Summary: Spike thinks about the life he left back on earth and the consequences of his current mission. Buffy and Elizabeth have another talk.
Disclaimer: Joss Weldon and Mutant Enemy own everything. But I wouldn't mind leasing Spike from them for a couple of weeks :)
Feedback: As always, appreciated.
Hell Hath No Fury
"I'm in Hell. This is Hell. Bloody hell." Spike kept repeating to himself. "Of all the stupid, idiotic ideas I've had, this has GOT to be the worst." Spike wasn't sure exactly where he had landed in Hell. It wasn't like the Powers had given him a map of the place. He had three things going for him. One, he knew that if he kept his ears open and his mouth shut, he'd be able to find where they were keeping the Slayer. Anyone who knew the information would be broadcasting it. Demons weren't ones for modesty. Two, without a soul he blended right in with his current surroundings. And three, the chip in his head only worked on humans. In Hell, it wouldn't cause him any problems. Unfortunately, that's where his luck ended.
When Elizabeth had told him about the Powers' plan to gather the other missing parts of Buffy, he knew he was the chosen candidate for the mission. Buffy herself would have gone without thinking, but the last thing anyone wanted was two parts of the Slayer lost in Hell. No, the soulless monster, the expendable one, the convenient one, that was the man, uh, demon for the job.
Spike wasn't sure how long he had been in Hell. It seemed like an eternity. He knew that time past differently in this dimension. A hundred, maybe two hundred years? It was easy to lose track. After all, it wasn't like he was on earth. Nothing in the nether-realm ever changed. On Earth, everything changed in the blink of an eye.
Watching man's progress had always been one of Spike's favorite activities. Railroads, cars, telephones, computers, airplanes – technology in general. The advancement of the human race was spellbinding. Dru never did understand his fascination with the trappings of humanity, but then maybe that was the main problem with his relationship with Dru. She never understood anything about him, except for the killing. That was why when he was with Dru, all that mattered was the killing. She wanted a killer, so that's who he had become. But he was more than just a killer. It had taken Spike over a hundred years to realize it. He could be a friend, an ally, a confidante, a lover.
Maybe one day he would get the chance to tell Buffy that she was only the third person he had ever loved. Cecily, Dru, Buffy. The total of his vast experience with women. Sure, there were the minions Dru and him had turned, but none of them struck his fancy. Shagging to shag. It wasn't the same. None of them had ever touched his heart. None of them had ever made him want to be a better person, until Buffy. Spike didn't regret the time he had spent as the Big Bad, and he would never apologize for it. He was a master vampire. It was part of his nature. But he meant what he said to Buffy outside the museum. A man could change. Spike shook his head. Some days he was a bigger pounce than Peaches. Not that he would ever admit it to anyone.
Peaches! Now that was a problem. In his gut, Spike knew the minute Buffy was whole she would run to his Grand-sire. It was to be expected. The Slayer loved the souled-vampire. She had spent months researching the past Slayers. Spike knew what was in those books. Nibblet had been grand about snatching a few of them for him to read. Maybe a bit too grand. Her interest in swiping things was something he needed to talk to Buffy about if he ever got back. She was getting a little too good at it. But where was he? Oh yes, Peaches.
From what Spike had read, all the books said the same thing. Buffy could have a relationship with anyone she wanted – man or monster. She was as free to choose her life partner as any other being. Spike knew that once she realized what she could have, it would only take her minutes to run to LA. Giles and the rest of the Scoobies would find some way to cure Angel's little problem. Then the Slayer's life would be a bed of roses. And poor old Spike would be left with the thorns.
So Angel had a soul. Big deal. Spike was the one who risked his unlife in the fight with Glory. Spike was the one that helped the Scoobies while Buffy was dead. Spike was the one who watched out for the Nibblet. Where had Angel been? All nice and cozy in LA. He hadn't even shown up for the funeral, the bloody bastard. Even after she came back, it was Spike, not Angel, that Buffy had confided in, depended on. But she was still fixated with his Grand-sire. Nothing he did would ever change that. He could turn his back on everything he had ever known, and it would never be enough for her.
