Summary: Interesting questions plague Giles. Buffy finds out the real reason Spike is back in Sunnydale. Spike tells Buffy some hard truths about the men in her life.
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Seeing Spike Through Buffy's Eyes Chapter 17 - The Whole TruthGiles was nervous. Cassandra had told him about the brief conversation she had with Spike over the phone. If Spike was with Buffy, how much had the vampire told her? Did she know about the threat to Dawn? He wished he had been able to speak to Spike himself, but he had been out of the flat at the time of the call.
Giles looked down at the book in front of him. If Buffy now knew, at least he would be able to give her a glimmer of hope. Together, Anthony, Cassandra and Giles had tracked down the exact spell the monks used to create Dawn. Looking through similar text had led them to the spell they would need to permanently bind Dawn to this dimension. Now it was just a matter of gathering the components in one place and finding the Cup of Souls.
Finding the Cup wouldn't be easy. Giles thought the monks had used the temporary spell at the beginning because they were unable to access the mystical relic. Or maybe they didn't have time to acquire it once Glory's threat became known. Still, if it existed, Giles knew that Anthony would find it. The vampire had a knack for laying his hands on objects Giles had thought lost to antiquity. Spike was right about his assessment of the younger vampire's skills and his library of knowledge. The Watcher's Council could learn much from the Louisiana vamp. Anthony could be their best source for understanding not only the traditions of vampires, but the inner-workings of the entire demon community. If Giles was in better standing, he would make a case for exploring that source, but he knew they would never listen to him. More and more he was becoming disillusioned with the Council. At every instance, they seemed to be a hindrance to the Slayer's cause.
Giles had other concerns as well. Currently, he was studying the wording of the original spell. It was so familiar. It referred to the Slayer with the same words as the Slayer prophecy itself. Into each generation/ A Slayer is born/ One girl/ In all the world/ A Chosen One. Giles hypothesized that the language was used to specifically call the blood of the Slayer to the binding. Obviously, and for some unknown reason, a Slayer was as pinnacle to the spell as the Cup of Souls. What bothered Giles the most was that he knew nothing about it. If the Key could only be made human with Slayer blood, then why was it so difficult to find out information when they fought Glory? Wouldn't something as important as this be documented in the Watcher journals of past Slayers? It was agitating, to say the least.
And then there were the more personal worries. At the time of Dawn's birth into this world, there had been an anomaly in the Slayer lineage. There were two living Slayers. Could it be possible that both Faith's blood and Buffy's blood were called? Could Dawn share the soul of both Slayers? These were questions Giles had not shared with anyone. It was too horrific to consider. How would Buffy feel knowing that the woman she disliked most in the world was a part of the person she most cherished? And could Willow's resurrection spell have caused damage to the temporary soul that resided in Dawn? At some point, Giles would have to find the answers, but not now.
No, now he needed to inform Buffy of the research they had already performed. It went against his nature to keep secrets from her. He was her Watcher and her friend. Now that they had some answers, it was time to tell her everything. Giles picked up the telephone. He had a call to make.
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Spike and Buffy were watching a movie when the phone rang. Buffy was grateful for the distraction. How she had let Spike talk her into watching a horror flick she'd never know. And one with a psycho fisherman, killing teenagers with an ice hook? Who came up with that stuff?
"Hello? (pause) Giles! I'm so glad you called. (pause) Yeah, I bet you're sorry. (pause) Stop tripping over your own tongue, Spike's right here. You want to talk to him? (pause) Hold on a minute." Buffy walked the phone into the living room. "Spike, it's Giles. He's nervous, as usual, and he wants to talk to you."
Spike took the phone from Buffy, a guilty semi-smile playing on his lips. Spike had dodged the Giles questions earlier in the day. He hadn't outright lied to Buffy, but she knew there was still more to the story than he was telling her. "Giles. Good to hear from you, mate. What's up?" Buffy flopped down on the couch, watching Spike as he walked into the kitchen. Her patience was wearing thin with both the Watcher and the vampire.
