Hey! Hope you like this chappie – its really drawing to a close, the next one might even be the last chapter!!! OH MY GOD! Its nearly over, come on – review it up for the end!!! Thanks sooo much for your reviews for last chapter, I took a bit to think of how I was gonna do this, and now I have a plan so thanks!!!
Hope you enjoy- :DBuffy made her way towards the house slowly. From the bottom of the driveway she'd heard the bustle of the house. The kids were squealing and giggling with Sergio and Warner in the back yard while everyone else was in the kitchen that opened into the garden, having tea. The petite blonde made her way into the room and let herself be absorbed by the atmosphere. She laughed and giggled, swapped stories and gasped in horror at make-up disasters with the rest of them. Spike was outside with the kids so she didn't have to worry about accidentally catching his eye or knowing he was watching her.
"Good evening m'lady." Brian smiled as he entered the kitchen and she let herself be held, and smiled into his chest, content in an eerily happy, relaxed fashion.
"Hows your day been?" she murmured against his skin.
"Busy. I don't think Greg understands that I actually have to attend my own wedding and therefore can't do his paperwork." He grinned. That was one of the things she loved about him, problems and trouble rolled of his back like water on a duck.
"I can't believe you let him take credit for your work."
"What do I need confrontation for? I don't want his job. I'm happy exactly where I am, life couldn't be more perfect." Brian looked into her eyes and they kissed.
Everything was perfect for Buffy soon-to-be-not-Summers.
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They were all sitting in the living room, the fire was crackling again and that
same hazy glow of a hallmark family was twinkling around them.
Cordelia kept sending Spike on errands to the kitchen for Connor and it had become a running joke between the friends.
"You can speak French, Xander? That's impressive." Giles commented.
"Well, you sorta havta pick it up when you live there." He grinned, but he was proud that he'd picked up a whole new language.
"Spike!"
"Step-mum." His voice held that barely constrained tension that precedes an explosion and his articulation was something to fear.
"Connor needs a hot towel."
Buffy glanced over, allowing herself a quick peek. Oh, the regret that followed. He was divine. Teeth clenched and eyes rolled back into his head, he made a sight that was not what a soon-to-be-married-woman should be envisioning unless it was her husband.
"Fine." He stomped off, gathering a chuckle behind him.
Cordelia grinned smugly and winked at Liz.
Spike stormed back in, throwing the wet towel at Cordelia. "There."
"Thank you William."
"Don't call me that!" Spike scowled and Buffy found herself giggling and wanting to swat him and tickle him like she used to.
"...so wait, there never was a rebellion?"
"Well no, you see it was all documented incorrectly." Giles eagerly told Anya.
"Ah yes, documenting, important." Xander stated, sombrely.
"The..ah…documentary on the rebellion could be….'When documentation goes wrong'…." Brian added, teasing.
They all laughed.
She glanced over and saw him. There was nothing more she wanted in the world than to walk over and collapse in his arms. But Brian couldn't go through what she had. That pain – that was cruelty beyond belief.
"I'm still in love with Spike and I don't know what to do."
Hold on, what had just happened?
Buffy noticed everyone seemed to be looking at her.
Oh.
Shit.
~~~~~~~~*************~~~~~~~~~~~~*************~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Could everyone please give Buffy and I a moment." His voice…what was it? Was it the scary kind of calm?
Was it emotion-less? Was it barely contained anger?
She'd missed it in this random turn of events that had somehow transpired.
The world seemed to be placing her in a box and continuing. Nothing made sense and she didn't want it to. Live without Spike – the simple prospect of it, suddenly made her very listless, careless, sloppy…
*yeah, stupid and sloppy enough to have said that*
Buffy cursed herself under her breath and waited as everyone shuffled out of the room leaving her alone with Brian. How had they done that so quickly?
"Tell me. What happened?"
