Title: Bittersweet Realizations
Rating: PG-13 for language and violence
Disclaimer: Buffy tvs is owned by Joss Whedon and ME, I'm just borrowing them
Spoilers: Set during season 7 before, during and after 7-17 "Lies My Parents Told Me"
Feedback: May be provided here or sent to aeryncrichton@hotmail.com
Pairings: Buffy / Spike
Subject: Complete - Additional scenes before, during and after LMPTM furthering the Buffy/Spike romance
Part V - Letting Go
Entrance to the Riverside Cemetery
A blow to her back sent Buffy to her to her knees so fast she barely had time to look up to see the fist flying at her face.
Slayer reflexes took over, sending her rolling to her right in time to evade the right cross that whiffed over her head. Buffy was able to get to her feet and into a fighting stance before the vampire came at her again.
She wasn't feeling especially ready with the quips tonight, so she dispatched the vampire with an uppercut to the chin that left him vulnerable to jab she made with Mr. Pointy to his unbeating heart. Dust rained down over her. She shook her head to get rid of the dust in her hair, then brushed the dust off her clothes as best she could.
Buffy continued her foray through Sunnydale's cemeteries, questing for a distinctive bleached blonde vampire.
Shady View Cemetery
Spike took the long way back through the Shady View Cemetery, hoping to run up against some nasties before he made it back home to his crypt. Even after his dust-up with the Wood-man, or perhaps because of it, he had too much adrenaline pumping through his system to simply go to his crypt and rest. He definitely wasn't ready to face Buffy or anyone else at the Summer's house. Sensible was one thing no one had ever accused him of being, he thought with a self-satisfied smirk. At least not since he'd become a vampire. Even getting a soul hadn't totally eradicated his reckless streak.
Lucky for him, unlucky for two new fledgling vampires. Spike had them both beaten up, on the ground and staked before he had a chance to work off much of his excess energy. After another hour of fruitless patrolling, Spike headed back to his crypt. Sometimes searching out the beasties of the night was a fruitless and futile effort, especially it seemed, when he really could use the exercise.
When he opened the door to his crypt, the sight that greeted him almost felled him.
Buffy was sitting on top of his crypt, her legs swinging back and forth as she hummed some pop tune playing in her head. When the door swung open, her gaze swung in his direction and she leapt off of her perch to stand before him.
"Hi," Buffy greeted Spike, tentatively. She really didn't know what to say. Wasn't entirely sure why she was here, except she'd felt compelled to come.
"Checking up on me Slayer?" Spike enquired, with a raised eyebrow. He had no more idea where he stood with her now that he ever did, so the banter was an easy, comfortable defense mechanism to fall back into.
Buffy shook her head. "I figured you needed to blow off some steam," she told him. "So, I just thought I'd wait for you here."
"I suppose you got a right sob story from the Wood-man," Spike drawled out the last word intentionally. Nothing got a Slayer's ire up like a good story about a vampire who had killed a Slayer or two. And Spike, aka William the Bloody had killed a couple of Slayers in his day. Not that he had a hankering to take Buffy's blood in such a manner.
He'd had a taste of her blood and while it was sweet, as all Slayer blood was, much sweeter than any mere human's, Buffy's blood wasn't what he wanted. Spike wanted much more from Buffy than a few paltry sips of blood. He wanted her heart and soul. And he wanted to be with her forever, but he'd be willing to settle for the rest of her life or his. If she'd ever give him the time of day again that was.
Buffy nodded, then told him, "it doesn't matter. I warned him. I need everyone on the same team. Or it won't matter when the army of the First Evil comes. Fighting amongst ourselves is just gonna make it easier for the First Evil to defeat us."
"I meant what I said," Spike said calmly, reminding her of his parting words to Principal Wood.
"I know. When I said I warned Wood, I meant I knew you'd follow through," Buffy clarified. "And I told him I wouldn't stop you killing him, if he provoked you again."
Spike looked askance at Buffy and wondered at the change in her. If he didn't know better, he'd think that she was hardening herself to losing anyone and everyone in this upcoming battle. And in the process she'd lose herself, if she wasn't careful.
She needed her friends. And little sis. Dawnie was a real peach and even without Buffy around he knew he'd always want to protect her. He had protected and cared for Dawn like she was his own sister during the summer that Buffy was dead. She reminded him of his own younger sister, lost so young. Inquisitive, yet caring. Thoughtful and oh so very, very young, despite all that she'd seen.
Without her friends, Buffy would lose herself to the darkness. Like she'd lost herself in a quagmire of her own dark needs with Spike himself last year. Her yearnings to hurt and be hurt, just to feel something. That was no good. He couldn't lose her to that kind of darkness... not again.
Maybe Buffy didn't really need him, but he had no plans to leave, as long as Buffy was here, fighting the good fight. He'd fight by her side right up to and through the gates of the apocalypse itself if that's what it took. Fling himself into the jaws of a hell dimension, he would, if it'd save Buffy or the world. Just because he knew its what she'd need and that it would make her happy.
Because that's what she did everyday. Saved the world from each and every evil that sprouted out of the Hellmouth before it could swallow everything up and drown the world in sorrow.
