Summary:       Do they always have to fight?

Disclaimer:    Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy own everything.  But I wouldn't mind leasing Spike from them for a couple of weeks :)

Feedback:     As always, appreciated.

Seeing Spike Through Buffy's Eyes Chapter 18 - The Rough Stuff

Spike slammed the basement door closed behind him, separating the top hinge from the wall in the process.  "Stupid!  Fucking!  Slayer!"  He didn't think he'd ever been this mad in his entire life – dead or alive.  "She'll never learn!"  He threw his bag on the floor, dropping down to sit next to where it had landed.  They had been having a fine time.  So the talk with the Nibblet's boyfriend had been unexpected, and Cass's phone call had put a kink in the situation, and the Watcher's timing could have been better, but still.  They were together.  They were getting along.  She had to go and blow it.  Spike pushed his fingers through his bleached hair.  He should have now better.  Buffy would never change.  Would never let go of the past.  She would never see him as different from the other's that had left her. 

Spike laid back on the cement floor, closing his eyes, his anger draining away.  "Because you left too, you bloody wanker."  Christ, he was as much a fool as she was.  He could have calmed her down.  Could have apologized for the scene in the living room.  But what good would it do?  Sooner or later, she would start to doubt him.  And eventually, he would leave again.  He had a business, a life in New Orleans.  He couldn't just up and leave it because she crooked her pretty little finger in his direction.  A line from one of Nibblet's favorite movies, "The Princess Bride", drifted through his head.  'Most likely kill you in the morning.'  That would forever be his lot in life if he stayed in Sunnyhell.  The Slayer would most likely stake him one of these days.  A moment lost in one of her temper tantrums she would never be able to take back.      

"Bloody hell."  Spike smashed his fists into the cement floor.  He thought of Angel and all his brooding.  Wouldn't help matters to be like Peaches.  It was over and done with now.  He might as well get some work done.  He'd promised Cass an answer about hiring another waitress.  Spike sat up, taking his laptop out of the bag at his side.  He looked around the basement, searching for a phone jack for his modem, determined to push thoughts of Buffy from his mind.

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An hour later, Buffy slowly opened the door to the basement.  She tentatively took a few steps down the stairs, not quite sure what Spike's reaction would be to her intrusion.  The vampire turned his head briefly in her direction, making eye contact for a split-second before giving his full attention back to the computer screen.  Buffy winced.  Yep, still pissed-off.  She sat down on the steps, resigned to waiting for him to acknowledge her presence once again.  Normally, charging head first into battle was more her style, but she knew this particular opponent too well.  Starting another argument with him wouldn't get her what she wanted. 

And Buffy had decided what she wanted.  She wanted to forget the entire scene in the bedroom ever took place.  Spike had pushed a few buttons she would have preferred remain push-less.  Maybe it was the truth – maybe.  But it wasn't something she was up to dealing with, especially when he was yelling at her.  Over the past year, she had learned it was better to calmly talk about things, not scream and yell like Xander's parents.  Maybe in a couple of months, they could talk about her father and Angel and Riley and Giles, but not now.  The little voice in her head popped up.  No, not when you're still so scared that he might leave again too. 

"Spit it out, Slayer.  What do you want?"  Spike never turned around as he spoke.  He had read the same e-mail twice.  He felt her eyes boring into his back, distracting him.  He'd just let her tell him he was wrong, then she would go away.  He knew that's what she wanted.  She always had to have the last word. 

Buffy bit her bottom lip in frustration.  Slayer.  How could he make that one word sound like an insult?  "I was thinking, maybe I should call Dawn.  You know, tell her to come home today instead of tomorrow." 

Spike looked over his shoulder at her.  What was she talking about?  "Yeah, fine.  Do whatever you want."  Spike had figured she'd call the Nibblet home early.  The need for her absence had disappeared.  It wasn't like HE would be staying the night.  Nothing to hide from her delicate, teenage ears.