So Buffy did. She explained about being a Slayer, she explained about vampires, she explained about dying, she explained about living and then she explained about living – with Spike. How her entire existence was elevated to a point where she was in awe of herself – oh, it wasn't narcissism or arrogance- it was Spike. Then she told Brian about Sara and that was when the tears began, again. The blonde spoke of the pain and fear and loneliness that had taken over her life and then leaving for England, then meeting Liz, finding out that Spike was alive and well and alone after all…
"You fool."
Buffy looked up.
"You were going to give all that up for me? So I wouldn't feel what you did when you left? What gives you the right to determine what I do and don't feel?"
Buffy sniffled and opened her mouth to speak, but her fiancée swooped down to sit beside her, taking her hands. "I love you."
"I love you too." She replied, honestly. "I want to put Spike behind me. I want to be with you."
"Buffy." He chuckled. "I've waited so long to see that look of unbelievable overwhelming love on your face…that desperation of needing and wanting a person so much more than anything…and then I saw it. For a brief, mad moment, I saw the wild, erratic core of you."
#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#flashback¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬
Pushing past the clawing brambles and bushes, Buffy ran, letting out the excess energy that he had built up in her mind. Finally, she threw herself against a tree, panting, she sobbed, soaked through and distraught - her mind couldn't focus on anything. All she could put her finger on was that she loved him. Nothing else mattered. No one else mattered.
Strong arms pulled her into an embrace and without a second thought she let it all out, the emotion, the desperation and the need for him that she kept within herself for so long. Too long.
"I love you. I really, really love you."
"Hey, baby…I love you too."
Buffy's head snapped up and met the smiling eyes of her fiancée.
#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#flashback¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬
"..and I realised I didn't know that woman. I realised it then but I didn't want to think on it or understand why you would say that…if it wasn't for me."
"I-" Buffy didn't know what to say, everything was happening so quickly. Everything was coming to a point faster and faster, unnaturally fast. Words she hadn't planned to hear were being heard and people she hadn't planned to hurt were being hurt.
"I know you're adamant not to put me through what you went to- to be honest, I don't fancy the idea either. But if you want to do the right thing – you need to realise that-"
"It's Spike." she whispered.
"It's always been Spike." Brian murmured gently, smiling at her.
"No. No." Buffy shook her head. "No."
Brian sighed. "Alright. You won't pick Spike yourself. Personally, I don't know if he deserves you – he was going to let you go through with this. Its about time he did something about the feelings going on here."
The ex-slayer opened her mouth again but closed it, like a goldfish without a clue.
"I'm going to marry you tomorrow evening. If Spike doesn't do anything, if he lets it all happen – if he doesn't fight for you – I'll marry you Buffy. Because if he can't even fight a little, he doesn't deserve you and I'll love you."
"If he fights?" Buffy's voice sounded unnatural to her, hoarse and quiet, restrained.
"Then he'll win." Brian replied.
"I'm not a prize to be won."
"And the relevance of that comment flew right by me."
"It was a nice try."
"Feminism is just funny now."
"Sod you."
It was oddly comfortable considering the conversation they had just had.
"Promise me something." Brian whispered.
"Anything."
"Don't tell Spike about our little…wager."
Buffy looked up at him, fear in her eyes. The big plan was to tell Spike that she wanted him to back away – that was the plan, that's what was meant to happen…
"Buffy, you're too damned scared – you don't know what to do with yourself. This has been building up inside you for 12 years. You can't control the intensity and I can see that. And you're scared its not true because you put Spike away in a 'can never have' box and now you can and its like fiction's just fucked you over and stepped right into reality."
Hugging her, they rocked together while the reality of her situation crashed upon her.
"If Spike loves you, he won't be able to sit back knowing you're doing something you don't want to. He'll try to, for you. But if he loves you, he'll fail. And I'll be ok. But if he doesn't... I'll marry you. And I'll do my best to…fill his place."
"Brian." She rasped, her mind dizzy and her senses on full alert, every breath was controlled, every movement was followed through – it was like slow-mo in real life but realer…
"Lets go to sleep, we'll see what tomorrow brings, eh?" he whispered.
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I'm so damn tired
The poetry writer will have to be hired
So that despite being asleep
My substitute will help the reviews reap
So come on!
And review!
