Summary: Spike and Buffy talk alone. He's hiding something from her, but will he tell her the truth?
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy own everything. But I wouldn't mind leasing Spike from them for a couple of weeks :)
Feedback: As always, appreciated.
After Shock
The rest of the night was spent at the Magic Box. The Scoobies asking questions, trying to understand what had happened to Buffy. Elizabeth had answered everything she could. When the majority of her answers started to consist of 'I don't know's, Spike suggested they end the meeting. He said he was sure Elizabeth and Buffy were tired. Maybe the Scoobies should talk the rest over tomorrow. Shortly after that, the group broke up.
It had been a strange walk back to the Summers' house. Buffy, Elizabeth and Dawn had taken the lead. Buffy was still amazed at Dawn's reaction. Unlike the rest of them, she blindly accepted Elizabeth's presence. Her younger sister had placed herself between the two Slayers, taking each of their hands as they walked. Willow had lagged behind, falling into step with Spike, who had insisted on walking with them. The witch and the vampire watched the happy trio in front of them. They spoke in hushed voices as the talked.
"How can they all be so comfortable together? With everything Buffy's been going through lately? Then Elizabeth shows up out of the blue. And Dawn was barely speaking to Buffy two days ago." There was a twinge of jealousy in Willow's voice.
Spike pulled his pack of cigarettes out of his duster pocket. "Probably all the Slayer's books she's been reading, plus the visit to the all-powerful one. Buffy was sort of prepared for Elizabeth." He lit the cigarette, taking a long drag before continuing. "And the Nibblet hasn't been happy with the Buffy you brought back to her. Elizabeth gives her hope that the old Buffy will return."
Willow stopped walking, grabbing the arm of Spike's duster before he could walk passed her. "How would you know how Dawn feels? You didn't even talk to her tonight."
Spike glanced at the trio ahead. He didn't want to lose sight of them. It could be an eternity before he saw them again. "Keep moving, Red. We can walk and talk at the same time." When they began moving again, Spike answered her. "I know how the Nibblet feels, because I feel the same way."
Willow shook her head. She'd never understand men. "But this Buffy, the one that came back, you have a chance to be with her."
Spike threw his cigarette to the side. "Bloody hell, woman! Do you think really think I'm that self-centered? That I can love her and not see that since she's been back, something's been tearing her apart? The Slayer's been miserable. If you weren't so caught up in your own guilt, you would have seen it too." Since Elizabeth had told him the story, Spike was angrier with the Scoobies than ever. If they had left things alone, Buffy would have come back whole. "She knows the truth now. And, yes, eventually she'll be whole again, and I'll lose her again. I knew I never really had a chance with her. But she will be Buffy. That's the important part."
Willow studied the blond vampire who watched the women in front of him. He really does love her, she thought. "You'd rather see her whole and live without her, then see her like this and be with her?"
Spike glanced at the witch. "Since she's been back, I've lived off crumbs. Told her it was enough, but it's not. If I can't have all of her… I don't want the bits and pieces. Not anymore. It hurts too much." Normally, Spike wouldn't have said his feelings with one of the Scoobies. He never shared his feelings for the Slayer with anyone. But someone had to know. He needed someone to tell her when he was gone. Someone to tell her why he left. "Come on, we're almost at the house." Spike called out to the group ahead of them. "Elizabeth pet, this is where I take my leave."
Buffy frowned as the three Summers' girls turned to look at Spike. Why had he spoken to Elizabeth? Buffy thought there was more going on between her vampire and her limbo-self than either would admit. Elizabeth smiled at Spike as approached her. "Not going to walk us all the way home? What about the Big Bads lurking on the streets of Sunnydale?"
Spike raised his eyebrow. "I was not lurking. Been walking behind you, but not lurking. As for the other evil beasties around, they'll think twice before attacking two identical Slayers. The sight of you two would probably scare the hell right out of them." Elizabeth hugged Spike. She was much more free with her affections than Buffy was. Spike's unbeaten heart ached. He whispered in her ear. "Take care of them, pet. I'll be back soon, I promise."
