Summary: Buffy and Spike have a talk.
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy own everything. But I wouldn't mind leasing Spike from them for a couple of weeks :)
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Talking to Spike
Buffy was stalling. She knew that. Spike had joined her two cemeteries ago for patrol. He had tried talking to her, but finally gave up when he got no response. Now they just walked together in silence. Buffy didn't want to have this talk. She knew the minute it was over, she wouldn't be seeing Spike for a long time. Something deep inside her was angry about that fact, but Buffy knew that's the way it had to be.
When Buffy called Giles, he had been surprisingly receptive, almost like Angel. He had listened to all of Angel's theories about the demon and the chip. He said logically, it did make sense. Demons used many different guises to control the host they inhabited; mind control being one of them. He was even supportive of her feelings for Spike. He said the consequences of Willow's do-my-bidding spell had always nagged at the back of his brain. He knew there had to be some basis of truth for Buffy and Spike's reaction to the spell. He just hadn't wanted to think about it. He told her he was proud of her for wanting to research the lives of the other Slayers before she made a decision. Although he had never come across the information, in his heart, he knew that he couldn't be the first Watcher in history to have a Slayer with a personal life. He would start his research the next day. Anything he found, he would pass on to her.
And Dawn's reaction was through the roof. She had thrown herself at her sister, knocking both of them to the floor. In Dawn's mind, it was a done deal. She was already thinking of ways to redecorate Buffy's bedroom, including very dark, very large curtains to block out sunlight. Buffy had to restrain her sister. She told Dawn she wanted to do the research first. Just to get a better idea of what they were getting into. But Dawn had just smiled at her, happier than she had been in months. Dawn sarcastically told her if she had explained weeks ago what was going on with Spike, she might not have felt so abandoned by Buffy. She understood how Spike could take up a lot of Buffy's time. Buffy had just stammered.
She still needed to talk to the Scoobies, but that conversation could wait. Right now she had to deal with the blond vampire walking beside her.
"Well, Slayer. It's been an unproductive night. I'll just be head back to my crypt." Spike knew that nothing else was going to happen tonight. For the past hour, Buffy had been in a world of her own, completely forgetting that he was even there. Of course, you should be used to that by now, he criticized himself. He began to walk away.
Buffy's hand on his arm stopped him. "Spike wait. I'm coming with you. To talk!" Buffy added quickly when she saw his eyebrow lift in question. "Just to talk. I need to tell you something. It's kinda important." Only the most important decision you've ever made, she said to herself.
"Alright, Slayer. Come on then. I'm getting a bit thirsty." Neither blond spoke as they entered Spike's crypt. Buffy took a seat on a sarcophagus as Spike made his way to the small fridge. He pulled out a packet of blood, throwing it into his microwave.
"Got a beer in there for me?" Buffy asked.
"A beer? For you? This must be important if you need a drink." Spike reached back into the fridge to pull out a bottle for the Slayer. "Need a glass?" Spike asked as he looked over his shoulder.
"No, bottle's fine." As Spike handed Buffy her beer, their fingers touched. Buffy could feel the electricity in that one touch. Quickly she grabbed the bottle, breaking the connection. She needed to talk to him, not kiss him. She had to remind herself of that.
Spike went back to pour the contents of his meal into a wine glass. Once finished, he walked back over to Buffy, sitting next to her. Buffy jumped down. She couldn't sit next to Spike and talk to him at the same time.
"Might skittish, pet? Afraid the Big Bad's going to attack you?" Spike chuckled. What sort of game was she playing tonight?
"More like I'll attack the Big Bad," Buffy mumbled, but Spike's vampire hearing picked up her words loud and clear. He set his glass down, then lunged for her. But Buffy skirted away from the attack. "Spike, I'm serious, please. I really do need to talk to you. And it IS Important."
Spike looked up at Buffy from where he had landed on the floor, desire showing in his eyes. "Well then don't say things like that! It's the first time you've ever admitted wanting me without us having to spend hours pummeling each other first!" Spike got up and crossed the room. He took a seat back on the sarcophagus. The sudden bulge in his pants making it quite difficult. "Talk."
"First, I need your promise. You stay there. No matter what I say, you stay on your own side of the room." Buffy was pointing her finger at him as she spoke. Spike looked at her quizzingly. She wasn't acting like herself. But her eyes were pleading with him. Spike knew he'd do whatever she asked. "Promise, luv. I'll stay glued to this seat, even if you come at me with a stake."
Buffy paced in front of him for several minutes, drinking her beer as she went. Spike could tell she was having difficulty trying to decide how to start whatever conversation they were going to have. He just watched her. Her game, her rules. Finally she spoke.
"I had an interesting conversation with Tara the other night. It seems I didn't come back wrong. Just a little molecule mix-up the chip doesn't recognize." Buffy still wasn't looking at him. She wasn't sure she wanted to see his face. "So I guess it blows the theory about why we've been, um, you know. I'm not wrong."
A small part of Spike was disappointed. He knew he was going to lose something he never really had. But a larger part was relieved. In reality, he didn't want anything to be wrong with her. He thought she was perfect before. But he knew this little discovery only brought up more questions about what was going on between the two of them. She seemed to be waiting for him to react. "Go on, luv. I'm listening."
"I went to see Angel." She glanced at Spike for a second. Yep, rage and jealousy were plain to see on his face.
"And how is Peaches? Hope you left him with all his soully-parts in tact." Spike suddenly didn't care to hear the rest of what the Slayer had to say.
"Would you stop being crude! Angel is fine. I just needed to talk to him. Get an opinion about something." Buffy knew this wasn't going to be easy.