It wasn't fair that sorrow ruled her life. But then again, when had life or unlife for that matter ever been fair?
"So what now Buffy?" Spike asked.
Buffy came up short, not sure what Spike was asking, or maybe it was just that she still didn't know how to open up to him even now. It had all seemed so easy this morning. But now that she had the chance to say her piece, it was harder than she had imagined, to try and put together the words.
"Are we ever going to talk?" he prodded. The impasse, the stalemate between them had to be breached and for all that his Slayer was willing to start the conversation, she never seemed to be willing or able to finish it.
"About what?" Buffy asked.
"If you don't know, then I sure as bloody hell can't tell you," Spike bit out sharply and turned as if to walk away.
"Spike, wait... please," Buffy called out. The truth was she was unwilling, unable to let Spike slip out of her life. And she could feel it. Spike's impatience with her stalling, wavering and most of all with her fear. She was afraid that although he might be willing to fight by her side forever, eventually his love for her would dim and fade if she didn't confess her own. The love that she'd held in her heart for him for years, although she'd continually denied it, and denied him.
All of life was a risk. And with her life once again feeling like it was nearing the end, it was time to put fear aside. To really take a chance on love again. Because since she'd been with Angel, so many years ago, she really hadn't.
It wasn't that she hadn't wanted to either. She had. It was just way too scary, putting her happiness in someone else's hands. Putting her heart on the line and chancing having it broken again.
"So, what's it to be Buffy? Am I to be your strongest warrior and nothing else?" Spike asked.
"No," Buffy answered. "You're so much more to me. Don't you know how much I need you?" She thought she had shown Spike in so many ways, just how important he was to her. The stark, but true fact was that she wasn't ready for him to leave... never would be ready for him to go.
"I've told you how I feel Buffy. And my feelings haven't changed. I bloody well love you and I don't expect that'll ever change. The question is, how do you feel?" Spike inquired, unable to stem the tide of hope that began to rise within him. The price of a soul had never been so painfully clear, as when he looked into Buffy's eyes and waited for the crushing blow that would slash the thin thread of his hope to ribbons.
Buffy looked into Spike's open, trusting aquamarine gaze and she could feel his love radiating like the rays of the sun. It was warm and glorious. She trembled at its power. How could she have denied him the same in return?
On the verge of tears Buffy made her confession, "I love you Spike. I've loved you for years. I couldn't admit it to myself before, so how could I admit it to you?"
Spike could see that she was on the verge of breaking down and that was the last thing he wanted. Besides, he could practically hear the but in her statement. "But..." he offered her the opening to take it all back, to amend her statement in some way that would make it null and void.
Buffy shook her head and felt the tears that had been a threatening storm just moments ago, tumbling down her cheeks. "Didn't you hear what I said?" she asked incredulously. "I love you Spike."
Now it was Spike's fear that held him back. He'd waited for this moment, wanted it for so long. Bloody hell, he'd even dreamed about it. But there was no way it could be that simple, that straightforward. Nothing worked that way for him. There had to be a catch.
Spike took a tentative step forward, ready to sweep her in his arms and kiss her senseless, yet hesitant to do anything that might push her in the opposite direction. "And you're not going to push me away?"
Buffy shook her head.
She took a step toward Spike and then another, until she was within a hairsbreadth of where he stood. Spike remained stock still, waiting for her. He ached to touch her, to kiss her, to shout his love for her from the rooftops... to anyone and everyone who could hear it.
Buffy reached up with her right hand and cupped his cheek, feathering her thumb along the contours of his cheekbone as the fingers of her right hand wove through his platinum locks. She reached up and placed her left hand at his nape to provide her with the leverage to reach up and touch his lips with her own. Her kiss was tentative, light and teasing as it brushed over his lips with the fragility of a tickle from a butterfly's wing.
A growl emanated from low in Spike's throat, as his hands fastened to her waist, to pull her body into close contact with his own. He wrapped his left arm around her waist, while he buried his right in her curly, sun-kissed mane. Everywhere their bodies touched he burned for her, he was on fire from the inside out. He'd willingly die for her.
Spike hadn't dared to hope, even though he couldn't stop his errant dreams, that he'd ever hold Buffy this close to him again.
He could feel Bufffy's arms holding onto him, tight bands of steel, much like his own. Then he realized that perhaps he was holding her too tight and moved to loosen his grasp, until he realized that Buffy was shaking her head, pulling him closer... quite obviously not looking for any relief from his hold.
Once more he lowered his head to take her lips in a kiss filled with all the passion, yearning and love that he'd had to hold inside for so long. Now, he finally had her leave to demonstrate his feelings for her.
Spike picked her up at the waist and set her on top of his crypt. Then he climbed up beside her. It wasn't a comfortable bed, but it felt like heaven to Spike now that he knew that Buffy loved him. He laid down beside her and looked into her glittering green eyes.
"I'll bloody love you forever pet," Spike told her.
"You better," Buffy teased. "I love you... so much. Never let me go."
"Not bloody likely," Spike replied.
The End
Please, let me know what you thought of this story, now that it's complete Did you like the ending? I'd love feedback on this part or the whole story.