Several minutes later, Spike came back into the living room still talking to Giles. "Do you want to tell her, or shall I? (pause) I think that would be best. Hold on a minute, Ruppert." Spike put the phone on the couch next to Buffy, then he picked the Slayer up in his arms. Once he was seated on the couch, Buffy firmly planted in his lap, Spike gave her the phone. Buffy gave him a questioning look, but he just pressed the phone into her hand. Spike knew she was going to need all the support he could give her.
Buffy's conversation with Giles was very one-sided. Spike watched as different emotions played across Buffy's body. When she was scared for Dawn, she sank deeper into his arms. When she was relieved that they had found a permanent spell, her shoulders slumped from the release of tension. She sat bolt upright when she realized that they had been hiding the information from her for weeks. Giles received the brunt of her vocal anger, but Spike got the physical part of it. She swatted at him a few times when Giles told her something that made her angry. Spike just shook his head. He was in for another battle as soon as she was off the phone.
As the conversation drew to a close, Buffy leaned her head on Spike's shoulder. "I don't know what I'm going to tell her, Giles. Part of me wants to keep it from her until we have all the answers, but the other part remembers what happened when we didn't tell her she was the Key. She deserves to know, but she'll be so scared. I need to think about it. (pause) Thanks for the support. Look, call me the minute you know more. (pause) Yeah, hopefully we'll see you soon. (pause) Sure, hold on. And Giles, I love you." Buffy passed the phone back to Spike.
"Yeah? (pause) Call me when you find the Cup. Whatever it takes, I'll have the money transferred to cover it. Just tell Tony to hurry, and not to bargain down the price. We don't have time for that. (pause) Talk to you soon, mate. Bye." Spike laid the phone back on the couch before wrapping his arms around Buffy again. "It will all work out, luv. No need to worry. The Watcher has it all under control."
To much information. That was all Buffy could think. First Spike, now the threat to Dawn. Buffy wasn't sure she could handle it. "Does she ever get a break, Spike? She finds out she's the Key, her mother dies, a hell-god wants her dead, I die, I come back. Now this. She's been so happy. I thought that the mystical Key thing was behind us. What am I going to tell her?"
Spike kissed a stray tear from Buffy's cheek. He was evil. Bad things deserved to happen to him, not to his girls. For the thousandth time since Giles told him about the information he discovered, Spike wondered why things like this always happened to the Summers. Didn't they have enough to deal with just having a Slayer in the family? "You're going to tell her the truth. Buffy, we have an answer now. We know what to do. We're not going to let anything happen to the Nibblet. You'll convince her of that. She's going to look to you to how she should react. She always does. If you're strong, she'll be strong. And when you can't be strong, I'll be here for you. Both of you"
Buffy gave Spike a weak smile as she wiped the tears from he eyes. Strong. She needed to be strong. "Have I ever told you how annoying it is when you're right? You're supposed to be an evil vampire, not the giver of all the truthfulness." Buffy leaned in to give Spike a kiss, then stopped herself. "Hey, I'm supposed to be mad at you for keeping all this from me. I don't appreciate being kept in the dark. If I didn't know better, I'd think you were trying to protect me. Feeling a little Riley-ish?"
A low growl rumbled deep within Spike's chest. Mad he could take. Being compared to Captain Cardboard he couldn't. "I wasn't trying to protect you, Slayer. I was only following orders. If you want to get mad at someone, call the Watcher back. I'll give you the number."
Buffy snorted. "Yeah, like you take orders. Do you salute like one of the Initiative boys too?" Buffy wasn't prepared for Spike to stand up at that moment. After all, she had been sitting on his lap. She landed on the ground with a loud thump.
