Thank you so much for your amazingly lovely reviews – you guys are absolutely awesome!!! Please continue – it really helps so very very much!!!
Chelsea – I gotta say late essays are killer, I have 4 and I'm dyinggg!!!
Hope you guys like this one – its getting closer – who is it gonna be? Brian or Spike?! You guys seem to be mainly rooting for Spike….
Any predictions? I'm still ill so the quality factor might be not-so-good but I'll re-write when I'm better if you want! I've tried to do especially well, but it might be a bit off! :D
Closing her eyes, Buffy felt the breeze waft across her features. There was a deathly headache plaguing her already tense mind and her fingers grasped the edge of the balcony with what used to be her death grip.
Xander stood at the door and waited a moment, collecting himself.
*Have to be impartial*
He'd separated them and the night had quickly drawn to a close, the two blondes never interacting again, thanks to Xander.
"Hey."
Buffy spun around but relaxed when she saw who it was, only to regain a slightly tensed physicality again. "Hi."
They stood in silence, both leaning against the wood and sighing.
"I haven't changed Xander. I'm still me…but that me couldn't survive without Spike. So I made a new me. But…that new me can survive without Spike and is meant to be marrying Brian. I buried the old me."
"Yeah, well you've never been good at staying buried."
They both cracked a smile and Buffy shook her head like a fond mother would at naughty children.
"Which one is the real Buffy?"
"The one that needs Spike. I'll always be Spike's Buffy. He made me live Xander."
Xander nodded and again a comfortable, contemplative silence cloaked them.
"But the right thing to do is marry Brian."
"Buffy…" Xander turned her to face him.
"Close your eyes."
She frowned and smiled but he urged her on. Shrugging, she shut her eyes and listened.
"Clear your mind and breath in five's."
Buffy smiled at the old training exercise but managed it, focussing her mind to play on his words.
#~#~~#~#~#~#~flashback#~#~#~#~#~#~#
"Clear your mind and breath in fives."
The teenage Buffy focussed her mind to play on his words, it was almost like hypnotism.
Giles hit her hard on the shoulder.
She didn't flinch.
"Draw upon the pain."
She pulled the angry knot of pain from her shoulder and sucked it up.
"Push it to your right leg, just under the knee."
Pulling her mind forward, Buffy moved the pain to just under her knee and felt the jerk break her out of the exercise.
"That was good Buffy." Giles commented. "It shows your true focus."
#~#~~#~#~#~#~flashback#~#~#~#~#~#~#
She waited for Xander to hit her. But it never came. The silence in her mind highlighted something else, something she had ignored for a long long time.
"Draw upon the pain." He whispered.
She started crying silently as she pulled the angry knot of pain from her heart and sucked it up.
"Pull it up to your mind."
She shuddered and used her mind to drag the pain to it. The tears were bitter against her lips as she heard Xander speak again.
"Make it an image."
And she knew, she watched it. In her cleared mind, the pain weaved colours and etched shapes until she was looking into the eyes of the man she had kissed earlier that evening. Jolted, she opened her eyes, like a deer caught in headlights.
"That was good Buffy." Xander commented. "It shows your true focus."
She nodded and he smiled in support before walking away.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The next morning was filled with the bustle of leaving. Spike craned his neck over the crowds in search of Buffy but he couldn't see her and Liz needed help. Sighing, he bent down to help her.
Buffy stepped out of the lodge and immediately her eyes flicked around to find Spike- talking with Liz. Xander watched her and sighed. Those two were treading on very dangerous, very bad ground and it wouldn't be long till something happened and someone would be hurt.
"Hey." Buffy said, quietly. Spike turned around and they gave each other shy smiles.
"Hi." He said.
"We should talk."
"Yeah."
"Come on Uncle Spike!" Poppy yelled and the two blondes sighed and got into the cars they were going in.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Sergio, Warner and Felia were extremely happy to see the whole gang arrive back home and the driveway was filled with giggles as the kids (who were very attached to them) hugged the two large dogs and much smaller yet dominant cat that greeted them.
Brian pulled Buffy into a hug and kissed her. She felt awkward and pulled back jerkily. He frowned and she smiled – "Headache."
He pouted and she giggled. He always made her laugh.
"Alright, I think a rather large lunch is called for." Giles said, smiling.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~**~
Xander pulled her back as everyone filtered inside. "You need to do something decisive Buffy. The wedding is the day after tomorrow."
"I know. I-I know."
"What's stopping you?"
"I remember how much it hurt to see Spike with Sara, Xander. I've never forgotten it. My soul was dying on me and that's why I changed. I don't want Brian to go through that. I promised him I was over my past – he stuck with me and he-he's a good person. He doesn't deserve being stood up this close to a wedding he's been trying for for so long. I can't be that selfish, Xander."
"Alright Buffy. But you have to promise me something. Because I think you're wrong."
She stared at him.
"You have to tell Spike – today – that you left because of him."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I have no energy
To do my usual thingy
All I can say
Is "make my day"
and stop me being blue
By dropping me a review!
