Good afternoon to y'all. I am THE SEAOKNARNAR and I welcome you to my fic. I hope you'll notice that I finally got the hang of HTML! :-D ::cheers loudly and pops the cork from a bottle of champagne::

A special thank you must go out to all the people who reviewed my second chapter: neithan02, Daisy Brambleburr, RideOfFwithSHAdoWfaX, Rachel, LotR-Redwall-Obsessive-Child, Dark Phoenix, and Teresa. Here's to all you readers out there! ::holds up champagne:: A little review now and then would be nice too…..

This chapter is not one of my better chapters. I was having severe writer's block (thank you very much Nannus!), and this chapter is definitely not as good as my others. So don't be offended or anything. The next chapter is bound to be better. After all, from rock bottom one can only go up.

For all you readers out there who get the teensiest bit queasy when you read about dead bodies, this chapter is not for you (unless you like the queasy feeling). :-)

Ok, ok, I'm almost done. Finally, I must make my dedications. Firstly, this story is dedicated to Nannus (LotR-Redwall-Obsessive-Child), who put it into my head to write a Frodo/Sauron slash. I know the story did not go in that direction, but it was intended to so I'm still dedicating this story to Nannus. Secondly, I dedicate this story to J. R. R. Tolkien, who owns LotR and not I so he and his agents and relatives and friends shouldn't sue me.

~$E@0K|\|@R|\|@R~

#^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^#

######################################

Enamoured: An Alternate Ending to RotK

*by Seaoknarnar*

#######################################

Chapter 3: Strange, Drug Induced Happenings in the Forest

Merry and Pippin were walking. Walking in some random forest outside of the Shire. Merry was singing at the top of his lungs, while Pippin was eating. So far he had eaten two cakes, five pies, a tub of ice cream, a tub of lard, 17 chicken legs, and nine whole pieces of lembas, the elvish waybread. Currently he was stuffing a ruffed grouse submarine sandwich in his hungry mouth.

Merry stopped singing. "Say, Pippin," he said to Pippin, "you know you've got the loveliest brown eyes? They're so...brown." He batted his long, curly Hobbit eyelashes at Pippin, and picked a flower, which he gave to the perpetually hungry Hobbit.

Pippin's lovely brown eyes opened wide in shock. "Oh, Merry, I never knew you felt that way about me! I thought I was the only one! I thought you liked that Hobbit-chick that Sam likes! Oh, Merry, you don't know how happy you've made me!" Pippin was crying from happiness. He embraced Merry.

Merry felt awkward. "Actually, Pip, I was just kidding. I really do like Sam's Hobbit-chick." He wriggled out of Pippin's hug.

Pippin replied, "Uh……of course I was kidding, Merry! I knew you were kidding all along. You didn't actually believe me, did you?" He gave a carefree chuckle that quickly turned into a sob. "Oh, Merry, Merry, why? Why can't you love me?" He fell upon the forest floor and burst into noisy sobs.

Merry felt more awkward than ever. Looking around, he spotted a clump of mushrooms growing on a dead log. He picked two of them. They were iridescent purple-pink-red and they were oddly pulsating. "Cheer up, Pip," he shouted over the noisy sobs. "You like food, right? Well, my old granny used to tell me that to chase away sadness you needed to eat mushrooms. She eventually died of inner turmoil and torment, but she was a pretty smart old lady anyway and I'm pretty sure she was right about the mushroom thing. After all, mushrooms are your favorite food, right?"

Pippin looked up, took a big sniffle, and accepted one of the mushrooms from Merry and sadly stuffed it in to his hungry mouth. Merry ate the other one. They actually tasted pretty good.

As soon as both Hobbits swallowed the mushrooms, their pupils dilated, their mouths began to excessively salivate, blood rushed to their feet, their IQs dropped 70 points, their hearts beat irregularly, and dopey smiles appeared on their drug induced faces.

Unfortunately, Merry had found the one patch in the entire forest of MAGICAL MUSHROOMS, notorious mushrooms that caused the same effects as a combination of marijuana, cocaine, and ecstasy. These mushrooms were prohibited by law, but they found their ways in to the bodies of young Hobbits regardless.

"Hew know Pheppen," said Merry in a drug-induced voice [A.N: If you don't understand then try saying the words out loud. It's like phonetic spelling], "Hyoure not sho bad yooking hyerself. I kood khis hew."

"I'd lurve that," said 'Pheppen' in response, and the two Hobbits began making out. In truth, they would have gone even further had not someone come along.

That someone was Faramir. He was walking around in the forest as part of his new job, Mushroom Patrol. It was his job to make sure that no one ate the MAGICAL MUSHROOMS. He was happy because he would get to arrest anyone he found breaking that law.

Lucky for Faramir, he stumbled across the two…busy…Hobbits under the influence of the mushrooms. At once he recognised them as having the effects of the MUSHROOMS. He went through extensive training to be able to do so. He quickly pulled the two Hobbits apart, and started yelling at them. "What the hell do you two think you're doing!? Don't you know that those MUSHROOMS are stimulants that will kill you!? And put your pants back on, Pippin!"

Pippin decided that rather than put his pants back on, he'd like to eat them. So that's what he did. Then he ate Merry's pants, too. [A.N: Don't worry, Merry and Pippin were wearing shorts under their pants. I'm not that dirty!] Through his chewing he said, "Downt yew tell mee wat to dew, yew stoopid hewman!"

The two drugged, pantsless Hobbits advanced on Faramir, who was staring at them with horror. Merry jumped on Faramir and pinned him to the ground, and then Pippin bit Faramir's head off with his chompy teeth. Then he ate Faramir's dead body and left the head for the crows [A.N: yay! Crows! Perhaps Crebain from Dunland…]. Then, for no apparent reason, both Hobbits sprawled on the leafy forest floor in an unconscious way.

The sun set, and rose, and set again, and rose again. In the course of the two days a famous wedding had taken place… but back to the current story. The sun rose on the faces of the two Hobbits, which caused them to wake from their drugged slumber.

The first thing Merry said was, "Hey, Pip, where's our pants?"

The first thing Pippin said was, "I'm hungry, Merry. Is there anything to eat?"

After replying, "No, nothing except that mangled head lying over there," Merry informed Pippin that they would go to Fangorn Forest to see what Treebeard and the Ents were up to………

After they got some pants.

#^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^#

Yup, well, that's the third chapter. ::lackluster applause echoes from background:: Be sure to drop a review if you liked it, or if you found it even mildly interesting. If you absolutely hated it, and you're dying to tell me, don't bother reviewing.

Here is a preview of the next chapter:

Just what exactly are Treebeard and the Ents up to? What are those horrible, high pitched screeching noises? And what will happen when some old friends return, seeking revenge? Tune in next time to find out!

I'm already writing chapter 4, so I hope I'll have it out soon. In the meantime, there are plenty of other good, quality fics you can read out there.

Of course, none of them will ever compare to Enamoured!

~$E@0K|\|@R|\|@R~

This chapter has been brought to you by the number 3 and the letter J.