"We'll tell her about Giles' phone call and the spell and everything tonight, at least that will give her Sunday to, well, get a grip on it.  I figured, if we tell her Sunday afternoon, then send her to school on Monday, it would be sort of cruel.  I mean, this will be a major wiggins for her.  I'd like to give her a day to recuperate.  To adjust." 

Buffy watched Spike close his laptop, then turn to give her his full attention.  "If WE tell her?"  He crossed his arms and arched his eyebrow, punctuating the question.

Buffy eyes widened in fake surprise.  She knew what Spike was getting at, but she didn't want to go there.  Denial, denial, denial.  "Well, I just assumed you'd help me.  She's going to need all the support we can give her."  Buffy stood up, walking the rest of the way down the stairs.  "I'll call Will, ask her and Tara to bring Dawn home.  Maybe we could even make it a Scooby dinnerfest.  You know, invite Xan and Anya too.  We're eventually going to have to tell everyone anyone; we'll just do it all tonight."  Buffy bit her lower lip again, wondering if Spike was going to let her get away with this.

Spike just stared at her for a minute.  She was going to act like…  She wasn't even going to admit that…  He shook his head, the tension in his body melting away.  His arms fell to his side.  Always trust the Slayer to ignore what she didn't want to deal with.  "Do you have to invite the whelp?  Seeing him yesterday was enough of a reunion for me." 

A genuine smile spread across Buffy's face.  She crossed the rest of the room to stand in front of Spike, and greedily leaned into his body when his arms came up to embraced her.  Yep, he was going to let her get away with it.  "Xander isn't that bad.  He was wonderful while you were gone.  All protective of my Slayer virtue."  Buffy heard Spike's snort.  She leaned back a little, so that she could look up at his face.  "It's your fault you know.  All that valiant knight stuff in the letter.  He walked around thinking he was King Arthur for months."

Spike pushed Buffy's head back to his chest, enjoying the feel of her pressed against his body.  He placed his chin on the top of her head.  "What have I done now?  Given the glorified bricklayer delusions of bloody grandeur?"  Spike felt Buffy's smile widen against his chest.  He rubbed his hands down her back.  "You're right though, Nibblet will need everyone's support to get through this.  Let's go upstairs so you can call the witches."

Buffy squeezed her arms around Spike's waist.  "In a minute.  Just want to stay here a while.  Okay?"  She felt Spike brush his lips over the top of her head.  She had almost lost him again.  And soon she would have to share him with her sister.  Right now, Buffy needed to be in his arms, the outside world forgotten.  She whispered against him. "Love you."

A slight shudder rolled through Spike's body.  He didn't think he'd ever get used to hearing those words from her lips.  They were something from his dreams, not part of reality.  He pulled her closer to him, almost breaking her ribs with the force of his need to prove to himself that she was real.  That she was here with him.  "I love you too, Buffy."

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Awkward.  That was the best word Buffy could come up with to describe the situation.  She looked around the dinner table at the faces of her friends.  Well, all the faces she could see.  Xander refused to look up from his plate.  He seemed to be fascinated by the spaghetti.  Willow wouldn't even look in Spike's direction or Buffy's, choosing instead to keep her eyes locked to the flower arrangement behind Anya's head.  Dawn, Tara and Anya were trying their best to ignore the other two and keep up a steady stream of conversation with Spike.  Buffy couldn't take it anymore.  "Okay, I've had enough."  She put her fork down on her plate.  "Will?  Xan?  Could I see you two outside for a minute?"

Once the three of them were on the front porch, Buffy started firing questions.  "What's wrong with the two of you?  You've known, for like weeks, that I wanted Spike back.  Now all of a sudden, you can't even look at him?  Can't even look at me?  It's not like it's a surprise to see him here.  You did leave me with him in the ally of the Bronze, like yesterday."

Xander shuffled his feet, giving Willow a 'you start' kind of look.  Willow nodded her agreement.  "Buffy, it's not that we're surprised or anything.  But, ah, we did some talking today and we're concerned about, well, about everything that's going on." 

Buffy frowned.  Willow was a babbler.  It wasn't like her to tip-toe around a subject.  "Okay.  I thought we had covered all of this, but obviously I was wrong.  What's the deal?"

