A/N - well, here it is: the first story by the Elves of Darkness, Luinramwen, Nuiniachwen and Erenriel. If you've read some of Erenriel and Luin's stuff before, you know we have a habit of being strange and silly. Joined by Nuin, you have no idea how strange we can be. Heheheee...

Note: this is a collaboration of random, pointless, Legolas torture and ferret fights, written by Nuin, Eren, Luin, with inserts from Morriel. Comments are added in ( ) ,{ }, and [ ].

Edited by Luinramwen, aka Miss SpellCheck (everone's out to kill her @_@)

Disclaimer - we own nothing except our own insanity, which actually amounts to quite a bit. :-) We own nothing of LoTR, but we're plotting to sneak into Middle-Earth and capture Legolas.

Oh yes and Mandos, who though is the god of the dead in the Silmarillion, has a secret hidden talent for baking in this story. ;-) Unfortunately we only own some of his recipes, not him. X-O

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The Characters - meet the cast of sugar-high mutants...

Legolas - our favourite elf. Everyone is fighting over him

Wisp (aka Erenriel) - adorable tree squeak protagonist

Luinramwen - evil elf -- bent on kidnapping Legolas and keeping him all to herself :-| (Not evil, just misguided. Actually, she is very evil! Legolas likes evil people...Muahahahaaaa...)

Ferrienna (aka Nuiniachwen) - hyper person/ferret, believed to be in love with Legolas -- only interested in the pouch of lollipops in his bag. (Likes him more after he gives her candy. {Actually, Legolas prefers cute little furry animals like ferrets and tree squeaks, but he likes ferrets better. Hehe})

Mandos - the incredible cookie/cake baking god of the dead

Morriel - Luinramwen's partner, plans to betray Luin and keep Legolas in her closet (Forever! Hehehe. She's going to lock him away forever and no body will ever find him. He'll be hers. {Hogger :-)})

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Luin kidnapped Legolas from all the others trying to steal him. Dah dah-dah daaaah!

Lego changes hands many times but is finally rescued by Wisp (but is really saved by Ferri, so all the credit's hers. Hahaha!! Legolas is going to live in an Elf-sized ferret hole)

Luin will finally give up and settle for Mandos, or some other Elf-guy who actually appreciates her :-( (Poor Luin... :-P Hehehe. Hey... Nobody else tried to swipe Legolas! That must mean he's Ferri's! That was too easy...)

Except that seeing that Luin is all alone and sad, and since he really does like evil Elves, Legolas changed his mind yet again and went for Luin. :-)

Ferrienna and Wisp fought over Mandos, because he is a very good baker of sugary cookies and cake.

Ferri won, and made Mandos make her yummy things with sugar in them, and bribed Legolas back to her with sugar-filled yummy things. :-P

But Legolas wouldn't go, because he doesn't like evil forest creatures that are cute and fuzzy and - well, actually, Luin had to duct-tape Legolas up inside her house, in the basement, and manacle him to the walls. Muahahahaaaa... :-)

Ferri felt depressed, and ate all the sugar-filled things that she made Mandos make for Legolas.

Yay! Ferri had nothing left to bribe Legolas with! Luin un-duct-taped and un-manacled Legolas from the wall and apologized for tying him up.

Ferri, on a really, REALLY bad sugar high, broke down the door on Luin's basement and rescued Legolas, and put him back in the Elf-sized ferret hole.

Legolas escaped, with difficulty, because any sized ferret hole makes him claustrophobic.

Ferri felt bad, and moved him into a tree house, with more sugar-filled goodies.

Legolas, however, was allergic to sugar-filled goodies. He is a vegetarian. Luin lured him back to her with a deluxe-sized fruit salad.

Ferri ate all the sugar-filled goodies, 'rescued him' and gave him all the salad (of any kind :-]) he'd ever need and put millions of locks on the tree house door. She also nailed all the windows shut (so HA!! :-])

Luin is a master lockpicker. Neither locks nor nailed windows could keep her away from Legolas. Luin broke the widonws and the locks and let Legolas go free (Remember, he's a claustrophobic Elf. He needs to go outside now and then. Poor Elfy guy)

Ferri got mad. She duct taped Luin to another tree and found Legolas a nice mansion with a big yard with lots of trees. Ferri set up an electric fence with razor wire on it.

Luin got the duct tape off no problem and climbed a tree that was hanging over the electric fence, and hopped down in the yard. Ha ha, Ferri.

Unfortunately for Luin, Ferri isn't stupid. She knew Luin would come back for Legolas, so she put traps (covered of course) around every tree.

As punishment for being stupid, Ferri chucked Luin back over the fence (A major feat for a little ferret) and cut all the branches that overhung the fence, or came anywhere near the fence. (Hahaha!!)

Luin got stuck in one of the trees as Ferri chucked her out, but Ferri didn't notice because it was very far up for a small ferret to see. Incidentally, this tree happened to be in the middle of the yard, so Ferri never cut any branches off it and thus never found Luin.

That night Luin snuck down the tree, through the yard, and through the house to rescue Legolas. The two Elves escaped through a tunnel Luin had noticed when she was stuck in the tree. By morning, they were far, far, far away.

Ferri bought a supersonic jet and flew around a bit. After she figued out that it was only a simulation, she bought a real jet and chased after Luin and Legolas.

She found them, and launched a net rocket to get Legolas, caught him, and brought him back to the mansion. After she found a cement truck, she filled up the hole that Luin escaped through. (Ha!)

Except that during the night Luin had made a dummy version of Legolas and hid the real one far away. Ferri had caught the dummy.

Ferri filled the dummy Legolas with plastic explosives, found out where Luin was hiding, flew there in her jet, switched Legolases and flew away with the real one.

After Luin figured out that the Legolas was a fake, Ferri hit a switch and the dummy blew up. Luin was covered in blackness.