Spike looked down at her. "Listen, Slayer. You want to yell at me, yell at me. You want to kick me around for a while, kick me around. But if you compare me to the junior commando one more time, I'll, I'll – "
Buffy jumped up from her spot on the floor. What had started out as teasing had suddenly become very serious. "You'll what? Leave and not tell me you're going?" It was an old hurt. A burr in Buffy's side. She had learned how to be a grown-up. She could take care of Dawn and herself. But she would always feel the hurt of being abandoned by the people she loved. "Go ahead, everybody else does. I'm used to it by now." Buffy walked out of the room and started up the stairs. "Don't let the door hit you on the ass on your way out."
Buffy never made it to the top of the stairs. Spike was at her side in a split second. "Now we get down to it. You want to have this out once and for all, then let's have it out. Come on!" Spike grabbed her arm, half dragging her back to the bedroom. Once inside, he pushed her onto the bed. "I am NOT your father. The bloody idiot left because he couldn't accept his responsibilities. You didn't drive him away! He has his own problems that have nothing to do with you."
Buffy pushed herself up into a sitting position, to stunned to do more. How dare he talk about her father that way! What did he know about it? "You have no right to talk about my dad! You don't even know him!"
Spike's eyes flared gold. "Why not? He's part of the problem, isn't her? Didn't have the decency to come back for mum's funeral, the bastard. Just keep you're mouth shut, Slayer. I'm not done." Spike had waited a long time to have this conversation with her. He was far from finished. "Angel left because he didn't have the bloody balls to fight for you. All that rot about a normal life. So there'd be problems? So what? If you love someone, you stick it out. For better or worse; I think that's how it goes." Spike pulled a cigarette out of his pocket. He paced in front of her as he lit it. "Soldier-boy is the biggest wanker of them all. He can't deal with the fact that you're the Slayer. Can't find a place for himself in your life, so he runs away. Again, not your fault. I told him once you needed a little monster in your man, that he wasn't the long-haul guy. And the git believed me! How stupid is that? I'm playing mind games with him and he agrees. More like you needed more man in your man, not some sniveling boy who treated you like a goddess. Afraid to touch you, afraid to fight with you. Wanted everything in a nice, neat package. Bloody moron."
Spike was so caught up in his speech, he didn't notice the way Buffy was looking at him. For better or worse. In sickness and in health. Til death do us part. Angel faced the same problems in his relationship with Cordelia, but he was willing to try with her. Why was Buffy different? And Riley. A little monster in her man? How truthful was that. Riley was a great guy, but he wasn't the one for her. She knew that long before he actually left. But if she knew it, why did she let his leaving hurt her?
Spike continued talking. "We aren't even going to discuss mum. She died; she didn't leave. It wasn't her choice to go." Spike's heart hurt as he thought about Joyce. She was a great lady. "Then the Watcher. Giles left because you needed to grow up. If he had just been your Watcher, not your father figure, it would have been easy to stay. But HE needed the distance. He couldn't be here and push you to stand on your own two feet at the same time. He cares too much." Spike dropped his half-finished cigarette into a glass a water sitting on Buffy's desk. "And now me. I want you to remember something, pet. All of them, the one's before, you never asked them to go. Leaving was their decision. But me. You've tried to kick me out of your life from the moment we met. I was just too damn stubborn to leave. Maybe I shouldn't have gone after the fight with the Nibblet, but she just sang the same tune as you – get lost. So that's exactly what I did." Spike stopped pacing. He stood stone still in front of her. "It's still daylight outside and I don't feel like running under a blanket, so I'm going to stay in the basement until sunset. Then I'll go. But I'm not going to leave town, not until things are settled with the Nibblet. If you don't like it, too damn bad!" Spike grabbed his bag off the floor, throwing it over his shoulder. "But you remember, I'm going because you told me to go. It's your choice, not mine!" And with that, he was out the door.
Buffy stared at the doorway Spike had just walked through. Boy. How long had he been keeping that inside? Buffy sat on the edge of her bed. She had some thinking to do.
---TBC