Xander decided it was his turn to speak.  "Can we move away from the house a little?  Vampire hearing and all."  Buffy followed as the two walked closer to the street.  They were leaning against Xander's car when the conversation continued.

Willow was once again the spokesperson.  "After Michael left today, I called Xander.  I was completely wigged.  I wasn't sure what to do.  Then we started talking.  You know, Buff, Michael brought up some valid points.  I mean, you and Spike fight, physically fight, an awful lot.  Maybe it isn't good that Dawn see that kind of stuff.  She might get the wrong idea.  You know, start to think its okay for people in relationships to hit each other." 

Buffy rolled her eyes.  "Oh come on!  Not you guys too!  Do I look like I'm hurt?  Do you see a bruise anywhere on my body?"  Buffy lifted her skirt to expose her thighs.  "Spike would never hurt me.  You know that."

Somewhere deep inside, Alexander LaVelle Harris found the courage to look Buffy straight in the eye.  "It's not Spike were worried about.  He's not the one who starts the fights.  You're usually the first-punch gal, Buff.  Spike just, sort of, well, defends himself."  Admitting that Spike wasn't always the bad guy had cost Xander much in the pride department.   

"I can't believe this!"  Buffy was in total shock.  "I've been trying to convince the two of you that Spike would never hurt me.  That all he does is defend himself.  And you choose now to believe it, but you are using it to make me look like the bad guy in all this?"  Buffy took a step back.  "Now you think my, what, violent tendencies, are going to scar Dawn for life.  I'm the Slayer.  No matter what I do, she's going to see me kill demons, dust vampires.  It's the job."

"But do you have to bring it home?"  The concern was evident on Willow's face.  "Buffy, you're right.  Being the Slayer is who you are, and Dawn is going to be exposed to that no matter how much you try to protect her from it.  We just think that if you're serious about this relationship with Spike, you need to stop beating him up.  It looks bad."

Buffy looked between Willow's face and Xander's.  They were really worried about this.  Neither one of them would willingly jumped to Spike's defense, she was sure of that.  But, Dawn.  Both of them would do anything, anything in the world to protect her little sister.  WAS she setting a bad example for Dawn?  "You two think this is a real problem, don't you?"

Xander touched Buffy's arm.  "Not yet.  I mean, before this weekend, Spike had been in the enemy camp, even if he did straddle the fence."  Xander's tongue tripped over the word straddle.  "And fighting the evil, undead enemy – okay.  But if you are going to be together, we think you should make sure Dawn understands the different levels of fighting.  She's seen Anya and I fight, but we've never come to blows.  Maybe you could leave the violence for the training room." 

Willow took a step closer to her friend.  "Buffy just think about it.  You remember what it was like when you're parents fought.  How that stuck with you.  You are Dawnie's role model.  She's going to look to you for guidance.  You're going to influence how she lives her life.  How she deals with relationships.  And I'm not saying that being in a relationship with Spike is bad.  He's a vampire, but he adores you, adores Dawn.  We all know that he would die for either one of you.  But going forward, hitting him when he makes you mad probably wouldn't be the best thing."

Buffy took a minute to think about the things Willow and Xander had said.  They were right.  She didn't want Dawn to think hitting was something to be tolerated in any relationship.  Maybe she did get too violent with Spike.  In her mind, it didn't mean much because neither of them were serious about hurting each other, but it could leave Dawn with a different impression.  "I guess, I never thought about it that way before.  The last thing I want is for Dawn to think the hitting someone you love, or being hit by someone who says they love you is acceptable.  I think I need to have a talk with her about it."  Buffy hugged both of her friends.  "And thanks for caring so much about her to bring it up.  I know it wasn't easy for either of you."

Willow shrugged.  "You're our friend.  Dawn's our friend.  We couldn't not say something when it was so important."

Buffy linked arms with her two best friends as they made their way back to the house.  "But why all the secrecy?  Why did we walk out to the curb?"

Xander rolled his eyes.  "Like I want dead boy jr to think I care if you beat the crap out of him."  Buffy just laughed.

---TBC