A/N: Well, this chapter went strange...I wrote it in normal 3rd person style, but it seemed to be too jumpy, so instead I put it into 1st person. Jou's having a mind trip right about now. It's somewhat different since we're following Jou's perceptions and his mind isn't exactly right at the moment....I think it's kinda fun though....lets me use a lot of '.....', which I love to do! This chapter isn't put completely into any mode, past, present or future, it just came out pretty quick from my mind to the screen. I tried to make the tense a bit under focused, because it suits Jounouchi-kun at the moment. There also isn't much dialogue, 'cause Jou just isn't paying much attention to such things. I know it's weird, but I hope you're able to follow it easily enough....oh there's a lot more swearing in this chapter, not anything terribly bad or any worse than you'd hear on primetime television....mostly just 'damn' and 'hell', 'cause they're great to use to make things more emphatic.

Oh, one other thing....I now have a poem dedicated to this story...it's wonderfully dark and disturbing, much like this fic. Please go check out 'Dark Poetry' by Mistress of Dragons. It's really good, and it makes a great accompaniment to this story....well, last chapter at least....this chapter isn't really dark. It's a necessary step though...more darkness will come, after all, no matter how many times the sun rises, you just know the night is going to come back and swallow it again. (go darkness!!)
*****

I'm running but I'm not really going anywhere. You know how that feels? It's like the whole world is just rushing past me and I ain't moving. It's confusing, and dizzy. If I thought it was safe I might just lay down and take a nap, but it's dangerous. The shadows are waiting out in that blurry landscape, if I stop they're gonna find me again....I don't wanna let that happen. Not pleasant.

Everything's a whirlwind, I can't focus or look at anything in particular, it's like being in the center of a tornado. Sure, everything's fine in the center, but beyond is nothin' but chaos. Really creepy chaos. Geez, I gotta find somewhere to lay down, I'm so tired, and hungry...I don't think I've eaten in days, but I can't remember anymore. I can't really remember much of anything, but I know it was all pretty damn unpleasant. I think I'll just be thankful for now.

I start forward again without really moving. I'm not sure where exactly I'm headed. A vague whisper tells me 'away', but that's pretty damn unspecific, huh? It's okay, I'll deal. I've dealt with much worse before, haven't I?....Gee, I'm not actually sure...stupid memory lapse. Well, look on the bright side....Yeah, yeah keep lookin', it'll turn up eventually....at least I'm hoping so.

Why the hell do I feel so lost? Sure, I don't know where I am, or hell, who I am, but that's no reason to panic, huh? Okay, maybe it is, but I'm not really down with that, don't need to waste any precious time freakin' out and bawling like a four year old. Shit....I think I'm already doing that. Worst part is I have no clue why the hell I'm crying...I really shouldn't be, I mean, I can't even remember why I'm crying, so what's with the tears? Might be something to do with the current identity crisis. Sure, that kinda thing is probably enough to scramble anyone's brains.

Why do I keep on talking to myself when I don't believe a damn word I'm saying? Waste of breath.

Geez...it's like the whole internal monologue doesn't have a pause button, 'cause here I am still yappin' away with myself and no reason to be. I'm not even saying anything interesting....I'm a regular snooze-fest. .....I really wanna sleep now....

Ouch. That hurt. Okay, I'm looking around and things are actually staying still for once. Nice. Pretty. I don't think I'm here for the scenery though. It's a store. It has a little picture of a turtle on the sign. Cute, definitly cute. Why the hell am I here? I think it's probably past closing hours, but what the hell, I'm walking in. Gee...I'm moving on my own again, at least it feels that way. The bell on the door makes a really nice sound as I walk inside, kinda high-pitched and all tinkly....Ugh, I think I'm having a meltdown here, it's just a freaking bell....need sleep.

......huh?......

Okay....I'm being hugged by some kid with really funny hair. Can't be natural....gotta give his stylist credit though, that's an excellent dye job...I think. No one can have hair like that from birth? Doesn't matter, gotta stop paying attention to the small things...although the kid is pretty small...does that count for anything? Maybe we should deal with the hugging thing, I don't think I'm liking it, the whole touching and stuff....uncomfortable. My head's all whooshy now and...oh great...sure, I'm kneeling on the floor sobbing like a baby and hugging the hell outta the kid in front of me. Get a grip.

He's looking down at me with the hugest eyes I've ever seen before, and he's trying to murmur something, well, soothing I guess....I'm not really doing much in the way of responding. I'm doing an excellent job of crying. Ain't I proud....world class crier, I am. He's pulling back and looking at me still....damn, I want him to close his eyes....he's seeing me. Like, really, SEEING me. It's creepy. He's looking inside me and I'm not liking it. It's a really weird feeling. His lips are moving, but the sound is coming out really slow and garbled. I'm trying not to listen I think....it's working pretty good for me.

