TV with the robes wrapped tightly around him. There came a knock on the door.
"Go away! You can't see me like this!!", he sobbed.
"But...I brought the pizza-", a voice started.
"Go away!!!...but leave the pizza.", Diablo screamed. There was a rustling then a quick patter of feet. Diablo went out and got the pizza. The he disrobed and stood in front of the mirror, touching his horn nubs as if they pained him.
"Look at you...you used to be so....so magnificent, so pointy....now what are you? You're a bumpy red thing covered in nubs. What happened man!? Where did we go wrong?" Diablo cried. Then he ate the pizza in one bite.
Phil was indeed a clever opponent. His swordplay was almost as good as mine. Every attack I made, he blocked. Every attack he made, I blocked. Our swords clanged together every second, and every strike either of us scored was turned aside by our armor. We battled everywhere around the level. With my superior strength I forced him up the stairs. The fight carried on everywhere. We went into the Chamber of Bone, through Leoric's Tomb, over his couch where he was watching skeleton porn, or something. We carried the skirmish into the Hall of the Blind, where our missed swings hacked up those invisible bastards. I forced him back up into town, and we laid waste to the houses. We reversed and went down the stairs into hell, where we found it. Sitting on a pedestal, there it was. The Club of Puncturing. We had finally found it. Damien found our position and rushed to my side. Phil turned.
"Thanks for leading me here!", he laughed, then ran for the Club.
"You'll get it when I'm in hell!", I shouted, rushing after him.
"We ARE in hell!", Phil pointed out. I tackled him shortly before the pedestal.
"Club that punctures, club that punctures, club that punctures!!", Phil rambled, beating my with the hilt of his sword. My head started to hurt, but I shook it away. I had a job to do. Damien lunged for the club, but Phil grabbed his leg and he fell short. His face collided with the stem of the pedestal, knocking it forward. The club fell into Phil's hand. He swung it in a wide arc, but I ducked under it. Damien rose to his feet and charged Phil, his sword up for a bisecting strike. Expertly, Phil swung the club, connecting with Damien's chest. He flew backwards, and struck the wall, a large hole blown in his Breastplate. Phil threw his sword away, instead wielding the club as if it were a sword. I figured that would be a mistake, so when he swung, I blocked it with the flat of my blade. There was a bang and the top half of my sword spun away.
"Not so big now are you?", Phil mocked. He swung the club down. I brought my shield up to block it, but the Club punctured through and struck me on my helm. The energy that punctured through destroyed my eye.
"Damn! My precious eyemeat!", I yowled. I fell back, and put my hand up to my face. Phil stepped up to me, and brought his club up for a killing blow....
That's the end of chapter three!
