Hey guys! Thanks loads for your reviews - they are so amazing and really really keep me going! This is a bit of an intense chappie! We are drawing very close to the close!! Aaah!! What will I do without you all?! I will say now - I'm not a fan of sequels - there will not be one! Again, thank you sooo much for the reviews and keep 'em coming- you'll only have to do it for a bit more!! **weep**
Please review!!
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Buffy stood for a moment, watching. Spike, Liz and Giles were sitting on the riverbank. They had gone for a walk.
She didn't have to listen to Xander.
The ex-Slayer was tempted to tell him that she had told Spike – but she'd promised. And a nagging part of her that the 'new' Buffy wouldn't acknowledge told her that maybe Spike would make it all make sense.
"Giles, Liz – would you two mind heading home, I need a word with Spike."
Liz looked eagerly between the two, but all she saw was Buffy's tense posture and Spike's sudden downcast stare. Giles coughed and mumbled a 'See you in a bit' –and grabbed Liz's hand.
"We need to talk." She said, needlessly.
"That we do, pet. But I think we both know where it's going to end up."
"We do?"
Spike remained silent.
"Spike…I need to tell you why I left."
The vampire glanced up and she could see how hurt he still was by her departure. Fidgeting an unhealthy amount, she clumsily sat beside him and looked at the river, unable to match his stare.
Side by side, they sat in silence for what seemed to Spike like an eternity. Her eyes were closed against the wind and she was silent -a strong figure as always.
"I fell in love with you."
She turned to look at him.
"And I couldn't stay."
Time froze.
The wind was all he could hear, cackling in his ear. Hazel eyes met Blue ones and she shrugged and smiled weakly. He opened his mouth to speak, but the words didn't form and he bit his lip, holding back the torrent of tears that threatened to spill – and did, toppling over the edge of his control.
Buffy's lip trembled with fear? Or sadness, or anger even… he still seemed to be absorbing it all and she was left with her heart wringing around in a disgusting pulp.
Finally, after what seemed like a sadistically long time, she heard him speak.
"I stayed Buffy. I fell in love with you remember? But I stayed. You needed me and I loved you – remember? Then it was my turn to need you Buffy – I deserved an explanation." His words were bitter and angry; there was nothing of the compassion and guilt she had expected. There was no 'you did the right thing'.
"How can you say that? After all I've been through, after all the pain I dealt with – how can you be so cruel?"
" 'You're beneath me' ring a bell, Slayer? 'You're a monster' – that was another one. You put me through hell and back-"
"So this is payback to you? Some sort of twisted revenge?!"
"No you stupid bitch…. this is me telling you that people deal with worse, they don't abandon their lives and run away."
"I WASN'T STRONG ENOUGH!"
"You were. I made you strong enough."
"And if I'd have stayed?"
"I'd have married Sara."
"Exactly."
"Just like you're marrying Brian."
"This is a totally different situation! What, you wanted me to wait 10 years in mourning over your sorry ass? I moved on – good for me. Like I knew I'd ever see you again!"
"You're meant to be the Slayer!"
"Against vampires and demons – not love."
"You left me Buffy!"
She stopped, hearing the desperation in his voice.
"You left me, Buffy."
"I-" she stuttered.
"No."
"You left me." There was a pause before he finished, "And you hurt me."
"You didn't need me, Spike! You barely noticed I was there after you met Sara. What? I was meant to be the sacrificing lover and watch it all happen in front of me? I couldn't handle that."
"And I'm meant to?"
The blonde vampire's hands had travelled to her arms and he had a death grip on them as she looked down.
"I'm meant to watch you walk down that aisle," he whispered, "and marry him when you couldn't do the same."
"You could leave." She choked out, the tears starting again.
"But I won't. I'll fight."
"You'll lose." her voice was lathered with bitterness and anger.
"But I'll fight."
"Why?" If he had not been a vampire he would not have heard it.
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"How're you going to do that, then?"
"Spike!" Simon rolled his eyes.
-Hold the other person's hand to your heart
-Squeeze it
-Move the squeezed hands to the other person's heart.
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Spike dropped his arms and with his right hand, picked up hers. Buffy's tear rimmed eyes followed their intertwined fingers as he held them against his heart. The barely controlled pain unleashed and the ex-slayer let out a sob and closed her eyes for a second as she felt his hand squeeze hers. Spike's stare was burning when she opened her eyes but nothing could break the contact. The blond vampire moved their hands to her heart and she trembled as he swallowed, preventing his own tears.
"Because." He whispered.
He smiled, raised his eyebrows and walked past her, heading home. The blonde woman was left standing; her hand against her heart in an ironic pose of declaration.
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I feel no inspiration
So gimme some elation
By typing for a moment
Think of it as atonement
for all the times you didn't review
-as you really should do.
Cmon babe, make me go 'ooh'. :D