"It had to be me. Had to let Elizabeth talk me into it. No one else can go but you, Spike. The Slayer will never let me live this down." The pitch of Spike's voice changed as he mimicked the Slayer. "You went to Hell to get part of me back? That was a good little pet vampire. But what took you so long? At least I can be with my true love now. See what Spikey brought me, Angel. Now that I'm back to the real me, I can forget all about Spike and we can live happily, ever after." Spike shook his head. "Bleeding bitch. I can hear it now. Doesn't give a care about me, or the fact that I love her. Won't let herself love me in return. I'm an evil, soulless vampire. She's told me enough times. If I ever get back, I'll stake myself." With that last thought, Spike continued on his journey.
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
Buffy was training by herself in the back of the Magic Box. The punching bag receiving the brunt of her anger. "It had to be Spike. No one else could go. He will never let me lives this down." Buffy continued her tirade in a bad imitation of Spike's accent. "See, Slayer. I saved a piece of you from Hell. What will you give me for it? Maybe we can arrange a trade. Something I want for something you want." Buffy could almost see the arch of his brow and the seductive smirk on his face. "I can hear it now." Buffy's arms fell to her sides. "But I would give anything for it. Anything but him. Doesn't he know that I need him? That I lov- Whoa." Buffy shook her head to clear the thought from her brain. "Wait a minute. What did I almost say? I can't feel that way about Spike. Even if I did admit it to Elizabeth." Buffy resumed her punches. "He's evil! He's an evil, soulless vampire. An evil, soulless vampire who has gone into Hell to find a missing part of me. It's the most romantic thing I've ever heard. Argh!!!! I'll stake him myself when he gets back!"
Spike had been gone for two weeks. Every passing day, Buffy sunk further and further into her current bad mood. Although she wouldn't admit it to the Scoobies (Everyone knew, but nobody was saying anything.), she missed him. It was bad enough when the no-Spike quarantine was self-imposed, but this was torture. And to top things off, she couldn't help. She was useless. There was nothing worse than a useless, pissed-off Slayer.
Buffy remembered the look on Giles' and Elizabeth's faces when she said she wanted to go to Hell to help Spike. Giles had shown up a few minutes after Elizabeth had dropped the bomb about Spike's whereabouts. She explained that the Powers That Be had chosen Spike because he was the best candidate. He knew Buffy's scent, probably better than his own. He was already dead, so his presence in Hell wouldn't cause any alarm. He could walk around free, searching for her missing part.
Buffy had exploded. How dare the Powers mess around in her life! She should have been the one to go to Hell. It made perfect sense to her. After all she WAS the Chosen One, the Slayer. She had ordered Giles to find a way for her to enter Hell. She was going and no one was talking her out of it.
Dawn had started to cry. That had put a stop to Buffy's explosion. Dawn was worried about Spike, but she was more worried about her sister. She had been hysterical. She didn't understand why Buffy would want to leave her again. Wasn't four months enough? She finally had her sister back, finally had a chance to have all of her back and Buffy was going to ruin it. Buffy had crumbled. After everything Dawn had been through – mom dieing, Buffy dieing – she couldn't do it to her again. Buffy had backed off. Giles and Elizabeth had been relieved.
Then Buffy had started asking questions. Like, how was Spike going to get out of Hell? Anya had been a wealth of knowledge on that subject. Anya was happy to explain that all Spike had to do was cross the Gates of Hell and he would be free. Buffy had been pleased. That was until Anya started talking about the demon dogs that guarded the Gates. They were bred specifically as Hell's watchdogs. Seems they were three or four times larger than normal demon dogs. They were starved for thousands of years at a time, making them ultra-vicious. If someone tried to escape from Hell, they would tear the soul from limb to limb, feasting on the mangled body parts. Buffy had turned gray. Dawn had thrown-up.