I came all the way here, where ever here is, and now I wanna go. I don't like this helpless feeling, I'm supposed to be stronger than this.....aren't I? I wish I knew....no, I don't....damn it.....I wish I at least knew what the hell I want. Don't suppose that'd be enough, huh?

"Oh god....Jounouchi-kun...."

"....................ugh." damn it. Damn it. Yeah, yeah, that's my freakin' name, I remember.....why'd you have to go and remind me Yugi? Sure....kinda confusing without memories, but nice in a simple way. I really didn't want to remember, I liked the fuzziness better....or even the blurriness....they each had their good points. I'm holding my head in my hands and trembling like some fraidy cat, and Yugi's going spastic on me, asking me questions and a whole bunch of other shit. Couldn't he give me a minute or two to pick my somewhat tenous sanity up off the floor?

"Jounouchi......" he's being really quiet suddenly, and scared....shit. I know that look.

I'm up and on him before he can move. I'm so not letting this happen again. He's small and easy to tackle, even in my kinda off state. I reach back to lock the door and hoist Yugi over my shoulder as I head upstairs. I don't hear gramps around anywhere, which is probably good. I don't wanna have to knock him out too. Yugi's room hasn't changed...though I ain't surprised. How long has it been since I was last here? I can't be sure, but since the calander says June, at least a month and a half. I think I went away in April...went away, how cute. Yeah, I got kidnapped, raped and sent to a looney bin, but all I can really think is 'I went away'.

Ouch. Okay, those thoughts hurt. I drop Yugi on the bed and I'm falling again. I think I'm doing that way too much lately. Bad things are floating in front of my eyes, things that hurt bad. I'm balling my fists for all I'm worth until I feel my fingernails bite into my flesh....I dunno why, but that makes me feel a bit better....I'm more here now, more real.....all that other stuff is heading back to the past where it belongs I hope. The colours fade back and I'm just sitting in Yugi's room again, like I was a minute before. Yugi is still knocked out on the bed....I don'y think I meant to hit him that hard....hell, I don't remember hitting him...I must've though, right? You don't just randomly go unconscious....okay, so I have a few times lately, but Yugi's not like that....he's normal. Well, sort of at least.

I hope he's got some asprin, my head's killing me...almost in a litteral way...kinda freaky come to think of it. I walk into the bathroom and up to the sink, there has to be some medicine around here somewhere, I think....

"Are you.... J-Jounouchi!"

Okay, Yugi's awake and freaking out on me. How the hell did that happen....how long have I been in the bathroom? His eyes are like saucers....well, even more so than usual. What the hell is his problem?? Good question...what's he looking at? Well, one way to find out, so I'll look where he's looking....why am I just talking about it, why aren't I doing it? I don't think I wanna look. Nope, I don't. For once, I think I'm pretty certain about something. No looking...no looking...no looki--shit.

I'm looking, I'm soooo looking, and it's not that pleasant. I'm not really sure how this happened. I've got my hands out in the sink and one of them is holding a knife....hmmm, familiar.....ugh.....nope, don't wanna go there, not gonna think about that stuff. There's an awful lot of blood just laying around on the counter and in the sink itself, even with the water running it ain't all disappearing.....tha probably means there's a lot of it, huh? Oh yeah....could be because I seemed to have freakin' mutilated myself. Why'd I go and do that? Sure, the patterns are really nice and all, I do have great artistic sense, but this probably wasn't one of my better ideas....flesh doesn't seem to work well as a canvass.

That thought brings up a lot of pain...and redness.....no. no. I'm not doing this, not now. please?

I'm falling again...I hate when that happens. I think I blacked out, 'cause now my arm is all wrapped in bandages and gauze and I'm on a bed. I don't like it so I'm sitting up...I'm trying to sit up...I seem to be having technical problems at the moment....okay....rolling works. Floor. yup, this is the floor alright. Score one for me. Now to get to the door.....

Oops....Yugi just rushed in and he's all upset...gee, he's crying. Come on, that's not gonna help much! That might mean more if I weren't crying too....oh well, so I'm a hypocrit. He's fussing and checking the dressings on my arm, and I'm staring up at the ceiling. It's not terribly interesting. He's trying for all he's worth to get me back on the bed, but it's just not happenin', how the hell did he get me there in the first place?