Elizabeth nodded her head. Tears started to form in the corners of her eyes as she pulled away from him. "Just be careful," she whispered. Then, continuing in her regular voice, "Dawnie, why don't you, Willow and me head on to the house." Elizabeth's eyes connected with Buffy's. Yes, she needed time alone with Spike.
Dawn gave Spike a hug before again taking Elizabeth's hand. "I'll see you in a couple of days. I have that Shakespeare paper due at school. You promised to help me with it."
Spike looked at the other Summers' woman in his life. No, wouldn't be able to help her with the paper. "Nibblet, that paper isn't due for months. And you still haven't finished reading all the assigned sonnets. Why don't we skip the tutoring for a while. You should stay at home. I'm sure the Slayers need you there."
Dawn looked at the two parts of her sister. Although she liked spending time with Spike, the idea of spending more time with them was exciting to her. She had tons of questions she didn't want to ask in front of the Scoobies. Most of them dealing with her mom. "Sure. And I promise to read the rest of the poems, swear." Dawn crossed her heart with her finger as she finished.
"Sonnets, Bit, not just poems. How many times do I have to explain that?" Spike called after Dawn as she walked hand and hand down the street with Elizabeth. Willow still following behind.
Neither the Slayer nor the vampire moved towards each other as the watched they new trio disappear around corner onto Revello Dr. They were finally alone. Buffy was the first to speak. "I don't like the way she touches you all the time." At Spike's chuckle, Buffy added, "And I'm not jealous."
Spike just shook his head. "Of course not, luv. Can't be jealous of yourself, can you?" Spike knew, just like him, Buffy saw her and Elizabeth as two separate beings. They might be part of the same person, but they were different. Even if they weren't supposed to be.
"She doesn't know all the things I know." Buffy was continuing the conversation from Spike's thoughts.
Spike looked at the woman he loved, serious as he spoke. "No, she doesn't. But you know all the things she does. In her mind, she just jumped through the portal days ago. She has no idea what you've been through since coming back. Maybe you can talk to her about how you've felt. She'll understand."
Buffy slowly nodded. Yeah, Elizabeth would understand. She was a part of Buffy; she had to. Buffy took a tentative step in Spike's direction. "Spike, I…" She wasn't sure what she wanted to say. She needed to tell him so much. But she was still unsure of him, of herself. She settled for the easiest form of communication. "Kiss me."
With vampire speed, Spike had Buffy in his arms. He was tenderly attacking her lips with his own. God! It had been so long since he touched her. And being around Elizabeth all day had him wired. It wasn't the way she looked or acted. No, those things he could ignore. But the scent of her, the Slayer blood flowing through her. It called to him, just like Buffy's did.
Buffy wound her arms around his neck, pulling him closer to her. Needing to get as close to him as humanly possible. She wanted to feel every inch of him pressed against her. She almost crawled up his body in an attempt to get that close. Buffy needed the contact with him. She had seen him twice in two days. Both times she had been surrounded by her friends; hadn't be able to touch him. It drove her crazy!
Spike was the first to end the turbulent kiss. He knew he couldn't let it continue. Any more and she'd never make it back to the house tonight. His crypt, his bed, were only minutes away. Buffy's head fell onto his chest as her arms wrapped around his waist. He lightly stoked her short hair. "Buffy, we can't do this." Spike was as breathless as she was.
Buffy turned her face into the black shirt, taking deep breathes, needing to memorize the smell of him. "I know. Couldn't help myself." Had she ever wanted anyone the way she wanted him? Angel? Riley? Buffy's hands started pulling at the back of Spike's shirt. If she could just touch his skin…
Spike pushed the Slayer away from him. "Still starting things you have no intention of finishing, luv? Unless you have an answer for me?" Spike's penetrating blue eyes were full of hope as he questioned her.
