Good afternoon to y'all, I am THE SEAOKNARNAR, and I welcome you to my fic.
Don't worry, you don't have to hear it much longer. I think I see an end in sight for my story :-(. Yes, I know you're all sad, but in a way I am kind of glad because I can devote my time to my other story, The Wood Between the Worlds, which is a Narnia/HDM fic and I really want to get in to it. So I'm afraid all good things must come to an end. I actually like this fic more than I originally thought I would. But more on that later.
Thank you to my one and only reviewer for chapter 4, Dark Phoenix. Thank You x100,000,000! Maybe if more people reviewed I would be more inclined to keep going….
So anyway, this chapter is really short and to the point. Hmmm, this ramble is also really short and to the point…
Maybe no one's reviewing because no one's reading… ::sob::
~$E@0K|\|@R|\|@R~
[All of my comments will be in brackets like these.]
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Enamoured: An Alternate Ending to RotK
*by Seaoknarnar*
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Chapter 5: In the Dead Marshes
/ If anyone cares to recall, all the guests at Legolas' wedding were teleported by Saruman to the Dead Marshes. You will now hear what befell them there. /
Gimli landed with a splush in a big puddle of swampy water. He instantly clambered out onto dry land, where he felt in his pocket to make sure his precious [hint, hint] burden was still there.
During the wedding ceremony, while everyone else had been preoccupied with the knife fight, Gimli had snuck up behind Legolas and had pickpocketed him. He had then returned to his spot on the wall, and he had pretended to be trembling with the rest of the crowd. In reality, he had been examining his booty [the thing he stole, you nitwit, not is butt!] and was surprised to find that it was the One Ring. He had instantly succumbed to its power: not because it exerted a powerful evil over him, but because it was shiny and dwarves love shiny things.
Now Gimli was examining the Ring in a loving manner. He shoved it inside his mouth as Gandalf walked by [think Mulan].
Gandalf, who had lost his wizard staff in a deep puddle, trotted over to Gimli. "Well Gimli, I've lost my wizard staff in a deep puddle," he said, "so I can't zap us out of here. By the way, do you know where Aragorn is?"
Gimli looked out over the marshes. He saw Aragorn stuff his dentures in his mouth, the start to frantically make out with Eowyn. Gimli gave a shudder of repulse, and shook his head "no" at Gandalf.
"It is imperative that I find him, because he has something that, if he succumbed to its evil, could destroy Middle Earth and the rest of the world!" Gandalf's eyes bulged out. "He has the One Ring!"
Gandalf trotted away, and Gimli carefully spat out the One Ring and gave a big sigh of relief.
He put the Ring in his pocket with a sigh of disappointment as large raindrops started to rapidly fall. In a matter of minutes, he found the water level rising around his ankles, and he quickly sloshed over to where he other guests were huddling. There was lots of noise as all the people were panicking.
"People of Middle Earth," shouted Gandalf, waving an old smelly stick around as a substitute for his wizard staff, "do not panic! I have devised a solution so no one will drown. We will create a colossal pyramid. The Elves will be on the bottom, because elves float particularly well [like Legolas in the snow on the pass of Caradhras, or the big snowy mountain in FotR], and they are immortal, so they will be a strong foundation. Then the rest of us will clamber on top of them until we are in a gigantic pyramid formation, and as the water rises we will float majestically on top of it! NOW! Let's move quickly before the water rises!"
Many of the Elves gave Gandalf dirty looks for making them be on the bottom, but the grudgingly got on their hands and knees anyway in the rapidly rising water. Then layer after layer of wedding guests got on, until everyone formed a colossal pyramid.
After climbing to the very top, Gimli looked down to the ground. He could see that the Elves were completely submerged: apparently they didn't float as well as Gandalf thought. There were also no bubbles issuing from their mouths or noses, which led Gimli to believe that they weren't exactly alive anymore.
The next to go were the guests standing directly on top of the Elves. As more and more died, Gimli was amazed that the pyramid still held. He was, after all, on the very top, and if the formation collapsed then he would fall the farthest. And everyone knows that dwarves can't swim. [he he he… ::insane cackle::]
Finally, when the water level had reached Gimli's chin, he started to pray. 'Oh magnificent One Ring, please use your magic to spare me from a gruesome death!"
Lo and behold, the rain subsided! The water level dropped, and the pyramid of corpses collapsed. Gimli jumped down agilely to the ground before he was squished. He landed on Gandalf's dead body.
"Ha ha ha, stupid wizard! You have insulted the power of my god, the One Ring! And you have felt its wrath! HA HA HA!"
After carefully stepping on Gandalf's face, Gimli searched his pocket, only to discover that the Ring was gone. The truth was that it had washed away during the flood [yeah, gold doesn't float but the Ring is magical!] and Gimli, being the smart dwarf he was, realized that fact.
"Lost! My precious Ring is lost!" Gimli wailed at the top of his lungs. He took a random sword off the ground, and chopped off his own head swiftly and surely, because he couldn't bear to live his life without the Ring.
But where could the Ring have washed off to…………?
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He he he, the characters are dropping like flies. I only have six more to kill, and I think I can do it in two chapters. That is my goal.
Don't expect the next chapter for a while, because I'm busy. Very, very busy. Summary:
Sam and Legolas, both eligible bachelors, decide to go to the new club in Mirkwood to pick up a few chicks. At the club they meet a few old friends, but not in ways they would expect…
Review! Please!
~$E@0K|\|@R|\|@R~
This chapter brought to you by the letter G and the number 5.