There's this really cool light show going on all of a sudden....don't know how I ever could've missed it before. Yup...there is the wonderful Pharaoh in all his leather clad glory, kneeling beside me and dragging me up on the bed. Did I really think I look better in leather than he does....hmm, not sure, it'd be a close contest. He certainly does gold a lot better. Shiny, very shiny...that glowy thing on his head....Damn. He's peeking inside my head right now isn't he? How come whenever there's someone looking in on us that we're at our worst? I'm trying pretty hard not to think of any bad things, but I think the whole badly decorated in blood is pretty much telling him that I'm in bad shape, in both a physical and mental sense. Probably metaphysical as well...that's probably what he's spying on me for. He wants to see if anyone put some badass hoodoo on me....don't I just wish it? Nice little counter-spell and then, poof! Back to being me...not that I'm not me right now....I'm not going down this path, especially not if he's listening in on me. Why is it we find out the cool powers about every other item we come across, but Yugi's pretty tight lipped about the puzzle....you'd think he'd tell his friends what kinda cool things he can do.

If he could've helped me on that math test last semester and didn't I'll be so pissed, my dad freakin'.....ugh. Not thinking that either. Gotta keep track of the things I ain't supposed to be thinking about. Death, blood, my dad, cutting, rape, Master.....oh shit. I didn't say that....uh, think that, did I?

Yugi....or the Pharaoh is looking really funny right about now. The glowy third eye thing disappeared. I'm not sure if it's because he got frustrated and gave up, or if he got all he needed outta my head. Please don't be the second possibility, Master'd kill me....ugh.....no. No. No. Not thinking these things. He's probably still tied to that stupid chair anyways....Unless that security guard got curious and came up to look in on us....well, not us, since I ain't there anymore.

"He's gonna call the freaking cops when he finds Master and then he'll have the whole power of the damn Kaiba corp out hunting me down....I have to get out of here....."

Yugi is blinking....a lot. Did I say that out loud....Oh kami-sama I DIDN'T!!!! He's holding me down, and considering how bad I'm freaking out on him, he's doing a good job...then again, I've lost a lot of blood. Well, whose fault is that? No time for blame right now....just gotta go....really gotta go. If he hears that I told Yugi....okay, sure it was an accident, but I doubt he'd care....ugh, it's worse than the dog pound for me.

I'm laughing....hysterically. Gee, it wasn't really all that funny....just a well timed dog pun....Master would've liked it.....okay, a little funny maybe....

I stop laughing after awhile and quiet down, while staring up at the ceiling. Yugi is still sitting on the edge of the bed. He's all tense and angry, I can tell. Oh yeah....that's his 'revenge face'....probably not a good sign. He stands and walks to the door, and he's mumbling something to me as he leaves. Shit. Must. Get. Up. NOW.

I'm on two feet....what a novelty. Sure, the room is on a forty-five degree angle from normal, but it's a start. One foot in front of the other....next foot...okay, it feels like I'm walking through water...or maybe deep snow....not the time to make comparisons....Yugi's stopped at the door and has one hand out in front of me, he's telling me to take it easy I think....sure it'd be nice to lay down right now and have a nap....didn't I want that just a little while ago? Got more important things on my mind. If he goes to Master and demands some kind of explanation about why I was ranting about him....well, actually, Master's a good liar. Then again, if Yugi finds him still attached to the chair...not to mention the blood...I can see things going so downhill from there.

What the hell am I supposed to do? On one hand, a part of me wants to see Yugi kick the crap outta Kaiba....now another part of my mind is getting mad at me for saying 'Kaiba'...there it goes again....ugh, naw, I really just want to stop all this right here and now and deal with it another day. Well, no, I don't want to have to deal at all, I'd like to wake up and everybody just say 'thing's are alright now, let's go get some burgers'....I need to eat....Somehow I don't think things are gonna happen the way I'd like 'em to. Gotta stop Yugi from going out then.....no way can I let him and Kaiba/Master (does that work, calling him by both names....no little voices are yelling at me....)get in the same room together. I somehow think one wouldn't make it out alive....although, damned to admit it, but I'm curious who would win....

Must stop Yugi...he's turning back to the door....

I'm brilliant....absolutely fucking spectacular. He's shorter than me, which is kinda uncomfortable, I'm used to looking up to kiss Kaiba/Master....but still, very nice. His mouth is really soft and warm, and he isn't fighting or being all pushy.....it's kinda sweet. Yup....he aint goin' nowhere. He's looking up at me with huge violet eyes....kinda nice and all shocked/adoring....at least I'm hoping there's some adoration going on in there....hmmm....I wonder....If I push this any further does it count as a threesome?

No time like the present to find out......

I'm so screwed up.

*****

A/N: First note, Jou knocked out Yugi 'cause he thought Yugi was going to go call the hospital or police. He really didn't mean to hit him, he was just trying to stop him from going to call anyone. Jou doesn't want to go back. Second, just because Jou kissed Yugi, doesn't actually mean that they're about to have sex....not that Jou isn't about to try....we just don't know what Yugi was thinking during and after the kiss. That's why I ended right there. I'm not sure if anything will happen with them, I don't think I'm done with Kaiba though either. To be honest, even I'm not sure what will happen, this story just took on a life of it's own somewhere around chapter three. Scary.

See ya!