Buffy took a step further back from him. She was in dangerous territory. "No, no answer. I'm sorry." Buffy saw the hope fade from his eyes. All she ever did was hurt him. Why did he bother to stay? "And now. Things are more complicated." Buffy sat down on the curb. "Why can't I have a normal life?"
"Normal's for the gits who live in this bloody town and act like nothing goes bump in the night. That don't acknowledge the vampires and demons that keep them off the streets after dark." Spike lit another cigarette as he talked. "You're too smart for that, Slayer. Normal would bore you to tears."
Buffy laughed. "Ever heard the saying 'ignorance is bliss'?" Buffy looked up at the vampire standing above her. When she had first come back, he had been her sounding board, her confidante. She needed that from him right now. Buffy was serious as she spoke. "Spike, I'm scared."
Spike sat next to Buffy on the curb, making sure to keep a good distance between them. He knew Elizabeth's presence and her revelations about the events immediately following Buffy's death would weigh heavily on the Slayer. She was confused before, now she had to deal with all this. "Things will work out, Buffy. They always do. The other parts will be found and you will be whole again."
Buffy rested her head in her hands. The other parts. She needed to talk to Elizabeth about the grand plan of the Powers That Be. "I was thinking about calling Giles in the morning. Have Elizabeth explain the situation to him. He might be able to help. Maybe he'd come back." Buffy pushed her hair back from her face. "I know he expects me to handle things on my own, but…"
Spike placed a gentle hand on Buffy's shoulder. The weight of the world always resting on those small shoulders. "He wanted you to grow up, luv. Take responsibility for your life. To stop using him as a crutch. But he's still your Watcher. He'll come back. Ruppert won't leave you to deal with this by yourself. Trust me."
Buffy found the comfort she was looking for in Spike's statement. She glanced in his direction. "I do trust you. Sometimes. That's why I'm not going to beat you senseless for Elizabeth spending the night in your crypt."
Spike wondered when they would get back to that. He dropped his hand from Buffy's shoulder, moving farther away from her on the curb. For once, he wasn't looking for a fight. "Slayer, nothing happened. She slept downstairs in the bed. I slept upstairs on the couch." Spike's voice was pleading with her to believe him.
But Buffy wanted to tease him some more. She believed what Elizabeth had told her. Spike WAS too freaked out to try anything on the duplicate Slayer. "And you never took a peak down the ladder? Never watched her sleep?" Buffy eyes were accusing, but mischievous.
If Spike could, he would have blushed. "Never said I didn't take a peak." Buffy lightly punched him in the arm. "Hey! Evil, remember? Besides, it was bloody strange. Like being caught in an episode of The Twilight Zone. Was making sure she was still Buffy-shaped, that's all."
Buffy continued to laugh at the distraught vampire as she stood up. She missed bantering with him. Missed having him around. In her dreams, he never had to leave. He was always with her. Buffy looked down the street. But this wasn't one of her dreams. Real life was crashing in on her again. "I guess I'd better be go. Don't want them to worry about me."
Spike stood up behind Buffy. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close. He rested his chin on the top of her head. They fit together perfectly. "Everything's going to be fine, Slayer. Call Ruppert in the morning and make a full report. Keep talking to Elizabeth. The two of you need each other right now." Spike kissed the top of her head. "I'll always love you, Buffy." He let his arms fall away from her as he took a step backwards.
Buffy didn't know how long she stood there after Spike left. She hadn't turned around to watch him leave. The leaving part was always the most painful for her. She watched Angel disappear into the fog and chaos of the destroyed school. She watched Riley ride away in the noise and bluster of a military helicopter. She couldn't watch Spike leave her.
Buffy shook the last thought from her mind. Spike wasn't leaving her. He was just going back to his crypt. He'd never leave her. How many times had he told her that? Buffy laughed at herself. "Get a grip, Summers,' she said into the air. Buffy started walking back to her house, shifting her thoughts back to Elizabeth and Dawn. But one last thought of Spike snuck into her mind. Wonder if we have any cocoa?
---TBC