Buffy was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't hear Elizabeth enter the training room. "I think it's dead, Buffy."
Buffy whirled around to find Elizabeth pointing at the punching bag. Buffy hadn't even noticed that the side seem had split. "I was just training." She started to unroll the tape from her hands. She was not in the mood for a conversation. She had become a master in avoiding conversations with everyone.
Elizabeth crossed her arms in front of her. "I can see that." She took a few steps towards Buffy. This had gone on long enough. "How long were you planning to brood?"
Buffy jerked her head up. Brooding? She wasn't brooding. That was Ang- "I don't know what you're talking about."
"Oh good, another trip to denial-land. Part of you standing right here? Hello?" Elizabeth had let Buffy stew for as long as she could, but the Slayer's recent attitude wasn't helping anyone. "I know you are worried about Spike, but we do have other things to take care of here."
Buffy made an attempt to brush past her twin. She wasn't going to discuss this. But Elizabeth grabbed her arm. Slayer strength, no escape. "I am going to be late for work." Buffy tried to yank her arm free.
"That's the first thing we need to take care of." Elizabeth dropped Buffy's arm, meeting her irritated stare. "How long are you going to continue working in that dump?"
Renewed anger rose in Buffy's face. "It pays the bills. Some of us need to do that, you know." Buffy hated working at the Doublemeat Palace, but she didn't have a choice. And she didn't need Elizabeth second-guessing her decisions.
"Pay the bills, yes. But can't we find a better way to do it? Something that would allow us to use our natural talents to their full advantage?" Elizabeth sat on the edge of the couch. "Something that didn't leave us smelling like the inside of a fry vat?"
Buffy placed her hands on her hips. "God, now you sound like Anya. What do you want me to do? Start charging for my services? One dusted vamp, that will be $39.95, and we do take American Express."
"Cute, real cute. No, what I had in mind was a little less crude." Elizabeth pulled a piece of paper out of her back pocket. She handed it to Buffy as she spoke. "Have you ever heard of the Sunnydale Women's Shelter?" Buffy reluctantly took the paper. "The shelter helps abused women, run-aways, anyone looking for assistance. They offer counseling, classes and seminars. Right now, they are looking for someone to teach self defense and do general work in the office." Elizabeth waited for Buffy to finish reading the ad before she continued. "It's a full time job. It even has benefits. And the shelter is sponsored by UC Sunnydale, so we could take a couple of classes free each quarter."
Buffy looked at Elizabeth with amazement while she clutched the ad tightly in her hand. Was this the answer to her prayers? "I could go back to school?" This had to be a dream.
"Yes, we could go to school. We could have medical coverage. We could have a decent work environment. And we could help the women in this community learn to defend themselves." Elizabeth stood up, walking towards Buffy. "Plus, I think Social Services would like the change in our employer. Dawn mentioned to me that the caseworker isn't thrilled about the double shifts you pull at the fast food place."
"No, she doesn't like the amount of time I spend at work." Buffy started shaking her head. "But they'd never hire me. I don't have the qualifications. It says right here that you need a degree." She refused to get her hopes up. Nothing was going right in her life. Why should this?
"Actually, it says a degree is preferred, but not required. As long as you are taking classes to get a degree. It doesn't really matter anyway. They already hired us." Elizabeth smiled as she waved the employee badge in Buffy's face. Buffy's mouth dropped open. She was stunned. Elizabeth took advantage of the situation. "I went for the interview earlier today. They were impressed with our martial arts skills. And they were very sympathetic about the reason we had to drop out last semester. They think we will be an inspiration to the younger girls that come in. We are coping with our mother's death, without support from our father, and we are raising our teenage sister alone. Our new boss, Julie, thinks we are perfect for the job!"
Buffy fell back onto the floor in a sitting position. She continued to stare at the crumpled piece of paper. Elizabeth knelt in front of her. "Buffy, I know you'd mad, but I was only trying to help. That place is killing you. I know that you hate it there. At the Women's Shelter we can do some real good. And it would help us feel better about ourself."