"Like what, may I ask?" Spike questioned through clenched teeth.
Buffy was strung tighter than a piano wire. "About you! I went to talk to Angel about you." There, she had said it. Not so bad once she finally got it out.
"What did you tell him?" Spike watched Buffy stumble to find the words. "Oh, great. Should I expect a full army coming to kill me or just the Grand-sire himself?" Spike didn't mind fighting Angelus; he just wanted to know the odds.
"No one's going to kill anyone." Buffy had stopped pacing. She was standing still in front of him. Hands on her hips, one still clutching the bottle of beer. "I needed a vampire's opinion of another vampire. Since you're the vampire I needed the opinion about, and since he's the only other vampire I know, I went to him. Now just sit there, shut-up and let me finish!" Spike did as Buffy asked. "Yes, I told him what's been going on between the two of us. And, no, he's not happy about it, but he's not going to dust you over it. He thinks my personal life is my own business. My decision. Who I choose to sleep with is not his concern."
"Wish soddin' everyone else felt that way." Spike added.
"I told you to shut-up. Stop interrupting me, or this will take all night. And I'm not done." This was much easier when Buffy was mad at him. "Angel told me a lot of things. He explained some things about you. You know, I think he likes you. He won't admit to it, anymore than you will, but he does like you. And he believes that you love me." That stunned the blond vamp. Buffy used the opportunity to tell Spike Angel's demon theory. Spike didn't interrupt her again. Once she had started, he found the theory interesting. Is that what's been happening to me, he wondered.
"I think Angel has a valid point. So does Giles." Buffy walked over to Spike's fridge, getting herself another beer.
"Toss me one too, Slayer." After all of this, Spike needed a drink. Buffy pulled another bottle out of the fridge and did toss it to him. So we are still at my side/your side, he thought. Must not be done yet. "Anything else you need to tell me?"
Buffy took a long drink from the bottle. Okay, things just got tricky again. "Angel also thinks there's information missing from the Watcher's diaries. He doesn't understand how I could be the only Slayer to ever have, a, uh, relationship with a vampire. I brought it up to Giles, and he's going to look for information about it."
Spike wasn't sure where this was leading. "You told the Watcher too?"
Buffy nodded. "If I choose to continue this, with you, I'd like to know where I stand." It was the closest Buffy had ever come to admitting that there was something between the two of them, not just sex.
"So you need Peaches, your Watcher and a book to tell you it's okay? This thing between us. All that makes it right?" Spike was getting angry again. Couldn't the girl just admit it?
Well, it was now or never Buffy thought. "No, I don't need anyone or anything to tell me it's okay to have feelings for you. But I want to see if it's happened before and what the consequences were. This isn't just about the two of us. My decisions concerning you affect a lot of people."
Spike wanted to yell at her. He could care less about everyone else, all the mattered was her. And the Nibblet, of course. But he didn't. "Did you just say you have feelings for me?" This was too much to hope for.
Buffy took a deep breath. "Yes. That's exactly what I said. I'm not sure what they are. I haven't figured that part out yet. I like you. I trust you. You make me laugh. That's as far as I'm willing to go right now."
Spike jumped off the sarcophagus. He just wanted to take her in his arms and never let her go. But Buffy's voice stopped him.
"Get back up there! You promised, and I'm not done talking yet." Buffy yelled at him. If Spike touched her, they would never finish talking.
"But, luv." Spike ran his tongue over his bottom lip. Buffy could see the want building in his eyes.
A small whimper escaped from Buffy's throat, but she held her ground. "I said we aren't done. Look until I find out more, we're going to stay away from each other. I've talked to Dawn about this –"
"You told the Nibblet? Am I the last to know?" Truthfully Spike didn't care. He just wanted to touch her!
"Yes, I told Dawn. I still have to tell Willow and Xander. I'm going to need their help with the research. And I'm sick of hiding this from everybody. But I need time to think. So you are going to stay away from me, until I make up my mind. And that's not a point of discussion." Buffy began pacing again. "You can hang out with Dawn. She misses you. Since I've been back, you haven't been around her much. Which is my fault. Dawn can come here to visit. Maybe you can help her with her homework. I know she's lonely. Stuff's not great for her at school. She needs someone to talk to who isn't her sister. I'm counting on you to be that person." Dawn could talk to Spike in a way she couldn't talk to anyone else. Buffy understood that. She felt the same way.
"I understand. Miss the Nibblet actually. It'll be good to have her around again." Spike had to agree. What else could he do? Buffy had admitted more than he ever thought possible. If she needed time, he'd give it to her. If she wanted him to spend time with the bit, he'd do that too.
Buffy continued. "No coming by the house. No coming along on patrol. No visits to the Magic Shop. You are to stay away from me until I decide what I want. Is that clear?" It was the Slayer talking now, not Buffy. Spike just nodded. "Good. There are some others things we need to work out, but first –" Buffy walked over to Spike, wrapping her arms around his neck, losing the battle with herself to stay away from him. Spike grabbed for her, pulling her off the ground and into his lap. Crushing her lips with his own. This is what he wanted, what he needed. Just to touch her. To make sure it was real, not some trick his mind was playing on him. Not some dream.
Spike was the fist to break the kiss, leaving Buffy gasping for air. "I thought you said I had to stay away from you?"
Buffy tilted her head, wanting to get a better view of the vampire. His eyes reflecting the desire in her own. "Once more. Before the quarantine. Need to remember what I'm thinking about, don't I?"
Spike laughed. He would never understand this woman he loved. "Definitely wouldn't want you to forget." He picked up Buffy in his arms, carrying her to the ladder that lead down to his bed.
---TBC