'This place is killing you." How long ago had Spike told her the same thing? Buffy's voice was barely above a whisper. "I don't have to go back to the pit? I can really quit today?" Her voice grew stronger as she looked into Elizabeth's eyes. "I can help people AND get paid for it. I can go back to school. I can finally be proud of where I work and not worry about Social Services." Buffy stood up. She grabbed Elizabeth's hands and yanked her off the floor. Before Elizabeth could react, Buffy was spinning her around in a little dance. "I can be a real person, just like mom!"
Elizabeth was laughing. Buffy needed this so much. A light at the end of the tunnel. "Not exactly the reaction I was expecting, but no disappointment here. You're really not mad at me?"
Buffy continued her happy dance. "Mad at you for doing this behind my back? Yes. But I'm in a forgiving mood today, you're lucky. Oh my God, everyone will be so psyched! And Giles, Giles will be so proud of us. I can't stand it." For the first time in weeks, there was true emotion in Buffy.
Elizabeth shook her head at Buffy as she continued to smile. "It's good to see you happy again. I'm sure everyone else will appreciate the change. You know, you've been a complete bitch recently." Buffy was stunned by Elizabeth's honesty. "Sorry, truth hurts. I wasn't going to push it. I was hoping that you would snap out of it on your own, but obviously THAT wasn't going to happen."
Buffy let out a frustrated sigh. "Complete bitch? Okay, I can see that. I hate not being able to help. It goes against my Slayer nature, you know?"
"I know." Elizabeth sat back down on the couch. Typical Buffy, internalize to cover the pain. "Buffy, he'll be fine. The Powers That Be know what they're doing. Besides, this is something he needs to do. He's proving himself."
Buffy looked questioningly at Elizabeth. Sometimes it was disturbing to have someone around who could read your thoughts. "Spike doesn't need to prove himself to me."
"No, we understand him, even if we won't admit it. But the others." Elizabeth swept her hand to the training room door, indicating the Scoobies on the other side. "Maybe this will help them accept him. He knows that we are uber-freaked about being with him, mostly because of our friends. If he can prove to them that he's worthy of us…" Elizabeth let the sentence trail off.
"Prove himself worthy? Elizabeth, this isn't a fairy tale. Spike isn't the valiant knight slaying the dragon for his lady-faire. He's a vampire. I'm the Slayer." Buffy finished. "Those things don't change."
Elizabeth just stared at her twin for a moment. She hated fighting with Buffy. "You just refuse to let it go, don't you? People, demons, circumstances. They all change, Buffy. Change is part of life, part of unlife. He's a vampire, so what?" Elizabeth was getting angry. "God, why is he in love with us? What possible redeeming qualities could he see? You won't give him an inch. What does he have to do, Buffy? Does he have to die for us before you give him any credit at all?"
Buffy stuck out her chin. Her feelings for Spike were personal, hers alone. Even if Elizabeth was part of her, that didn't give her the right to question how Buffy handled her relationship with the vampire. "He's already dead." She was stubborn to the core.
Elizabeth jumped up from the couch. "You know what I meant! Don't play word games with me. I thought, after our talk, that you finally got it. You finally understood. Obviously I was wrong. If you still want to act like the naïve 16-year-old schoolgirl, fine with me." Elizabeth was finished. She wouldn't argue with Buffy about Spike anymore. "Spike WILL bring back our missing part from Hell. He WILL bring back our missing part from the demon dimension. We WILL be whole again. But before the Powers can make that happen, I'm going to talk to Spike. I'm going to tell him to run, run as far away from us as he can get. Run back to Drusilla if he has to. But he has got to get away from you. He deserves better than to be treated like a dirty little secret. He's a better man than that. And if you can't see it, or refuse to see it, I feel sorry for you." With that, Elizabeth walked out of the training room.
---TBC
